RyoDa: Let Me Be The One.
Title: Let Me Be The One
Author: miruiki
Pairing: RyoDa + Maruda Friendship
Genre: Angst.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: "Hi. I'm Nishikido Ryo, and I'm here to write the story of what I thought was real love, but later found out was an illusion built by my indenial heart."
A/N: Title from the song Let Me Be The One by Jimmy Bondoc. :) Hope you guys like it! :) Merry christmas and a happy New Year!
Hi. I'm Nishikido Ryo. I'm 26 years old, working as a singer and an actor under Johnny's Entertainment. I'm in 2 bands: NEWS and Kanjani8. I'm from Osaka, and I'm in love with my boyfriend of a year and a half, Ueda Tatsuya.
But I can't exactly say the same with him.
I'm here to write the story of what I thought was real love, but later found out was an illusion built by my indenial heart.
We started dating just last year. I loved him from the first day I saw him (albeit his very strange personality... Well we were still kids, and he was searching for the real him.), and everytime I try to talk to him, What came out of my mouth were all insults and bad comments-- the opposite of what I wanted to tell him.
But I eventually got over that, he got over his identity crisis, and I was able to bundle up my courage to ask him out. The smile on his face and those rosy cheeks that came out when I asked him out made me feel he had something for me since before. And I can't say I wasn't ecstatically happy about that.
Then we started dating. We had small fights (mostly because of my uncontrollable jealousy-- I'm a zealous lover, and even if I try to stop myself, I just can't.) but I knew for a fact that these fights made our relationship strong.
Though we don't live with each other, we still have each other's house keys, so we could visit each other's house anytime. So I often gave him surprises lying around his house, and his hugs and kisses were enough to make my day.
But there was this one instance that the key came in handy for some other reason.
I turned the knob to his front door, surprised that he came earlier than me. I proceeded inside, to see 2 shoes on the floor. I silently closed the door and heard what seemed like murmurs from his living room. I took my shoes off and quietly walked to the living room. I peaked in and saw Ueda talking to Maru. Yeah, Nakamaru Yuichi, his bandmate.
I stayed there and listened to them. I heard Ueda say "I just don't feel the same way I did a year ago, Maru. I still have feelings for him, but it's not enough for me to stay with him, for me to fight for him, for me to say 'I love you' back... It's just not possible anymore...." And he started to burst out into tears. Maru hugged him, and Shh-ed his tears down, calming him by rubbing his back up and down. "I... I cry every night because of him... I don't want to hurt him... But I need to break free from him..." Maru started to cradle his friend, not knowing what to say, or what to do for his dear friend.
They stayed like that I felt my heart break, and I felt like he was talking about me. But half of me said it's not about me. Yes. It's not about me. He loves me, doesn't he? I headed into the living room and with a smile, I said "I'm home."
Ueda was startled, he started wiping his tears off and sniffled, faced me with a smile that looked forced, and said "Welcome back." I stared at his face, and he took notice of that.
"Oh, uhm... I'm crying because I uhm-- Show! Right, Maru? Yeah, And--"
"I understand Ueda." I said out loud.
"... What?"
I smiled at him and said "You were practicing for your upcoming drama yeah? You had me real fooled, with all the lines you've been saying. Maru! You're doing a great job as the acting dummy. Very professional if I do say so myself."
They looked at each other and back at me with a dumbfounded look. Ueda smiled and said "Yeah... That's it...". "Ueda--"." You hungry, Ryo? I'll make you something." He stood up and headed to the kitchen. I looked at Maru and he gave me a desperate look. I looked away. It was nothing right? Just my imagination.
I went into the kitchen and saw Ueda heating something in the Microwave. He then washed his hands in the sink. I walked up to him and hugged him from behind. i startled him a bit, but he loosened after awhile.
"I love you." I said and kissed his neck. He didn't say anything, but he did push me back and say " Do you want bread with your Macaroni, Ryo?" and headed to the cupboard for the loaf. I looked at him and recalled what he said awhile ago.
"for me to say 'I love you' back... It's just not possible anymore...."
My heart cringed, but I immediately told myself "Nah. it's from a drama isn't it?"
-----------
The next day, I asked Ueda if I could move into his house. He looked at me with a surprised look, but said sure after awhile. I smiled and hugged him tight. Indeed, all my doubts about his love is all in my mind. He loves me right? My heart tells me he does.
I moved in. I would usually do most of the shopping and buying of things, and I would ask him to stay at home. I don't like it when he's out on his own, and I prefer him being beside me most of the time.
Not that I voiced that out, though. I'd show hints, but somehow, he didn't really get it. He'd still leave home, get back late, and go straight to bed, not even bothering to tell me where he's been, how's his day is, and stuff.
Well, since he arrived late, he must be tired right? I let it pass. I don't want my baby to be too stressed out. Who knows? He might be filming his new drama now. That’s why he's always late. I smile at him before kissing his forehead goodnight, and off I go to sleep.
It's just sad, every morning; I see Ueda's eyes puffy from all the lack of sleep and stress he gets from work. It breaks my heart to see him like this. Everytime I ask him if he's ok though, he'd always answer "I'm fine!" with a smile that sooths my heart.
However...
As time went by...
Ueda stopped coming home. He'd pass by once or twice a week, to see how the house is, and if I'm ok alone. He also told me he took more jobs, like modeling, CMs, theatre plays and the like. Other than that he doesn't pass by home. He also stopped picking his cellphone up.
I started panicking. What happened to him? Where is he? What is he doing? How is he? But I didn't want to be a burden to him by being paranoid. I know that he loves me, that he'll never leave me, so I shouldn't worry.
Weird tho, I never heard anything about his drama. I always leave my TV on for me to see my baby on tv, but it never came. I wonder if they'll show it after shooting all the series?
I've been having this uneasiness in the pit of my stomach, like something's been wrong from the very beginning. But I know the perseverance of my heart will prevail, along with our undying love.
Undying... Love....
I decided to leave the house to visit Ueda in our company. But the moment I turned around after locking our front door, I was confronted by Maru with a dead face.
"Oh, Uh, Morning Nakamaru-kun."
"Morning."
"If you're looking for Ueda, he's not home."
"No. I didn't come here for him. I came here for you."
My heart started beating in a faster pace. Why was I worried? Would it be about Ueda? Is he in the hospital? What happened?
I slowly lifted my head to meet his gaze. "Me? Ok sure. What’s up?"
"I know you know what I'm going to tell you is about Ueda."
"I... I've sensed that."
"Have you noticed he's not around, Ryo? That he doesn't go home? That before all those happened; he'd come home with a dead face, and wake up with red, puffy eyes?"
"Yes. And I know it's all because of his work."
Maru scoffed and laughed with an 'I-don`t-believe-it' tone and looked at me. "No Ryo. It’s not because of his work.
My heart started to beat faster everytime Maru spoke.
"It's because of you."
My breathing hicced involuntarily, and my breathing became heavy. "Me? Why M-Me?"
"Ryo..." He tried to calm me down. "It's not you. It's him. he just doesn’t love you anymore. He can't tell you that because he doesn't want to hurt you. He knows you deserve more than what he gives, but he just doesn't have the heart to tell you that, seeing that he's the one that makes you happy... But he was dying inside, Ryo. He wasn't happy. He... Wants you to set him free."
He didn't say anything else and just walked away. I stared at the concrete my foot was standing on, and soon, I saw drops of water hitting it. No. It wasn't raining. It was my heart speaking out the reality of what was happening, and its further reaction to it. Yes. I was crying. And for sure, Ueda was worth my tears.
As I looked back, I realized that everything Maru was true. It was just me being indenial. That he has been giving hints even before that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore, but I took it into the way my heart would feel comfortable.
I locked myself inside my room and thought about it. About what I should do. The love that I thought was true, has now become a lie. What was more important to me? My own happiness, or... My his... Happiness...
I called up Maru and found out that Ueda has been staying with him ever since he stopped coming home. I told him to tell Ueda I'd meet him in the park. Maru hesitated but eventually agreed. I put my phone down and breathed heavily. 'You're happiness, is my happiness, Ueda Tatsuya.'
------
"Ryo..." Ueda called my name out.
I looked at him and smiled weakly "Hi, Ueda." and stood up.
"W-What's the matter Ryo--"
"I'm breaking up with you." I said out bluntly.
He stared at me and tears started forming in his eyes "W-What...?"
I shook my head and grabbed ahold of him and hugged him tight "Why didn't you tell me you weren't happy with me, Ueda? That I was being a burden to you? Why didn't you tell me you didn't love me anymore? Because I would get hurt? Well it hurts more when it comes from someone else Ueda... It hurts... So much..." and I started crying on his shoulder.
I felt his arms wrap around me as he tried to sooth me.
"I'm setting you free Ueda..." I said out loud.
He sniffed and looked at me, his smile now genuine, not like the others.
"But I have to get this off my chest." I told him.
"What is it?"
"You will always have my heart. I love you Ueda Tatsuya. And Goodbye."
Ueda smiled and gave me one last hug "I'll come back to you Ryo. I'll come back when my love for you is real again." and let me go.
I turned around and walked away, my tears starting forming in my eyes again. It was a painful thing to do. To let go of the one man I truly loved. But I let him go because I love him.
------------------------------------
There you go guys. :) My comeback fic! Ahihihi. Sorry it had to be angst. D: it's either angst or PWP and I didnt want to write anything like that for awhile XD
So how was your christmas? :) hihi. I had a blast and I cant believe the year is ending :( thanks for making my year real special everyone! ^^
oh and I suggest you listen to the song I used! It's really really nice! It's in english and ouch
Author: miruiki
Pairing: RyoDa + Maruda Friendship
Genre: Angst.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: "Hi. I'm Nishikido Ryo, and I'm here to write the story of what I thought was real love, but later found out was an illusion built by my indenial heart."
A/N: Title from the song Let Me Be The One by Jimmy Bondoc. :) Hope you guys like it! :) Merry christmas and a happy New Year!
Hi. I'm Nishikido Ryo. I'm 26 years old, working as a singer and an actor under Johnny's Entertainment. I'm in 2 bands: NEWS and Kanjani8. I'm from Osaka, and I'm in love with my boyfriend of a year and a half, Ueda Tatsuya.
But I can't exactly say the same with him.
I'm here to write the story of what I thought was real love, but later found out was an illusion built by my indenial heart.
We started dating just last year. I loved him from the first day I saw him (albeit his very strange personality... Well we were still kids, and he was searching for the real him.), and everytime I try to talk to him, What came out of my mouth were all insults and bad comments-- the opposite of what I wanted to tell him.
But I eventually got over that, he got over his identity crisis, and I was able to bundle up my courage to ask him out. The smile on his face and those rosy cheeks that came out when I asked him out made me feel he had something for me since before. And I can't say I wasn't ecstatically happy about that.
Then we started dating. We had small fights (mostly because of my uncontrollable jealousy-- I'm a zealous lover, and even if I try to stop myself, I just can't.) but I knew for a fact that these fights made our relationship strong.
Though we don't live with each other, we still have each other's house keys, so we could visit each other's house anytime. So I often gave him surprises lying around his house, and his hugs and kisses were enough to make my day.
But there was this one instance that the key came in handy for some other reason.
I turned the knob to his front door, surprised that he came earlier than me. I proceeded inside, to see 2 shoes on the floor. I silently closed the door and heard what seemed like murmurs from his living room. I took my shoes off and quietly walked to the living room. I peaked in and saw Ueda talking to Maru. Yeah, Nakamaru Yuichi, his bandmate.
I stayed there and listened to them. I heard Ueda say "I just don't feel the same way I did a year ago, Maru. I still have feelings for him, but it's not enough for me to stay with him, for me to fight for him, for me to say 'I love you' back... It's just not possible anymore...." And he started to burst out into tears. Maru hugged him, and Shh-ed his tears down, calming him by rubbing his back up and down. "I... I cry every night because of him... I don't want to hurt him... But I need to break free from him..." Maru started to cradle his friend, not knowing what to say, or what to do for his dear friend.
They stayed like that I felt my heart break, and I felt like he was talking about me. But half of me said it's not about me. Yes. It's not about me. He loves me, doesn't he? I headed into the living room and with a smile, I said "I'm home."
Ueda was startled, he started wiping his tears off and sniffled, faced me with a smile that looked forced, and said "Welcome back." I stared at his face, and he took notice of that.
"Oh, uhm... I'm crying because I uhm-- Show! Right, Maru? Yeah, And--"
"I understand Ueda." I said out loud.
"... What?"
I smiled at him and said "You were practicing for your upcoming drama yeah? You had me real fooled, with all the lines you've been saying. Maru! You're doing a great job as the acting dummy. Very professional if I do say so myself."
They looked at each other and back at me with a dumbfounded look. Ueda smiled and said "Yeah... That's it...". "Ueda--"." You hungry, Ryo? I'll make you something." He stood up and headed to the kitchen. I looked at Maru and he gave me a desperate look. I looked away. It was nothing right? Just my imagination.
I went into the kitchen and saw Ueda heating something in the Microwave. He then washed his hands in the sink. I walked up to him and hugged him from behind. i startled him a bit, but he loosened after awhile.
"I love you." I said and kissed his neck. He didn't say anything, but he did push me back and say " Do you want bread with your Macaroni, Ryo?" and headed to the cupboard for the loaf. I looked at him and recalled what he said awhile ago.
"for me to say 'I love you' back... It's just not possible anymore...."
My heart cringed, but I immediately told myself "Nah. it's from a drama isn't it?"
-----------
The next day, I asked Ueda if I could move into his house. He looked at me with a surprised look, but said sure after awhile. I smiled and hugged him tight. Indeed, all my doubts about his love is all in my mind. He loves me right? My heart tells me he does.
I moved in. I would usually do most of the shopping and buying of things, and I would ask him to stay at home. I don't like it when he's out on his own, and I prefer him being beside me most of the time.
Not that I voiced that out, though. I'd show hints, but somehow, he didn't really get it. He'd still leave home, get back late, and go straight to bed, not even bothering to tell me where he's been, how's his day is, and stuff.
Well, since he arrived late, he must be tired right? I let it pass. I don't want my baby to be too stressed out. Who knows? He might be filming his new drama now. That’s why he's always late. I smile at him before kissing his forehead goodnight, and off I go to sleep.
It's just sad, every morning; I see Ueda's eyes puffy from all the lack of sleep and stress he gets from work. It breaks my heart to see him like this. Everytime I ask him if he's ok though, he'd always answer "I'm fine!" with a smile that sooths my heart.
However...
As time went by...
Ueda stopped coming home. He'd pass by once or twice a week, to see how the house is, and if I'm ok alone. He also told me he took more jobs, like modeling, CMs, theatre plays and the like. Other than that he doesn't pass by home. He also stopped picking his cellphone up.
I started panicking. What happened to him? Where is he? What is he doing? How is he? But I didn't want to be a burden to him by being paranoid. I know that he loves me, that he'll never leave me, so I shouldn't worry.
Weird tho, I never heard anything about his drama. I always leave my TV on for me to see my baby on tv, but it never came. I wonder if they'll show it after shooting all the series?
I've been having this uneasiness in the pit of my stomach, like something's been wrong from the very beginning. But I know the perseverance of my heart will prevail, along with our undying love.
Undying... Love....
I decided to leave the house to visit Ueda in our company. But the moment I turned around after locking our front door, I was confronted by Maru with a dead face.
"Oh, Uh, Morning Nakamaru-kun."
"Morning."
"If you're looking for Ueda, he's not home."
"No. I didn't come here for him. I came here for you."
My heart started beating in a faster pace. Why was I worried? Would it be about Ueda? Is he in the hospital? What happened?
I slowly lifted my head to meet his gaze. "Me? Ok sure. What’s up?"
"I know you know what I'm going to tell you is about Ueda."
"I... I've sensed that."
"Have you noticed he's not around, Ryo? That he doesn't go home? That before all those happened; he'd come home with a dead face, and wake up with red, puffy eyes?"
"Yes. And I know it's all because of his work."
Maru scoffed and laughed with an 'I-don`t-believe-it' tone and looked at me. "No Ryo. It’s not because of his work.
My heart started to beat faster everytime Maru spoke.
"It's because of you."
My breathing hicced involuntarily, and my breathing became heavy. "Me? Why M-Me?"
"Ryo..." He tried to calm me down. "It's not you. It's him. he just doesn’t love you anymore. He can't tell you that because he doesn't want to hurt you. He knows you deserve more than what he gives, but he just doesn't have the heart to tell you that, seeing that he's the one that makes you happy... But he was dying inside, Ryo. He wasn't happy. He... Wants you to set him free."
He didn't say anything else and just walked away. I stared at the concrete my foot was standing on, and soon, I saw drops of water hitting it. No. It wasn't raining. It was my heart speaking out the reality of what was happening, and its further reaction to it. Yes. I was crying. And for sure, Ueda was worth my tears.
As I looked back, I realized that everything Maru was true. It was just me being indenial. That he has been giving hints even before that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore, but I took it into the way my heart would feel comfortable.
I locked myself inside my room and thought about it. About what I should do. The love that I thought was true, has now become a lie. What was more important to me? My own happiness, or... My his... Happiness...
I called up Maru and found out that Ueda has been staying with him ever since he stopped coming home. I told him to tell Ueda I'd meet him in the park. Maru hesitated but eventually agreed. I put my phone down and breathed heavily. 'You're happiness, is my happiness, Ueda Tatsuya.'
------
"Ryo..." Ueda called my name out.
I looked at him and smiled weakly "Hi, Ueda." and stood up.
"W-What's the matter Ryo--"
"I'm breaking up with you." I said out bluntly.
He stared at me and tears started forming in his eyes "W-What...?"
I shook my head and grabbed ahold of him and hugged him tight "Why didn't you tell me you weren't happy with me, Ueda? That I was being a burden to you? Why didn't you tell me you didn't love me anymore? Because I would get hurt? Well it hurts more when it comes from someone else Ueda... It hurts... So much..." and I started crying on his shoulder.
I felt his arms wrap around me as he tried to sooth me.
"I'm setting you free Ueda..." I said out loud.
He sniffed and looked at me, his smile now genuine, not like the others.
"But I have to get this off my chest." I told him.
"What is it?"
"You will always have my heart. I love you Ueda Tatsuya. And Goodbye."
Ueda smiled and gave me one last hug "I'll come back to you Ryo. I'll come back when my love for you is real again." and let me go.
I turned around and walked away, my tears starting forming in my eyes again. It was a painful thing to do. To let go of the one man I truly loved. But I let him go because I love him.
------------------------------------
There you go guys. :) My comeback fic! Ahihihi. Sorry it had to be angst. D: it's either angst or PWP and I didnt want to write anything like that for awhile XD
So how was your christmas? :) hihi. I had a blast and I cant believe the year is ending :( thanks for making my year real special everyone! ^^
oh and I suggest you listen to the song I used! It's really really nice! It's in english and ouch