Meow....Sometimes I wish I could speak meow...
The following is the dramatic retelling of the events of Ian's breakfast this morning:
IAN: [Groggily wakes up. Goes to fridge to get out slices of Canadian bacon for breakfast. Suddenly finds a cat aggressively brushing against his legs.] Oh! Good morning, Mirth.
MIRTH: Meow.
IAN: Right. You need kibble. [Pours cat food into dish.] There you go!
MIRTH: Meow. Meow. [Ignores food. Aggressively brushes against Ian's legs again].
IAN: What? Your food is right over there.
MIRTH: Meow!
IAN: This? You're not getting this.
MIRTH: Meow!
IAN: Cats don't eat bacon.
MIRTH: Meow! Meow!
IAN: Seriously. It's not like you could bring down a pig in the wild.
MIRTH: Meow! Meow! Meow!
IAN: Because a pig is like ten times your size! You're not supposed to be eating bacon!
MIRTH: MEEEOOOOOWWWW!!!
IAN: Fine! I'll give you turkey. Will you take turkey? [gets turkey out of fridge and puts it in dish]. I'll meet you halfway, but you're not getting bacon!
MIRTH: [Trots over to turkey-filled dish. Only sound is of a cat smacking its lips and purring.]
IAN: Sweet Jesus.
I blame my brother, who insists on feeding his and my cat luncheon meats. Mirth now knows the sound of deli plastic. Although it is cute to see him beg for food with his insistant meowing, I don't think he could take down either a cow or pig in the wild.