Lost Soul
"Don't judge a book by it's cover" as the famous quote goes. It has a good point to it, but what happens when you start to read the book and what you find in it is not what you expected? You start the book off and you love what it has to offer, one that you can't put down. You look forward to being able to pick it up and read more and find out what's there to come. What happens though, when the book takes a total 360 and what you thought the book was about and what you fell in love with has ended. You read on and find out more and more that the book isn't what you hoped for. It's one that you will keep trying to read on to see if it gets better, but you realize slowly it's not. What then, do you stick it out and keep reading till the end or do you stop reading, shut the book, put it on the shelf, and never pick it up again?
I am really lost, confused, and slightly depressed. I am not allowing what's going on to get the best of me because I have done that before and it has ended badly for myself. Yet, what can I really do? I am like a lost puppy, wondering, looking for an owner, but a lost girl, wondering, looking for answers.
I sometimes think the single life right now while I'm at college would be the best path for me right now. There is so much I want to do and experience, that whenever I get into a relashonship I fall back and quiver. I hide in the corner, afraid of myself; my thoughts, feelings, emotions. I don't trust myself when it comes to how I feel, I can never get anything straight inside my head. I guess that's why I have covered all that with my OCD and cutting. Those are the only two things I know I have control of and are definite. Feelings, emotions...they are not definite, they are confusing, unseperable within my head. The OCD and cuts on my wrist are definite, I can see them, I can think them, they are clear, I can understand them, they are comforting when everything else is a blur. They are the light, when everything else seems so dark.
I am lost...