(no subject)
Tomorrow is my school's invitational fencing tournament. I am fencing on Women's Foil squad, though this time, it is not a team effort that will determine our win or our loss. It is individual, each for her own gain, and if I fence my friends (likely) then I must fence to beat them.
I fenced on the wednesday tournament, and though I won the bout, 5-3, I still did badly. Nerves. Coach said I was like a different person, and that the Fade who "kicked ass at practice needed to show up at the meets too." Coach can be very blunt at times. It's true, though. I got...stressed. My reaction time was off. Way off.
Which is stupid. I'm Fade; I'm not fucking scared of any opponent. I'm agressive, and take any blow. I don't get phased. I don't back down. That's me, damn it, but it didn't happen on Wednesday, and now I'm scared it'll happen again tomorrow. Fucking hell, I don't want to do so badly. I won the bout, yes, but I was still bad, and people have trouble understanding that. You can still win, and perform below your level.
I really, really hope tomorrow goes better. I don't want to disappoint coach again. I want her to smile at me, and say, "good job". Is that so arrogant of me?
I fenced on the wednesday tournament, and though I won the bout, 5-3, I still did badly. Nerves. Coach said I was like a different person, and that the Fade who "kicked ass at practice needed to show up at the meets too." Coach can be very blunt at times. It's true, though. I got...stressed. My reaction time was off. Way off.
Which is stupid. I'm Fade; I'm not fucking scared of any opponent. I'm agressive, and take any blow. I don't get phased. I don't back down. That's me, damn it, but it didn't happen on Wednesday, and now I'm scared it'll happen again tomorrow. Fucking hell, I don't want to do so badly. I won the bout, yes, but I was still bad, and people have trouble understanding that. You can still win, and perform below your level.
I really, really hope tomorrow goes better. I don't want to disappoint coach again. I want her to smile at me, and say, "good job". Is that so arrogant of me?