(no subject)
I've been thinking about things. Myself, mainly. And writing, too. Specifically, about character. About how people see themselves verses how other people see them.
I had another tournament today. I did well--placed second and only lost 9-15 to a fencer I really admire.
Fencing is a very violent sport. No matter how many words or images I paint of it, the original intention was to kill other people with swords, to solve problems with weapons and skill with them. And I love it. More than that, I'm good at it. I love winning and I know how to do it, how to move and use my height and strength against my opponents. This doesn't bother me. What does is that I get caught up in the adrenaline, the rush of it all, and it does things to my personality that I'm not sure I like. When I'm bouting, I don't care if I hurt my opponent. I care about winning and beating them, no matter who it is--a friend of mine or a perfect stranger. And I have hurt them before, my opponents, that is. Nothing serious, nothing more than a cut, but I don't care. I honestly don't give a damn.
Normally I'm introverted. Shy with people I don't know. I hate change and don't like confrontation.
When I hold a blade, I'm completely different. My style is very aggressive--sometimes I chase my opponent off the strip completely. I hit hard and I'm fast enough that it matters. I'm confident. I know what I can do and exactly how to do it. And I like it. I love the person I become when I fence.
I don't know if this is a bad thing, or if it's just something that is, no word to define it at all. I'm just thinking.
I had another tournament today. I did well--placed second and only lost 9-15 to a fencer I really admire.
Fencing is a very violent sport. No matter how many words or images I paint of it, the original intention was to kill other people with swords, to solve problems with weapons and skill with them. And I love it. More than that, I'm good at it. I love winning and I know how to do it, how to move and use my height and strength against my opponents. This doesn't bother me. What does is that I get caught up in the adrenaline, the rush of it all, and it does things to my personality that I'm not sure I like. When I'm bouting, I don't care if I hurt my opponent. I care about winning and beating them, no matter who it is--a friend of mine or a perfect stranger. And I have hurt them before, my opponents, that is. Nothing serious, nothing more than a cut, but I don't care. I honestly don't give a damn.
Normally I'm introverted. Shy with people I don't know. I hate change and don't like confrontation.
When I hold a blade, I'm completely different. My style is very aggressive--sometimes I chase my opponent off the strip completely. I hit hard and I'm fast enough that it matters. I'm confident. I know what I can do and exactly how to do it. And I like it. I love the person I become when I fence.
I don't know if this is a bad thing, or if it's just something that is, no word to define it at all. I'm just thinking.