Dogpile (2/2)
Title: Dogpile
Characters/pairings: Torchwood team, SJA team, K-9, OMCs. Jack/Ianto, Gwen/Rhys, neither takes center stage.
Rating: If you're okay with watching Torchwood you're okay for this.
Warnings: Mentions of sex, some language I guess. Silliness.
Summary: Torchwood and Sarah Jane continue their searches for Fnoofy, UNIT's already found him.
Part 1
Owen seemed to have recovered from his caffeine deficiency, if looks were anything to go by. After a half hour of bored waiting, he had idly asked K-9 if he played fetch, only to receive a "NEGATIVE." They had compromised by Owen tossing tongue depressors across the room and having K-9 promptly vaporize them with a laser that seemed to come from his nose.
Gwen watched the destruction with half an eye, rather bored herself. The other half of her attention was on Toshiko, who was still looking for information on the blue dog. They'd given up on asking K-9 for help, as they'd only receive "INFORMATION CLASSIFIED" in response, and they couldn't risk letting him run loose to sniff it out himself, so Toshiko was on her own, scouring CCTV records, police reports, and even blogs for sightings of the creature. She hadn't had any luck so far.
They all looked up as the entrance alarm sounded.
"Good morning, Torchwood!" Jack called, hopping down the stairs after Ianto, who was dutifully carrying four mugs of hot coffee.
"My hero," Toshiko cooed, accepting her mug. "I've been drinking instant."
"It's nearly noon, Jack," Gwen pointed out.
"Still counts as morning!"
Owen took his mug silently, but raised the last of his tongue depressors in a thankful salute. Ianto frowned at him in confusion.
Owen tossed the tongue depressor into the air. It disintegrated with a VOOP!
Jack jumped at the sound and turned around to glare at Owen.
Owen grinned. "He followed me home, can I keep him?"
K-9 rolled up to Ianto, tail wagging. Ianto stepped back, uncertainly.
"Jack, Ianto, this is K-9. We found him in a car park last night, apparently after your blue dog," Toshiko said. "K-9, this is Ianto Jones and Captain Jack Harkness."
"GREETINGS," K-9 said. "I AM K-9 MARK IV. IT IS A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU."
"Hello," Ianto said nervously. At Jack's urging gesture, he sighed and knelt down to K-9's level. "Nice to meet you too."
Jack left them to it, heading over to Toshiko's desk to see what she'd been working on. "What have you got for me?"
"Not much," Toshiko sighed. "I've been looking, but the creature's definitely gone into hiding. I can't find anything on it after last night."
"What about UNIT?"
"What about UNIT?"
"There was a blockade on the way in, the same way the truck went," Ianto said, watching in amusement as K-9 extended a sensor to 'sniff' his outstretched hand. "We think they must be after the same creature we are. They were definitely heading into Cardiff, and from what we saw of the scene, it matched the other places the dog's run amok in."
"I'll check now."
Ianto straightened up to join Jack and Gwen at Toshiko's desk. K-9 rolled behind him, extending his sensors again to examine the hem of Jack's coat.
"It's definitely our dog," Tosh said. "Apparently it's been running around London for just over a day. Just before it got into Cardiff, it apparently jumped out of the lorry it was in, knocking it over, and stopping to dig up the road. That's what you saw UNIT investigating. They intercepted it and managed to shoot it twice in the shoulder before it got away. Agents at the scene reported that it appeared to grow larger when it was attacked."
Ianto raised an eyebrow at Jack. "I told you."
"Lots of animals look bigger when threatened, it probably just fluffed itself up and arched its back," Jack said.
"UNIT has issued orders to kill the creature on sight. It's believed to be highly dangerous."
"NEGATIVE," K-9 said.
They all looked down at him in surprise.
"What do you mean, negative?" Owen asked.
"THE DOG IS NOT A THREAT," K-9 said. "HE IS A PET, DESIGNATION: FNOOFY, CURRENTLY 8 EARTH MONTHS OLD, BELONGING TO A 12-YEAR-OLD TAKARAN NAMED TWIL. HE RAN AWAY WHEN HER TRANSPORT SHIP MADE AN EMERGENCY LANDING IN EALING, LONDON."
"Ealing?" Gwen asked. "What - how do you know all this?"
"MY MISTRESS WAS PRESENT WHEN THE SHIP WAS FORCED TO LAND. THE INCIDENT OCCURRED ONLY FIVE KILOMETERS AWAY FROM HER HOME."
"What the hell?" Owen said. "I thought all that information was 'classified.' Why are you telling us now?"
"I WAS DISPATCHED BY MY MISTRESS TO TRACK FNOOFY AND RETURN HIM SAFELY TO HIS MISTRESS," K-9 finished. "I AM RELEASING THE INFORMATION BECAUSE YOU HAVE BEEN CONFIRMED TRUSTWORTHY."
"Well that's something," Gwen said. "He wouldn't tell us anything yesterday."
"K-9," Jack said, kneeling down. "Who is your mistress?"
"SARAH JANE SMITH," K-9 answered without hesitation.
Jack whistled. "Sarah Jane Smith," he repeated. "I've heard of her. Independent extraterrestrial liaison. Used to work with UNIT, I think. She does good work."
"AFFIRMATIVE."
"So you can tell us, because you've determined that we're not a threat to your mistress, right?" Toshiko asked.
"AFFIRMATIVE."
"But how did you come to that conclusion? You said only your mistress could determine that, or through a long period of working together."
"You saw him, he just sniffed Jack and Ianto and decided we were okay," Owen said. The others all stared at him. He shrugged. "Well he is a dog. Probably judges us all on our smell."
"PARTIALLY CORRECT," K-9 said. "BUT IT WAS NOT MY OLFACTORY SENSORS THAT DETERMINED MY DECISION. MY SENSORS INDICATED PROLONGED ASSOCIATION WITH MY MASTER: THIS IMPLIES HIS AFFIRMATION OF YOUR CHARACTER."
"What?" Jack said.
K-9's tail wagged. "MY SENSORS DETECT TRACES OF ARTRON AND HUON ENERGY," he explained, "ENERGY NOT FOUND NATURALLY ON EARTH, AND BACKGROUND RADIATION UNIQUE TO INDIVIDUALS WHO HAVE TRAVELED IN THE TARDIS."
Jack stared hard at the robot dog.
"Wait," he said. "Your master is the Doctor?!"
"AFFIRMATIVE."
Jack's face split into a huge grin. "Okay," he said. "I trust you too, then, K-9."
He spun around and clapped his hands, grinning at his team. "Right, so the dog is not dangerous, UNIT thinks it is, little girl is looking for it. Let's find this 'Fnoofy' before they do. Tosh, keep an eye on all UNIT communications and CCTV. Ianto, I want you to watch the public, TV, internet, rumors, anything that might be our dog causing trouble. Owen, grab your medkit, if the dog is injured, you're going to need to fix it up - you and Gwen are with me." He smirked back at K-9. "You up for a walk, little dog? We need your nose."
K-9 wagged his tail. "AFFIRMATIVE."
~~
After wandering around the city for hours, Sarah Jane finally managed to convince the kids to take a break for an early dinner. They hadn't had any luck so far - there didn't seem to be any more of Fnoofy's signature markings around, and Mr. Smith had yet to report any more UNIT sightings or possible places Fnoofy could be.
The kids looked downhearted. Clyde was the only one of them actually eating, but he was glaring at the plate like it was the naan's fault they couldn't find the missing dogs. Maria was staring blankly out the window, sucking down her soda. Twil appeared to be separating everything on her plate by color, and Luke was just staring at his plate, pushing his curry around in circles despondently.
Sarah Jane wanted to say something. In her head, she got as far as "Cheer up, kids," and "I'm sure we'll find them eventually," before it started turning into things like "I'm sure UNIT hasn't shot and killed and dissected anybody yet," or "I bet K-9 didn't run out of batteries and get thrown out with the trash," so she wound up just not saying anything, doing her best to make sure everyone ate something and continued to think positively.
The thing was, Sarah Jane thought, K-9 could have called them. He was a smart little robot dog, and he could easily connect to Mr. Smith or even Sarah Jane's own mobile. But the line remained stubbornly silent, and there was no way to do it the other way around and call the dog herself.
She decided to try speaking again.
"Chee-" she said, and everyone looked up at her, and her mobile rang.
Sarah Jane gave up the peptalk mid-syllable, and snatched her phone from her purse.
"Hello?"
"Sarah Jane," Mr. Smith said.
"Mr. Smith!" Sarah Jane said in relief. The kids all perked up visibly. "What's the news?"
"Fnoofy has been located by UNIT," Mr. Smith said. "They are making preparations to transport the animal to the nearest base. They are awaiting backup before taking action."
"Where?" Sarah Jane asked, grabbing her purse and heading to the door with the kids in line behind her, glad that they'd chosen a restaurant where they could pay before sitting down.
"I can direct you," Mr. Smith said, fully aware that Sarah Jane had no idea where anyplace in Cardiff was.
"Thanks," Sarah Jane said. "Have you heard anything from K-9?"
"Not yet," Mr. Smith said, entirely unconcerned.
"He hasn't tried to contact you?"
"I would tell you if he had," the computer said, sounding a little offended.
"Right, sorry," Sarah Jane said as everyone piled into the car. "Safety belts, everybody! All right, Mr. Smith. Direct us."
~~
If anybody thought it was a strange sight, they didn't say anything. Owen seemed utterly unconcerned as he pulled various devices and chemicals and medical equipment out of his bag, cheerfully describing exactly what each one was supposed to do, what it actually did, and the ways in which it had needed to be modified in order to avoid side effects like oozing purple or imploding, depending on what planet the patient was from.
"I'm fairly certain this shouldn't do any harm," the doctor explained to Gwen, holding up a vial full of orange glowing stuff that Gwen thought looked very harmful indeed. "It's used on lots of different planets as a painkiller, for all kinds of species. The Wileips traded the recipe for a plate of biscuits, and it's come in handy quite a bit, though it did turn Tosh blue for about two hours before we got the dosage right."
Jack appeared similarly carefree, striding purposefully a short ways ahead of them, whistling to himself. Just ahead of him, connected by a red dog lead, was K-9, his head to the ground as he rolled along, sensors searching for the blue dog's - Fnoofy's - trail, his metal tail wagging steadily.
Gwen couldn't help glancing around to see if anyone was staring at them, as they rightfully should have been. She thought she had gotten used to doing strange things in public by now - her short time as team leader had put her in public situations at least as bizarre as this one - but the talking metal dog still seemed like a bit much. The few people she noticed who did stop and stare were mostly children who seemed to think K-9 was some sort of neat toy. A couple of adults looked at them strangely, only to roll their eyes and go on their way once they saw Jack. Gwen could practically hear them muttering to themselves, bloody Torchwood.
She sighed and tried to turn her attention back to Owen, who was now showing off some sort of pinkish sparkly liquid, keeping one eye on Jack's coat as it swished around a corner a few meters ahead.
"Gwen! Owen! We got something."
Owen shoved the sparkly stuff back into his bag and they ran to catch up. Jack and K-9 had stopped, and were staring across the street at a restaurant with a broken window. The area was cordoned off by police, and a man was yelling at one of the officers, gesticulating wildly at the broken glass.
"Tosh," Jack said, "Break-in on Brunswick, what do you have?"
"Let me see," Tosh's voice said. "Looks like nothing special. Front window broken, big mess made, some food stolen. The place was closed, no witnesses. Report says it's vandals."
"MY SENSORS INDICATE FNOOFY CONTINUED ACROSS THE STREET TO THE LOCATION OF THE INCIDENT," K-9 said.
"You sure?"
"AFFIRMATIVE."
"All right," Jack said. "Come on then kids, let's go see if we can pick up the trail."
Jack strolled across the street with K-9 following close behind. Gwen paused to placate the officers and assure the angry owner they were just there to investigate as the others ducked under the caution tape and began to fiddle with things.
The owner confirmed what Tosh had already told them, albeit with a lot more yelling and cursing out his employees. After a good 10 minutes of being yelled at, Gwen managed to unload him onto a hapless rookie officer and, relived that it was no longer her job to do that sort of thing, went into the building to find the others.
She found Owen kneeling in the ravaged kitchen, examining the remains of a refrigerator and munching on a roll of salami.
"I think this place is in bad enough form without you stealing food, too."
Owen glanced up at her. "He can't sell this, it's a health risk," he said, and took another bite off the top.
Gwen rolled her eyes and grabbed it from him. "So what do you think?"
"Looks to me like Fnoofy was just hungry. Smelled something good, came in, wrecked the place, ate stuff. We found some bloodstains on the walls, but not all that much, so I think the bullet wound's probably pretty superficial, though we should really get to it as soon as possible before it gets infected." He stood up and looked at Gwen with a raised eyebrow. "Why do you get to eat that and I don't?"
Gwen took one last vindictive bite of the salami and handed it back to him. "Oh shut up, I didn't have lunch either, you know."
"Yeah, but you get to go home and have your boytoy make you filet mignon or lasagna or pancakes. I have to go home and eat frozen pizza."
"We're having casserole," Gwen corrected him as they headed out the unhinged back door. "There's nothing stopping you from cooking nice things too, you know."
"What, exhaustion from chasing alien dogs all over the city isn't a good enough reason?"
Behind the restaurant, Jack was watching K-9 roll around between the rubbish bins, examining the ground in his search for Fnoofy's trail.
"Any luck?" Gwen asked.
"FNOOFY DEPARTED THIS AREA APPROXIMATELY TWO HOURS AGO IN A NORTHEASTERLY DIRECTION."
"We're catching up," Jack said, "I guess."
"We're going to be out all night at this rate," Owen whined. "Gwen, tell Rhys I'm coming home with you to steal your casserole."
"You keep away from my dinner, you parasite."
"Stop fighting, kids, the sooner we get this over with the sooner you can go home," Jack said, pushing past them to pick up K-9's leash. "If we don't find him after another couple hours we can stop for pizza or something."
"I'm actually getting sick of pizza," Owen said, "and I didn't think that was possible."
They were interrupted by Tosh's voice in their ears. "Guys, I've got a UNIT report coming in."
"What is it?" Jack said, immediately dropping the subject of dinner and going back into business mode.
"UNIT's got Fnoofy cornered in an empty office building. They've secured all the exits, but are waiting for backup before they go in."
"Tosh, you and Ianto get the SUV and come pick us up, quickly. Let's see if we can finish this up before midnight, hopefully without getting anyone's pets put down."
"Yes sir," said Ianto's voice. "We're already on our way."
"We'll meet you out front," Jack said, gesturing to Gwen and Owen. "Let's go!"
~~
They were almost ready to go in. One team was already inside, keeping tabs on the animal's movements and making sure it didn't get back out. The other two had just finished their equipment checks and were just about to move into position at the building's two entrances. Each team was equipped with a high-powered rifle in addition to their tranq guns, which were really just being taken out of protocol.
But then a call came in from the back entrance.
"Sir," the soldier on the line said, "We found a woman trying to get in. She insists she has a right to be here."
"Well who the hell is she?"
"Seems to be a journalist, sir."
"Send her away," the officer said, immediately dismissing the problem. "No press. Not even a cover story if we can get away with it."
There was a pause as the soldier attempted to send away the woman. To the officer's surprise, there was suddenly a lot of shouting nearby where he was standing. A short, middle aged woman in black jeans and a collared shirt pushed past all of the surprised guards, ducking under the caution tape and stalking straight up to him.
"Miss, you aren't allowed back here."
"Oh, I'm not, am I?" the woman said. "I think you'll find that I am, actually."
"Look, just who the hell are you?"
"My name is Sarah Jane Smith."
Oh no, the officer thought, recognizing the name. Officially, Miss Smith had no authority with UNIT, and was to be treated just like any other civilian. Unofficially, he knew he would be in big trouble with his superiors for sending her away and not listening to her argument. 'Companion's Privilege' was the unofficial name for it, and it came up unpleasantly often, though he never thought he would have to deal with it himself.
"Miss Smith, I fully understand that you are something of an expert in these matters, but I can assure you, we have everything under control - "
"Oh do you? I suppose 'under control' to you means shooting a harmless animal that hasn't done anything to hurt you?"
Oh god she's a hippie, the officer thought unkindly. Just like that awful situation in Australia last year with Jovanka.
"I can assure you that all efforts are being made to ensure that nobody is harmed, and force is only being used if absolutely necessary."
Miss Smith's face quite clearly said that's bullshit and you know it. He did his best not to fidget under her gaze.
"You listen to me, I've been following… the creature since I discovered its crash site, and I know how to handle it without anyone getting hurt."
"Miss Smith, I can't just let you - "
"You can and you will."
"Listen, this is a UNIT operation, I cannot let a civilian - even you, Miss Smith - be put into any kind of dangerous situation."
"You can let me decide what's dangerous."
"Please, let us take care of this," the officer said, wincing as he realized he was coming off like he was begging. "We have a team of highly trained experts - "
"Experts? I've been dealing with alien visitors since your team was in diapers, by myself, and without the use of weapons."
The officer was extremely relieved when another soldier came running up from the direction of the front entrance.
"Sir," he said, saluting. "We have a situation at the front, we need your assistance at once."
"Right," the officer said. He turned to the nearest group of soldiers. "You there, make sure Miss Smith remains out here."
He marched quickly off with the messenger to the sounds of Miss Smith berating the group and demanding to be let into the building immediately. He sighed in relief.
"Good timing, soldier. What's the problem at the front?"
"Captain Harkness of Torchwood is demanding entrance and saying we have no jurisdiction in Cardiff without his permission and that we have to leave."
"Oh bloody hell," the officer said, feeling rather as if he'd just been ordered to carry an elephant on his back through a desert full of Daleks.
As he slumped along behind the messenger towards the commotion at the front, the back entrance team found itself having to physically barricade Miss Smith from the door as they pleaded with her. Nobody noticed the four teenagers opening a locked window with the use of a glowing lipstick, and they climbed inside unimpeded.
~~
"All right," Gwen said, peering carefully around the corner. "Let's go!"
She ran ahead, carefully avoiding the UNIT soldiers as they ran up to see what all the yelling was about. Jack was expertly barraging the commanding officer with criticisms and demands about protocol that were probably absolute nonsense. The poor fellow looked absolutely exhausted, staring blankly at Jack as if he'd suddenly sprouted a unicorn horn from his forehead.
"They're never going to let us in without accompanying us," Jack had said. "And we can't have them getting their hands on K-9, of course, so while I distract them, you all sneak in and get Fnoofy out of there."
"How exactly are we supposed to sneak a giant electric blue dog out of a building with guarded exits full of people specifically looking out for it?" Ianto pointed out.
Jack shrugged.
The first step had been easy enough, though. All four of them, along with K-9, had made it in unnoticed. Now the question was simply finding Fnoofy. And getting him medical attention. And getting him out of the building. Without being caught by UNIT.
Gwen gestured for Toshiko to go ahead of her. She hurried ahead and placed K-9 down to sniff the way ahead. They went silently down the darkened hallways; the little tin dog leading the way, followed by Tosh with her sensors, Gwen, resisting the urge to pull out her pistol, Owen, idly fiddling with his syringe again, and Ianto trailing behind, keeping a lookout for anyone following them.
K-9 led them to a stairwell. Gwen was rather gratified to finally get to see the dog's hover mode, as she had been worried she'd have had to carry him again. After four flights, she rather wished he could have carried her, or at least found the lift.
"CAUTION," K-9 said, stopping at the door. "MY SENSORS INDICATE HUMAN LIFESIGNS BEYOND THIS POINT."
"Is there another way around?" Toshiko asked.
"I don't think so," Ianto murmured. "We'd have to go back down and around, and we'd just have the same problem on the other side."
"So we need a distraction," Owen said, peering out the little window to get a glimpse of the UNIT soldiers. "Any volunteers?"
"Why don't you go?" Ianto said.
"Because I'm the one with the medkit. Unless you'd like to pull bullets out of an angry spacedog? I'll gladly trade."
"Do you think one of those offices has a cup of pens or something?" Gwen asked suddenly.
"Probably," Ianto said. "Why?"
"Wait here," Gwen said and ducked down to pick up K-9. "Tell me when they're not looking, then open the door for me."
Owen looked out the window again, his hand on the door handle.
"…Now!"
He pulled the door open and Gwen slipped through, hurrying down the hall away from the soldiers. He and Ianto closed the door as quietly as possible, listening with bated breath as Gwen's footsteps, muffled by the carpeting, faded.
There was a loud slam from down the hall as she ran into an empty meeting room.
"What was that?" said one of the soldiers, whipping around. The other two immediately turned and ran down the hall towards the sound.
Just before they reached the stairwell, there was a small flash of red light and a loud VOOP! from the other side of the hall.
"What the hell?!"
All three soldiers turned and ran towards the source of the strange sound. Owen grinned and pulled the door open.
"Fetch!" he said, and ran ahead to peer around the corner. Ianto and Tosh followed behind, just as there was another loud VOOP! from down the hall.
"You think Fnoofy's in there?" Toshiko whispered, nodding at the door the UNIT soldiers had been lingering in front of.
"Probably," Ianto said. "'Conference Room 1,' it says, probably plenty of room for a giant dog."
"Only one way to find out," Owen said, shrugging his bag into a more comfortable position.
Taking one last look down the hall, the three of them ran ahead and through the door.
Conference Room 1 was a disaster area. It was a very large meeting room, with space for two long tables to run through the middle of it. Both tables were in pieces, scattered all over the room. A large number of chairs in various states of obliteration were also littered about the area, along with what might have been a projector before it had been chewed on.
Huddled in the far end of the room, in front of the shredded projector screen, was Fnoofy. When Ianto shut the door behind him, the Takaran pet scrambled to his feet, a growl low in his throat as he turned his large, red, pupilless eyes towards the trio. The smaller pair of red eyes resting on the creature's brow narrowed, and as he snarled, his fur bristled, the dark blue spines on his back rose, and his long tail lashed behind him, knocking the destroyed screen off the wall.
His fangs bared, claws out in front of him, Fnoofy stood on all four giant paws, and, even hunkered down and glaring, his back scraped the ceiling, the spines sending a light fixture crashing to the floor.
Ianto swallowed. "I don't think it's fluffing itself up," he said.
Toshiko unconsciously took a step back and shrunk down behind him. "The UNIT report said it gets bigger when it's threatened."
"He's favoring his right side," Owen said, squinting as Fnoofy took a cautious step over the trampled laptops towards them. "Must be where they shot him, doesn't look too bad though."
He took a step to the side, pulling Toshiko behind him and giving Ianto a light nudge in the other direction. "Try and keep him occupied, I need to get around him to see the wound."
Ianto gave him a quick glance of have you lost your mind?!, but carefully made his way around the broken table.
"Here boy," he said quietly, and Fnoofy's giant head swung around to stare at him with all four eyes. "Good dog, nice Fnoofy. Who's a good boy?"
Owen and Toshiko moved slowly around the other side of the room, keeping their eyes on Fnoofy as he turned, following Ianto's movements with his big blue head as he whistled and coaxed the dog's attention away from the pair. They climbed carefully over the ruins of the other table, and Owen nudged Toshiko to move closer to Fnoofy's head.
"I'm going to hit him with a tranquilizer," he whispered. "It should take only a second to kick in, but I need you two to hold him down if he freaks out."
"Right," Tosh whispered back, trying to breathe normally.
Ianto kept one eye on Fnoofy as Owen carefully slung his bag around and unzipped it. He took a cautious step forwards, raising his hands and still cooing to the dog as he advanced.
"Niiice doggy," he murmured, and his eyes flicked from Fnoofy's confused but still nervously growling face to Owen loading a large syringe with alien tranquilizer. He glanced at Toshiko, who glanced back and nodded that she was ready. Back to Fnoofy, whose tongue lolled out of the side of his mouth as it opened slightly. Owen, peering briefly over the dog's shoulder, steadied himself, and nodded back at Ianto as well.
"Now!" he said, and they all stepped forwards.
~~
Luke led the way, and all four children walked quickly through the darkened hallways, opening every door they passed to check for any sign of Fnoofy.
"No," Clyde said, slamming another door. "No. No. Nooo."
He shut the last door in the hall and turned to glare back at Luke. "We're never going to find him this way. Sarah Jane can't distract those UNIT blokes forever! We're only on the second floor!"
"Do you have a better idea, then?" Maria snapped. "Come on, let's go on up then. We’re bound to find Fnoofy eventu-"
She cut herself off as footsteps echoed through the hall from the stairwell. Eyes wide, she grabbed Twil's arm and pulled her through the nearest door. Luke grabbed Clyde and followed, only to be yanked backwards.
"Are you crazy? That's the ladies' room!"
Luke barely spared the blue sign on the door a glance before forcing Clyde through.
The hallway was silent for a moment, and then the stairway door burst open with a bang.
"Quick, in here," came a woman's voice with a strong Welsh accent. "Hurry!"
Another door shut, and everything went quiet again.
The kids pressed against the door, listening.
What was that? Maria mouthed.
No idea, Clyde mouthed back.
They cautiously pressed the door open to peek out.
The stairway door opened again. Three men in UNIT uniforms ran out, guns at the ready. The kids shrunk back, just barely keeping the door open a crack.
"Where did it go?" one of the soldiers said, whipping around.
"Check the rooms," another one answered. "It must be here somewhere."
All three soldiers began opening doors at random, advancing down the corridor. The kids held their breath as they got closer.
They won't come in here, will they?
Maria stared at Clyde like he was crazy. They're soldiers, they won't stop just because it's the girls' room!
They both stopped as Luke nudged them, gesturing to look down the hall. Behind the soldiers' backs, a door right beside the stair opened up a crack, and a small metal dog came rolling out.
Maria heard Luke stifle himself from calling to K-9 right then and there. They watched silently as the door opened further, and a woman dressed all in black carefully stepped out behind K-9. She glanced back at the soldiers, then gestured for K-9 to go back into the stairwell. She held the door open as he rolled in, but they both paused in the doorway, and she reached into her jacket to pull out a pencil.
The woman grinned and tossed the pencil so it hit the ceiling just behind the soldiers, and K-9 vaporized it with a VOOP! The soldiers whipped around, but their guns were left pointing at a small pile of ashes and a closed door.
"Goddammit!" one of the soldiers said. "We're being toyed with!"
Nonetheless, all three turned heel and ran back towards the stairs after K-9 and the woman.
Their footsteps faded away down the stairs, and the kids relaxed.
"Who was that woman?" Luke asked, stepping out of the restroom and staring back the closed stairway door. "What was she doing with K-9?"
"I don't know," Maria said. "What on earth were they doing?"
"Do we go after them?" Clyde said uncertainly.
"Wh- what about Fnoofy?" Twil asked, stepping nervously out.
Luke stared at the stairway door. "I think… I don't think K-9's in any danger. He looked alright with that woman. And that looked like some sort of distraction to me." He looked up at the ceiling. "They came from upstairs. We should probably go up there."
He glanced back at Clyde and Maria for confirmation. They nodded, and the four of them headed back to the stairs.
There was a loud thump and a small yelping sound from above them, and they all stopped on the steps to look up.
"Fnoofy!" Twil cried, and bounded up ahead of the humans to the fifth floor. They followed close behind as she sprinted down the hall, glancing back and forth at the many rooms.
"Where is he?!" she asked, grasping her hoodie's drawstrings again and pulling frantically.
"Calm down, Twil!" Maria said, grabbing her hands. "I'm sure Fnoofy's fine, just calm dow-"
There was another thump from down the hall, followed by muffled shouting. Twil whipped around and ran towards the sound, yanking the door open despite her companions' protests.
The four of them stumbled into a wrecked room, filled with rubble and overturned chairs. In the corner of the room, a man and a small Asian woman were pinning Fnoofy's muzzle to the ground, throwing their whole weights into the effort as the dog struggled weakly. A second man was leaning on Fnoofy's shoulder, his arms covered with blood, and a large syringe in his hand.
"FNOOFY!" Twil screamed, leaping over the ruined furniture. "Let go of him! Let go of my dog! Fnoofy!"
The two holding Fnoofy down jumped at Twil's sudden outburst, and the dog immediately reared up, knocking the bloody man to the side.
"Damn it!" he shouted. "Hold him down, hold him down!"
"I'm trying!" shouted the other man, clinging to Fnoofy's nose as he whimpered and shook his head.
"Let go of my dog!" Twil shouted again. Clyde and Maria lunged forwards to grab her, getting a hold of her hoodie. "Let go of me, they're hurting him!" she cried, shaking her head and knocking her hood off. Her big green eyes welled up with tears as she struggled.
"We are not!" the man snarled, grabbing Fnoofy's shoulder again and yanking him down. "I'm trying to get these fu- these stupid bullets out of his shoulder! You're his owner?"
Twil nodded dumbly.
"Then get over here and calm this beast down so I can finish!"
Twil hesitated, but stepped cautiously forwards. She glanced at the adults awkwardly, but she hurried over to Fnoofy and pulled his head back down.
"It's alright, Fnoofy," she murmured, stroking his nose. He whimpered and looked at her sadly with his four eyes. "It's okay, good Fnoofy."
The man tugged at Fnoofy's matted fur, pushing it aside to get at the bullet wound. "Thank you," he said. "Tosh, there's a flashlight in my bag, grab it and point it where I'm working." He glanced back up at the kids briefly, holding up the syringe. "This is a painkiller, I'm injecting it so that I can get the bullets out without him rearing up again and crushing all of us. It's not going to hurt him, got it?"
Twil nodded, and he shoved the needle into Fnoofy's flesh. The dog twitched, but Twil and the other man held him down. The other children ran forwards to help, petting his fur and murmuring to calm him.
The doctor gestured for the woman to take the syringe, then for her to step forwards and shine the light at a different angle, straight into the large hole in Fnoofy's shoulder.
"He wasn't nearly this big before," Clyde said.
"He gets big when he's scared," Twil said. "I've been training him to do it on command but he's still just a puppy."
"Can you make him small again?" Maria asked, petting Fnoofy's fur down.
Twil nodded, but the doctor, digging carefully in the wound with very long tweezers, snapped at them. "Don't you dare, this has been irritated enough. If he gets any smaller, those bullets aren't going anywhere. As it is, I can get them out, but if he's small, they're bound to get embedded in the muscle and he'll need real surgery."
Twil squeaked nervously. The doctor gave her what might have been a reassuring glance, then looked back to the wound, pulling out the first bullet and dropping it in his disgusted assistant's hand. "Almost done."
Fnoofy had mostly settled down by the time he got the second bullet, lying on his stomach with his head down and waving his tail miserably. The doctor stepped back and examined the wound from a distance, frowning.
"Right," he said. "You're not gonna get him out easily if he stays like this. You try and get him to do his shrinking trick, but stop if I tell you to, alright sweetheart?"
Twil nodded, and turned to Fnoofy. She scratched his head and murmured something softly to him.
Fnoofy struggled to his feet, shaking himself as if he were wet. The dog tensed up, and, with what looked like quite an effort and a lot of concentration, his spines flattened against his back, his tail tucked under, and his body began to shrink.
The doctor frowned at the creaking and popping sounds that seemed to be Fnoofy's bones rearranging themselves, but he kept his eyes on the wound and didn't say anything.
When Fnoofy was down to the size of a small retriever, he shook himself again and trotted over to Twil happily, his spines fluffing up again and his tongue lolling out the side of his mouth. Twil smiled and pulled him into her arms, burying her face in his fur.
"Hold it," the doctor said. "I still have to close and disinfect the wound."
Twil held Fnoofy out obediently. The kids watched as the man applied some sort of balm to the wound. Their eyes went wide as the woman handed him a strange device, and as he pointed it at Fnoofy's flesh, it closed with only a small patch of furlessness to show there had ever been a cut.
"Right," he said, straightening out. "That should do it."
"Thank you," Twil said, hugging Fnoofy to herself.
"Yeah, thanks," Clyde said. "Who are you?"
The three adults, gathering up their equipment, paused, and stared at the kids.
"We're, um," said the woman.
"Animal Control," said the other man, his face absolutely straight.
"Yeah," the doctor agreed, though he sounded a little off. "You… you should keep your dog on a leash. You could get a fine if we catch him again."
The woman nodded in agreement.
Luke frowned, Maria suppressed a giggle, and Clyde raised a skeptical eyebrow.
"Animal Control."
"That's right."
The two groups stared at each other without saying anything, an unspoken agreement of I won't say anything if you don't.
The silence was broken by the door opening. They all whipped around, the adults reaching for their jackets and belts for weapons that Animal Control probably wouldn't have, but it was just the woman in black, striding in cheerfully with K-9 in her wake.
"All done then?" she asked. "Coast's all clear, I've got the UNIT blokes guarding a mouse hole down in the basement."
"GOOD EVENING, MASTER LUKE," K-9 said, rolling forwards and wagging his tail. "GOOD EVENING, CLYDE, MARIA."
"K-9!" Clyde said, and stepped forwards to meet him only to be pushed aside by Luke.
"We looked everywhere for you!" Luke said, bending down and patting K-9 on the head. "Where have you been?"
"APOLOGIES, MASTER LUKE."
"You should keep that one on a leash too," the doctor said, walking ahead to meet the woman. He shoved his bag into her arms and turned back to the kids. "And take him for more walks, he's obviously been deprived of a healthy amount of exercise, it's not good for dogs. See ya 'round, K-9. Let's get out of here, I'm starving."
"GOOD BYE, OWEN."
"Bye bye, K-9," the Asian woman said, following the doctor out but pausing to pat K-9 on the head. "Good dog."
"AFFIRMATIVE, MISS TOSHIKO. GOOD BYE. GOOD BYE MISS GWEN, IANTO."
The last two smiled back at the kids, then jogged out the door after their teammates.
The kids stared after them at the closed door.
"No way that was Animal Control," Clyde said.
Maria snorted. "No kidding," she said.
"I wonder if they get paid to do that. Can you imagine getting paid to do the stuff we do?"
"It's enough just to help the aliens we meet."
"You're such a goody-goody, Luke. You gotta look to the future, figure out how to make some cash from all this."
The kids stopped their bickering when the door opened again suddenly.
"By the way, you might want to put your hood back up before you go out," the Welsh woman said. "And hide the dogs, UNIT's still outside, you know."
Twil squeaked again, her antennae perking up from under her short black hair in surprise. She immediately tugged her hood back in place, blushing purple under her scales. The woman grinned and shut the door behind her as she jogged to catch up with her team.
"Definitely not Animal Control," Clyde repeated.
~~
Jack was really beginning to have trouble thinking of any more excuses why UNIT had to let him in without an escort. It was particularly difficult, because the officer had, in fact, already yielded to all his demands. Jack was trying his best to think of more outrageous demands, but the look on the poor man's face made him feel more like giving him a big hug, or possibly bursting out laughing.
He was considering shouting at the officer to get him a pizza or a coffee just for the hell of it, when Owen and Toshiko strolled casually out of the building.
"'Scuse me, mate," the doctor said, walking past the UNIT soldiers guarding the door. Ianto and Gwen followed shortly after, arms linked as had become their habit lately, Owen's bag slung over Gwen's shoulder.
Jack pushed past the sputtering officer to meet his team. "All done?"
"Taken care of," said Owen.
"Okay then." Jack turned to the officer and shook his hand firmly. "Thanks for your cooperation. Hope to work with you again soon."
"Right," said the officer, obviously desperate to just be left alone by all these crazy people and go home.
Gwen stifled a laugh at Jack's obvious wink, and the five of them turned back towards the SUV. Jack was saying something about looking forwards to getting a full night's sleep for once, though his shared glance with Ianto implied that he probably wouldn't be anyway, and Owen seemed to be promising Tosh a taste of his casserole that he was going to steal from Gwen, but her attention turned to a little green car parked a little ways down the road.
The little Takaran girl, her hood safely back on her head, helped what appeared to be a small black jacket with blue paws climb into the back seat. The human girl and one of the boys seemed to be helping K-9 into the boot, but the tall boy was talking to a short woman and gesturing in the general direction of the Torchwood team.
Ianto, still holding Gwen's arm, came to a stop as she did. The rest of the team paused as well, seeing them halt, and glanced curiously over at what had caught their attention.
Sarah Jane looked up as Luke pointed. She turned back quickly, giving her son a light push on the shoulder, and walked around the car to the driver's seat as the kids loaded in.
Jack managed to catch her eye just before she got in, and flashed her a quick salute. Sarah Jane gave him a small smile in return, and nodded to the rest of the team before climbing in.
Jack laughed to himself a little, then tugged open the door to the SUV. The rest of the team followed, and the two cars drove away, leaving behind the UNIT soldiers and an empty office.
Characters/pairings: Torchwood team, SJA team, K-9, OMCs. Jack/Ianto, Gwen/Rhys, neither takes center stage.
Rating: If you're okay with watching Torchwood you're okay for this.
Warnings: Mentions of sex, some language I guess. Silliness.
Summary: Torchwood and Sarah Jane continue their searches for Fnoofy, UNIT's already found him.
Part 1
Owen seemed to have recovered from his caffeine deficiency, if looks were anything to go by. After a half hour of bored waiting, he had idly asked K-9 if he played fetch, only to receive a "NEGATIVE." They had compromised by Owen tossing tongue depressors across the room and having K-9 promptly vaporize them with a laser that seemed to come from his nose.
Gwen watched the destruction with half an eye, rather bored herself. The other half of her attention was on Toshiko, who was still looking for information on the blue dog. They'd given up on asking K-9 for help, as they'd only receive "INFORMATION CLASSIFIED" in response, and they couldn't risk letting him run loose to sniff it out himself, so Toshiko was on her own, scouring CCTV records, police reports, and even blogs for sightings of the creature. She hadn't had any luck so far.
They all looked up as the entrance alarm sounded.
"Good morning, Torchwood!" Jack called, hopping down the stairs after Ianto, who was dutifully carrying four mugs of hot coffee.
"My hero," Toshiko cooed, accepting her mug. "I've been drinking instant."
"It's nearly noon, Jack," Gwen pointed out.
"Still counts as morning!"
Owen took his mug silently, but raised the last of his tongue depressors in a thankful salute. Ianto frowned at him in confusion.
Owen tossed the tongue depressor into the air. It disintegrated with a VOOP!
Jack jumped at the sound and turned around to glare at Owen.
Owen grinned. "He followed me home, can I keep him?"
K-9 rolled up to Ianto, tail wagging. Ianto stepped back, uncertainly.
"Jack, Ianto, this is K-9. We found him in a car park last night, apparently after your blue dog," Toshiko said. "K-9, this is Ianto Jones and Captain Jack Harkness."
"GREETINGS," K-9 said. "I AM K-9 MARK IV. IT IS A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU."
"Hello," Ianto said nervously. At Jack's urging gesture, he sighed and knelt down to K-9's level. "Nice to meet you too."
Jack left them to it, heading over to Toshiko's desk to see what she'd been working on. "What have you got for me?"
"Not much," Toshiko sighed. "I've been looking, but the creature's definitely gone into hiding. I can't find anything on it after last night."
"What about UNIT?"
"What about UNIT?"
"There was a blockade on the way in, the same way the truck went," Ianto said, watching in amusement as K-9 extended a sensor to 'sniff' his outstretched hand. "We think they must be after the same creature we are. They were definitely heading into Cardiff, and from what we saw of the scene, it matched the other places the dog's run amok in."
"I'll check now."
Ianto straightened up to join Jack and Gwen at Toshiko's desk. K-9 rolled behind him, extending his sensors again to examine the hem of Jack's coat.
"It's definitely our dog," Tosh said. "Apparently it's been running around London for just over a day. Just before it got into Cardiff, it apparently jumped out of the lorry it was in, knocking it over, and stopping to dig up the road. That's what you saw UNIT investigating. They intercepted it and managed to shoot it twice in the shoulder before it got away. Agents at the scene reported that it appeared to grow larger when it was attacked."
Ianto raised an eyebrow at Jack. "I told you."
"Lots of animals look bigger when threatened, it probably just fluffed itself up and arched its back," Jack said.
"UNIT has issued orders to kill the creature on sight. It's believed to be highly dangerous."
"NEGATIVE," K-9 said.
They all looked down at him in surprise.
"What do you mean, negative?" Owen asked.
"THE DOG IS NOT A THREAT," K-9 said. "HE IS A PET, DESIGNATION: FNOOFY, CURRENTLY 8 EARTH MONTHS OLD, BELONGING TO A 12-YEAR-OLD TAKARAN NAMED TWIL. HE RAN AWAY WHEN HER TRANSPORT SHIP MADE AN EMERGENCY LANDING IN EALING, LONDON."
"Ealing?" Gwen asked. "What - how do you know all this?"
"MY MISTRESS WAS PRESENT WHEN THE SHIP WAS FORCED TO LAND. THE INCIDENT OCCURRED ONLY FIVE KILOMETERS AWAY FROM HER HOME."
"What the hell?" Owen said. "I thought all that information was 'classified.' Why are you telling us now?"
"I WAS DISPATCHED BY MY MISTRESS TO TRACK FNOOFY AND RETURN HIM SAFELY TO HIS MISTRESS," K-9 finished. "I AM RELEASING THE INFORMATION BECAUSE YOU HAVE BEEN CONFIRMED TRUSTWORTHY."
"Well that's something," Gwen said. "He wouldn't tell us anything yesterday."
"K-9," Jack said, kneeling down. "Who is your mistress?"
"SARAH JANE SMITH," K-9 answered without hesitation.
Jack whistled. "Sarah Jane Smith," he repeated. "I've heard of her. Independent extraterrestrial liaison. Used to work with UNIT, I think. She does good work."
"AFFIRMATIVE."
"So you can tell us, because you've determined that we're not a threat to your mistress, right?" Toshiko asked.
"AFFIRMATIVE."
"But how did you come to that conclusion? You said only your mistress could determine that, or through a long period of working together."
"You saw him, he just sniffed Jack and Ianto and decided we were okay," Owen said. The others all stared at him. He shrugged. "Well he is a dog. Probably judges us all on our smell."
"PARTIALLY CORRECT," K-9 said. "BUT IT WAS NOT MY OLFACTORY SENSORS THAT DETERMINED MY DECISION. MY SENSORS INDICATED PROLONGED ASSOCIATION WITH MY MASTER: THIS IMPLIES HIS AFFIRMATION OF YOUR CHARACTER."
"What?" Jack said.
K-9's tail wagged. "MY SENSORS DETECT TRACES OF ARTRON AND HUON ENERGY," he explained, "ENERGY NOT FOUND NATURALLY ON EARTH, AND BACKGROUND RADIATION UNIQUE TO INDIVIDUALS WHO HAVE TRAVELED IN THE TARDIS."
Jack stared hard at the robot dog.
"Wait," he said. "Your master is the Doctor?!"
"AFFIRMATIVE."
Jack's face split into a huge grin. "Okay," he said. "I trust you too, then, K-9."
He spun around and clapped his hands, grinning at his team. "Right, so the dog is not dangerous, UNIT thinks it is, little girl is looking for it. Let's find this 'Fnoofy' before they do. Tosh, keep an eye on all UNIT communications and CCTV. Ianto, I want you to watch the public, TV, internet, rumors, anything that might be our dog causing trouble. Owen, grab your medkit, if the dog is injured, you're going to need to fix it up - you and Gwen are with me." He smirked back at K-9. "You up for a walk, little dog? We need your nose."
K-9 wagged his tail. "AFFIRMATIVE."
~~
After wandering around the city for hours, Sarah Jane finally managed to convince the kids to take a break for an early dinner. They hadn't had any luck so far - there didn't seem to be any more of Fnoofy's signature markings around, and Mr. Smith had yet to report any more UNIT sightings or possible places Fnoofy could be.
The kids looked downhearted. Clyde was the only one of them actually eating, but he was glaring at the plate like it was the naan's fault they couldn't find the missing dogs. Maria was staring blankly out the window, sucking down her soda. Twil appeared to be separating everything on her plate by color, and Luke was just staring at his plate, pushing his curry around in circles despondently.
Sarah Jane wanted to say something. In her head, she got as far as "Cheer up, kids," and "I'm sure we'll find them eventually," before it started turning into things like "I'm sure UNIT hasn't shot and killed and dissected anybody yet," or "I bet K-9 didn't run out of batteries and get thrown out with the trash," so she wound up just not saying anything, doing her best to make sure everyone ate something and continued to think positively.
The thing was, Sarah Jane thought, K-9 could have called them. He was a smart little robot dog, and he could easily connect to Mr. Smith or even Sarah Jane's own mobile. But the line remained stubbornly silent, and there was no way to do it the other way around and call the dog herself.
She decided to try speaking again.
"Chee-" she said, and everyone looked up at her, and her mobile rang.
Sarah Jane gave up the peptalk mid-syllable, and snatched her phone from her purse.
"Hello?"
"Sarah Jane," Mr. Smith said.
"Mr. Smith!" Sarah Jane said in relief. The kids all perked up visibly. "What's the news?"
"Fnoofy has been located by UNIT," Mr. Smith said. "They are making preparations to transport the animal to the nearest base. They are awaiting backup before taking action."
"Where?" Sarah Jane asked, grabbing her purse and heading to the door with the kids in line behind her, glad that they'd chosen a restaurant where they could pay before sitting down.
"I can direct you," Mr. Smith said, fully aware that Sarah Jane had no idea where anyplace in Cardiff was.
"Thanks," Sarah Jane said. "Have you heard anything from K-9?"
"Not yet," Mr. Smith said, entirely unconcerned.
"He hasn't tried to contact you?"
"I would tell you if he had," the computer said, sounding a little offended.
"Right, sorry," Sarah Jane said as everyone piled into the car. "Safety belts, everybody! All right, Mr. Smith. Direct us."
~~
If anybody thought it was a strange sight, they didn't say anything. Owen seemed utterly unconcerned as he pulled various devices and chemicals and medical equipment out of his bag, cheerfully describing exactly what each one was supposed to do, what it actually did, and the ways in which it had needed to be modified in order to avoid side effects like oozing purple or imploding, depending on what planet the patient was from.
"I'm fairly certain this shouldn't do any harm," the doctor explained to Gwen, holding up a vial full of orange glowing stuff that Gwen thought looked very harmful indeed. "It's used on lots of different planets as a painkiller, for all kinds of species. The Wileips traded the recipe for a plate of biscuits, and it's come in handy quite a bit, though it did turn Tosh blue for about two hours before we got the dosage right."
Jack appeared similarly carefree, striding purposefully a short ways ahead of them, whistling to himself. Just ahead of him, connected by a red dog lead, was K-9, his head to the ground as he rolled along, sensors searching for the blue dog's - Fnoofy's - trail, his metal tail wagging steadily.
Gwen couldn't help glancing around to see if anyone was staring at them, as they rightfully should have been. She thought she had gotten used to doing strange things in public by now - her short time as team leader had put her in public situations at least as bizarre as this one - but the talking metal dog still seemed like a bit much. The few people she noticed who did stop and stare were mostly children who seemed to think K-9 was some sort of neat toy. A couple of adults looked at them strangely, only to roll their eyes and go on their way once they saw Jack. Gwen could practically hear them muttering to themselves, bloody Torchwood.
She sighed and tried to turn her attention back to Owen, who was now showing off some sort of pinkish sparkly liquid, keeping one eye on Jack's coat as it swished around a corner a few meters ahead.
"Gwen! Owen! We got something."
Owen shoved the sparkly stuff back into his bag and they ran to catch up. Jack and K-9 had stopped, and were staring across the street at a restaurant with a broken window. The area was cordoned off by police, and a man was yelling at one of the officers, gesticulating wildly at the broken glass.
"Tosh," Jack said, "Break-in on Brunswick, what do you have?"
"Let me see," Tosh's voice said. "Looks like nothing special. Front window broken, big mess made, some food stolen. The place was closed, no witnesses. Report says it's vandals."
"MY SENSORS INDICATE FNOOFY CONTINUED ACROSS THE STREET TO THE LOCATION OF THE INCIDENT," K-9 said.
"You sure?"
"AFFIRMATIVE."
"All right," Jack said. "Come on then kids, let's go see if we can pick up the trail."
Jack strolled across the street with K-9 following close behind. Gwen paused to placate the officers and assure the angry owner they were just there to investigate as the others ducked under the caution tape and began to fiddle with things.
The owner confirmed what Tosh had already told them, albeit with a lot more yelling and cursing out his employees. After a good 10 minutes of being yelled at, Gwen managed to unload him onto a hapless rookie officer and, relived that it was no longer her job to do that sort of thing, went into the building to find the others.
She found Owen kneeling in the ravaged kitchen, examining the remains of a refrigerator and munching on a roll of salami.
"I think this place is in bad enough form without you stealing food, too."
Owen glanced up at her. "He can't sell this, it's a health risk," he said, and took another bite off the top.
Gwen rolled her eyes and grabbed it from him. "So what do you think?"
"Looks to me like Fnoofy was just hungry. Smelled something good, came in, wrecked the place, ate stuff. We found some bloodstains on the walls, but not all that much, so I think the bullet wound's probably pretty superficial, though we should really get to it as soon as possible before it gets infected." He stood up and looked at Gwen with a raised eyebrow. "Why do you get to eat that and I don't?"
Gwen took one last vindictive bite of the salami and handed it back to him. "Oh shut up, I didn't have lunch either, you know."
"Yeah, but you get to go home and have your boytoy make you filet mignon or lasagna or pancakes. I have to go home and eat frozen pizza."
"We're having casserole," Gwen corrected him as they headed out the unhinged back door. "There's nothing stopping you from cooking nice things too, you know."
"What, exhaustion from chasing alien dogs all over the city isn't a good enough reason?"
Behind the restaurant, Jack was watching K-9 roll around between the rubbish bins, examining the ground in his search for Fnoofy's trail.
"Any luck?" Gwen asked.
"FNOOFY DEPARTED THIS AREA APPROXIMATELY TWO HOURS AGO IN A NORTHEASTERLY DIRECTION."
"We're catching up," Jack said, "I guess."
"We're going to be out all night at this rate," Owen whined. "Gwen, tell Rhys I'm coming home with you to steal your casserole."
"You keep away from my dinner, you parasite."
"Stop fighting, kids, the sooner we get this over with the sooner you can go home," Jack said, pushing past them to pick up K-9's leash. "If we don't find him after another couple hours we can stop for pizza or something."
"I'm actually getting sick of pizza," Owen said, "and I didn't think that was possible."
They were interrupted by Tosh's voice in their ears. "Guys, I've got a UNIT report coming in."
"What is it?" Jack said, immediately dropping the subject of dinner and going back into business mode.
"UNIT's got Fnoofy cornered in an empty office building. They've secured all the exits, but are waiting for backup before they go in."
"Tosh, you and Ianto get the SUV and come pick us up, quickly. Let's see if we can finish this up before midnight, hopefully without getting anyone's pets put down."
"Yes sir," said Ianto's voice. "We're already on our way."
"We'll meet you out front," Jack said, gesturing to Gwen and Owen. "Let's go!"
~~
They were almost ready to go in. One team was already inside, keeping tabs on the animal's movements and making sure it didn't get back out. The other two had just finished their equipment checks and were just about to move into position at the building's two entrances. Each team was equipped with a high-powered rifle in addition to their tranq guns, which were really just being taken out of protocol.
But then a call came in from the back entrance.
"Sir," the soldier on the line said, "We found a woman trying to get in. She insists she has a right to be here."
"Well who the hell is she?"
"Seems to be a journalist, sir."
"Send her away," the officer said, immediately dismissing the problem. "No press. Not even a cover story if we can get away with it."
There was a pause as the soldier attempted to send away the woman. To the officer's surprise, there was suddenly a lot of shouting nearby where he was standing. A short, middle aged woman in black jeans and a collared shirt pushed past all of the surprised guards, ducking under the caution tape and stalking straight up to him.
"Miss, you aren't allowed back here."
"Oh, I'm not, am I?" the woman said. "I think you'll find that I am, actually."
"Look, just who the hell are you?"
"My name is Sarah Jane Smith."
Oh no, the officer thought, recognizing the name. Officially, Miss Smith had no authority with UNIT, and was to be treated just like any other civilian. Unofficially, he knew he would be in big trouble with his superiors for sending her away and not listening to her argument. 'Companion's Privilege' was the unofficial name for it, and it came up unpleasantly often, though he never thought he would have to deal with it himself.
"Miss Smith, I fully understand that you are something of an expert in these matters, but I can assure you, we have everything under control - "
"Oh do you? I suppose 'under control' to you means shooting a harmless animal that hasn't done anything to hurt you?"
Oh god she's a hippie, the officer thought unkindly. Just like that awful situation in Australia last year with Jovanka.
"I can assure you that all efforts are being made to ensure that nobody is harmed, and force is only being used if absolutely necessary."
Miss Smith's face quite clearly said that's bullshit and you know it. He did his best not to fidget under her gaze.
"You listen to me, I've been following… the creature since I discovered its crash site, and I know how to handle it without anyone getting hurt."
"Miss Smith, I can't just let you - "
"You can and you will."
"Listen, this is a UNIT operation, I cannot let a civilian - even you, Miss Smith - be put into any kind of dangerous situation."
"You can let me decide what's dangerous."
"Please, let us take care of this," the officer said, wincing as he realized he was coming off like he was begging. "We have a team of highly trained experts - "
"Experts? I've been dealing with alien visitors since your team was in diapers, by myself, and without the use of weapons."
The officer was extremely relieved when another soldier came running up from the direction of the front entrance.
"Sir," he said, saluting. "We have a situation at the front, we need your assistance at once."
"Right," the officer said. He turned to the nearest group of soldiers. "You there, make sure Miss Smith remains out here."
He marched quickly off with the messenger to the sounds of Miss Smith berating the group and demanding to be let into the building immediately. He sighed in relief.
"Good timing, soldier. What's the problem at the front?"
"Captain Harkness of Torchwood is demanding entrance and saying we have no jurisdiction in Cardiff without his permission and that we have to leave."
"Oh bloody hell," the officer said, feeling rather as if he'd just been ordered to carry an elephant on his back through a desert full of Daleks.
As he slumped along behind the messenger towards the commotion at the front, the back entrance team found itself having to physically barricade Miss Smith from the door as they pleaded with her. Nobody noticed the four teenagers opening a locked window with the use of a glowing lipstick, and they climbed inside unimpeded.
~~
"All right," Gwen said, peering carefully around the corner. "Let's go!"
She ran ahead, carefully avoiding the UNIT soldiers as they ran up to see what all the yelling was about. Jack was expertly barraging the commanding officer with criticisms and demands about protocol that were probably absolute nonsense. The poor fellow looked absolutely exhausted, staring blankly at Jack as if he'd suddenly sprouted a unicorn horn from his forehead.
"They're never going to let us in without accompanying us," Jack had said. "And we can't have them getting their hands on K-9, of course, so while I distract them, you all sneak in and get Fnoofy out of there."
"How exactly are we supposed to sneak a giant electric blue dog out of a building with guarded exits full of people specifically looking out for it?" Ianto pointed out.
Jack shrugged.
The first step had been easy enough, though. All four of them, along with K-9, had made it in unnoticed. Now the question was simply finding Fnoofy. And getting him medical attention. And getting him out of the building. Without being caught by UNIT.
Gwen gestured for Toshiko to go ahead of her. She hurried ahead and placed K-9 down to sniff the way ahead. They went silently down the darkened hallways; the little tin dog leading the way, followed by Tosh with her sensors, Gwen, resisting the urge to pull out her pistol, Owen, idly fiddling with his syringe again, and Ianto trailing behind, keeping a lookout for anyone following them.
K-9 led them to a stairwell. Gwen was rather gratified to finally get to see the dog's hover mode, as she had been worried she'd have had to carry him again. After four flights, she rather wished he could have carried her, or at least found the lift.
"CAUTION," K-9 said, stopping at the door. "MY SENSORS INDICATE HUMAN LIFESIGNS BEYOND THIS POINT."
"Is there another way around?" Toshiko asked.
"I don't think so," Ianto murmured. "We'd have to go back down and around, and we'd just have the same problem on the other side."
"So we need a distraction," Owen said, peering out the little window to get a glimpse of the UNIT soldiers. "Any volunteers?"
"Why don't you go?" Ianto said.
"Because I'm the one with the medkit. Unless you'd like to pull bullets out of an angry spacedog? I'll gladly trade."
"Do you think one of those offices has a cup of pens or something?" Gwen asked suddenly.
"Probably," Ianto said. "Why?"
"Wait here," Gwen said and ducked down to pick up K-9. "Tell me when they're not looking, then open the door for me."
Owen looked out the window again, his hand on the door handle.
"…Now!"
He pulled the door open and Gwen slipped through, hurrying down the hall away from the soldiers. He and Ianto closed the door as quietly as possible, listening with bated breath as Gwen's footsteps, muffled by the carpeting, faded.
There was a loud slam from down the hall as she ran into an empty meeting room.
"What was that?" said one of the soldiers, whipping around. The other two immediately turned and ran down the hall towards the sound.
Just before they reached the stairwell, there was a small flash of red light and a loud VOOP! from the other side of the hall.
"What the hell?!"
All three soldiers turned and ran towards the source of the strange sound. Owen grinned and pulled the door open.
"Fetch!" he said, and ran ahead to peer around the corner. Ianto and Tosh followed behind, just as there was another loud VOOP! from down the hall.
"You think Fnoofy's in there?" Toshiko whispered, nodding at the door the UNIT soldiers had been lingering in front of.
"Probably," Ianto said. "'Conference Room 1,' it says, probably plenty of room for a giant dog."
"Only one way to find out," Owen said, shrugging his bag into a more comfortable position.
Taking one last look down the hall, the three of them ran ahead and through the door.
Conference Room 1 was a disaster area. It was a very large meeting room, with space for two long tables to run through the middle of it. Both tables were in pieces, scattered all over the room. A large number of chairs in various states of obliteration were also littered about the area, along with what might have been a projector before it had been chewed on.
Huddled in the far end of the room, in front of the shredded projector screen, was Fnoofy. When Ianto shut the door behind him, the Takaran pet scrambled to his feet, a growl low in his throat as he turned his large, red, pupilless eyes towards the trio. The smaller pair of red eyes resting on the creature's brow narrowed, and as he snarled, his fur bristled, the dark blue spines on his back rose, and his long tail lashed behind him, knocking the destroyed screen off the wall.
His fangs bared, claws out in front of him, Fnoofy stood on all four giant paws, and, even hunkered down and glaring, his back scraped the ceiling, the spines sending a light fixture crashing to the floor.
Ianto swallowed. "I don't think it's fluffing itself up," he said.
Toshiko unconsciously took a step back and shrunk down behind him. "The UNIT report said it gets bigger when it's threatened."
"He's favoring his right side," Owen said, squinting as Fnoofy took a cautious step over the trampled laptops towards them. "Must be where they shot him, doesn't look too bad though."
He took a step to the side, pulling Toshiko behind him and giving Ianto a light nudge in the other direction. "Try and keep him occupied, I need to get around him to see the wound."
Ianto gave him a quick glance of have you lost your mind?!, but carefully made his way around the broken table.
"Here boy," he said quietly, and Fnoofy's giant head swung around to stare at him with all four eyes. "Good dog, nice Fnoofy. Who's a good boy?"
Owen and Toshiko moved slowly around the other side of the room, keeping their eyes on Fnoofy as he turned, following Ianto's movements with his big blue head as he whistled and coaxed the dog's attention away from the pair. They climbed carefully over the ruins of the other table, and Owen nudged Toshiko to move closer to Fnoofy's head.
"I'm going to hit him with a tranquilizer," he whispered. "It should take only a second to kick in, but I need you two to hold him down if he freaks out."
"Right," Tosh whispered back, trying to breathe normally.
Ianto kept one eye on Fnoofy as Owen carefully slung his bag around and unzipped it. He took a cautious step forwards, raising his hands and still cooing to the dog as he advanced.
"Niiice doggy," he murmured, and his eyes flicked from Fnoofy's confused but still nervously growling face to Owen loading a large syringe with alien tranquilizer. He glanced at Toshiko, who glanced back and nodded that she was ready. Back to Fnoofy, whose tongue lolled out of the side of his mouth as it opened slightly. Owen, peering briefly over the dog's shoulder, steadied himself, and nodded back at Ianto as well.
"Now!" he said, and they all stepped forwards.
~~
Luke led the way, and all four children walked quickly through the darkened hallways, opening every door they passed to check for any sign of Fnoofy.
"No," Clyde said, slamming another door. "No. No. Nooo."
He shut the last door in the hall and turned to glare back at Luke. "We're never going to find him this way. Sarah Jane can't distract those UNIT blokes forever! We're only on the second floor!"
"Do you have a better idea, then?" Maria snapped. "Come on, let's go on up then. We’re bound to find Fnoofy eventu-"
She cut herself off as footsteps echoed through the hall from the stairwell. Eyes wide, she grabbed Twil's arm and pulled her through the nearest door. Luke grabbed Clyde and followed, only to be yanked backwards.
"Are you crazy? That's the ladies' room!"
Luke barely spared the blue sign on the door a glance before forcing Clyde through.
The hallway was silent for a moment, and then the stairway door burst open with a bang.
"Quick, in here," came a woman's voice with a strong Welsh accent. "Hurry!"
Another door shut, and everything went quiet again.
The kids pressed against the door, listening.
What was that? Maria mouthed.
No idea, Clyde mouthed back.
They cautiously pressed the door open to peek out.
The stairway door opened again. Three men in UNIT uniforms ran out, guns at the ready. The kids shrunk back, just barely keeping the door open a crack.
"Where did it go?" one of the soldiers said, whipping around.
"Check the rooms," another one answered. "It must be here somewhere."
All three soldiers began opening doors at random, advancing down the corridor. The kids held their breath as they got closer.
They won't come in here, will they?
Maria stared at Clyde like he was crazy. They're soldiers, they won't stop just because it's the girls' room!
They both stopped as Luke nudged them, gesturing to look down the hall. Behind the soldiers' backs, a door right beside the stair opened up a crack, and a small metal dog came rolling out.
Maria heard Luke stifle himself from calling to K-9 right then and there. They watched silently as the door opened further, and a woman dressed all in black carefully stepped out behind K-9. She glanced back at the soldiers, then gestured for K-9 to go back into the stairwell. She held the door open as he rolled in, but they both paused in the doorway, and she reached into her jacket to pull out a pencil.
The woman grinned and tossed the pencil so it hit the ceiling just behind the soldiers, and K-9 vaporized it with a VOOP! The soldiers whipped around, but their guns were left pointing at a small pile of ashes and a closed door.
"Goddammit!" one of the soldiers said. "We're being toyed with!"
Nonetheless, all three turned heel and ran back towards the stairs after K-9 and the woman.
Their footsteps faded away down the stairs, and the kids relaxed.
"Who was that woman?" Luke asked, stepping out of the restroom and staring back the closed stairway door. "What was she doing with K-9?"
"I don't know," Maria said. "What on earth were they doing?"
"Do we go after them?" Clyde said uncertainly.
"Wh- what about Fnoofy?" Twil asked, stepping nervously out.
Luke stared at the stairway door. "I think… I don't think K-9's in any danger. He looked alright with that woman. And that looked like some sort of distraction to me." He looked up at the ceiling. "They came from upstairs. We should probably go up there."
He glanced back at Clyde and Maria for confirmation. They nodded, and the four of them headed back to the stairs.
There was a loud thump and a small yelping sound from above them, and they all stopped on the steps to look up.
"Fnoofy!" Twil cried, and bounded up ahead of the humans to the fifth floor. They followed close behind as she sprinted down the hall, glancing back and forth at the many rooms.
"Where is he?!" she asked, grasping her hoodie's drawstrings again and pulling frantically.
"Calm down, Twil!" Maria said, grabbing her hands. "I'm sure Fnoofy's fine, just calm dow-"
There was another thump from down the hall, followed by muffled shouting. Twil whipped around and ran towards the sound, yanking the door open despite her companions' protests.
The four of them stumbled into a wrecked room, filled with rubble and overturned chairs. In the corner of the room, a man and a small Asian woman were pinning Fnoofy's muzzle to the ground, throwing their whole weights into the effort as the dog struggled weakly. A second man was leaning on Fnoofy's shoulder, his arms covered with blood, and a large syringe in his hand.
"FNOOFY!" Twil screamed, leaping over the ruined furniture. "Let go of him! Let go of my dog! Fnoofy!"
The two holding Fnoofy down jumped at Twil's sudden outburst, and the dog immediately reared up, knocking the bloody man to the side.
"Damn it!" he shouted. "Hold him down, hold him down!"
"I'm trying!" shouted the other man, clinging to Fnoofy's nose as he whimpered and shook his head.
"Let go of my dog!" Twil shouted again. Clyde and Maria lunged forwards to grab her, getting a hold of her hoodie. "Let go of me, they're hurting him!" she cried, shaking her head and knocking her hood off. Her big green eyes welled up with tears as she struggled.
"We are not!" the man snarled, grabbing Fnoofy's shoulder again and yanking him down. "I'm trying to get these fu- these stupid bullets out of his shoulder! You're his owner?"
Twil nodded dumbly.
"Then get over here and calm this beast down so I can finish!"
Twil hesitated, but stepped cautiously forwards. She glanced at the adults awkwardly, but she hurried over to Fnoofy and pulled his head back down.
"It's alright, Fnoofy," she murmured, stroking his nose. He whimpered and looked at her sadly with his four eyes. "It's okay, good Fnoofy."
The man tugged at Fnoofy's matted fur, pushing it aside to get at the bullet wound. "Thank you," he said. "Tosh, there's a flashlight in my bag, grab it and point it where I'm working." He glanced back up at the kids briefly, holding up the syringe. "This is a painkiller, I'm injecting it so that I can get the bullets out without him rearing up again and crushing all of us. It's not going to hurt him, got it?"
Twil nodded, and he shoved the needle into Fnoofy's flesh. The dog twitched, but Twil and the other man held him down. The other children ran forwards to help, petting his fur and murmuring to calm him.
The doctor gestured for the woman to take the syringe, then for her to step forwards and shine the light at a different angle, straight into the large hole in Fnoofy's shoulder.
"He wasn't nearly this big before," Clyde said.
"He gets big when he's scared," Twil said. "I've been training him to do it on command but he's still just a puppy."
"Can you make him small again?" Maria asked, petting Fnoofy's fur down.
Twil nodded, but the doctor, digging carefully in the wound with very long tweezers, snapped at them. "Don't you dare, this has been irritated enough. If he gets any smaller, those bullets aren't going anywhere. As it is, I can get them out, but if he's small, they're bound to get embedded in the muscle and he'll need real surgery."
Twil squeaked nervously. The doctor gave her what might have been a reassuring glance, then looked back to the wound, pulling out the first bullet and dropping it in his disgusted assistant's hand. "Almost done."
Fnoofy had mostly settled down by the time he got the second bullet, lying on his stomach with his head down and waving his tail miserably. The doctor stepped back and examined the wound from a distance, frowning.
"Right," he said. "You're not gonna get him out easily if he stays like this. You try and get him to do his shrinking trick, but stop if I tell you to, alright sweetheart?"
Twil nodded, and turned to Fnoofy. She scratched his head and murmured something softly to him.
Fnoofy struggled to his feet, shaking himself as if he were wet. The dog tensed up, and, with what looked like quite an effort and a lot of concentration, his spines flattened against his back, his tail tucked under, and his body began to shrink.
The doctor frowned at the creaking and popping sounds that seemed to be Fnoofy's bones rearranging themselves, but he kept his eyes on the wound and didn't say anything.
When Fnoofy was down to the size of a small retriever, he shook himself again and trotted over to Twil happily, his spines fluffing up again and his tongue lolling out the side of his mouth. Twil smiled and pulled him into her arms, burying her face in his fur.
"Hold it," the doctor said. "I still have to close and disinfect the wound."
Twil held Fnoofy out obediently. The kids watched as the man applied some sort of balm to the wound. Their eyes went wide as the woman handed him a strange device, and as he pointed it at Fnoofy's flesh, it closed with only a small patch of furlessness to show there had ever been a cut.
"Right," he said, straightening out. "That should do it."
"Thank you," Twil said, hugging Fnoofy to herself.
"Yeah, thanks," Clyde said. "Who are you?"
The three adults, gathering up their equipment, paused, and stared at the kids.
"We're, um," said the woman.
"Animal Control," said the other man, his face absolutely straight.
"Yeah," the doctor agreed, though he sounded a little off. "You… you should keep your dog on a leash. You could get a fine if we catch him again."
The woman nodded in agreement.
Luke frowned, Maria suppressed a giggle, and Clyde raised a skeptical eyebrow.
"Animal Control."
"That's right."
The two groups stared at each other without saying anything, an unspoken agreement of I won't say anything if you don't.
The silence was broken by the door opening. They all whipped around, the adults reaching for their jackets and belts for weapons that Animal Control probably wouldn't have, but it was just the woman in black, striding in cheerfully with K-9 in her wake.
"All done then?" she asked. "Coast's all clear, I've got the UNIT blokes guarding a mouse hole down in the basement."
"GOOD EVENING, MASTER LUKE," K-9 said, rolling forwards and wagging his tail. "GOOD EVENING, CLYDE, MARIA."
"K-9!" Clyde said, and stepped forwards to meet him only to be pushed aside by Luke.
"We looked everywhere for you!" Luke said, bending down and patting K-9 on the head. "Where have you been?"
"APOLOGIES, MASTER LUKE."
"You should keep that one on a leash too," the doctor said, walking ahead to meet the woman. He shoved his bag into her arms and turned back to the kids. "And take him for more walks, he's obviously been deprived of a healthy amount of exercise, it's not good for dogs. See ya 'round, K-9. Let's get out of here, I'm starving."
"GOOD BYE, OWEN."
"Bye bye, K-9," the Asian woman said, following the doctor out but pausing to pat K-9 on the head. "Good dog."
"AFFIRMATIVE, MISS TOSHIKO. GOOD BYE. GOOD BYE MISS GWEN, IANTO."
The last two smiled back at the kids, then jogged out the door after their teammates.
The kids stared after them at the closed door.
"No way that was Animal Control," Clyde said.
Maria snorted. "No kidding," she said.
"I wonder if they get paid to do that. Can you imagine getting paid to do the stuff we do?"
"It's enough just to help the aliens we meet."
"You're such a goody-goody, Luke. You gotta look to the future, figure out how to make some cash from all this."
The kids stopped their bickering when the door opened again suddenly.
"By the way, you might want to put your hood back up before you go out," the Welsh woman said. "And hide the dogs, UNIT's still outside, you know."
Twil squeaked again, her antennae perking up from under her short black hair in surprise. She immediately tugged her hood back in place, blushing purple under her scales. The woman grinned and shut the door behind her as she jogged to catch up with her team.
"Definitely not Animal Control," Clyde repeated.
~~
Jack was really beginning to have trouble thinking of any more excuses why UNIT had to let him in without an escort. It was particularly difficult, because the officer had, in fact, already yielded to all his demands. Jack was trying his best to think of more outrageous demands, but the look on the poor man's face made him feel more like giving him a big hug, or possibly bursting out laughing.
He was considering shouting at the officer to get him a pizza or a coffee just for the hell of it, when Owen and Toshiko strolled casually out of the building.
"'Scuse me, mate," the doctor said, walking past the UNIT soldiers guarding the door. Ianto and Gwen followed shortly after, arms linked as had become their habit lately, Owen's bag slung over Gwen's shoulder.
Jack pushed past the sputtering officer to meet his team. "All done?"
"Taken care of," said Owen.
"Okay then." Jack turned to the officer and shook his hand firmly. "Thanks for your cooperation. Hope to work with you again soon."
"Right," said the officer, obviously desperate to just be left alone by all these crazy people and go home.
Gwen stifled a laugh at Jack's obvious wink, and the five of them turned back towards the SUV. Jack was saying something about looking forwards to getting a full night's sleep for once, though his shared glance with Ianto implied that he probably wouldn't be anyway, and Owen seemed to be promising Tosh a taste of his casserole that he was going to steal from Gwen, but her attention turned to a little green car parked a little ways down the road.
The little Takaran girl, her hood safely back on her head, helped what appeared to be a small black jacket with blue paws climb into the back seat. The human girl and one of the boys seemed to be helping K-9 into the boot, but the tall boy was talking to a short woman and gesturing in the general direction of the Torchwood team.
Ianto, still holding Gwen's arm, came to a stop as she did. The rest of the team paused as well, seeing them halt, and glanced curiously over at what had caught their attention.
Sarah Jane looked up as Luke pointed. She turned back quickly, giving her son a light push on the shoulder, and walked around the car to the driver's seat as the kids loaded in.
Jack managed to catch her eye just before she got in, and flashed her a quick salute. Sarah Jane gave him a small smile in return, and nodded to the rest of the team before climbing in.
Jack laughed to himself a little, then tugged open the door to the SUV. The rest of the team followed, and the two cars drove away, leaving behind the UNIT soldiers and an empty office.