(no subject)
yoakemae mentioned wanting to see my tattoos, and then I thought it'd be nice for myself to have them all in one post. This post is extremely long and tediously boring, though I think sometimes that can't be helped with tattoo posts. They're personal, and often for a multitude of reasons.. Or in my case, they're personal and I can just ramble on and go off on tangents. I have five, so all five long and boring stories are with them :B
So, I got my first tattoo September 2010, and it's Natsu's clover.
I was really scared about getting a tattoo, and especially getting one in a prominent place. I'd changed a lot as a person by this point, but I wasn't sure if I'd changed enough to be confident of doing this. Infact this (like most of my tattoos) was spawned from an off comment I made one day that just fixed itself in my mind. Changing made me able to let things go, because inside I'd always carry them with me. I didn't want this to symbolize my current and eternal love and dedication for Jin, I wanted it because I was ready to let go. I couldn't see any way of me continuing to be a fan when his career was headed in the direction it was. I was going to leave the fandom, and have this to remember him and all of the people and experiences and the fact I'm still alive and it's his damned stupid fault by. Haven't yet, but that was the theory behind it ;P The guy that later pierced my lip was my artist for this, and he's a really sweet guy. I balanced a reference of Natsu on my stomach while he worked, and we ended up talking about Jin and his career, but somehow ended up talking about Dir en grey. I nearly tipped the bench over when I stood up from having it done, thus proving tattoos don't = instant cool.
The second tattoo came 8 months later. Through it, the most wonderful thing happened - I found Stacey, who was an old college friend. She works as a tattoo artist in a small shop that's local to me, and this chance meeting has changed my life <3 Through planning, tattoos, and me just hanging around the shop to keep her company, for the first time in years I have a friend. I seriously can't imagine the past five months without this girl. Oh but anyway. I'd wanted a Dir en grey tattoo for years (I've been a fan for 10, it seemed about time), but never been sure of what to have. The tour we followed in October was a really good one, and after a rather disastrous final night and a lot of emotions surfacing that I didn't even know I possessed, I was determined to get one before the next tour. It sums up everything about Dir en grey and my experience of being a fan - it's all about the shows, connecting with them and the people around you, giving everything you've got. Your own emotions and those of the people around you are so incredibly overwhelming, it's a bizarre experience. I will never forget that final night (although so many have been similar to it); everyone went crazy, and by the end the front few rows was just a mess of people screaming and crying and attacking eachother, which may sound.. not nice, but we all understood, and we all gave as good as we got. A previous night on the tour Kyo had lost his voice, and for the first time in over a year he hurt himself. He was so frustrated when he just couldn't sing anymore that he screamed in silence and cut himself up right there and then, and though these lyrics may be a blatantly harsh comparison, that tour put together to me exactly what Dir en grey as a band and a lifestyle could be conveyed as.
Until our voices go out, at last.
Let's sing until our voices go out.
Possibly the weirdest sounding part of the whole thing is that this is almost a dedication to a girl who's face I never saw. Back in 2005 things were very different. I had problems, but not to the extent they grew to later on, and I didn't really know many other people that had problems, either. I enjoyed shows, but the band were tamer and I didn't look for any emotional release in what they were doing. My favourite song at the time, Kodou, was one of the few songs that people sung along to. The girl standing behind me started to cry the moment it started, and she was sobbing so loudly it was quite clear over the music. When it reached the chorus for the second time her legs gave in. She grabbed the back of my shirt to keep herself on her feet, and she screamed the chorus like she was dying. She just screamed and screamed the lyrics until she lost her voice, then she sobbed against my back til long after it had finished, and the emotional impact that had on me has never ever left and probably never will.
As for the actual tattoo, I wanted it small :D; It was going to be two small lines of text above my inner elbow, but Stacey refused on the grounds that it'd blur within months. She said it'd have to be at least the size I have it, and at the time I was so fixed on having it done, I just pulled the flower from an Audrey Kawasaki piece and made up my mind to get it done there. It's embarrassing when we're in Japan, but otherwise I like seeing it all the time and haven't regretted having it there :3
The third one was only a month later, and it'd be this K-T one right here.
In a way I feel that getting a tattoo is a cheap way of expressing love and dedication, compared to.. say, writing a small novel as to why I'm a fan, or doing some huge project. But again, I want to carry them for life. I found K-T in 2006, and they've been changing my life from the day I saw them. My entire life changed course because of them; I literally have no idea who I'd be or what the past years would have been like if it weren't for them. There are people, things and experiences that I couldn't live without, and I'd never have had any of them without these boys. And why I ended up with the crown I'll C&P from my original post when it was done: I chose this because, of the times I've seen them (although it was Jinless), this was the best for me. I went to the last three shows of the tour before it branched out into Asia, and it was the best few hours of my life. Any amount of time I've spent in the same place as them has of course been wonderful, but those were so memorable. Maybe it was the situation, I don't know~ it felt different, like a feeling that might not ever come around again. Seeing them then confirmed to me I'd never regret dedicating my life to them ♥
The fourth was less than a month after the third.
I had this done for the first anniversary of Daisuke's death. Daisuke was the vocalist of Kagerou and The Studs. Again, C&Ping my original post:
I've been a fan for eight years, and spent every day of their tours over that time terrified that something would happen to him due to his heart problem, so I guess it's ironic that he's one of the few to die so young and it was allegedly nothing to do with that.
It was their music that got me through college, and I have so many memories attached to it. They never really hit it big like other bands at the time like Gazette, Mucc and D'espairsray did, but his voice is so unique and their songs were so wonderfully varied. Back in the day (2005) I only had a CD walkman, and it was always one of their albums in it. I named two of my BJD after him - my twins Daisuke (obviously) and May (after Kagerou, 'Mayfly'), and he and the band were my everything for a good long while.
I ended up going with two song titles; Ochiba to kimi to boku to because it was the song I listened to the most of all of theirs, the one with the most memories - I still can't listen to this without immediately remembering the horrible smell of turpentine that was always in our classroom. Zetsubou ni SAYONARA for the lyrics (Goodbye to Despair sounds somewhat promising, no?) I was only planning to get Ochiba, but when I checked the lyric book to make sure I'd got the kanji right, I found that the two songs were next to eachother. It seemed right, so here we have two.
A~nd the fifth and as of yet final. This guy was started in September and took until mid-October to finish.
I actually don't have much to say about it xD I wanted something not related to fandom, though it's a piece by Takato Yamamoto, who designed the cover for a Dir en grey CD.. If anything it's a nod to both art and guro, as he's a very prominent artist in the guro scene. I wanted the skull to give me courage - skulls are scary, but I know it's friendly. The process of having this done was amazing. It hurt like a bitch, but I had so much fun up at the shop with Stacey and Nathan, it's seriously the most fun I've had with people since school, and I wouldn't take back that time for the world.
And so thus ends the tour of my inky self :D I'll give it a break for now, but I'll definitely be getting more (having a tattoo artist for a friend is pretty lethal lol She's always willing to get started on something the moment you suggest it). I'd like to make the skull side a full sleeve, but that ought to wait a while I suppose. It's not going to be before the year is out, but next up will definitely be something Kame related. I keep saying this, but I mean it this time. I am incredibly tempted to get 1582, but I'm not too sure for a few reasons.. and it'll mess up my clover. I want my clover to resemble Natsu's still, but Kame's going nowhere on me if not right beside Jin.
So, I got my first tattoo September 2010, and it's Natsu's clover.
I was really scared about getting a tattoo, and especially getting one in a prominent place. I'd changed a lot as a person by this point, but I wasn't sure if I'd changed enough to be confident of doing this. Infact this (like most of my tattoos) was spawned from an off comment I made one day that just fixed itself in my mind. Changing made me able to let things go, because inside I'd always carry them with me. I didn't want this to symbolize my current and eternal love and dedication for Jin, I wanted it because I was ready to let go. I couldn't see any way of me continuing to be a fan when his career was headed in the direction it was. I was going to leave the fandom, and have this to remember him and all of the people and experiences and the fact I'm still alive and it's his damned stupid fault by. Haven't yet, but that was the theory behind it ;P The guy that later pierced my lip was my artist for this, and he's a really sweet guy. I balanced a reference of Natsu on my stomach while he worked, and we ended up talking about Jin and his career, but somehow ended up talking about Dir en grey. I nearly tipped the bench over when I stood up from having it done, thus proving tattoos don't = instant cool.
The second tattoo came 8 months later. Through it, the most wonderful thing happened - I found Stacey, who was an old college friend. She works as a tattoo artist in a small shop that's local to me, and this chance meeting has changed my life <3 Through planning, tattoos, and me just hanging around the shop to keep her company, for the first time in years I have a friend. I seriously can't imagine the past five months without this girl. Oh but anyway. I'd wanted a Dir en grey tattoo for years (I've been a fan for 10, it seemed about time), but never been sure of what to have. The tour we followed in October was a really good one, and after a rather disastrous final night and a lot of emotions surfacing that I didn't even know I possessed, I was determined to get one before the next tour. It sums up everything about Dir en grey and my experience of being a fan - it's all about the shows, connecting with them and the people around you, giving everything you've got. Your own emotions and those of the people around you are so incredibly overwhelming, it's a bizarre experience. I will never forget that final night (although so many have been similar to it); everyone went crazy, and by the end the front few rows was just a mess of people screaming and crying and attacking eachother, which may sound.. not nice, but we all understood, and we all gave as good as we got. A previous night on the tour Kyo had lost his voice, and for the first time in over a year he hurt himself. He was so frustrated when he just couldn't sing anymore that he screamed in silence and cut himself up right there and then, and though these lyrics may be a blatantly harsh comparison, that tour put together to me exactly what Dir en grey as a band and a lifestyle could be conveyed as.
Until our voices go out, at last.
Let's sing until our voices go out.
Possibly the weirdest sounding part of the whole thing is that this is almost a dedication to a girl who's face I never saw. Back in 2005 things were very different. I had problems, but not to the extent they grew to later on, and I didn't really know many other people that had problems, either. I enjoyed shows, but the band were tamer and I didn't look for any emotional release in what they were doing. My favourite song at the time, Kodou, was one of the few songs that people sung along to. The girl standing behind me started to cry the moment it started, and she was sobbing so loudly it was quite clear over the music. When it reached the chorus for the second time her legs gave in. She grabbed the back of my shirt to keep herself on her feet, and she screamed the chorus like she was dying. She just screamed and screamed the lyrics until she lost her voice, then she sobbed against my back til long after it had finished, and the emotional impact that had on me has never ever left and probably never will.
As for the actual tattoo, I wanted it small :D; It was going to be two small lines of text above my inner elbow, but Stacey refused on the grounds that it'd blur within months. She said it'd have to be at least the size I have it, and at the time I was so fixed on having it done, I just pulled the flower from an Audrey Kawasaki piece and made up my mind to get it done there. It's embarrassing when we're in Japan, but otherwise I like seeing it all the time and haven't regretted having it there :3
The third one was only a month later, and it'd be this K-T one right here.
In a way I feel that getting a tattoo is a cheap way of expressing love and dedication, compared to.. say, writing a small novel as to why I'm a fan, or doing some huge project. But again, I want to carry them for life. I found K-T in 2006, and they've been changing my life from the day I saw them. My entire life changed course because of them; I literally have no idea who I'd be or what the past years would have been like if it weren't for them. There are people, things and experiences that I couldn't live without, and I'd never have had any of them without these boys. And why I ended up with the crown I'll C&P from my original post when it was done: I chose this because, of the times I've seen them (although it was Jinless), this was the best for me. I went to the last three shows of the tour before it branched out into Asia, and it was the best few hours of my life. Any amount of time I've spent in the same place as them has of course been wonderful, but those were so memorable. Maybe it was the situation, I don't know~ it felt different, like a feeling that might not ever come around again. Seeing them then confirmed to me I'd never regret dedicating my life to them ♥
The fourth was less than a month after the third.
I had this done for the first anniversary of Daisuke's death. Daisuke was the vocalist of Kagerou and The Studs. Again, C&Ping my original post:
I've been a fan for eight years, and spent every day of their tours over that time terrified that something would happen to him due to his heart problem, so I guess it's ironic that he's one of the few to die so young and it was allegedly nothing to do with that.
It was their music that got me through college, and I have so many memories attached to it. They never really hit it big like other bands at the time like Gazette, Mucc and D'espairsray did, but his voice is so unique and their songs were so wonderfully varied. Back in the day (2005) I only had a CD walkman, and it was always one of their albums in it. I named two of my BJD after him - my twins Daisuke (obviously) and May (after Kagerou, 'Mayfly'), and he and the band were my everything for a good long while.
I ended up going with two song titles; Ochiba to kimi to boku to because it was the song I listened to the most of all of theirs, the one with the most memories - I still can't listen to this without immediately remembering the horrible smell of turpentine that was always in our classroom. Zetsubou ni SAYONARA for the lyrics (Goodbye to Despair sounds somewhat promising, no?) I was only planning to get Ochiba, but when I checked the lyric book to make sure I'd got the kanji right, I found that the two songs were next to eachother. It seemed right, so here we have two.
A~nd the fifth and as of yet final. This guy was started in September and took until mid-October to finish.
I actually don't have much to say about it xD I wanted something not related to fandom, though it's a piece by Takato Yamamoto, who designed the cover for a Dir en grey CD.. If anything it's a nod to both art and guro, as he's a very prominent artist in the guro scene. I wanted the skull to give me courage - skulls are scary, but I know it's friendly. The process of having this done was amazing. It hurt like a bitch, but I had so much fun up at the shop with Stacey and Nathan, it's seriously the most fun I've had with people since school, and I wouldn't take back that time for the world.
And so thus ends the tour of my inky self :D I'll give it a break for now, but I'll definitely be getting more (having a tattoo artist for a friend is pretty lethal lol She's always willing to get started on something the moment you suggest it). I'd like to make the skull side a full sleeve, but that ought to wait a while I suppose. It's not going to be before the year is out, but next up will definitely be something Kame related. I keep saying this, but I mean it this time. I am incredibly tempted to get 1582, but I'm not too sure for a few reasons.. and it'll mess up my clover. I want my clover to resemble Natsu's still, but Kame's going nowhere on me if not right beside Jin.