From the back pages of The Daily Prophet...
He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named...Harlequin Baby?!
Upon investigation, it is strongly suspected that You-Know-Who is in fact a sufferer of the rare Harlequin Syndrome, most commonly known as a congenital birth disorder, and not known to have any cures or preventative measures. Behold, the description, as per our expert, J.K. Rowling, excerpted from her book Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire:
"It was hairless and scaly-looking, a dark, raw, reddish-black. Its arms and legs were thin and feeble, and its face--no child alive ever had a face like that--flat and snakelike, with gleaming red eyes" (pg. 640, hardcover American edition) and with a face that's "[whiter] than a skull, with wide, livid scarlet eyes and a nose that was flat as a snake's with slits for nostrils..." (pg. 643, hardcover American edition).
Now, we examine written testimony from a man who witnessed the first known recorded incidence of Harlequin Syndrome, the Reverend Oliver Hart in South Carolina:
"On Thursday, April ye 5, 1750, I went to see a most deplorable object of a child, born the night before of one Mary Evans in 'Chas'town. It was surprising to all who beheld it, and I scarcely know how to describe it. The skin was dry and hard and seemed to be cracked in many places, somewhat resembling the scales of a fish. The mouth was large and round and open. It had no external nose, but two holes where the nose should have been. The eyes appeared to be lumps of coagulated blood, turned out, about the bigness of a plum, ghastly to behold. It had no external ears, but holes where the ears should be. The hands and feet appeared to be swollen, were cramped up and felt quite hard. The back part of the head was much open. It made a strange kind of noise, very low, which I cannot describe. It lived about forty-eight hours and was alive when I saw it."
So, indeed, the similarities cannot be denied! As a result of this, and the known return of You-Know-Who, researchers at St. Mungo's are investigating the spells used to restore He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named in search of a cure.
Book Six...Secret Theories REVEALED!
While little has been able to be confirmed of the next biography of the famous Harry Potter, we at the Daily Prophet have determined its title: Harry Potter and the Half-Blooded Prince! What does this mean for us and the knowledge we are to gain about the life of one of the most famous young wizards in history? Reliable informants have offered the following theories:
-Who is the mysterious prince? Sources say he is a never-before-introduced character (some have offered the name of "Marty Stu").
-What does it mean that he is 'half-blooded?' Nothing has been able to be confirmed, though some suspect that he may be half-Muggle, or possibly half of a magical beast. Others claim he merely has half of his blood and is at St. Mungo's for treatment of severe anemia.
-Just what are the origins of this half-blooded prince? Sources claim that the author, J.K.Rowling, has been reading entirely too much of her own fanfiction.
Upon investigation, it is strongly suspected that You-Know-Who is in fact a sufferer of the rare Harlequin Syndrome, most commonly known as a congenital birth disorder, and not known to have any cures or preventative measures. Behold, the description, as per our expert, J.K. Rowling, excerpted from her book Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire:
"It was hairless and scaly-looking, a dark, raw, reddish-black. Its arms and legs were thin and feeble, and its face--no child alive ever had a face like that--flat and snakelike, with gleaming red eyes" (pg. 640, hardcover American edition) and with a face that's "[whiter] than a skull, with wide, livid scarlet eyes and a nose that was flat as a snake's with slits for nostrils..." (pg. 643, hardcover American edition).
Now, we examine written testimony from a man who witnessed the first known recorded incidence of Harlequin Syndrome, the Reverend Oliver Hart in South Carolina:
"On Thursday, April ye 5, 1750, I went to see a most deplorable object of a child, born the night before of one Mary Evans in 'Chas'town. It was surprising to all who beheld it, and I scarcely know how to describe it. The skin was dry and hard and seemed to be cracked in many places, somewhat resembling the scales of a fish. The mouth was large and round and open. It had no external nose, but two holes where the nose should have been. The eyes appeared to be lumps of coagulated blood, turned out, about the bigness of a plum, ghastly to behold. It had no external ears, but holes where the ears should be. The hands and feet appeared to be swollen, were cramped up and felt quite hard. The back part of the head was much open. It made a strange kind of noise, very low, which I cannot describe. It lived about forty-eight hours and was alive when I saw it."
So, indeed, the similarities cannot be denied! As a result of this, and the known return of You-Know-Who, researchers at St. Mungo's are investigating the spells used to restore He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named in search of a cure.
Book Six...Secret Theories REVEALED!
While little has been able to be confirmed of the next biography of the famous Harry Potter, we at the Daily Prophet have determined its title: Harry Potter and the Half-Blooded Prince! What does this mean for us and the knowledge we are to gain about the life of one of the most famous young wizards in history? Reliable informants have offered the following theories:
-Who is the mysterious prince? Sources say he is a never-before-introduced character (some have offered the name of "Marty Stu").
-What does it mean that he is 'half-blooded?' Nothing has been able to be confirmed, though some suspect that he may be half-Muggle, or possibly half of a magical beast. Others claim he merely has half of his blood and is at St. Mungo's for treatment of severe anemia.
-Just what are the origins of this half-blooded prince? Sources claim that the author, J.K.Rowling, has been reading entirely too much of her own fanfiction.