(no subject)
Miriam Not Studying
(an exciting *yawn* play by MiriamG.)
(based on true events)
Act I, Scene I
Miriam's room. Miriam sits in her bed with her laptop on her knees and headphones on her ears. Her Spanish books are spread out at the footend of the bed.
Miriam: Wow! You can learn so much from Wikipedia! Now I know what Oligarchy is. Me smart.
Enter Conscience.
Conscience: Hello, Miriam.
Miriam: AAAAHHH!! Heart attack! Heart attack!
Conscience: Nice to see you, too. Now, I might be mistaking, but didn't you tell yourself each morning these past few days, "Today I'm going to start studying for the Spanish exam"?
Miriam: Well... yes....
Conscience: And how much have you studied in that time?
Miriam: Ehh... did you know that Vincent Van Gogh didn't actually cut his entire ear off, but only part of it?
Conscience: You didn't answer my question.
Miriam: And the historians are not sure what mental illness he suffered from.
Conscience: If you're going to play dumb, I guess I'll have to make myself more clear. You haven't even begun studying, even though you really can't afford to fail this exam.
Miriam: Some think that he wasn't actually ill, but that the paint fumes made him high. Isn't it amazing what you can learn from Wikipedia?
Conscience: Indeed. Too bad random, useless trivia is not going to get you through the Spanish exam.
Miriam: I don't know what you're so worried about. The exam isn't until the week after the next.
Conscience: Of course. But wouldn't you prefer studying a little bit each day, rather than having no life for two days before the exam?
Miriam: Hmm, good point. Maybe you're right and I should... (starts to reach out for her Spanish books, but stops abruptly) Wait, I want to listen to this song first. It rocks!
Conscience: But...
Miriam: (sings off tune to her headphones) Tainted love! Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh! Tainted love!
Conscience: Whatever! I'll be back in an hour, and you better be buried in grammar exercises by then.
Conscience out.
Miriam: (still singing) Touch me, baby! Tainted love!
Act I, Scene II
Same room, same scenario, a little later.
Miriam: Woohoo! I made it to level 11! This truly is a reason to celebrate. Oh, wait. I promised my Conscience to start studying, so I better hit the books.
Before she has time to move, Demon enters. The Demon looks just like Miriam, but is dressed in a Nazi uniform.
Demon: Vat did you say? You promised your conscience?
Miriam: Hmm, no... I didn't really...
Demon: So you did not make a commitment, and you don't have to do vat it tells you to.
Miriam: It will be very annoyed, though.
Demon: Na und? Who gives zat no-good conscience ze right to order you around?
Miriam: Uh... why do you have a German accent?
Demon: Mind your own business, Fritz!
Miriam: My name is not Fritz.
Demon: Zat's vat you zink!
Demon out. Miriam is left alone, puzzled. She scratches her head.
Miriam: Oooookaaay.... What was I going to do now? Oh yes, I was going to read Ranma 1/2.
Act I, Scene III
An hour has passed since Scene I. Miriam is still sitting in her bed, but now she is holding a hamster.
Miriam: Who's a good hamster? Yes, you're a good hamster!
Hamster: World domination!
Miriam: Aww! Cute, little hamster! Miwwiam wuvvs you!
Enter Conscience.
Conscience: Well, hello again.
Miriam: Aaggh! I'm melting, I'm melting!
Conscience: Surprise, surprise! Your Spanish books are dustier than ever and you are playing with a mole rat.
Miriam: Actually it's a hamster. Would you like to pet him?
Conscience: Oh joy.
Hamster: World domination!
Conscience: Look, I didn't want to have to do this, but if you don't start studying now, I shall have to threaten you.
Miriam: Threaten me! Wow, now I am genuinely scared! What are you going to do; make me feel guilty? Ooooh!
Conscience: Actually I was thinking about getting Turin Brakes to break up.
Miriam: WHAT?! Are you insane?!
Hamster: World domination!
Conscience: Does that mean you're going to study now?
Miriam: Well...
Conscience: I didn't think so. Well, you just continue with whatever idle thing you're doing, and if you need me, I'll be in some recording studio in London.
Miriam: No, wait! I'll study, I'll study! I'll do whatever you want me to do; just leave Olly and Gale alone! (grabs her Spanish books)
Conscience: That's better. Oh, and when you're done, could you run to the shop and get me some sweets? I'm dying for a piece of chocolate, and it would be quite awful if Olly tripped and broke his arm, so he'd be unable to play the guitar for the rest of his life, wouldn't it?
Miriam: Wow. A conscience corrupted with power. Now I've seen everything.
Conscience: Have fun!
Conscience out.
Miriam: Grrr, stupid Conscience! Hey, that gives me a good idea for a play! I'd better write it down before I forget it.
Hamster: World domination!
End of Act I