Our Twisted Love
Title: Our Twisted Love
Pairing: Changmin/Jaejoong
Genre: Drama/Tragedy
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Un-beta'd, Character Death, Suicide
Idea: StarCandy 50 Words Challenge Prompt #12: Asylum
Summary: People said that he was crazy in the head, but Changmin believes that the voices belong to his lover.
-x-
A/N: I had an idea for this prompt, but the original idea didn't stimulate me enough. But after watching the movie "Anonymous" today, I got an idea. The beginning might seem choppy and random because I have no idea how to rewrite them to make it flow better. So, forgive me.
-x-
"I'm not crazy!"
The woman at the doorway turned away in shame at the sight of her son thrashing on the hospital bed.
"Just give up, Changmin! Admit that you stole someone's book manuscript!" the woman pleaded with tired eyes and sunken cheeks. Changmin growled and pulled at his restraints,
"I said I didn't do it!"
The woman looked down with a frown and then back up at the doctor,
"I'll come again."
"It was Jaejoong! Kim Jaejoong made me do it!"
Changmin felt a sting on his left arm and he turned to see a needle withdrawing. The last thing he saw, was the doctor's satisfied smirk.
-x-
Take my work. Make it like it should've been yours. You think I didn't know it? You've always wanted my talent. So much, that you'd kill me for it. Isn't that right?
"Stop it!"
"Shim Changmin in Room 205 is having a seizure, Doctor!"
Don't hide it. Let it go. Kill me and you'll have everything I own.
"No! I won't kill --"
The doctor rushed in and immediately, the needle was injected into Changmin's arm. It took a while for the medication to work and eventually, Changmin finally calmed down.
Admit it. You've always hated me.
-x-
"Brother . . ."
Changmin stared out of the window as he heard footsteps come up from behind him.
"You must think that I'm crazy as well. Just like mother and father."
"That's not true, brother."
"Isn't it?" Changmin snapped and stopped when he heard laughter at one of the corners in the room. He faced his roommate who was giggling to himself. The boy was stuck in his own world, entertained by invisible beings. Changmin knew this, and yet his current situation made him see things differently.
He walked over to the boy and yanked on the boy's hair,
"You think this is funny?!"
"Changmin, don't!" Changmin felt his sister pull at his arm. He shook her hand away and screamed at the boy,
"Stop laughing!"
The boy who had a blissful expression before, now tried to curl in a fetal position as he tried to get out of Changmin's hold. Changmin yanked even harder as his sister ran out into the halls to call for a nurse or a doctor. A passing doctor rushed in and tried to calm Changmin down.
"Sir, please calm down."
Changmin tightened his grip and turned to the doctor, "He was laughing at me."
"Sir, please return to your bed," the doctor said.
"I said he was laughing at me!"
Changmin's doctor came in and forced Changmin to let go of the boy's hair before a handful of nurses was at his side, immediately trying to strap the young man to the bed.
Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. It would be so easy, right?
Changmin screamed at the voice, arms flailing and legs kicking. The tray full of needles were knocked over by an arm, to which the doctor took ahold of quickly and decided that their patient was getting out of control. A nurse was ready with the needle and held Changmin's arm down before injecting the serum into his bloodstream.
Changmin's sister who had witnessed the whole thing broke down in tears and tried to regain her breathing out in the halls. When the doctors and nurses walked out of the room minutes later, the girl stood up,
"How's my brother?"
"He's . . . become quite severe today. I suggest that today will be the last day that anyone is allowed to visit him," the doctor said. The girl hugged herself and cried harder at the fact that after today, she wouldn't be able to see the brother she grew up to love and admire anymore.
-x-
Changmin. Changmin-ah. Wake up, baby. You have to finish what you started. You said you wanted to be the greatest writer in all of Seoul, right?
"No . . . No . . . Not anymore . . ." Changmin mumbled.
Wouldn't it be easier if I was dead so you'd have no competition?
"I-I love you too much."
Love has made you weak, Changmin-ah. You have to start hating me again. Hate me and kill me.
"No!" Changmin opened his eyes and squinted against the orange light at his right. He looked around and remembered his sister's visit earlier that morning.
"You've awaken."
Changmin turned to his left to see his mother placing new flowers into the blue vase that his sister had bought on his first night at the asylum. For some reason, he was able to clearly see how his situation had taken its toll on his mother. The wrinkles became more defined and the dark bags under her eyes were very noticeable despite the make-up on her face.
"You were mumbling in your sleeping about loving someone . . . were you talking about Jaejoong-sshi?"
Changmin scoffed, "Jaejoong? Why would I love someone who didn't even take the time to come and visit me? Ah, is it because he's ashamed to have a lover who has been labeled crazy and put into an asylum by his own family?"
"It's for your own good, Changmin-ah."
"My own good? Just exactly why was I put here?"
The woman walked closer, "It seemed the shock has erased the memory from your mind. It's evident with the way you talk about Jaejoong as if he's still alive."
"Shock? What shock are you talking about?"
The woman sighed and ran a hand tiredly around her neck. She sat down next to Changmin, "I didn't want to remind you and cause you to go into a seizure again. But since this will be my last visit, I want to get everything out in the open."
"You're talking in circles," Changmin wanted his mother to hurry up and tell him.
"The reason we sent you here, was because you went crazy after you killed Jaejoong."
Changmin stared at his mother for a few seconds before letting out a loud laugh which shocked both his mother and his roommate,
"Me kill Jaejoong? Why?"
You know why, Changmin-ah.
"No, I don't," Changmin hissed at the voice in his head but his mother didn't hear the mumbled response. Instead, she continued,
"That we don't know. But your neighbors heard the commotion and called police. The police then told me that when they rushed into the apartment, they found Jaejoong with his throat slit and you covered in blood, screaming like a crazy person."
Changmin shook his head with a chuckle, "Why would I kill Jaejoong? I have no reason to."
You do. You've always had a reason, Changmin-ah.
"Stop!"
"Changmin?" The woman stood up from her seat in alarm when Changmin fisted the sheets.
"I never killed you!" Changmin shouted.
You did, Changmin-ah. I'm dead and that's why you can hear me in your head.
"No! That's not --" Changmin choked on his saliva. His mother rushed out of the room to search for her son's doctor.
You killed me, Changmin-ah. All because of fame.
"I didn't! I didn't!" Changmin shouted, trying to free his arms from his restraints. Tears slid down his cheeks as he shook his head of the voice. He didn't want to believe that the love of his life was dead and by his own hands. He loved the other man too much to want to shed the man's blood. He loved Kim Jaejoong with all his heart. It was because of the man's teasings that they started their careers as novelists on a bad note.
Changmin didn't want to believe and yet, at the same time, couldn't help but maybe believe that he did kill his lover. He lay limp as his doctor walked into the room with the needle. He looked over at his mother who stood at the door. She never told him lies before and if he did in fact kill Jaejoong, then it was his fault for putting himself in this situation.
He lay there as he let the drug do its work and mouthed a goodbye to his mother when he could feel drowziness pulling his eyelids down.
Changmin-ah . . . Do you regret killing me? Or are you happy?
Changmin had woken up after the drug wore off and found that it already nighttime. He was surprised that the restraints were off and he walked over to the door to find it locked. He smiled wryly and walked over to the window near his bed.
"What's the point of living and moving on, when I'm stuck here? My reputation as an author is tarnished. And the one I love is dead. So there's nothing left for me."
Changmin opened the window and pushed at the webbing until it broke free. He stepped up onto the ledge and leaned halfway out of the window. He let the cool, night air caress his face before letting go and waited for the impact of the ground slam against his body.
-x-
"You did it."
Changmin opened his eyes at the voice. The voice that haunted his every waking moment. He blinked at the white light before looking around and spotting his love sitting at a fountain ledge just a feet away.
"Jaejoong?"
"Do you know how long I had to wait before you finally killed yourself? I thought I'd go crazy. I almost wanted to revive myself just to kill you so you'd come over to this side a bit faster," Jaejoong said with a huff.
"This side?" Changmin cocked his brow and tried to get up but his whole body hurt.
"Heaven. And don't worry, just rest a while. Your body was transferred here not long ago, so it still hasn't gotten over the pain yet," Jaejoong waved his hand. Changmin frowned,
"I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"For . . . killing you. I never thought --" Changmin said but a soft chuckle interrupted him. He heard footsteps coming closer to where he was and then he found Jaejoong kneeling in front of him. Jaejoong held out his hand for him to grab and helped him up. The pain was still there, but it was subsiding just as Jaejoong had said.
"You didn't kill me, Changmin-ah. I lied."
Changmin stood with a dumbfounded look as Jaejoong went back to his seat.
"You what?"
"I lied. You didn't kill me," Jaejoong said airly. Changmin walked over to the older man,
"What are you talking about? My mother told me --"
"She was assuming. The truth was, I committed suicide and you happened to found me, thus causing you to have a panic attack. When the police arrived, they assumed that you killed me and so your parents sent you to an asylum or rehab if you don't like the former wording, after labeling your panic attack for being crazy. The shock that you had when you witnessed my death, caused you to forget that little detail, which made it easier for me to manipulate your thinking."
"So I didn't--?" Changmin mumbled. Jaejoong shook his head,
"You didn't kill me, Changmin-ah. I promise."
"Then why did you lie? Why did you say those words?" Changmin screamed. Jaejoong flinched at the shout and reached out to grasp Changmin's hand,
"Because, I realized what I did was wrong. I shouldn't have gotten so confident that our love could withstand any hardship. When my novels became more popular than yours --"
"Stop," Changmin tried to shake Jaejoong's hand off but the other man held on tight.
"No, you have to listen. I realized that the more our careers became demanding, that we were losing ourselves of the innocence that we started our relationship with. Because of that, I felt guilty for pulling you down with me."
"So, this was all a plan?" Changmin yanked his hand away.
"I'm sorry."
"So my suicide was part of your plan as well?" Changmin spat and Jaejoong quieted.
"Why? If you're sorry then why did you have to drag me down this far? Why?!"
"Because I love you, Changmin-ah," Jaejoong whispered.
"Love? You call forcing me to commit suicide, love?"
Jaejoong tried to reach for Changmin's hand again, "I wanted us to start over again in a new life, with a blank slate. That's what I wanted. Please."
Changmin stepped back and steeled his heart at the desperate look Jaejoong was giving him. He didn't want to be played with anymore. If this was love, he didn't want to experience it anymore.
"Find someone else who shares the same definition of what you call love. I don't want to have anything to do with you anymore."
"Changmin-ah!"
Changmin turned around and walked away, ignoring the desperate cries that used to have so much impact on him.
-x-
A/N: This was supposed to have a happy ending, but my muse didn't like it and I think the sad song I was listening to when I was writing this, might have contributed to the sad ending. =/
Pairing: Changmin/Jaejoong
Genre: Drama/Tragedy
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Un-beta'd, Character Death, Suicide
Idea: StarCandy 50 Words Challenge Prompt #12: Asylum
Summary: People said that he was crazy in the head, but Changmin believes that the voices belong to his lover.
-x-
A/N: I had an idea for this prompt, but the original idea didn't stimulate me enough. But after watching the movie "Anonymous" today, I got an idea. The beginning might seem choppy and random because I have no idea how to rewrite them to make it flow better. So, forgive me.
-x-
"I'm not crazy!"
The woman at the doorway turned away in shame at the sight of her son thrashing on the hospital bed.
"Just give up, Changmin! Admit that you stole someone's book manuscript!" the woman pleaded with tired eyes and sunken cheeks. Changmin growled and pulled at his restraints,
"I said I didn't do it!"
The woman looked down with a frown and then back up at the doctor,
"I'll come again."
"It was Jaejoong! Kim Jaejoong made me do it!"
Changmin felt a sting on his left arm and he turned to see a needle withdrawing. The last thing he saw, was the doctor's satisfied smirk.
-x-
Take my work. Make it like it should've been yours. You think I didn't know it? You've always wanted my talent. So much, that you'd kill me for it. Isn't that right?
"Stop it!"
"Shim Changmin in Room 205 is having a seizure, Doctor!"
Don't hide it. Let it go. Kill me and you'll have everything I own.
"No! I won't kill --"
The doctor rushed in and immediately, the needle was injected into Changmin's arm. It took a while for the medication to work and eventually, Changmin finally calmed down.
Admit it. You've always hated me.
-x-
"Brother . . ."
Changmin stared out of the window as he heard footsteps come up from behind him.
"You must think that I'm crazy as well. Just like mother and father."
"That's not true, brother."
"Isn't it?" Changmin snapped and stopped when he heard laughter at one of the corners in the room. He faced his roommate who was giggling to himself. The boy was stuck in his own world, entertained by invisible beings. Changmin knew this, and yet his current situation made him see things differently.
He walked over to the boy and yanked on the boy's hair,
"You think this is funny?!"
"Changmin, don't!" Changmin felt his sister pull at his arm. He shook her hand away and screamed at the boy,
"Stop laughing!"
The boy who had a blissful expression before, now tried to curl in a fetal position as he tried to get out of Changmin's hold. Changmin yanked even harder as his sister ran out into the halls to call for a nurse or a doctor. A passing doctor rushed in and tried to calm Changmin down.
"Sir, please calm down."
Changmin tightened his grip and turned to the doctor, "He was laughing at me."
"Sir, please return to your bed," the doctor said.
"I said he was laughing at me!"
Changmin's doctor came in and forced Changmin to let go of the boy's hair before a handful of nurses was at his side, immediately trying to strap the young man to the bed.
Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. It would be so easy, right?
Changmin screamed at the voice, arms flailing and legs kicking. The tray full of needles were knocked over by an arm, to which the doctor took ahold of quickly and decided that their patient was getting out of control. A nurse was ready with the needle and held Changmin's arm down before injecting the serum into his bloodstream.
Changmin's sister who had witnessed the whole thing broke down in tears and tried to regain her breathing out in the halls. When the doctors and nurses walked out of the room minutes later, the girl stood up,
"How's my brother?"
"He's . . . become quite severe today. I suggest that today will be the last day that anyone is allowed to visit him," the doctor said. The girl hugged herself and cried harder at the fact that after today, she wouldn't be able to see the brother she grew up to love and admire anymore.
-x-
Changmin. Changmin-ah. Wake up, baby. You have to finish what you started. You said you wanted to be the greatest writer in all of Seoul, right?
"No . . . No . . . Not anymore . . ." Changmin mumbled.
Wouldn't it be easier if I was dead so you'd have no competition?
"I-I love you too much."
Love has made you weak, Changmin-ah. You have to start hating me again. Hate me and kill me.
"No!" Changmin opened his eyes and squinted against the orange light at his right. He looked around and remembered his sister's visit earlier that morning.
"You've awaken."
Changmin turned to his left to see his mother placing new flowers into the blue vase that his sister had bought on his first night at the asylum. For some reason, he was able to clearly see how his situation had taken its toll on his mother. The wrinkles became more defined and the dark bags under her eyes were very noticeable despite the make-up on her face.
"You were mumbling in your sleeping about loving someone . . . were you talking about Jaejoong-sshi?"
Changmin scoffed, "Jaejoong? Why would I love someone who didn't even take the time to come and visit me? Ah, is it because he's ashamed to have a lover who has been labeled crazy and put into an asylum by his own family?"
"It's for your own good, Changmin-ah."
"My own good? Just exactly why was I put here?"
The woman walked closer, "It seemed the shock has erased the memory from your mind. It's evident with the way you talk about Jaejoong as if he's still alive."
"Shock? What shock are you talking about?"
The woman sighed and ran a hand tiredly around her neck. She sat down next to Changmin, "I didn't want to remind you and cause you to go into a seizure again. But since this will be my last visit, I want to get everything out in the open."
"You're talking in circles," Changmin wanted his mother to hurry up and tell him.
"The reason we sent you here, was because you went crazy after you killed Jaejoong."
Changmin stared at his mother for a few seconds before letting out a loud laugh which shocked both his mother and his roommate,
"Me kill Jaejoong? Why?"
You know why, Changmin-ah.
"No, I don't," Changmin hissed at the voice in his head but his mother didn't hear the mumbled response. Instead, she continued,
"That we don't know. But your neighbors heard the commotion and called police. The police then told me that when they rushed into the apartment, they found Jaejoong with his throat slit and you covered in blood, screaming like a crazy person."
Changmin shook his head with a chuckle, "Why would I kill Jaejoong? I have no reason to."
You do. You've always had a reason, Changmin-ah.
"Stop!"
"Changmin?" The woman stood up from her seat in alarm when Changmin fisted the sheets.
"I never killed you!" Changmin shouted.
You did, Changmin-ah. I'm dead and that's why you can hear me in your head.
"No! That's not --" Changmin choked on his saliva. His mother rushed out of the room to search for her son's doctor.
You killed me, Changmin-ah. All because of fame.
"I didn't! I didn't!" Changmin shouted, trying to free his arms from his restraints. Tears slid down his cheeks as he shook his head of the voice. He didn't want to believe that the love of his life was dead and by his own hands. He loved the other man too much to want to shed the man's blood. He loved Kim Jaejoong with all his heart. It was because of the man's teasings that they started their careers as novelists on a bad note.
Changmin didn't want to believe and yet, at the same time, couldn't help but maybe believe that he did kill his lover. He lay limp as his doctor walked into the room with the needle. He looked over at his mother who stood at the door. She never told him lies before and if he did in fact kill Jaejoong, then it was his fault for putting himself in this situation.
He lay there as he let the drug do its work and mouthed a goodbye to his mother when he could feel drowziness pulling his eyelids down.
Changmin-ah . . . Do you regret killing me? Or are you happy?
Changmin had woken up after the drug wore off and found that it already nighttime. He was surprised that the restraints were off and he walked over to the door to find it locked. He smiled wryly and walked over to the window near his bed.
"What's the point of living and moving on, when I'm stuck here? My reputation as an author is tarnished. And the one I love is dead. So there's nothing left for me."
Changmin opened the window and pushed at the webbing until it broke free. He stepped up onto the ledge and leaned halfway out of the window. He let the cool, night air caress his face before letting go and waited for the impact of the ground slam against his body.
-x-
"You did it."
Changmin opened his eyes at the voice. The voice that haunted his every waking moment. He blinked at the white light before looking around and spotting his love sitting at a fountain ledge just a feet away.
"Jaejoong?"
"Do you know how long I had to wait before you finally killed yourself? I thought I'd go crazy. I almost wanted to revive myself just to kill you so you'd come over to this side a bit faster," Jaejoong said with a huff.
"This side?" Changmin cocked his brow and tried to get up but his whole body hurt.
"Heaven. And don't worry, just rest a while. Your body was transferred here not long ago, so it still hasn't gotten over the pain yet," Jaejoong waved his hand. Changmin frowned,
"I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"For . . . killing you. I never thought --" Changmin said but a soft chuckle interrupted him. He heard footsteps coming closer to where he was and then he found Jaejoong kneeling in front of him. Jaejoong held out his hand for him to grab and helped him up. The pain was still there, but it was subsiding just as Jaejoong had said.
"You didn't kill me, Changmin-ah. I lied."
Changmin stood with a dumbfounded look as Jaejoong went back to his seat.
"You what?"
"I lied. You didn't kill me," Jaejoong said airly. Changmin walked over to the older man,
"What are you talking about? My mother told me --"
"She was assuming. The truth was, I committed suicide and you happened to found me, thus causing you to have a panic attack. When the police arrived, they assumed that you killed me and so your parents sent you to an asylum or rehab if you don't like the former wording, after labeling your panic attack for being crazy. The shock that you had when you witnessed my death, caused you to forget that little detail, which made it easier for me to manipulate your thinking."
"So I didn't--?" Changmin mumbled. Jaejoong shook his head,
"You didn't kill me, Changmin-ah. I promise."
"Then why did you lie? Why did you say those words?" Changmin screamed. Jaejoong flinched at the shout and reached out to grasp Changmin's hand,
"Because, I realized what I did was wrong. I shouldn't have gotten so confident that our love could withstand any hardship. When my novels became more popular than yours --"
"Stop," Changmin tried to shake Jaejoong's hand off but the other man held on tight.
"No, you have to listen. I realized that the more our careers became demanding, that we were losing ourselves of the innocence that we started our relationship with. Because of that, I felt guilty for pulling you down with me."
"So, this was all a plan?" Changmin yanked his hand away.
"I'm sorry."
"So my suicide was part of your plan as well?" Changmin spat and Jaejoong quieted.
"Why? If you're sorry then why did you have to drag me down this far? Why?!"
"Because I love you, Changmin-ah," Jaejoong whispered.
"Love? You call forcing me to commit suicide, love?"
Jaejoong tried to reach for Changmin's hand again, "I wanted us to start over again in a new life, with a blank slate. That's what I wanted. Please."
Changmin stepped back and steeled his heart at the desperate look Jaejoong was giving him. He didn't want to be played with anymore. If this was love, he didn't want to experience it anymore.
"Find someone else who shares the same definition of what you call love. I don't want to have anything to do with you anymore."
"Changmin-ah!"
Changmin turned around and walked away, ignoring the desperate cries that used to have so much impact on him.
-x-
A/N: This was supposed to have a happy ending, but my muse didn't like it and I think the sad song I was listening to when I was writing this, might have contributed to the sad ending. =/