*ahem*
Lights up on...Janeway and Chakotay in stasis pods. INSTA-WISH FULFILLMENT, HELLO. How do I know it's going to be fantastic, you ask? Simple: any time Janeway is planetside, I either get righteous flirt Janeway, or dirty Janeway. AND JANEWAY IN NOT!UNIFORM EITHER WAY. Best day ever. Though damn it would be awesome if that sexy, slinky pink nightie came planetside with her (I don't care that it doesn't actually show anything with the robe. IT SHOWS OFF HER SHOULDERS WITHOUT IT and it's silk, goddamnit).
0:25 Oh please, bb, make that constipated face again. Trololos forever.
Actually, you know what, fuck live blogging. BRB GONNA GO FLAIL FOREVER.
OPENING CREDITS. Okay, I have this kink for self-sacrificing!Janeway. Like, the idea of her sacrificing the ship (obviously she'd never sacrifice the crew itself unless she HAD TO), or her sacrificing the captaincy, and watching Kate Mulgrew act the SHIT out of it is like my favorite thing ever. I was essentially dead of squee all of Deadlock - dirty Janeway, ~ship trauma~ (literally, not the J/C ship I have yet to see anything of despite it being ~Resolutions time~), sacrifices, and lol Janeway doing her flirt-thing with herself. BEST EVER. Anyway, opening credits over. SO EXCITED FOR JANEWAY IN CIVVIES YES.
Wait, insect bite? A *MONTH*? THERE BETTER BE SOME GODDAMN FLASHBACKS. I need to see Janeway sucking her finger in pain. Mmm, sucking...Oh my god. I'm horrible.
I hate to say it, but the idea of Tuvok as captain makes me cringe. Not because he's a bad person, but because he's too Vulcan. To pull from TV Tropes (which is horribly my life), he is not enough of The Kirk, and too much of The Spock. *facepalm*. B'Elanna is The McCoy, of course.
Poor Harry. Of course he'd be taking it extra hard. Stopping typing again. The flow of the episode is being ~interrupted~.
07:20 Lol, Janeway bb, "roughing it"? Girl, you are so 24th century it hurts. It hurts in the way a massive chuckle hurts. It also kind of hurts in the way my massive food baby from *my* version of roughing it on Kilimanjaro hurt when it came out the other end /sorry guys tmi. "Too rough for me" Oh, wow, Chakotay, I didn't know you had a real sense of humor. OH MY GOD BATHTUB WHAT IS THIS EVEN.
07:40 Oh god no. "You should call me Kathryn" END OF EVERYTHING EVER. YOU NEVER EVER CALL A SCULLY-PERSONA BY HER FIRST NAME. THAT MEANS SOMEONE IS DYING SOON. EVEN IF IT IS JUST MY DIGNITY.
09:25 A DRESS. A BRAID. BARE ARMS (and goddamn she has beautiful arms - hey, I can see arm!porn just as much in Kate Mulgrew's "chicken arms" as I can in RDA's forearms. BENEFITS OF BEING PRETTYSEXUAL). And WHAT THE FRAK is Chakotay wearing, no rly. Did he suddenly move to an Amish settlement minus the beard and the hat?
09:50 YOU GUYS STOP FLIRTING. REALLY. STOP IT. KATHRYN YOU EVEN GAVE HIM THE INTERROGATIVE EYEBROW WHAT IS THIS. Stop. It tickles.
OH MY FUCKING GOD SHE JUST GIGGLED. KATHRYN fucking JANEWAY JUST GIGGLED AT CHAKOTAY. FUCKING CAPTAIN JANEWAY GIGGLED. THE FUCK WRITERS I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU LISTENED TO KATE MULGREW AND DIDN'T WRITE THIS GODDAMN SHIP. And goddamnit they are having eyesex. They NEVER have eyesex. THIS IS LIKE THE DEFINITION OF THE ALIENS MADE THEM DO IT TROPE.
10:10 SHE IS FUCKING CRYING I CAN'T EVEN. Like, no physical tears, but I definitely didn't hallucinate the catch in her voice. FUCK IT KATE MULGREW JUST STOP. STOP BEING A GOOD ACTRESS.
11:20 I see you, crane shot! I c wat u did thar!
11:30 'Scuse me, I was about to start sobbing and then there was Kate Mulgrew in the bathtub. Just like that. SCRUBBING HERSELF WHAT IS THIS EVEN. I CAN'T. I CAN'T. Please stop making your orgasm face and please stop calling out to him from the tub, Janeway, because that just makes you a tease of the most deliberate kind and you know it.
On a side note, I really wish this show had aired on Showtime because then I would be getting to see Kate Mulgrew's boobies right now. ALWAYS THINKING ABOUT BOOBIES ALL THE TIME I CAN NEVER STOP. Especially with that surge out of the tub. Artfully done, Kate Mulgrew, way to not flash anybody anything WHY CAN'T I SEE YOUR BOOBIES WHY.
12:30 MONKEY. HELLO CUTEST MONKEY EVER. Can I spank you I mean, what? Of course I'm talking about the one in the tree.
13:05 *snicker* Chakotay, I see exactly where your eyes are looking. Well done, my man. Oh my god I am actually blushing.
13:40 And now you're in a sheer white bathrobe with no bra. Kathryn, you are so unaware of your own sexuality sometimes that it hurts in ways different from how I am hurting from this episode so far. And the way you piled your hair on your head, hnnnnng I am still blushing.
14:30 Okay Robert Beltran also looks really good out of uniform. Dem shoulders is supah nice-looking right now. He has a unique face shape, but is damn fine in all aspects of everything (though I think I like men with their shirts on - for example, seeing Chris Heyerdahl without his shirt in Haunted just KILLED my fantasies, and not the least because he had no chest hair whatsoever).
15:40 You know, Harry Kim, if you had kept your fat fucking mouth shut they probably could have had a happily ever after instead of a season of ship tease and then eventually fucking C/7 (and what even IS that, I'd rather ship J/7 than that any day). This is where I officially proclaim my dislike for Harry Kim that I've been nursing ever since I found out Garrett Wang can't act for shit and he was sorta supposed to be fired instead of Jennifer Lien (which would have been amazing happytiemz for me because every episode with him is painful).
18:00 Aw, Tuvok, is that your ~Sorcerer Merlin~ cosplay? It's adorbs, and kind of funny.
20:00 Harry, do you not see how indirectly disrespectful you're being to Janeway by disrespecting her last active orders of the ship and making problems with Tuvok in order to confront the Vidiians? Yes, okay, I'm biased, but still.
21:00 "But what I do makes you uncomfortable, doesn't it." And then he leans over her *snicker*. HOW'S THAT TASTE OF YOUR OWN MEDICINE FEEL, KATHRYN DARLING?
27:50 Hnnnngggggg THEY ARE SPOONING UNDER THE TABLE. THEY ARE SPOONING UNDER THE TABLE. CHAKOTAY YOU ARE SUCH A PHYSICAL FLIRT. Poor Janeway, though. How devastating for her, on top of everything else. Thus vanished (or so she thought) the hope of ever getting off that planet.
29:50 Denara Pel, I love you, but I never expected to hate you as much as I do now. I don't want to hate you this much. But seriously, please just give them one more day before rescuing them :(. Also, for someone whose supposedly had the Phage since she was seven, which is apparently a very young age to contract it at, I've noticed that she looks surprisingly healthy and un-disgusting in contrast to the way all the other Vidiians in the series do. Her skin looks almost normal. *sigh* So many problems with this portrayal.
31:40 a) Cute monkey is still adorable, b) "We have plenty of time" is only something people on tv say when they don't (Bill Adama, I'm lookin' atchu you big wall-painting, drunk-drooling woobie).
33:43 Nooooo pink nightie you were so impractical but I miss you!
34:17 ~He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows if you're awake, he knows if you've been bad or good so be good for goodness' sake.~ Honestly, I hate it when writers pull ships out of nowhere (the same thing happened with the Sam/Jack ship, honestly, but even that had more forewarning than this ship before you got hit over the head with it). On the other hand...there really is no other hand. I wish they hadn't pulled Chakotay's desire for sexytiemz out of nowhere.
37:25 *sob*. AND HOLDING HANDS. *BIGSOB*
41:05 Ah, here's the dirty Janeway I was hoping for. She's just kind of more adorbs dirty. More childlike and carefree, or something.
42:35 Oh god, she looks so stricken. I think she knows what it means way before he ever kens it. And while he looks mildly amused and chagrined that the Enterprise is coming back...I do think that what I'm seeing here is a stricken woman, in some degree or another. I guess this is the point where she really does put everything behind her, and leaves it on the planet. This is my intensely sad face.
43:15 WHY, SHIP. WHY DO YOU ONLY HAVE ONE EPISODE, NEVER TO SURFACE AGAIN WITH A HAPPY ENDING. *sniff* And the monkey reached for them, too! I know, anthropomorphizing a trick monkey, but waaaah.
45:00 Oh, Chakotay, your deeply unhappy face pains me deeply.
END CREDITS SADFACE. Can I just stop watching this show right there? Please?
0:25 Oh please, bb, make that constipated face again. Trololos forever.
Actually, you know what, fuck live blogging. BRB GONNA GO FLAIL FOREVER.
OPENING CREDITS. Okay, I have this kink for self-sacrificing!Janeway. Like, the idea of her sacrificing the ship (obviously she'd never sacrifice the crew itself unless she HAD TO), or her sacrificing the captaincy, and watching Kate Mulgrew act the SHIT out of it is like my favorite thing ever. I was essentially dead of squee all of Deadlock - dirty Janeway, ~ship trauma~ (literally, not the J/C ship I have yet to see anything of despite it being ~Resolutions time~), sacrifices, and lol Janeway doing her flirt-thing with herself. BEST EVER. Anyway, opening credits over. SO EXCITED FOR JANEWAY IN CIVVIES YES.
Wait, insect bite? A *MONTH*? THERE BETTER BE SOME GODDAMN FLASHBACKS. I need to see Janeway sucking her finger in pain. Mmm, sucking...Oh my god. I'm horrible.
I hate to say it, but the idea of Tuvok as captain makes me cringe. Not because he's a bad person, but because he's too Vulcan. To pull from TV Tropes (which is horribly my life), he is not enough of The Kirk, and too much of The Spock. *facepalm*. B'Elanna is The McCoy, of course.
Poor Harry. Of course he'd be taking it extra hard. Stopping typing again. The flow of the episode is being ~interrupted~.
07:20 Lol, Janeway bb, "roughing it"? Girl, you are so 24th century it hurts. It hurts in the way a massive chuckle hurts. It also kind of hurts in the way my massive food baby from *my* version of roughing it on Kilimanjaro hurt when it came out the other end /sorry guys tmi. "Too rough for me" Oh, wow, Chakotay, I didn't know you had a real sense of humor. OH MY GOD BATHTUB WHAT IS THIS EVEN.
07:40 Oh god no. "You should call me Kathryn" END OF EVERYTHING EVER. YOU NEVER EVER CALL A SCULLY-PERSONA BY HER FIRST NAME. THAT MEANS SOMEONE IS DYING SOON. EVEN IF IT IS JUST MY DIGNITY.
09:25 A DRESS. A BRAID. BARE ARMS (and goddamn she has beautiful arms - hey, I can see arm!porn just as much in Kate Mulgrew's "chicken arms" as I can in RDA's forearms. BENEFITS OF BEING PRETTYSEXUAL). And WHAT THE FRAK is Chakotay wearing, no rly. Did he suddenly move to an Amish settlement minus the beard and the hat?
09:50 YOU GUYS STOP FLIRTING. REALLY. STOP IT. KATHRYN YOU EVEN GAVE HIM THE INTERROGATIVE EYEBROW WHAT IS THIS. Stop. It tickles.
OH MY FUCKING GOD SHE JUST GIGGLED. KATHRYN fucking JANEWAY JUST GIGGLED AT CHAKOTAY. FUCKING CAPTAIN JANEWAY GIGGLED. THE FUCK WRITERS I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU LISTENED TO KATE MULGREW AND DIDN'T WRITE THIS GODDAMN SHIP. And goddamnit they are having eyesex. They NEVER have eyesex. THIS IS LIKE THE DEFINITION OF THE ALIENS MADE THEM DO IT TROPE.
10:10 SHE IS FUCKING CRYING I CAN'T EVEN. Like, no physical tears, but I definitely didn't hallucinate the catch in her voice. FUCK IT KATE MULGREW JUST STOP. STOP BEING A GOOD ACTRESS.
11:20 I see you, crane shot! I c wat u did thar!
11:30 'Scuse me, I was about to start sobbing and then there was Kate Mulgrew in the bathtub. Just like that. SCRUBBING HERSELF WHAT IS THIS EVEN. I CAN'T. I CAN'T. Please stop making your orgasm face and please stop calling out to him from the tub, Janeway, because that just makes you a tease of the most deliberate kind and you know it.
On a side note, I really wish this show had aired on Showtime because then I would be getting to see Kate Mulgrew's boobies right now. ALWAYS THINKING ABOUT BOOBIES ALL THE TIME I CAN NEVER STOP. Especially with that surge out of the tub. Artfully done, Kate Mulgrew, way to not flash anybody anything WHY CAN'T I SEE YOUR BOOBIES WHY.
12:30 MONKEY. HELLO CUTEST MONKEY EVER. Can I spank you I mean, what? Of course I'm talking about the one in the tree.
13:05 *snicker* Chakotay, I see exactly where your eyes are looking. Well done, my man. Oh my god I am actually blushing.
13:40 And now you're in a sheer white bathrobe with no bra. Kathryn, you are so unaware of your own sexuality sometimes that it hurts in ways different from how I am hurting from this episode so far. And the way you piled your hair on your head, hnnnnng I am still blushing.
14:30 Okay Robert Beltran also looks really good out of uniform. Dem shoulders is supah nice-looking right now. He has a unique face shape, but is damn fine in all aspects of everything (though I think I like men with their shirts on - for example, seeing Chris Heyerdahl without his shirt in Haunted just KILLED my fantasies, and not the least because he had no chest hair whatsoever).
15:40 You know, Harry Kim, if you had kept your fat fucking mouth shut they probably could have had a happily ever after instead of a season of ship tease and then eventually fucking C/7 (and what even IS that, I'd rather ship J/7 than that any day). This is where I officially proclaim my dislike for Harry Kim that I've been nursing ever since I found out Garrett Wang can't act for shit and he was sorta supposed to be fired instead of Jennifer Lien (which would have been amazing happytiemz for me because every episode with him is painful).
18:00 Aw, Tuvok, is that your ~Sorcerer Merlin~ cosplay? It's adorbs, and kind of funny.
20:00 Harry, do you not see how indirectly disrespectful you're being to Janeway by disrespecting her last active orders of the ship and making problems with Tuvok in order to confront the Vidiians? Yes, okay, I'm biased, but still.
21:00 "But what I do makes you uncomfortable, doesn't it." And then he leans over her *snicker*. HOW'S THAT TASTE OF YOUR OWN MEDICINE FEEL, KATHRYN DARLING?
27:50 Hnnnngggggg THEY ARE SPOONING UNDER THE TABLE. THEY ARE SPOONING UNDER THE TABLE. CHAKOTAY YOU ARE SUCH A PHYSICAL FLIRT. Poor Janeway, though. How devastating for her, on top of everything else. Thus vanished (or so she thought) the hope of ever getting off that planet.
29:50 Denara Pel, I love you, but I never expected to hate you as much as I do now. I don't want to hate you this much. But seriously, please just give them one more day before rescuing them :(. Also, for someone whose supposedly had the Phage since she was seven, which is apparently a very young age to contract it at, I've noticed that she looks surprisingly healthy and un-disgusting in contrast to the way all the other Vidiians in the series do. Her skin looks almost normal. *sigh* So many problems with this portrayal.
31:40 a) Cute monkey is still adorable, b) "We have plenty of time" is only something people on tv say when they don't (Bill Adama, I'm lookin' atchu you big wall-painting, drunk-drooling woobie).
33:43 Nooooo pink nightie you were so impractical but I miss you!
34:17 ~He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows if you're awake, he knows if you've been bad or good so be good for goodness' sake.~ Honestly, I hate it when writers pull ships out of nowhere (the same thing happened with the Sam/Jack ship, honestly, but even that had more forewarning than this ship before you got hit over the head with it). On the other hand...there really is no other hand. I wish they hadn't pulled Chakotay's desire for sexytiemz out of nowhere.
37:25 *sob*. AND HOLDING HANDS. *BIGSOB*
41:05 Ah, here's the dirty Janeway I was hoping for. She's just kind of more adorbs dirty. More childlike and carefree, or something.
42:35 Oh god, she looks so stricken. I think she knows what it means way before he ever kens it. And while he looks mildly amused and chagrined that the Enterprise is coming back...I do think that what I'm seeing here is a stricken woman, in some degree or another. I guess this is the point where she really does put everything behind her, and leaves it on the planet. This is my intensely sad face.
43:15 WHY, SHIP. WHY DO YOU ONLY HAVE ONE EPISODE, NEVER TO SURFACE AGAIN WITH A HAPPY ENDING. *sniff* And the monkey reached for them, too! I know, anthropomorphizing a trick monkey, but waaaah.
45:00 Oh, Chakotay, your deeply unhappy face pains me deeply.
END CREDITS SADFACE. Can I just stop watching this show right there? Please?