(no subject)
I sort of feel continuously shit right now, and I'm mad at myself about this because in the grand scheme of things, and considering what a bunch of my friends are going through, I really have no reason to be anything but fine right now.
My weight, as nearly always, is bothering me so much right now. I actually lost quite a bit in America which is odd, normally I put weight on because there's so much out there I want to eat, but this time I was ill in New York, and spent quite a bit of time feeling anxious in Chicago so sort of didn't want to eat as much as usual. However since coming back I've felt ridiculously unattractive near constantly, and despite having bought quite a few new outfits recently every day when I try and get dressed for whatever I'm doing I feel fat and ugly in every outfit and sort of just want to go back to bed and not have to see anyone.
Paradoxically I'm also vaguely lonely, which on the one hand is perhaps to be expected when I'm living at home and all my friends are off at uni, but at the same time I was lonely all of last year whilst living at uni myself, and at least I've been going to see people, and people have been visiting. Diane is going to be staying with me again for an indefinite period of time soon so that might solve the lonliness problem.
On top of that all I've been doing recently is ridic long shifts at work, coming home to sleep, and waking up ridic early to go to either the next shift at work, or uni where I inevitably end up getting offended by one of the people I hang out with. Today my uni lecturer Jarno, who is often pretty un pc anyway said something I found transphobic and insulting. He said "if you have a problem with it, take it up with Teresa" (a faculty head I guess) and I don't know if I should or not, but I did find it offensive. Anyway all of this just leaves me feeling tired and annoyed and it all seems fairly pointless because I owe so much money, and don't have time to spend it and mostly I just want to sleep and not bother with anything for a week or so.
Annnnyyyywwwaaaayyyy. Self indulgent whining aside, on Friday when my money comes through I want to treat myself with what I have left of my earnings, so I'll finish with a poll:
Poll
My weight, as nearly always, is bothering me so much right now. I actually lost quite a bit in America which is odd, normally I put weight on because there's so much out there I want to eat, but this time I was ill in New York, and spent quite a bit of time feeling anxious in Chicago so sort of didn't want to eat as much as usual. However since coming back I've felt ridiculously unattractive near constantly, and despite having bought quite a few new outfits recently every day when I try and get dressed for whatever I'm doing I feel fat and ugly in every outfit and sort of just want to go back to bed and not have to see anyone.
Paradoxically I'm also vaguely lonely, which on the one hand is perhaps to be expected when I'm living at home and all my friends are off at uni, but at the same time I was lonely all of last year whilst living at uni myself, and at least I've been going to see people, and people have been visiting. Diane is going to be staying with me again for an indefinite period of time soon so that might solve the lonliness problem.
On top of that all I've been doing recently is ridic long shifts at work, coming home to sleep, and waking up ridic early to go to either the next shift at work, or uni where I inevitably end up getting offended by one of the people I hang out with. Today my uni lecturer Jarno, who is often pretty un pc anyway said something I found transphobic and insulting. He said "if you have a problem with it, take it up with Teresa" (a faculty head I guess) and I don't know if I should or not, but I did find it offensive. Anyway all of this just leaves me feeling tired and annoyed and it all seems fairly pointless because I owe so much money, and don't have time to spend it and mostly I just want to sleep and not bother with anything for a week or so.
Annnnyyyywwwaaaayyyy. Self indulgent whining aside, on Friday when my money comes through I want to treat myself with what I have left of my earnings, so I'll finish with a poll:
Poll