Birdhouse In Your Soul - Chapter Eight
Chapter Eight
February 3, 2012 a day before Fredward Benson would be turning eighteen, which was big! Yet the birthday boy didn’t seem as jazzed about this as a normal person should be. He sat down at the Shay’s couch and slumped into it as he scowled at the television. Carly raised an eyebrow at him and came to join him.
“What’s up with that look on your face?” she asked sipping on her beverage.
He glanced over at her and sighed.
“I don’t even know where to begin.” he grumbled sticking out is bottom lip.
“Well, which subject does this fall under, almost birthday boy?” she grinned to herself as she said this.
“My mother for one, she doesn’t want me to have a huge party with my friends. She even banned a cake, what kind of birthday is that without a cake? I mean every single one of my previous birthdays have been disasters. I just want one birthday that is special, you know?” she gave him a nod in understand. “Before I met you and became friends with you and Sam and Spencer all I had to look forward to was horrible food and a quiet night with my mother.”
“Freddie, we’re going to make sure this one is special, don’t worry.”
He managed a small smile but couldn’t help feeling worried over what his mother might do if she knew.
“She’ll find some way to ruin that too.”
“No, she won’t.” Carly smiled but there was a mischievous glint in her eyes.
“Why?” he gave her his usual suspicious look.
“Trust me; we’ve been planning this all week. You’ll just have to wait and see.”
“Speaking of ‘we’ where is Sam and Spencer?” he hadn’t seen them a lot over the past few days.
The only times he’d get a glimpse of Sam was when they were in school, but she always seemed preoccupied by something. Then when he’d show up at the Shay’s loft she’d change and leave again, Spencer would already be gone before then. He gave up on asking her where she went to after the third attempt.
“I honestly don’t know. I know that Sam’s got a lot to take care of before she the end of March.”
“What do you mean?”
“She’s going to have to sell that house she and her mother lived in. She can’t afford to pay the mortgage on it and her mom only managed to get a few months paid off.” she gave him a sad look and he patted her shoulder.
“I haven’t seen Spencer in days, it just feels unnatural.”
“Same here, but I do catch him at night when he comes home. He’s always covered in weird bright colored stuff. He’d rush off to his room soon after and get rid of the evidence. Sam would show up an hour later looking tired and she’d go off to bed right away. It went on for five days and both Freddie and Carly had given up on asking either of them what was up. “We’ll just have to wait and see but Sam is most likely doing what I told you she was.”
“I hope she’s back in time for iCarly.” at least he could see her then, he actually missed her.
“Wait!” cried Sam.
“What?” Spencer asked stopping midair with what he was doing.
“We can’t put that there Spence! This isn’t going to work out right.” she sighed and took the sculpting knife from his hands. “We’ve been working on this thing for a few days now and we can’t afford to mess it up.”
Spencer stood there and looked down at the seventeen year old girl before him. She had chunks of different colored frosting and random bits. But that wasn’t what got him; it was what happened a few days ago. It was on the Saturday that she’d left to take her mother’s ashes to the beach. When he got home she was just walking into the apartment from the balcony, from what he could tell. She was surprised to see him and followed him inside.
Once inside they went to the kitchen and he saw the leftovers from whatever she had cooked. He was so hungry that he ate part of it cold and then decided to heat it up while she sat at the computer.
“How was your day?” he had asked her as she scrolled over things on the screen.
“Oh you know, eventful like always.” she shrugged.
“Well that sounds fantabulous.” he grinned and sat across from her with the food she had made.
“Hey, Spence.” she looked up from the computer at him as he shoved a large amount of food into his mouth.
“Yeah?” it sounded like but it came out as a jumble, yet she understood what he had said.
“This might seem a little strange coming from me but can we conspire and make a cake?”
He squinted his eyes as he observed her through his lashes.
“What would this cake be for?”
Her face seemed to become a little red at this question, but she managed to shove it down for the most part.
“Are you really going to ask me this?” she asked averting her eyes from Spencer’s.
“It wouldn’t happen to be for a certain tech producer would it?” he raised an eyebrow and smirked at her. She sent a glare at him and squished her lips together.
“Why would I want to make a cake for that nub?”
“I could think of a few reasons, but I’m guessing it’s for his birthday this coming weekend. “I’ll help you, but do you think it should be done here?”
“No, I was thinking we could move this project to my old place. I have to sell it in a few months and I figured I should use it while I have it. Besides that dork will see it and it’s got to be a surprise.”
So that’s how Spencer ended up in Sam’s old kitchen covered in frosting and being stopped before he caused harm to their few days of work.
“We’ve got to give it time to set before we try to apply anything more to it.” she informed him and set the knife down.
“It’s coming along nicely though, I so think he’s going to like this one.” Spencer grinned and then scooped a bit of frosting off his face and ate it. “This frosting is amazing! What did you put in it?”
“It’s a secret. I don’t like frosting but I figured I could make it taste better.”
“This was a great idea though. Freddie is going to be so surprised.”
“Just remember, this was all your doing. I was never apart of this cake making.”
“I remember. But why don’t you want him to know that you pretty much made this thing?”
“Spencer, just don’t say anything. Besides you would have made him a cake anyways.”
“Yeah, even though his mom ruined the last few parties, this time we have a plan to make this one amazing.”
“I just felt like I-” she looked down at her hands.
“I know kiddo, you don’t need to explain.”
“Like I said, keep it to yourself. If people found out I care then I’d have to start cracking more skulls then usual.”
Same old Sam, promising bodily harm to random people, it was good to have her sort of back to normal.
“We are so going to finish this before five!” he cheered and looked over at their masterpiece sitting on the counter. “You’ve got to get back soon though for the show.” he reminded her going over to their concoction and continuing his work.
“Yeah I know, I just want to make sure we get completely done. Then Carly is supposed to come over here to start decorating. I told her she had to wait until the morning of the party, so she doesn’t find this until then.” she smirked and started to help him with the final touches.
“What did you get him for his birthday?” he asked as he positioned a few pieces just right.
“It’s a secret.”
“I figured you’d say that. I got him specially made socks with fencing figures and little cameras. Socko said it took him a while to get them to work together.”
“There, all done.” she smiled at their handy work. “Now we’ve got to put this in the fridge, did you take out all the shelves?” she asked wiping her hands on the apron she was wearing. He nodded and went to open it up for her. She carefully lifted the cake and carried it toward the fridge slowly, it was quite heavy but she managed to reach the fridge and place it inside.
“You go first and I’ll be there in an hour. I’ve got to go take care of a few things before I go home.” she thought for a moment and smiled. “I said home.”
“Yeah, you pretty much lived there before all this stuff happened anyways. Now it’s more official.” he washed off his hands and tried to get some of the frosting out of his hair and clothes but was having trouble. Sam left the kitchen and headed for the upstairs bathroom to take a quick shower to get rid of the evidence.
“I’m heading back!” Spencer called up the stairs and received an ‘Okay’ though it was muffled by the water and the door. He made sure to lock the door before he exited and headed home.
Sam stood before the mirror and brushed her hair slowly, just staring at herself. Normally she didn’t care about how she looked or how people viewed her. But something about the girl that stared back at her made her curious. Any time that she’d look at her own reflection it was quick and hurried. She never noticed anything significant until now, but she looked older. She had indeed grown a lot over the year. Was this how others saw her everyday?
Sighing she finished up and left the bathroom, it didn’t really matter to her what she looked like. She couldn’t change who she was on the inside, not that she wanted to either.
She had been moving the furniture around all week to make it easier for Carly to set up things. Some things were moved upstairs to get them out of the way and so people wouldn’t mess with them. It felt weird in such an empty space.
Glancing over at the clock she found that she still had time to run a few errands before heading back to her new place of residence.
Carly and Freddie sat up in the studio for a while and prepared for the show. They had only one day to actually prepare, yet again. Sam had been scarce all week and that didn’t give them enough of a chance to really be prepared. Carly had chosen most of the skits and Sam only had to remember what to do.
From the studio they could hear the front door open and then close, proceeded by feet running toward another room and closing another door.
They looked to one another and shrugged, they figured it must have been Spencer.
“Say, Freddie.” she started. Should she step into the realm that she’d avoided for a few weeks now?
“Yeah?” he looked up from his laptop and stopped what he was doing.
“Can we talk?”
If it had been a year ago he would have been expecting some sort of love confession from the brunette. This wasn’t the case and he began to feel a bit worried about what she wanted to talk about.
“Uh...sure.” he set down the camera and walked over to where she was. She plopped down in the seats behind the car and he did the same. “What about?” he asked folding his arms and looking at her expectantly.
The brunette wasn’t sure why she felt she should talk to him now of all times but she was just so curious.
“You and Sam.” she blurted out and looked over at him, expecting him to freak out.
“What about us?” he didn’t even react to her asking.
“What’s going on with you guys?”
“Nothing, why?”
“Oh come on Freddie, can you sit there and tell me that there’s nothing going on between you guys?”
The room seemed to get hotter, at least for him. He shifted a little in his seat and avoided looking at her face. What could she possibly know? Had they given too much away with their fighting? Was he that transparent that anyone could see his heart from under its hiding place? He was planning on keeping it buried for as long as possible. It was easier to avoid it if it wasn’t out in the open. Besides he knew that Sam would never return any of the pent up feelings he had.
“I really have no idea what you’re talking about Carly.” he got up and went back over to his cart to finish getting everything ready for the show.
Carly sat there for a moment and watched him work, noticing that his eyebrows were knitted together as though he were thinking really hard. Her attempts at getting answers out of Fredward Benson had failed. He wasn’t planning on admitting anything to anyone, least of all her.
It was then that they heard a ding from the elevator and out danced Sam who was going all out with her movies. She was doing all sorts of hip movements and arm flailing. She grinned at them and stopped.
“Homies!” she laughed still smiling like a loon. It was the happiest she’d been in a while and the two wondered what was up with her.
“Are you alright Sam?” Carly asked cautiously approaching the blond.
“I’m super! Fantabulous even! Woo!!” she started dancing around again and Carly was growing more concerned.
“Seriously Sam what’s going on?”
“Can’t I be in a good mood?” Sam looked up at her best friend while stopping her dancing.
“You can, but it doesn’t usually happen and you’re hardly this happy.”
“Bah!” she scoffed and grabbed her remote. “So how long do we have until the show starts?” she asked Freddie who had been gaping at her for the last five minutes. “Fredley?” she raised an eyebrow at him as he came back to reality. “Stop daydreaming about Carly and answer me.” she knew that he wasn’t really daydreaming about Carly but it was all she could think to say at the moment.
“I wasn’t!” he snapped glaring at Sam, feeling really embarrassed. He knew why it bothered him that she’d think that but refused to say it out loud.
“Oh whatever, what time does the show start?”
“In ten minutes.” he sighed and went back to what he was doing. He wasn’t in the mood to deal with her snippiness, especially since he kept wondering where she was all week.
At first he just assumed that she was just busy with something outside of their regular routine. But then his jealous mind had started to concoct theories in which Spencer was apart of. It was impossible to even think such things about a guy like Spencer. He wouldn’t date a girl Sam’s age, it would be weird for him, what with his own sister being her age. He was thirty for goodness sakes and Sam never showed any interest of that nature when it came to Spencer.
Maybe he was reading too much into them both being absent for the past week but he couldn’t help but be suspicious of them. The nagging at the back of his mind wouldn’t stop though. It kept bringing forth images of disturbing situations in which Sam and Spencer were the key players.
Shaking the thoughts from his mind he grabbed his camera and got ready for the show.
“We start in 5, 4, 3, 2...” he pointed his finger at the two who joined one another. Sam was still super happy as she turned her head to the side.
“PEOPLE!!!” she shouted into the camera. “You’re watching iCarly!”
“I’m Carly!”
“I’m Sam-o!”
Carly chuckled at this and went to stand at the car.
“Today on iCarly we’re going to show you a new trailer for another bad movie.”
“Fredley, roll it!” Sam called pointing to him.
He pressed a few buttons and the TV came out and started to play the movie. Sam and Carly stood off to the side as it played. The blond was smiling to herself, looking as though she were in deep thought. This only caused him to become more suspicious of the idea of Sam and Spencer.
Once the film ended they got back to the show which was filled with a few old classics as well as more Gibby who brought his ‘A’ game. Then there was a drum solo by Sam while Carly sang purposefully off key. It was a pretty amazing show. When the show was coming to an end Carly was about to say good night but Sam stopped her and went over to Freddie. She grabbed the camera from her hands and pointed it at him. Carly looked just as confused as he walked over to her.
“Uh…” he said looking a little nervous in front of the camera.
“Alright viewers, take a good look at Fredwod here and remember him as he is, for tomorrow he’ll become a man and attempt to grow some leg hair.”
“Sam!” he whined, embarrassed still about the fact that he hadn’t grown leg hair.
“Tomorrow our dork becomes something of a man, he’s turning 18 people, so go online and wish him a happy birthday!” despite her comments he couldn’t help but blush and smile a bit.
“You heard her, go with him a happy birthday!” Carly stated and Freddie took this time to take the camera from Sam.
“Good night people!” the both said and did their little dance before the broadcast ended.
“That was sort of nice of you Sam.” Carly commented smiling. Her blond friend just rolled her eyes at this and shrugged.
“Eh, the dork at least should get some b-day wishes, right? It’s a big deal; we did it when you turned eighteen Carls.”
“I suppose so, Sam.” Carly shrugged but kept her eyes on her best friend. She then let her eyes wander to Freddie who was also eyeing Sam weirdly.
“Oh would you guys stop geez!” she threw up her hands and walked out of the studio.
In the kitchen is where they found their blond friend preparing dinner, with Spencer. With the thoughts that Freddie had been having he found himself viewing those same images again. He started to notice little bits of interaction between them as they worked on making dinner.
“No, wait Spence, not yet.” she pulled whatever was in his hands and he whined and pouted at the blond.
“But, it’s time!” he cried and she just rolled her eyes.
“No it isn’t; why are you always so impatient?”
“Are you serious? You are the most impatient person I know and you’re going to lecture me on patience?” Spencer laughed and allowed her to take the food from his hands.
“When it comes to cooking you have to be patient, outside that you can be as impatient as you want to.” she glared at him and shoved him out of the way.
“Well excuse me.” he said and threw his hands up in the air dramatically.
“You’re excused, now scram!” she returned her attention to the stove and began preparing what looked like corn tortillas in oil.
“What are you making, Sam?” Carly asked sitting at the kitchen table with a can of Peppy Cola.
“Enchiladas!” she grinned and stood there holding a corn tortilla over the oil, which smelled different.
“Why does that oil smell so weird?” she asked wrinkling her nose.
“It’s peanut oil, it’s a really good oil that isn’t bad for your heath, well if you’re dieting.”
“But you’re not dieting, Sam.” Carly pointed out.
“So, it makes them taste better.” she scoffed. “If you use other oils they kind of get thick and gross and if we have leftovers, which I hope we don’t, the oil won’t get gooey and stick to the enchiladas.” she stated in a matter-of-fact tone.
“Who are you and what have you don’t to Sam?”
“Carls, I’m Sam, who else would I be?”
“An impostor!” Carly squeaked and looked at her best friend with wide eyes.
“I like to cook Carls, that’s all. You’ve got your writing and all that stuff you enjoy. Fredley has his ultra nerdy tech stuff and Spencer sculpts. Is it so wrong that I might enjoy this and want to learn about it?” she raised an eyebrow at her best friend who sighed.
“No I think it’s wonderful and I get to enjoy all the food you make.” she grinned.
Freddie joined Spencer on the couch and glanced at him once and a while until Spencer started to notice. The older man raised an eyebrow at the younger and Freddie looked away.
“Something on your mind Freddo?” he sort of whispered.
“Oh, nothing.” he said quickly.
“We could leave the room if there’s something you want to talk about.” Spencer offered.
“That might be easier.” he said blushing. He couldn’t believe that he was actually going to talk to Spencer about this.
The two males left the living room and headed for the elevator and got in. Once they reached the top floor the headed into the iCarly studio. Freddie didn’t know why he felt he should talk to Spencer about something the guy was involved in, well in his mind anyway.
“So what’s wrong Freddo?” he sat down on the end of the car front.
“Spencer, this is going to sound weird and maybe a little crazy but…” he sighed and leaned against the little table and looked at Spencer.
“What?”
“Are you and Sam having some secret relationship?” he blurted out really fast and prepared himself for the worst.
The older man just stared back at Freddie with wide eyes. So many thoughts were flying through his head as he observed the tech producer. As he thought through the past week and Freddie’s question it started to come together. It might have looked like they were always running off together. But for different reasons than what Freddie had come to; he wanted to laugh. Then the thought actually sunk in and he felt sort of nauseous. Just the thought disturbed him on so many levels. How could Freddie even think that he’d go for a younger girl who was a minor? Besides he wasn’t the type of guy to go for younger girls, especially ones that were friends with his little sister. Heck, she was like his little sister for goodness sakes!
“You’re kidding right?” he found himself saying in shock.
“Well…I don’t know Spence. I just…”
“So you thought that we were off all week ‘getting it on’.” he made a disgusted face as he said this and Freddie relaxed a bit. “Kiddo, you’ve got it all wrong. The only times I’ve seen Sam was when she let me use her house to get my surprise for you ready. She’d let me in and leave then I’d lock up and come home. She wouldn’t tell me what she had to do but she’d just vanish after that.”
“Oh.” he scrunched his brows together and turned his lips to the side. “I feel stupid.” he chuckled.
“You should feel stupid. Besides why do you care so much what Sam does?” this time it was Spencer’s turn to turn the tables.
“I don’t.” he shook his head vigorously and blushed a bit.
“You can tell me Freddie, the girls aren’t around. It’s just us guys.” he said in a dramatic way and flexed his biceps a bit.
“I don’t have anything to talk about, just wanted to know…just what I asked you is all.” his blush started to creep up to his forehead.
“Freddie, you like Sam don’t you.” Spencer said laying it all out there. He knew the signs of jealousy when he saw them and this young lad was jealous, of him.
“What?” he snapped. “I don’t! How could I like someone who constantly calls me names and punches me ‘just because’?” he scowled and looked away from Spencer. “She’s pushy, abrasive, mean, ugh, the list goes on.” he sighed.
“But you loooooove her.” Spencer taunted making a heart in the air with his fingers.
“What? Okay this conversation isn’t helping at all and I don’t!” he huffed.
“If you say so kiddo, but I can tell. I’m the master at love after all.” he bragged and Freddie couldn’t help but smile at this.
“Let’s go back downstairs.” he said and headed back to the elevator.
“Fine, but you’ll have to admit it sometime and when you do I’ll do this.” he said and then jumped in the air and clicked his heels together happily.
With the meat cooked and rolled up inside the corn tortilla with green chili, cheese and black olives on top, she pushed it into the oven for thirty minutes. Carly came over and helped her clean up the huge mess in the kitchen. They both noticed the boys run off upstairs and wondered what it was about. Carly had her opinions but just shrugged and went to get a rag to wipe up the counters.
“That smells amazing, Sam!” Spencer stated coming around the corner with a still flushed Freddie.
“It’s filled with meaty cheesy goodness.” she grinned and placed the skillet in the sink.
“How do you know how to make enchiladas?” Freddie asked trying to get rid of the blush on his face.
“That’s a secret.” she winked and left the kitchen.
She flopped onto the couch and grabbed the remote. The others joined her; Freddie sat at one end while Spencer sat next to her and Carly next to Spencer. It was an odd way to sit for them since the three friends always sat right by each other.
“Say, Sam, when’s that ‘hang out’ thing going down with Roger?” Spencer asked while she flipped through channels.
“We decided on Sunday, since we don’t do church.” she shrugged and found a channel playing Girly Cow.
After a while the oven timer dinged and Sam got up to check on the meal. Pulling it out she found that the cheese was just right and it smelled perfect. The others all gathered in the kitchen as she cut it up and put nice sized pieces onto plates. They all sat down and enjoyed the most amazing enchiladas in the world!
The next morning Carly woke to the smell of pancakes. She found herself stumbling down the stairs and into the kitchen. Sam greeted her with a wave and then she headed back over to the stove. Freddie sat in his pajamas at the island counter watching her cook while he drank some coffee, hair still a mess. Spencer sat next to him in the same state enjoying coffee and muttering things to Freddie.
The blond on the other hand looked wide awake and quite chipper. She was wearing some boxer shorts and a t-shirt that read ‘Cheese Flavored Cheesecake’.
“Almost done guys.” she told them and flipped another pancake onto a plate. She then lifted it and carried it over to the island and set it down. Next she grabbed all sorts of toppings and went back to grab what looked like sausage and bacon as well as toast.
Freddie looked as though he were dragged out of bed against his will. It wouldn’t have surprised Carly in the least if that’s how it happened. Why was another matter completely, to her?
After breakfast Carly left to start the decorating at Sam’s old house, with Spencer soon following. Freddie sat around the Shay home bored out of his mind while Sam stayed up in her room and listened to music. In hour into trying to watch television he decided to go upstairs and see what she was up to.
What he found was Sam listening to random music and dancing around the studio. Not that it was uncommon for her to do this but had she been doing this the whole time?
“Sam!” he called over the music, trying to get her attention. She turned mid move and stopped what she was doing.
Once the music was off she raised an eyebrow at him.
“What do you want Fredwod?” she sighed
“I’m bored.” he shrugged and went over to his cart; it seemed that he’d been doing that a lot lately. It seemed like it was the only safe thing to distract him from the blond before him. He could remember the good old days when they could say whatever bothered them about one another and get it over with. Not this time, nope, he couldn’t tell her what she was doing to him.
“What do ya want me to do about it?” she scowled and flopped onto a beanbag chair.
“Maybe we could watch some more of those ‘home movies’.” he suggested smiling, despite her foul mood.
“Fine, roll ‘em.” she shrugged and turned her body toward the TV. He rolled his eyes and pressed the play button on the next one after the last they watched. After that the next started up and he joined her yet again at the beanbags. She was sprawled out and her head was near his waist but not touching, he glanced down at her but she had her eyes on the video.
Marissa, who looked about fifteen, was sitting on a park bench raising an eyebrow at whoever was filming.
“Sarah, why?” she asked after a moment of silence.
“Why not, love?” Sarah laughed.
“What do you want to know?”
“Why do you always say no to our dear friend Nathan?” he asked outright and caused Marissa to blush slightly.
“I don’t think I should tell you that, you’ll just use it against him later.” she save her friend behind the camera a stern look.
“I won’t this time, I promise you.”
“Swear it.”
“I swear it!”
“Fine then, if you must know it’s because he’s just a friend and I just don’t feel that way about him. It’s like if you were really close with someone and he was like your little brother, you know? It’s just weird to think about it.” she made a weird face.
“Yeah you’d probably have mutant babies or something.” Joked Sarah, but Sam could hear something else in her tone.
“I just don’t understand why you two can’t get along. I mean you’ve known each other since the womb for goodness sakes. Why can’t you just be nice to him once and a while?”
There was a long pause before Sarah decided to answer. Marissa stared up into the camera at her best friend, waiting for an answer.
“Isn’t it obvious?” she finally said in yet another familiar tone, to Sam.
“Well no, it isn’t kid.”
“He’s an idiot, for a smart guy. He’s always freakin’ out about the stupidest things, I could go on but I won’t.”
“So I’m guessing this won’t change then, the fighting and abuse?”
“Sorry madam but it won’t change.”
Marissa sighed and got up.
“Is that all?”
“I suppose so.” the camera moved a bit which suggested that Sarah shrugged.
“Good, turn that thing off, I get enough of it with Nathan. I don’t want to have to take yours away too.”
“I’d love to see you try.” Sarah started running but she shut off the camera so it cut right there and went to the next video.
Sarah was sitting on a couch in a posed position, like the camera was on the tripod. She grinned at the camera and folded her arms into her lap. Sam could see somewhat familiar things behind her mother, like the front door to the right of her and the stairs as well.
“Hello, I’m making this video for my child Samantha who is currently four, almost five. I should have made it while I was pregnant but I never got that change. She’s visiting with my mother for the weekend so I’m pretty much all on my lonesome in this house. Your daddy had a business meeting to go to with some bigwig producing company for some band.” she informed the video camera. “Now I figured that I should make this video to you while I got the chance.” suddenly there was a knock at the door and then the person behind it just barged in. She jumped up and went over to the intruder.
“We need to talk, Sarah.” he stated glaring down at her while she did the same. He didn’t even seem to notice the camera and Sam was getting a little nervous about how this conversation was going to go.
“What now Nathan, didn’t we just have this conversation the other day?” she frowned and went to sit on the steps of the stairs.
“No, you yelled in my face and then pushed me out the door.”
“So you think it’s okay to just come in here and yell at me?”
“When you’re being like this, then yes I do.” he folded his arms and leaned against the door.
“Why does it even matter?” her voice was filled with so much emotion that Sam had to hold the side of her beanbag.
“It matters to me, what you said matters. Don’t you get it by now?”
“Obviously not, this doesn’t change anything between us, it just makes it worse.”
“Sarah, for someone so smart you sure are an idiot.” he sighed.
“Just leave okay? I don’t want to talk about this. Can’t we go back to just hating each other?”
“I don’t think I can.” he frowned.
“Why do you have to make a big deal out of this?”
Sam wondered what could have been said in their last conversation that caused this one to come up. It sounded like Sarah might have opened her big mouth.
“Sarah, you told me that you loved me. How am I supposed to forget that so easily?” he moved closer to her and got down to her level.
Freddie gasped beside her and she smacked her forehead. Mrs. Benson could never know about this.
“Your….mom…my….dad?” he was looking at her in shock and disbelief.
“Fredward, just keep it to yourself okay?”
“But, this is so wrong!”
“Should we stop the film?” she asked seeing that this was seriously disturbing him.
“No, I think I’ll be okay.” he said though his voice was shaking slightly.
“What does it matter? You and I are both married, I know this, I didn’t even mean to say it.” she brushed it off and stood up and tried to walk passed him but he was blocking her way. “Move.” she shoved his shoulders but found that they were really close and her back was mere inches from the wall.
“No.” he said sternly, moving toward her.
“We can’t keep doing this Nathan. It isn’t fair.” her voice was starting to quiver as he pressed her against the wall. “You and I will never be together, don’t you get that?” she was crying now and this caused Nathan to step back from her.
“I’m sorry Sarah.”
“No, it’s fine.” she sighed and looked into his eyes. “You have a family Nathan and so do I. We made our choices a long time ago and now we have to live with them. You’re an honorable man and you can’t just up and leave your family.”
“Marissa and I have been having trouble all year. I knew that it was partly my fault.”
“What are you talking about? You guys are the happiest couple I’ve ever seen.”
“We’re not. She works all the time and I’ve found that I’m in love with someone else.”
“Don’t you dare!” she shouted at him and shoved him more forcefully.
“I have to!” he leaned against the couch and looked at her while she glared back at him. “I can’t believe I never saw it before. I mean I felt it once and a while but I just figured it was teenage bodily reactions. But over this past year I’ve noticed it more and I didn’t know what to do.”
“Go home and be with your family, that’s what you should do.”
“I just can’t go on pretending that I don’t feel this way. Don’t you get it? I should have been with you all these years.”
“No, you’ve practically been in love with Marissa since you first laid eyes on her. That doesn’t just go away overnight, Nathan.”
“Tell me this isn’t happening.” Freddie stated looking over at Sam with wide eyes.
“It’s not happening,” she said raising an eyebrow.
“Gee thanks Sam that was believable.” he glared.
Nathan stood there, his back to the camera while Sarah looked completely distraught about this conversation. She made sure to keep distance between them and held onto the railing.
“I’m sorry.” Nathan finally said working his way over to her. “I don’t know what to do; I know that I can’t just pretend that I don’t love you like I do.”
“That’s just it, Nathan, you don’t love me. You’re trying to find a way out of your marriage and I won’t be apart of that.”
“That’s not it at all.”
“Yes it is, I won’t be the reason you mess up your marriage. Think of Freddie and how much he needs you, doesn’t that bother you at all that you’d want to leave him?”
“But I wouldn’t leave him, I love him too much.”
“Then you just had better turn around and walk out that door now and go home where you belong.” she gripped the side of the banister and looked like she was in pain.
“So that’s it then? We’re supposed to just live out the rest of our days pretending that we don’t love each other?”
“Yes, because you’ll get over it and realize it was all a mistake.”
“Sarah, what about you?”
“What about me?” she sent a glare at him and moved up a step, to put more distance. He sighed and came over to her and grabbed her hands. She allowed him to lead her away from the stairs.
“Sarah, I’m not going to take it back but I won’t keep hurting you like this. If this is what you want then I’ll go back and pretend I’m happy without you. But I’m not going to deny that I love you.” he gave her a stern look and pulled her into a hug. She pushed her face into his chest and gripped his shirt tightly.
“That’s what I want.” she said weakly and then pushed herself from him. “Now go home.” her eyes met his and for a moment it looked like she was going to change her mind.
He started to back up and then opened the front door. His eyes never left hers as he backed out of the house and closed the door. Once he was gone Sarah crumbled to the bottom step and sat there for a moment and ran her hands through her hair.
The tape must have run out because it just cut after that.
“I think we should stop watching these for a while.” Freddie said and got up. He started to pace back and forth, not sure what to do or say.
“Fredward, it’s not a big deal.”
“How can you say that? Doesn’t it bother you at all that your mom and my dad were having some sort of secret love affair?”
“I don’t know how I feel about it, I just know that we can’t do anything about it now.” she looked away sadly. The thought that both were now gone and couldn’t really defend themselves or even have a chance.
“Sorry, it’s just that this was unbelievable. My dad actually planned to leave my mom? Was it so bad with us that he’d just want to go?”
“Weren’t you listening at all Dweeb?” she rolled her eyes. “He went back home for you.”
Freddie leaned against the wall nearest to him and rubbed his face. He could hear Sam moving toward him and looked up, she was about five inches from him with her arms folded.
“It’s just weird.” he sighed.
“Well yeah it is weird but you and I can’t fix it or change what happened.”
“But what about my mom, doesn’t she deserve to know?”
Sam stood there for a moment and looked him in the eye, trying to decide what to say. Should she even tell him that his mother knew? Would that ease his mind knowing that his mother had found out over twelve years ago?
“Gah! I promised I wouldn’t say anything, okay?” she snapped and leaned against his cart, crossing her arms.
“You what?” his eyes grew wide.
“When your mom talked to me she told me about how she saw my mom and your dad kiss at work. I guess they used to work at the movie studio together and Sarah really loved him but never told him.” It was making her stomach turn as she said this but she carried on. “So she gave up on him after he started dating your mom and it remained like that for years until something happened, I don’t know what but his feelings changed.” She looked above his head so she wouldn’t have to actually look at him. He had his head down so that even if she tried she wouldn’t be able to see his face. She didn’t expect that it would affect him this bad. She stood there wondering what she should do. “Hey, dork.” he looked up at her then and his face was set in a scowl. “It’s going to be okay?” she asked it as more of a question than a statement. “Damn Benson don’t make me get all mushy here, just snap out of it.”
He sighed and allowed his face to relax.
“It’s so weird though. I always just thought that they had this perfect marriage. I always just-”
“Nothing is ever perfect, you should know this. I know that he loved you though, isn’t that enough for you?”
He sighed and pushed himself off the wall and stood before her. As much as he wanted to avoid contact he felt the urge to pull her to him and never let go. It was so unreasonable that he’d want to hug a dangerous beast like Sam. As he got closer she looked a bit disgruntled as he closed the space between them. She was so shocked by his boldness that she allowed him to wrap his arms around her. She held back a content sigh and decided to just put her hands against his chest, it was the safer route.
They stood there for a moment while he held onto her as though she were a life preserver. Normally she would have punched him and told him never to touch her but it was his birthday after all and she let information out that he wasn’t supposed to know about. There were limits to the things they’d do to one another and their parents to an extent were part of that. She could mention his crazy mother but never his father and the same for him, up until recently. It was an unspoken rule between the two and it had worked fine. But these videos had caused them to be stuck in emotional turmoil. It was a place where Sam wasn’t a welcomed guest.
But the feel of his hands on her back and his breath in her hair was causing those same feelings to creep up her spine. He must have realized this too because his breath had become labor as his hand started to move up to cup the side of her head. Her heart felt like it was going to try and escape her rib cage and attack him at any moment. This wasn’t fair of him to cause these things to happen. It just wasn’t natural for the nub to have this sort of control over her body.
She found herself bending her head back as he left warm kisses along her jaw. Her knees were going weak by this slight action. He looked down at her with half opened eyes and tilted her head a bit so that their mouths were parallel.
The only thoughts going through his mind at that moment were to kiss her and that’s all he’s wanted to do since their previous kiss.
“I’m going to kiss you now.” he said in a throaty tone that threw her off track. Before she had time to process this, his lips found hers and she felt herself respond almost as though they’d been doing this for ages. Their bodies seemed to stick together like a magnet as they moved form the cart and stumbled along the studio until Sam found her back pressing against the hood of the car. She pushed up and backed him up into the wall where her ‘room’ was.
He was mildly surprised by her boldness, yet it was expected from her as well. This wasn’t going to end well, he knew this for sure. Once she came out of the haze of their moment she’d rip his arms off and beat him with them.
She started to unbutton the top buttons of his collared shirt while still remaining on his lips. He didn’t mind this and removed it, throwing it off to the side, leaving him in only a thin long-sleeved shirt. He couldn’t believe what was happening; this had to be a dream.
Soft fingertips moved underneath his shirt as he trailed kisses down her neck. It was so surreal, being in this moment with her. He felt himself shiver from her touch, which she must have noticed because she smiled into his lips.
Gripping her waist he shifted them so that she was against the wall rather than him. She gasped into his mouth and he couldn’t help but chuckle at this. It was nice getting the upper hand on the blond once and a while. It didn’t last long though and he found himself being pushed down to the floor, with a mischievous Sam about him, straddling his waist.
The look in her eyes was remarkable to him and he felt himself being drawn in. He found that it was easier to control his body more now than the other night when she had bit him on the neck. She leaned her head above his and looked thoughtfully into his eyes.
She looked so amazing in that moment, her hair practically glowing and messy as she leaned closer to his face. She kissed him this time and he groaned as she ran her hands through his hair. The feel of her fingertips was too amazing for words. He never knew that Sam could actually be gentle.
He allowed his hands to rest on her waist and softly stroke the sides. She pressed herself into him more and gripped his hair a little tighter; he found that he didn’t mind the slight pain.
While they were in their own little world, Carly arrived and headed up to the studio. When she entered she could kind of see Freddie’s shoes sticking out from a distance. Moving in a bit more she could hear strange sounds and Sam’s shoes. Sighing she mentally prepared herself to deal with yet another Sam and Freddie fight. She leaves them alone for four hours and they can’t even get along.
As she approached her eyes grew wide at what she found. Sam was still sitting on Freddie while his hand sat under her shirt at her stomach area. The blond had her hands entangled in his hair while they remained glued at the mouth. This wasn’t the only thing she noticed, they were making strange noises and moving against each other in a way that was unfamiliar to her, yet it just seemed like something ‘couples’ would do.
She stood there for a moment and watched as Freddie pulled Sam closer into him and flipped them over so that he was above her this time. Sam gasped but allowed it; she put her hands under his shirt and lightly scratched at his stomach which earned her a groan of pleasure from the boy above her.
Carly blushed and decided it was time for her to let them know that she was there.
“Guys.” she started but they must not have heard her so she stepped closer. “Guys?” she said this a little louder. This was just too much for the brunette to take. “Will you two stop groping each other!” she snapped and the two on the floor opened their eyes and froze.
Freddie looked down at Sam, suddenly realizing what they were actually doing. He pulled away from her and sat on the floor breathing heavily.
Sam was just as shocked as he was. Even though she should have stopped this half an hour ago she couldn’t bring herself to. She knew this couldn’t go anywhere, high school wasn’t the place you’d find your soul mate, usually. That’s how she felt about it anyways and didn’t believe that she was right for Freddie.
Like so many times before she kept reminding herself that he wasn’t meant for her. The girl was out somewhere waiting to meet him and have the storybook ending. Someone like Carly was waiting for her dork. That was hard to swallow, that he’d be with someone else other than her. But that’s how it had to remain, friendship came first, she reminded herself as she sat there staring at him.
Carly watched the two stare at one another with a smirk on her face. They must have finally decided that they belonged together, or so she thought.
“So guys, when can we set the wedding date?” she joked and the two snapped their heads to her and looked so disgruntled.
“You’ve got to be kidding!” shouted Sam, blushing bright red.
“I’d never marry a demon like that!” Freddie shouted pointing at Sam, though there was no real malice behind his words. Sam wasn’t going to deny that it still stung, at least to herself.
“Like I’d ever want to be married to a huge dork like you.” she countered glaring at him.
The brunette sighed and grabbed her spray bottle and squirted them both in the face effectively breaking up their bickering.
“All I know is that you two were locked at the lips and going at it like wild animals. No scratch that, animals are more tame when it comes to that.” she shook her head at the two and folded her arms. “Anyways, I came to get you guys, everything is ready to go, except that the birthday boy isn’t there and neither is my helpful friend who didn’t bother to do anything for today.” she gave Sam a look that clearly stated sarcasm.
“Why would I want to do anything for the dork’s birthday anyways?” Sam returned the look.
“Because that’s what friends do.”
“Whatever, let’s just leave already.”
Carly headed for the door and decided to give the two a moment to collect themselves. She didn’t go far though, incase she had to go back in and break up another fight.
Spencer opened the door for them when they arrived; he’d stayed with Carly the whole time so she wouldn’t see the cake. There were a few people from school already there dancing. Gibby waved at them as they walked in and then went back to dancing, without his shirt on, with his girlfriend.
Pretty soon others arrived and the party was in full swing.
Yet Freddie and Sam couldn’t seem to focus on the party at all. They stayed as far away from each other the entire night until it was time to bring out the cake. She was so nervous that he’d find out that she had assisted in the making of the cake. She had decided on the design as well as all the baking. Spencer brought it to life with his brilliant sculpting skills.
As it was being brought out Sam held her breath, it still looked amazing. The whole room got quiet as it was set on the kitchen table that everyone had gathered around. Freddie sat down in front of it and looked amazed by it like everyone else.
“Wow, Spencer this looks…wow…” he was tongue-tied at he took in all the details.
It was an exact replica of his laptop, right down to the littlest detail. Around it though were really detailed candy figures of Fencers. On the screen was a picture of him, Spencer, Carly and Sam, in great detail.
Spencer shared a look with Sam that didn’t go unnoticed by Carly, but she kept it to herself.
“It was nothing, Freddo; spent all week working on this.”
“You didn’t have to do this for me, but thanks, I love it.” he smiled at Spencer who scratched the back of his head and felt awkward accepting the credit for something Sam had put all her time into as well. But Sam gave him a stern look and shook her head slightly, telling him to keep his mouth shut.
“Let’s get a picture of it before we destroy it.” Carly suggested pulling out her digital camera and snapping a few shots of the cake and Freddie who tried to avoid the camera.
As the cake was cut Sam joined Spencer over by the counter and watched their masterpiece being devoured by the teens in the room.
Once the cake had been taken down, presents were presented before Freddie. This year he actually got normal gifts from people rather than having his mother confiscate everything.
Gifts ranged from CDs to tech things, Carly got him new software, while Spencer had socks made for him, which he rather likes. Sam hadn’t presented him with a gift and he wasn’t sure if he should feel hurt by this or not. She stood off behind the crowd of people who watched as he opened up his gifts.
After all the presents had been put away everyone headed for the living room to continue dancing. Freddie stood off in the archway and watched everyone have a good time. Carly was dancing with the guy from their Trig class happily, but Sam was nowhere in sight.
Spencer was still stuffing his face in the kitchen with cake and looked over at Freddie when he looked his way.
“Where’d Sam go?” he asked the older guy.
“I think she went upstairs.” he shrugged.
Freddie snuck past a few people and worked his way up the stairs, which was off limits to the partygoers. Once in the hallway he looked both ways and found light coming from the bedroom to his right. Walking toward it he opened the door and peeked in. Sam sat near the windowsill and looked in deep thought. He wondered if he should go in and disturb her or just go back downstairs to his party.
He was kind of peeved with her, she didn’t help out Carly with the decorating, she hadn’t said a word about what happened earlier; she didn’t even get him a gift. A card would have been fine too, but she just detached herself from the entire thing. It was like she didn’t even care at all. Maybe he was being too selfish about this and so he decided to just talk to her.
“I wondered when you’d work your way up here, dork.” she muttered not looking at him.
“How’d you-” he started but she cut him off.
“You’re predictable, I knew you’d want to talk as soon as everyone got back to the party.” she turned her head which was leaning on her knees. “So let’s hear what you have to say and get it over with.”
He stepped in and closed the door behind him. The room seemed to get warmer after he did this but he pushed that way.
“About earlier-” he began and stopped for a moment. How was he supposed to talk to her about this?
“Fredifer, what happened earlier meant nothing. Like I’ve told you before we’re just friends and that’s not going to change.” even though she wished that it could.
He hadn’t noticed the music playing softly on the portable speakers near the window until then. The song seemed strangely significant.
“Caught in a trap of what we're taught to believe. When night overcomes day, life's so hard to perceive. And the clock keeps on ticking through night-shattered skies. Where the stars are all broken, and so are all the ties. But the one thing remaining is you. When I'm broken and bleeding, you pull me right through.”
He had heard this song before on a movie soundtrack but wouldn’t quite remember what it was called.
“Are you serious? Of course it had to mean something.”
“All it meant was that you and I have no self control when it comes to our hormones. Do you really want to talk about this? It’s supposed to be your birthday and all. Why the hell are you up here talking about something unimportant when you should be downstairs mingling with our classmates.” she deadpanned as she said this and kept all her emotions at bay. She didn’t really want to hurt him to the point of an ended friendship but she couldn’t keep having this talk with him. Why’d she allow earlier happen?
“Oh give it a break Sam!” he yelled and glared at her. “Why do you keep doing this? Why can’t you just tell me how you really feel instead of pretending that there isn’t something going on between us?”
“There isn’t anything going on between us Benson.” she looked him in the eye and glared at him.
He hadn’t moved from his spot since he came in and wasn’t sure if it would be a good idea to do so.
“You are going to sit there and tell me you don’t feel anything when we kiss?” she was silent and then looked away. He took this as a sign to continue. Braving a trip over to her he sat down next to her legs and faced her, their faces mere inches from each other.
He brought his hand up and touched the side of her face, while she glared at him even more. Yet she allowed him to touch her, leaning a little toward his hand as though it were natural to her. It was almost unfair to have to succumb to his touch like this, even though she attempted to tell him there was nothing between them.
“Why can’t you get it through your thick skull?” she finally asked him as he stroked the side of her face gently. Her voice cracked slightly but she pushed it down as best she could.
“Why can’t you just admit you like me?”
“Because I don’t, I can’t stand looking at you, talking to you, smelling you or seeing your stupid eyes looking at me like that.” she bit out with more malice than usual.
He could feel his brain switch over and the urge to kiss her again was surfacing.
“Liar.” he muttered and gripped her face and pulled it to his, filling the space between their face. At first she responded to his kiss with need, but realized that she couldn’t get sucked in again. This couldn’t keep happening; she wasn’t the one who should be enjoying his lips.
She had to force herself to pull away and pushed him away from her.
“Benson, if you do that again I’ll make sure you never have children.” she stated.
“Just admit that you like me as more than a friend and I’ll leave you alone.”
“I don’t like you that way,” she started and internally composed herself for what she was planning to say. “I just like making out with you on occasion, there’s no feeling behind that.” she looked him dead in the eyes as she said this. It hurt like hell to have to say it like that but he wasn’t getting it. “That’s all it is Benson, outside that we’re just friends.” she shrugged and stood up, grabbing her PearPod off the speaker dock, she left the room.
Freddie sat there for ten minutes digesting what she had said and it finally sank in that she might have been telling the truth when she said all that.
Maybe he was just some guy she liked making out with randomly. This was Sam after all, she hadn’t been looking for any real relationships since she dated Pete. What was he expecting, that she’d fall into his arms and tell him how much she loved him? That wasn’t Sam.
It had to be this way, he had to move on from Sam and get over whatever fascination he had for the blond.
With this decided he went back down to his birthday party.