Film review of The Ten Commandments The Musical
"There is a burning bush rapping in front of me..."
"At least it looks cool."
"Now Val Kilmer is rapping... I think."
Now, you see, when I borrowed The Ten Commandments The Musical (VAL KILMER IS MOSES), I knew it was a bad idea. I fucking knew it was a terrible idea, okay? Filmed (live at the Kodiak THEATRE in Hollywood) in 2006... based on the French musical... by I am not entirely sure how this was allowed to happen. The style of the book and music is somewhat reminiscent of the Andrew Lloyd Weber musicals that were popular in my childhood. Strangely upbeat melodies (always power rock) telling rather sad stories. Cramming as much of the book of Exodus as possible into each song, while keeping the (live) audience tapping their toes.
Val Kilmer shuffles through his scenes, propped up on his staff, pushed into position by his co-stars. He sings as little as possible, mostly just standing there staring blankly at whatever belting, bewigged young singer is in front of him. When he is required to open his mouth, he mostly crams as many words as he can into each phrase, giving him a singing voice that is more expositional that tuneful. The vocal talent is dodgy, only the voice of an eight year old boy (paraphrasing the ten commandments) rings sweetly in the ear.
You do get to see Aharon Ipalé reprise his role as the Pharoh Seti... in musical form this time.
It's not even good quality theatre. The lighting is harsh, using too many strong colours from the wrong angles. As well as assuming producer duties, Max Azria's costume design puts an Indian (as opposed to Egyptian?) spin on items commonly found in your local thrift stores. When the actors aren't standing still, lost in the never-ending power ballads, dancers writhe through the simplistic choreography. Slaves are dressed in cut off t-shirts festooned with coins, and neatly tailored cotton ensembles that look like they are fresh from BCBG. Any sorts of biblical magic tricks are achieved through flash-animation projected on screens (the plagues) or that sort of "magic" that is added in the editing room. In case you did not realize that commandments handed down by God are special-- don't worry, some editor makes them shine gold beams of lght.
Kate has decided that this (straight to) dvd has to be a recording of Val Kilmer's birthday party. ("Rich people are weird.")
I just think the whole thing is appalling. When the burning bush talks (raps?), it sparkles. God sparkles. It's just fucking nuts.
"At least it looks cool."
"Now Val Kilmer is rapping... I think."
Now, you see, when I borrowed The Ten Commandments The Musical (VAL KILMER IS MOSES), I knew it was a bad idea. I fucking knew it was a terrible idea, okay? Filmed (live at the Kodiak THEATRE in Hollywood) in 2006... based on the French musical... by I am not entirely sure how this was allowed to happen. The style of the book and music is somewhat reminiscent of the Andrew Lloyd Weber musicals that were popular in my childhood. Strangely upbeat melodies (always power rock) telling rather sad stories. Cramming as much of the book of Exodus as possible into each song, while keeping the (live) audience tapping their toes.
Val Kilmer shuffles through his scenes, propped up on his staff, pushed into position by his co-stars. He sings as little as possible, mostly just standing there staring blankly at whatever belting, bewigged young singer is in front of him. When he is required to open his mouth, he mostly crams as many words as he can into each phrase, giving him a singing voice that is more expositional that tuneful. The vocal talent is dodgy, only the voice of an eight year old boy (paraphrasing the ten commandments) rings sweetly in the ear.
You do get to see Aharon Ipalé reprise his role as the Pharoh Seti... in musical form this time.
It's not even good quality theatre. The lighting is harsh, using too many strong colours from the wrong angles. As well as assuming producer duties, Max Azria's costume design puts an Indian (as opposed to Egyptian?) spin on items commonly found in your local thrift stores. When the actors aren't standing still, lost in the never-ending power ballads, dancers writhe through the simplistic choreography. Slaves are dressed in cut off t-shirts festooned with coins, and neatly tailored cotton ensembles that look like they are fresh from BCBG. Any sorts of biblical magic tricks are achieved through flash-animation projected on screens (the plagues) or that sort of "magic" that is added in the editing room. In case you did not realize that commandments handed down by God are special-- don't worry, some editor makes them shine gold beams of lght.
Kate has decided that this (straight to) dvd has to be a recording of Val Kilmer's birthday party. ("Rich people are weird.")
I just think the whole thing is appalling. When the burning bush talks (raps?), it sparkles. God sparkles. It's just fucking nuts.
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