that goddamned maine belt. a depressing post. don't bother reading.
i don't know why living seems harder for me than for most people. maybe i just don't know about other people's secret sorrows. i know that in the scheme of life, i am one lucky little fucker, but so sad. i'm obnoxious. it's obnoxious, i know. i am going to try and quit smoking. and i am going to drink more water. maybe i'll have better breath.
last night, i called baker. probably a bad decision, as when he left, i felt little better than before we talked. maybe it's just dawning on me that he's never coming back to me. he doesn't want me anymore. i guess i've known that for awhile. i'm sure most people would look at me as if i have the slowest thought process on the planet, but it's true. the thought just entered my mind. he's gone. and happier.
and today i saw the belt. he is everywhere. i don't know what to do to make it go away. i miss him. more than i ever want to admit. i kept thinking it would get better with time, and i know that it will, but it's just gotten worse recently. the dreams continue, but maybe that's because it's just all sinking in. leticia just put phish on very loudly. i'm going to clean.
last night, i called baker. probably a bad decision, as when he left, i felt little better than before we talked. maybe it's just dawning on me that he's never coming back to me. he doesn't want me anymore. i guess i've known that for awhile. i'm sure most people would look at me as if i have the slowest thought process on the planet, but it's true. the thought just entered my mind. he's gone. and happier.
and today i saw the belt. he is everywhere. i don't know what to do to make it go away. i miss him. more than i ever want to admit. i kept thinking it would get better with time, and i know that it will, but it's just gotten worse recently. the dreams continue, but maybe that's because it's just all sinking in. leticia just put phish on very loudly. i'm going to clean.