(no subject)
I had a massive and unexpected shattering of my self esteem last night (I shall note, for the record, that nobody said or did anything to cause it; it just happened all on its own. Or possibly it was my facade of good self-esteem that shattered, forcing me to face my general lack of aforementioned esteem - I am unsure.) In any case, it left me aware of two things:
1) Despite my general definite improvement in the area of mental health, I still really Don't Do Well when left alone in groups.
2) I pretty much think that I'm the least interesting person all of my friends know.
Basically, I went to a movie with two friends and some of their friends last night; afterwards they all started talking in two groups, and I was standing there, inbetween, feeling like there was no way I was half as interesting/accomplished/attractive as any of these people, and what was I doing there, and all of M and B's friends (who all knew each other) must be like "Ew, why is she here" and really, it was only a couple minutes before B included me in the conversation (and it's not at all clear that I would have appeared excluded to anyone else; I was angled towards B and the girl she was talking to, so likely it appeared that I was listening attentively - basically, I don't want any of you to think M and B are bad friends, because they're not. They're great.) but it felt like a lot, lot longer. And after that, I was a total wreck.
I'm finding myself wondering if this is why I don't post or comment more often, or work on any of my WIPs, or anything - I mean, who would be interested in what I have to say? My life and thoughts are less interesting, and my friends are all better writers than me, so why even bother?
And so I am kind of a wreck, now.
So, this post has two purposes:
1) Defriending Amnesty. If I really am boring, or you don't care anymore, or are just keeping me around not to hurt my feelings, then please, go ahead and defriend me. It's been nice knowing you (really!) and I wish you well.
2) Give Me Love? If you are not taking advantage of (1) - IP logging is off, Anonymous commenting on (they both always are, anyway). Tell me something nice about me, please?
And there ends the depressing post of the day. Blarg.
1) Despite my general definite improvement in the area of mental health, I still really Don't Do Well when left alone in groups.
2) I pretty much think that I'm the least interesting person all of my friends know.
Basically, I went to a movie with two friends and some of their friends last night; afterwards they all started talking in two groups, and I was standing there, inbetween, feeling like there was no way I was half as interesting/accomplished/attractive as any of these people, and what was I doing there, and all of M and B's friends (who all knew each other) must be like "Ew, why is she here" and really, it was only a couple minutes before B included me in the conversation (and it's not at all clear that I would have appeared excluded to anyone else; I was angled towards B and the girl she was talking to, so likely it appeared that I was listening attentively - basically, I don't want any of you to think M and B are bad friends, because they're not. They're great.) but it felt like a lot, lot longer. And after that, I was a total wreck.
I'm finding myself wondering if this is why I don't post or comment more often, or work on any of my WIPs, or anything - I mean, who would be interested in what I have to say? My life and thoughts are less interesting, and my friends are all better writers than me, so why even bother?
And so I am kind of a wreck, now.
So, this post has two purposes:
1) Defriending Amnesty. If I really am boring, or you don't care anymore, or are just keeping me around not to hurt my feelings, then please, go ahead and defriend me. It's been nice knowing you (really!) and I wish you well.
2) Give Me Love? If you are not taking advantage of (1) - IP logging is off, Anonymous commenting on (they both always are, anyway). Tell me something nice about me, please?
And there ends the depressing post of the day. Blarg.