(no subject)
Today marks one month since mom died. I know it seems random because I hadn't mentioned her passing. It's one of those things that I'd always go to the computer and get ready to write about, but then not feel like writing anything anymore. Also, although we'd officially gotten married in July, John and I have our big planned wedding coming up this Saturday. Everyone wants me to say something in memory of my mom and John's dad (who died 16ish years ago), but I'm having trouble writing something down. There's this part of a Kierkegaard book that I wanted to use but can't find it.
Anywho, when my mom died and I went home for her service, my grandmother and aunt told me that no one from my mom's side of the family was coming to the wedding. First it was because they "couldn't afford it". Maybe true, but highly unlikely. Then they "could never come back to New Mexico ever again". Which I guess I can understand, but as my dad says, cancer killed my mom, not New Mexico. In any case, it's a bummer. I thought for sure that at least my grandmother would come.
I'm also starting to have nightmares about the wedding. Like last night, I was in some huge auditorium with maybe 400-500 of those metal chairs with cushions that you get at office stores. There was a stage with an arch of maybe 20-30 more chairs on it. All chair cushions were blue in the building except two on stage that were black. Seats for John and I. It felt like I was trapped in the dream (not by the marriage or anything). I was on stage with lights bearing down on me. No one had arrived yet, but the fact that so many were coming got to me, I guess. Luckily we aren't having 400-500 on Saturday.
Ah well. This rantiness has gone on long enough.
Anywho, when my mom died and I went home for her service, my grandmother and aunt told me that no one from my mom's side of the family was coming to the wedding. First it was because they "couldn't afford it". Maybe true, but highly unlikely. Then they "could never come back to New Mexico ever again". Which I guess I can understand, but as my dad says, cancer killed my mom, not New Mexico. In any case, it's a bummer. I thought for sure that at least my grandmother would come.
I'm also starting to have nightmares about the wedding. Like last night, I was in some huge auditorium with maybe 400-500 of those metal chairs with cushions that you get at office stores. There was a stage with an arch of maybe 20-30 more chairs on it. All chair cushions were blue in the building except two on stage that were black. Seats for John and I. It felt like I was trapped in the dream (not by the marriage or anything). I was on stage with lights bearing down on me. No one had arrived yet, but the fact that so many were coming got to me, I guess. Luckily we aren't having 400-500 on Saturday.
Ah well. This rantiness has gone on long enough.