Suicide Note; Chapter 03 (Part III)
This will be a short update, I'm out of town and have had a long week--I mostly threw this together while sitting at the airport.
Enjoy
Suicide Note
Chatper Three (Part III)
Friendship
Thursday was very overcast, and a chill permeated the air. Sharon had to run to her Micro midterm because she had found that the rear derailleur had broken on her bike just as she was leaving her dorm. She wore her blue and green skiing jacket over her sweater and jeans. She had studied into the night with Chrissie but didn't get much out of it besides helping her out. Chrissie stayed until midnight before turning in. Sharon found that she couldn't sleep for the entire night, instead she tossed and turned, thinking about Laura.
The large hundred seat Micro lecture hall was in the basement of the Sciences building. It had no windows, stadium seating, a white screen for the LCD projector behind the podium, and it was freezing cold given that the previous day was so warm.
Sharon didn't take her coat off for the exam, wishing she had taken along a pair of gloves for her cold fingers as she bubbled in her answers. The small flip up desk hardly had enough room for her answer sheet, let alone the thick test booklet.
Whenever she had to think about an answer her mind kept drifting to abandoning Laura and Amanda in the dorm room and what would have happened that night. She was hungry, having skipped breakfast, and worrying made her sick to her stomach.
Did she lose her chance with Laura, was Laura different from how she imagined her to be?
Sharon finished her exam in forty minutes and was too distracted and nauseated to double check it, instead she just dropped off the answer sheet at the front of the room along with her test booklet and headed out. As she was leaving the lecture hall, the worrying had finally caught up with her and she felt like she was going to throw up. She moaned as she walked to the bathroom, the sickening pain in her stomach welling up into her throat.
The cold tile stared back at her as Sharon gagged over the toilet, the horrible stench of cleaning fluid making her even more sick. She was on her knees in the black stall, her eyes watering, the pain of not being able to throw up exhausting her. When she staggered to her feet, her knees were shaking and her lips were tingling from hyperventilating.
Sharon walked out of the stall and leaned against the sink, watching the water swirl into the shining metal drain. Her reflection, with bloodshot eyes and blue lips, stared coldly back at her.
“I hate you,” she whispered, splashing water into her face. “You're such a fucking coward.” She started to cry. She wanted to talk to someone, to be comforted.
“I finally find someone I want to love, and all she wants to do is fuck me,” she whispered. “I'm so stupid to believe that this was supposed to be special.”
Sharon coughed uncontrollably until her voice was hoarse. She wanted to go back to her room where she could fall sleep and forget it all, but she had a Biochem study session and she promised to help Tina out. Her stomach growled, having just turned itself inside out made her sick and hungry at the same time.
She dragged her feet over the tile floor out of the bathroom and collapsed on a bench in the downstairs hall outside the lecture hall. Sharon tried to catch her breath, staring up at the flickering neon lights on the ceiling.
Chrissie hadn't told her what she wanted to hear, although it had been the truth. She wanted to hear that Laura wasn't like that, that she wasn't interested in trading in Amanda for someone more intelligent... or maybe innocent.
“Naive,” Sharon said. That's what she wants.
She found that she needed fresh air and forced herself onto her feet before heading out into the cold, still shivering. The skies were darkening as if the winter hadn't fully released its grip. She paced back and forth, clutching her small flip phone, listening to the ring tone.
“Dr. DeAngelicio's phone,” a female nurse's voice chirped on the other end. Her mother would keep her phone at the nurses' station when she was seeing patients.
Sharon's mother was a Neurologist in Atlanta, working at a large group that did a great deal of sports medicine and Alzheimer work. Although Sharon was an excellent student, the bulk of her finances came from her mother's hard work-but her mother was more than willing to foot the bill.
Her mother was still very beautiful, even if a lifetime of hard work had aged her a little. She looked a lot like Sharon, except her hair was a beautiful amber, if not turned a little grey. Sharon was an only child, and meant the world to her mother who always allowed her a great deal of freedom, if not worrying about some of the choices her daughter would make.
“Can I speak to my mom?” Sharon asked, her voice rasping.
“Oh, Sharon! How are you?”
“Not that good. Is my mom busy?” Sharon said.
“Hold on,” the nurse said. Sharon could hear her walking over to the exam room and knocking on the door.
“Yes?” she could hear her mother's voice.
“It's Sharon,” the nurse said. “She sounds upset.”
There was a shuffling as her mother took the phone. “Honey? What's wrong?”
“Mommy?” Sharon asked. “I... I met someone at school. I think I'm in love with her.”
There was silence on the other end.
“But I don't think she...” she cut herself off as she began to cry and her nose started to run. She sniffled as she tried to compose herself. “I went to her room last night, but she already was with someone.”
“Do you really love this girl?” her mother asked.
“I think so,” Sharon said.
“Try to get to know her, alone,” she replied. “But just as a friend. You're a very sweet girl, maybe she'll try to meet you on your own terms.”
“But that would mean...”
“I've never doubted anything you've done,” her mother said. “If her friendship is worth so much to you, then make it clear to her what your boundaries are. If you just give up, you'll be just as upset. She didn't hurt you, did she?”
“No... But it felt that way,” Sharon said.
“Just take a deep breath, sweetie,” she said. “And promise me you'll be careful.”
Sharon closed her eyes, she felt a little better after being reassured by her mother, even if that meant she'd probably have to muster up the nerve to talk with Laura again-that is if she would even have her.
Enjoy
Suicide Note
Chatper Three (Part III)
Friendship
Thursday was very overcast, and a chill permeated the air. Sharon had to run to her Micro midterm because she had found that the rear derailleur had broken on her bike just as she was leaving her dorm. She wore her blue and green skiing jacket over her sweater and jeans. She had studied into the night with Chrissie but didn't get much out of it besides helping her out. Chrissie stayed until midnight before turning in. Sharon found that she couldn't sleep for the entire night, instead she tossed and turned, thinking about Laura.
The large hundred seat Micro lecture hall was in the basement of the Sciences building. It had no windows, stadium seating, a white screen for the LCD projector behind the podium, and it was freezing cold given that the previous day was so warm.
Sharon didn't take her coat off for the exam, wishing she had taken along a pair of gloves for her cold fingers as she bubbled in her answers. The small flip up desk hardly had enough room for her answer sheet, let alone the thick test booklet.
Whenever she had to think about an answer her mind kept drifting to abandoning Laura and Amanda in the dorm room and what would have happened that night. She was hungry, having skipped breakfast, and worrying made her sick to her stomach.
Did she lose her chance with Laura, was Laura different from how she imagined her to be?
Sharon finished her exam in forty minutes and was too distracted and nauseated to double check it, instead she just dropped off the answer sheet at the front of the room along with her test booklet and headed out. As she was leaving the lecture hall, the worrying had finally caught up with her and she felt like she was going to throw up. She moaned as she walked to the bathroom, the sickening pain in her stomach welling up into her throat.
The cold tile stared back at her as Sharon gagged over the toilet, the horrible stench of cleaning fluid making her even more sick. She was on her knees in the black stall, her eyes watering, the pain of not being able to throw up exhausting her. When she staggered to her feet, her knees were shaking and her lips were tingling from hyperventilating.
Sharon walked out of the stall and leaned against the sink, watching the water swirl into the shining metal drain. Her reflection, with bloodshot eyes and blue lips, stared coldly back at her.
“I hate you,” she whispered, splashing water into her face. “You're such a fucking coward.” She started to cry. She wanted to talk to someone, to be comforted.
“I finally find someone I want to love, and all she wants to do is fuck me,” she whispered. “I'm so stupid to believe that this was supposed to be special.”
Sharon coughed uncontrollably until her voice was hoarse. She wanted to go back to her room where she could fall sleep and forget it all, but she had a Biochem study session and she promised to help Tina out. Her stomach growled, having just turned itself inside out made her sick and hungry at the same time.
She dragged her feet over the tile floor out of the bathroom and collapsed on a bench in the downstairs hall outside the lecture hall. Sharon tried to catch her breath, staring up at the flickering neon lights on the ceiling.
Chrissie hadn't told her what she wanted to hear, although it had been the truth. She wanted to hear that Laura wasn't like that, that she wasn't interested in trading in Amanda for someone more intelligent... or maybe innocent.
“Naive,” Sharon said. That's what she wants.
She found that she needed fresh air and forced herself onto her feet before heading out into the cold, still shivering. The skies were darkening as if the winter hadn't fully released its grip. She paced back and forth, clutching her small flip phone, listening to the ring tone.
“Dr. DeAngelicio's phone,” a female nurse's voice chirped on the other end. Her mother would keep her phone at the nurses' station when she was seeing patients.
Sharon's mother was a Neurologist in Atlanta, working at a large group that did a great deal of sports medicine and Alzheimer work. Although Sharon was an excellent student, the bulk of her finances came from her mother's hard work-but her mother was more than willing to foot the bill.
Her mother was still very beautiful, even if a lifetime of hard work had aged her a little. She looked a lot like Sharon, except her hair was a beautiful amber, if not turned a little grey. Sharon was an only child, and meant the world to her mother who always allowed her a great deal of freedom, if not worrying about some of the choices her daughter would make.
“Can I speak to my mom?” Sharon asked, her voice rasping.
“Oh, Sharon! How are you?”
“Not that good. Is my mom busy?” Sharon said.
“Hold on,” the nurse said. Sharon could hear her walking over to the exam room and knocking on the door.
“Yes?” she could hear her mother's voice.
“It's Sharon,” the nurse said. “She sounds upset.”
There was a shuffling as her mother took the phone. “Honey? What's wrong?”
“Mommy?” Sharon asked. “I... I met someone at school. I think I'm in love with her.”
There was silence on the other end.
“But I don't think she...” she cut herself off as she began to cry and her nose started to run. She sniffled as she tried to compose herself. “I went to her room last night, but she already was with someone.”
“Do you really love this girl?” her mother asked.
“I think so,” Sharon said.
“Try to get to know her, alone,” she replied. “But just as a friend. You're a very sweet girl, maybe she'll try to meet you on your own terms.”
“But that would mean...”
“I've never doubted anything you've done,” her mother said. “If her friendship is worth so much to you, then make it clear to her what your boundaries are. If you just give up, you'll be just as upset. She didn't hurt you, did she?”
“No... But it felt that way,” Sharon said.
“Just take a deep breath, sweetie,” she said. “And promise me you'll be careful.”
Sharon closed her eyes, she felt a little better after being reassured by her mother, even if that meant she'd probably have to muster up the nerve to talk with Laura again-that is if she would even have her.