feeling like a bad mommy. i hate the phone.
So Bean had counseling yesterday. In my calendar I had it marked down as 5; the counselor calls me at 12:15. His appointment was at noon. However, she's going to use the time to recall Children's to find out where they are in processing Bean's file.
Fuck.
Okay, I juggle a lot. Everyday. All day. But this is _not_ a ball I could drop.
He was really seemingly level over the weekend, despite the turmoil. In fact he dealt with the stress better this weekend than I did. We created a bedroom in the basement and moved Bean's little brother down there. So now Bean has his own space. This will especially be important when he has his rages. I'm trying to create it as a space where he will be able to write, play his guitar, etc. I have to go to Ikea this upcoming weekend in order to complete it -- he needs some more furniture. But, we will get it done. Both boys seem happy in their new spaces.
Then he calls me after the counselor. Apparently got himself in trouble. He tells me on the phone he was stabbing himself with his pencils and making himself bleed. He got a referral. Whatever the hell that means. I pen an Email to the teacher to find out her version. I've heard nothing back.
Then my 18-year-old calls. He's completely fallen on his ass. His dad agrees, he's coming back from Michigan to Washington. So in a few weeks I'll have another drama case to deal with. I'm stresseed.
Bean gets home and I check his hands. Nothing. He tells me that he was only 'chewing his nails and not paying attention.' That he only got a warning for a referral, but not really a referral. I still haven't heard back from the teacher.
Hubby teleworked yesterday and with the crappy weather, decided he would be a gentleman and go pick up the wees for me. At the bus stop, my new best friend (since moving to the land of Twin Peaks) fills him in with some 'crap' her son has been telling her about Bean. Now, her son has ADHD. So the two boys together don't always make the best of choices. But they really seem to like each other (although, personally, I think her son is a bit too boring for Bean...but /shrug). But lately Bean has been saying that my friend's son, we'll call him Tom, has been being mean to him. And Tom tells him mom that Bean has been being a bully to him. Additionally, he says that Bean and his friends are talking about perverted things (what 12-year-old boy doesn't talk about girls and boobies and such?). But I already know that Tom is hyper sensitive to that. He once spent the night over and one little kissing scene on TV put him in a complete panic.
I ask my hubby: what do you want me to do. It's a he said, he said situation. And I don't believe that Tom is necessarily a credible source. The boys both make crappy decisions when emotions are involved. He said he doesn't know either, was just relaying the information. I let it rest.
Then last night before bed, I get a phone message (our signal on my cell has been crappy because of all the fucking snow or something). So it never rang. I just got a message. It's my friend. She relays that she gave my hubby information, but that she didn't give him the full story. And that she's upset and needs to talk to me about my son.
I conversed with Bean this a.m. Just asked him how things are going. He tells me he and Tom had a fight -- unprompted. So I ask him to explain what happened. I know they don't have classes together, so I ask him to tell me what happened on the bus. He tells me. My bottom-line assessment. Bean was paying too much attention to another child and Tom got pissed and jealous and lashed out at Bean, who inturn lashed back. Bean and I problem solve. He chooses that he should just avoid Tom until things cool out. I agree this is a good plan of action. I will have him do homework club the rest of this week and I will pick him up from school. I've been saying for months that the bus ride is a huge trigger for him. Taking it out of the equation might not be a bad idea. I've also arranged to pick up the wees from their school. I will not have to be at the bus stop with the other mothers to have to deal with additional drama.
I pen an Email to my friend. I'm emotional. I know she is as well. So, I know writing will help me put my thoughts in order better. I explain what I know to her, what Bean's plan is, what my plan is. She will feel offended, I'm sure. But, I'm done being the slapping board just because my son has a chronic illness.
Then I call the bus driver. Ask her to keep the boys seperate on the bus, until further notice, if she can. She agrees. In fact, she had called last friday to say that Bean's behavior on the bus recently has been excellent. So, once again I'm buoyed by the belief that Tom is causing more problems than Bean is. However, I'm not so naive to think that Bean is always making the best choices when presented with a problem.
Then this morning as I'm feeling still very emotional, the school calls. Bean is put into an isolation study room in order to catch up on stuff. To some parents they might be highly upset about this. I'm not. Whatever they need to do to help him stay focused. He still gets to attend the field trip later this a.m. and he'll still get his work done. That's a win-win for me. But, I hate talking to that ass't principal. He doesn't talk with you. He talks at you. And he just gives me the impression I've just been slimed after having to communicate with him. He mentions that Bean said he's on new vitamins that help him focus better. And the guy says vitamins like it's code or something. And I say, "That's right, Corbin's on some new and improved supplements and we are assisting him with a good diet and regular sleep." and he says, "Oh. Really it is vitamins? Well, that's good!" What an ass!
Then here at work, I'm feeling useless, in over my head and a like I can't leave despite my unhappiness and true inabilty to do this job the way I should. But they really do expect too much from everyone. Doing more with less has its limits. And I'm at mine.
I still haven't heard from the teacher. Still haven't heard from my friend. And I'm trying to get my hubby to get online so I can chat with him before _I_ explode.
Ever feel that with BiPolar you're constantly trying to find out what is true and what's not? ugh!
Fuck.
Okay, I juggle a lot. Everyday. All day. But this is _not_ a ball I could drop.
He was really seemingly level over the weekend, despite the turmoil. In fact he dealt with the stress better this weekend than I did. We created a bedroom in the basement and moved Bean's little brother down there. So now Bean has his own space. This will especially be important when he has his rages. I'm trying to create it as a space where he will be able to write, play his guitar, etc. I have to go to Ikea this upcoming weekend in order to complete it -- he needs some more furniture. But, we will get it done. Both boys seem happy in their new spaces.
Then he calls me after the counselor. Apparently got himself in trouble. He tells me on the phone he was stabbing himself with his pencils and making himself bleed. He got a referral. Whatever the hell that means. I pen an Email to the teacher to find out her version. I've heard nothing back.
Then my 18-year-old calls. He's completely fallen on his ass. His dad agrees, he's coming back from Michigan to Washington. So in a few weeks I'll have another drama case to deal with. I'm stresseed.
Bean gets home and I check his hands. Nothing. He tells me that he was only 'chewing his nails and not paying attention.' That he only got a warning for a referral, but not really a referral. I still haven't heard back from the teacher.
Hubby teleworked yesterday and with the crappy weather, decided he would be a gentleman and go pick up the wees for me. At the bus stop, my new best friend (since moving to the land of Twin Peaks) fills him in with some 'crap' her son has been telling her about Bean. Now, her son has ADHD. So the two boys together don't always make the best of choices. But they really seem to like each other (although, personally, I think her son is a bit too boring for Bean...but /shrug). But lately Bean has been saying that my friend's son, we'll call him Tom, has been being mean to him. And Tom tells him mom that Bean has been being a bully to him. Additionally, he says that Bean and his friends are talking about perverted things (what 12-year-old boy doesn't talk about girls and boobies and such?). But I already know that Tom is hyper sensitive to that. He once spent the night over and one little kissing scene on TV put him in a complete panic.
I ask my hubby: what do you want me to do. It's a he said, he said situation. And I don't believe that Tom is necessarily a credible source. The boys both make crappy decisions when emotions are involved. He said he doesn't know either, was just relaying the information. I let it rest.
Then last night before bed, I get a phone message (our signal on my cell has been crappy because of all the fucking snow or something). So it never rang. I just got a message. It's my friend. She relays that she gave my hubby information, but that she didn't give him the full story. And that she's upset and needs to talk to me about my son.
I conversed with Bean this a.m. Just asked him how things are going. He tells me he and Tom had a fight -- unprompted. So I ask him to explain what happened. I know they don't have classes together, so I ask him to tell me what happened on the bus. He tells me. My bottom-line assessment. Bean was paying too much attention to another child and Tom got pissed and jealous and lashed out at Bean, who inturn lashed back. Bean and I problem solve. He chooses that he should just avoid Tom until things cool out. I agree this is a good plan of action. I will have him do homework club the rest of this week and I will pick him up from school. I've been saying for months that the bus ride is a huge trigger for him. Taking it out of the equation might not be a bad idea. I've also arranged to pick up the wees from their school. I will not have to be at the bus stop with the other mothers to have to deal with additional drama.
I pen an Email to my friend. I'm emotional. I know she is as well. So, I know writing will help me put my thoughts in order better. I explain what I know to her, what Bean's plan is, what my plan is. She will feel offended, I'm sure. But, I'm done being the slapping board just because my son has a chronic illness.
Then I call the bus driver. Ask her to keep the boys seperate on the bus, until further notice, if she can. She agrees. In fact, she had called last friday to say that Bean's behavior on the bus recently has been excellent. So, once again I'm buoyed by the belief that Tom is causing more problems than Bean is. However, I'm not so naive to think that Bean is always making the best choices when presented with a problem.
Then this morning as I'm feeling still very emotional, the school calls. Bean is put into an isolation study room in order to catch up on stuff. To some parents they might be highly upset about this. I'm not. Whatever they need to do to help him stay focused. He still gets to attend the field trip later this a.m. and he'll still get his work done. That's a win-win for me. But, I hate talking to that ass't principal. He doesn't talk with you. He talks at you. And he just gives me the impression I've just been slimed after having to communicate with him. He mentions that Bean said he's on new vitamins that help him focus better. And the guy says vitamins like it's code or something. And I say, "That's right, Corbin's on some new and improved supplements and we are assisting him with a good diet and regular sleep." and he says, "Oh. Really it is vitamins? Well, that's good!" What an ass!
Then here at work, I'm feeling useless, in over my head and a like I can't leave despite my unhappiness and true inabilty to do this job the way I should. But they really do expect too much from everyone. Doing more with less has its limits. And I'm at mine.
I still haven't heard from the teacher. Still haven't heard from my friend. And I'm trying to get my hubby to get online so I can chat with him before _I_ explode.
Ever feel that with BiPolar you're constantly trying to find out what is true and what's not? ugh!