[one-shot; heechul/donghae, donghae/?]
title: Unrequited Love
author: Mica
pairing: heechul/donghae donghae/? (one sided love both sides)
rating: PG-13 for a curse word
genre: angst. Oh yes.
summary: Heechul's there to listen to Donghae, but who listens to Heechul?
notes: that is the worst summary ever. Ignore it and read on. And this is the result of all the angst that's been poured into the community lately. You all make me angst with your angst! ;_;
Sometimes he wanted to be selfish. Sometimes, he wanted to be selfish, and mean and rude and shout ‘just shut the fuck up, will you!’ Sometimes, he didn’t want to be as close to the younger boy as he was, that he wasn’t the one to be confided in. Sometimes, at moments like this, he wanted to tell the other boy everything. Or perhaps shout it at him, so that he’d understand, so that he would know the pain he was put through.
But, he couldn’t. However often he thought he might just snap one day and say or do something of the like, whenever Heechul saw that face, dark eyes brightly lit with happiness and lips curved in a warm, happy smile, he couldn’t. He just couldn’t do it. As hurt as he could be sometimes, he couldn’t bring himself to willingly cause pain to him.
And this was where Heechul failed. Because he couldn’t do it, he was left, stuck, trapped silently in this seemingly endless circle.
They’d grown close over the years. Heechul had actually let down his walls with this boy, let him in. Though it hadn’t been by choice, but when it came to Donghae… well, that sunny smile of his could knock down the strongest walls, apparently.
And ever since Heechul had let him in, Donghae felt comfortable enough to tell him just about everything. And it really was close to everything. At first, he hadn’t minded this, he liked their closeness. Heechul was never overly fond of people, and could be somewhat unapproachable and intimidating. But, for those he considered his friends, he would do just about anything. Including putting himself through this pain. If it made the boy happy, and made him smile, to talk about it, then Heechul would listen.
But it hurt. It hurt so fucking bad. Every time Donghae mentioned that name, the name of another, his eyes would light up and he’d practically bounce in his seat, recounting the way his own name had been said, or the look he’d been given, or something funny that had been shared between them.
And all of it hurt Heechul every single time. To see the way the other boys eyes would shine at his crush’s mere name, sent a short, sharp stab somewhere inside Heechul. To hear the excitement in Donghae’s voice as he recounted some story about his crush made Heechul’s ears ring, and he swore sometimes that for days after, he would hear that name, endlessly ringing in his ears.
Heechul wanted it to be his name he was hearing said, pouring with affection from the boys lips. Heechul wanted it to be him that that warm, sunny smile of joy was given to upon merely being seen.
And Heechul wanted it to be him that Donghae shed his tears for when he was hurt.
Because sometimes, the other boy did cry. Sometimes, the pain of carrying around his secret, unrequited love got too much to bear, and safely locked in Heechul’s room, wrapped up in Heechul’s arms, Donghae would let out all his doubts and hurts and pains.
Heechul hated to see him in such pain; it made his heart ache and his own eyes twitch with tears. He hated it more that it was because of someone else that the boy was crying. Heechul never wanted him to be in pain, but if he had to be, he wanted it to be because of him. He was selfish that way. He wanted Donghae’s entire world to revolve around him, just like his own world seemed to have started revolving around Donghae.
But, it didn’t. The other boy merely considered Heechul a good friend. His best friend, as he had thickly told him once, the trail of tears still damp on his cheeks and the sobs still hitched in his throat.
Yeah, great. Heechul wasn’t just a friend, or a close friend, he was Donghae’s best friend. Which was exactly what he didn’t want to be. He wanted to be more, so much more.
But he wasn’t. And, the way the other boy appeared to love someone else, showed Heechul that he probably wouldn’t ever be.
So why did he let himself go through this continuous cycle? Why didn’t he just tell Donghae that he didn’t care to hear about his crush? Why didn’t he just ignore him?
Because he couldn’t. Heechul had tried. He had tried a number of times. But every time he opened his mouth to shout out his angry words of pain, they stuck in his throat, caught, trapped, and he couldn’t push them out. And every time he tried to ignore Donghae’s soft sniffles and gentle tears, Heechul found himself over at his side instantly, drawing the boy’s smaller frame into his arms and holding those shaking shoulders tightly. And when Donghae’s worries and fears and doubts came out in a wavering tremble, Heechul always found himself comforting him, murmuring the words that would eventually stem the flow of tears.
He wanted so badly to put an end to all of this. But the other was like a little boy on Christmas, his eyes lighting up with the widest smile, as if every mention of his crushes name was like a big, shiny new present from Santa Claus.
How could Heechul put an end to that? He’d feel like the Grinch who stole Christmas, taking that sunny smile away and ending the confidences.
So, it seemed, this cycle would continue. Heechul would try to forget about it, would busy himself with all the many things he had to do and fill his time with, until the other boy came for one of their regular talks, and the pain would start all over again, picking off the scab of forgetfulness every time, baring the wound again. And the tears Donghae cried over another stung and bit at it like salt.
Yes, this cycle would continue. However much Heechul wanted to break it and put an end to it, he couldn’t, and he knew he couldn’t. He cherished the other’s presence too much. And he knew if he said something, it would change the nature of their relationship, in a way Heechul didn’t want. So, it was to be left, unchanged and ongoing.
And so it would continue. Every time he spoke those words of comfort into Donghae’s ear, he would feel the shaking of his own shoulders; feel the tears welling in his own eyes and he would hear the wavering tremble in his own voice. Because, every time like this, he would want to do the exact same thing, and cry over his unrequited love.
- end -
I don't think I portrayed Heechul too correctly ... forgive me XD;;
author: Mica
pairing: heechul/donghae donghae/? (one sided love both sides)
rating: PG-13 for a curse word
genre: angst. Oh yes.
summary: Heechul's there to listen to Donghae, but who listens to Heechul?
notes: that is the worst summary ever. Ignore it and read on. And this is the result of all the angst that's been poured into the community lately. You all make me angst with your angst! ;_;
Sometimes he wanted to be selfish. Sometimes, he wanted to be selfish, and mean and rude and shout ‘just shut the fuck up, will you!’ Sometimes, he didn’t want to be as close to the younger boy as he was, that he wasn’t the one to be confided in. Sometimes, at moments like this, he wanted to tell the other boy everything. Or perhaps shout it at him, so that he’d understand, so that he would know the pain he was put through.
But, he couldn’t. However often he thought he might just snap one day and say or do something of the like, whenever Heechul saw that face, dark eyes brightly lit with happiness and lips curved in a warm, happy smile, he couldn’t. He just couldn’t do it. As hurt as he could be sometimes, he couldn’t bring himself to willingly cause pain to him.
And this was where Heechul failed. Because he couldn’t do it, he was left, stuck, trapped silently in this seemingly endless circle.
They’d grown close over the years. Heechul had actually let down his walls with this boy, let him in. Though it hadn’t been by choice, but when it came to Donghae… well, that sunny smile of his could knock down the strongest walls, apparently.
And ever since Heechul had let him in, Donghae felt comfortable enough to tell him just about everything. And it really was close to everything. At first, he hadn’t minded this, he liked their closeness. Heechul was never overly fond of people, and could be somewhat unapproachable and intimidating. But, for those he considered his friends, he would do just about anything. Including putting himself through this pain. If it made the boy happy, and made him smile, to talk about it, then Heechul would listen.
But it hurt. It hurt so fucking bad. Every time Donghae mentioned that name, the name of another, his eyes would light up and he’d practically bounce in his seat, recounting the way his own name had been said, or the look he’d been given, or something funny that had been shared between them.
And all of it hurt Heechul every single time. To see the way the other boys eyes would shine at his crush’s mere name, sent a short, sharp stab somewhere inside Heechul. To hear the excitement in Donghae’s voice as he recounted some story about his crush made Heechul’s ears ring, and he swore sometimes that for days after, he would hear that name, endlessly ringing in his ears.
Heechul wanted it to be his name he was hearing said, pouring with affection from the boys lips. Heechul wanted it to be him that that warm, sunny smile of joy was given to upon merely being seen.
And Heechul wanted it to be him that Donghae shed his tears for when he was hurt.
Because sometimes, the other boy did cry. Sometimes, the pain of carrying around his secret, unrequited love got too much to bear, and safely locked in Heechul’s room, wrapped up in Heechul’s arms, Donghae would let out all his doubts and hurts and pains.
Heechul hated to see him in such pain; it made his heart ache and his own eyes twitch with tears. He hated it more that it was because of someone else that the boy was crying. Heechul never wanted him to be in pain, but if he had to be, he wanted it to be because of him. He was selfish that way. He wanted Donghae’s entire world to revolve around him, just like his own world seemed to have started revolving around Donghae.
But, it didn’t. The other boy merely considered Heechul a good friend. His best friend, as he had thickly told him once, the trail of tears still damp on his cheeks and the sobs still hitched in his throat.
Yeah, great. Heechul wasn’t just a friend, or a close friend, he was Donghae’s best friend. Which was exactly what he didn’t want to be. He wanted to be more, so much more.
But he wasn’t. And, the way the other boy appeared to love someone else, showed Heechul that he probably wouldn’t ever be.
So why did he let himself go through this continuous cycle? Why didn’t he just tell Donghae that he didn’t care to hear about his crush? Why didn’t he just ignore him?
Because he couldn’t. Heechul had tried. He had tried a number of times. But every time he opened his mouth to shout out his angry words of pain, they stuck in his throat, caught, trapped, and he couldn’t push them out. And every time he tried to ignore Donghae’s soft sniffles and gentle tears, Heechul found himself over at his side instantly, drawing the boy’s smaller frame into his arms and holding those shaking shoulders tightly. And when Donghae’s worries and fears and doubts came out in a wavering tremble, Heechul always found himself comforting him, murmuring the words that would eventually stem the flow of tears.
He wanted so badly to put an end to all of this. But the other was like a little boy on Christmas, his eyes lighting up with the widest smile, as if every mention of his crushes name was like a big, shiny new present from Santa Claus.
How could Heechul put an end to that? He’d feel like the Grinch who stole Christmas, taking that sunny smile away and ending the confidences.
So, it seemed, this cycle would continue. Heechul would try to forget about it, would busy himself with all the many things he had to do and fill his time with, until the other boy came for one of their regular talks, and the pain would start all over again, picking off the scab of forgetfulness every time, baring the wound again. And the tears Donghae cried over another stung and bit at it like salt.
Yes, this cycle would continue. However much Heechul wanted to break it and put an end to it, he couldn’t, and he knew he couldn’t. He cherished the other’s presence too much. And he knew if he said something, it would change the nature of their relationship, in a way Heechul didn’t want. So, it was to be left, unchanged and ongoing.
And so it would continue. Every time he spoke those words of comfort into Donghae’s ear, he would feel the shaking of his own shoulders; feel the tears welling in his own eyes and he would hear the wavering tremble in his own voice. Because, every time like this, he would want to do the exact same thing, and cry over his unrequited love.
- end -
I don't think I portrayed Heechul too correctly ... forgive me XD;;