Because I Loved You : Version Two
Done for the 100 SJ Fic Challenge
Title: Because I Loved You
Theme: 079. The Same Old Thing, Eeteuk//Yesung
Prompt: kisses above his eyes
Genre: Angst//Insanity
Rating: PG-13
Synopsis: His eyes were closed, blood on his lips and tearstains streaking his cheeks.
*author’s note: This is by far the first time I’ve written a fic with insanity as a theme. *shudders* Goodness, I have no idea what compelled me to write this…*
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He’s gone by the time he wakes up, an apology letter atop the cherry wood table in the kitchen. He reads the short note quickly before setting it back on the table without a word.
The windows are closed and the door is locked, and so is the knife drawer. He goes back to his room and closes the door with a barely audible click.
He doesn’t cry anymore, just shuts himself in his room and gazes for hours on end at the framed picture of the two of them together under the weeping willow somewhere too far to remember now.
He was sitting on the swing as the older pushed him, the garland leaves rippling all around them like grey-green curtains.
Ke, you’re pathetic.
He jumps to his feet at the sneering voice, the picture frame slipping from his fingers onto the sheets.
Sometimes I wonder why you’re still here...
“Who are you?!” he shouts, looking into the shadows of his room. There was no one there.
He obviously doesn’t love you.
“Shut up!” he shouts, grabbing the nearest object and hurling it across the room where he thought he heard the mocking voice. His eyes widen when he realizes he had thrown the picture frame, the shattering of glass echoing through his ears.
He runs over to the picture and onto the floor, picking up the photo quickly and cutting his fingers on glass.
You know it’s true…why do you even bother?
“Leave me alone!” he shouts, covering his ears and closing his eyes tightly, hot tears starting to flow down his face.
It’s the same old thing every single time…
“Get out of my head!” he shouts, palms throwing blows at his head in an attempt to get rid of the cruelly taunting voice.
He’ll never love you…
“Leave me alone!” he yells again, the room suddenly spinning and he tries to run out of the room, stumbling over his feet and falling to the floor, limbs sprawled out as he struggles to get up.
An invisible hand is crushing his chest as he finally staggers to his feet with difficulty, eyes blinking to focus his vision. He grabs the curtains in an attempt to steady himself against the wall.
Stop trying to convince yourself…
It’s just a waste of time…
He catches eye of his reflection in the full-length mirror not but a meter away from him and his mirrored self smirks at him, dark chocolate eyes taunting him.
But of course. You love him…
Pathetic.
His reflection grins cruelly at him, hysterical sadistic laughter echoing throughout the room and resonating in his head, sounding like a thousand others mocking him.
He screams and before he knows what he’s doing, his small fist slams into the glass mirror with an agonizingly loud crack. As the glass pieces fall to the floor in seemingly slow motion, he pulls away a fist now marred with bloody knuckles, reflective shards embedded in the formerly perfect skin.
He looks at the mirror again, and this time a dozen identical faces are leering at him, each one gracing a smirk more twisted than the one next to it. Their taunting eyes glow with an empty lucid radiance, insanity lurking in their depths.
You’re worthless…who would love such an imperfection?
The shadows are slowly consuming the room, swallowing everything up without a moment’s hesitance. He looks around and everywhere he sees those manically mocking faces laughing at him again, cold mirthless laughter echoing everywhere.
He tries to keep out their voices by covering his ears and clenching his eyes shut, shouting at them to go away. But they pay no heed to his pleas and continue to poke and prod at his heart with knives, laughing ever still.
“Stop it! Go away!” He chokes out amidst bitter sobs that come one after another out from his throat, his weak screams ripping from the same place weakly.
You had a chance before…
But you threw it away because you were afraid…
He trips, glass digging into his soles, and picks up sharp glass with his bare hands, edges cutting into his palms and wrists like a knife to butter. The pain doesn’t register very much in his mind as he throws them at random places in the darkness surrounding him.
And you’re still afraid…
How weak…
He screams again, this time louder and more bloodcurdling than the rest, fingernails digging into his temples painfully, blood steadily flowing from his wounds and smearing his ivory cheekbones. Crimson stained his pale geisha lips in a frightening dash of color, his bleeding white feet leaving scarlet footprints on the previously bone-white carpet.
That’s it, scream until you can scream no more…
The voices continue to taunt him, bursting into hysterically high-pitched mad giggles. Blood dirtied their faces like his yet they continued to cackle cruelly, their voices void of any sympathy. They grin psychotically, drinking in his agony as if it were a heavenly ambrosia.
He starts to stagger across the room, his actions drunken and dizzy. He falls against the wall, blood staining the previously spotless walls. He sucks in harsh breathes as he drags his finger across the wall.
So that’s the way you want it…
I see…maybe you deserve him after all…
He starts running back home as soon as he hears that spine-chilling scream, worry for him filling his eyes above all things.
He charges through their apartment with urgency, and bursts into his room with a shove of the door. His eyes widen at the sight that greets him, glass crushed to dust underneath his shoed feet.
He rushes into the room, and staggers when he sees his body on the floor next to his bed.
“Jongwoon!!” he cries out as he falls to his knees next to his cold body and he puts a hand to his cheek gingerly.
He shakes him frantically, hot tears falling from his eyes as he tried to wake him up.
“Why, Jongwoon?! Why?!” he chokes out, holding his body close and pressing his face to his dead pulse.
His eyes drift upwards and then he catches eye of the smeared script written on the wall.
Because I loved you
He only cries harder and his tears fall onto his lifeless face, washing the blood from the flawless lips and cheeks. He doesn’t care that glass is cutting into his knees through his thin pants or that blood is staining his white shirt beyond repair.
“I love you, I love you…Jongwoon-ah, I love you, please come back to me…” he sobs, cradling his love’s empty body in his arms as he cried.
They watch as he cries with abandon, clutching his body close to him and burying his face in his hair. They watch until their dark eyes close with a flutter of ebony lashes and then they leave the room noiselessly, their eyes only opening to look once more upon the tragic scene playing out in front of them before they fade away, faint smiles barely gracing their lips.
This story is not ours to end, Park Jungsu…
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He gets up with a scream, his legs entangled in the sheets as he shoots up from the bed, tears streaming down his face.
He’s by his side in under a second, his arms coming to wrap around his shaking form protectively. He whispers comforts in soft Korean in his ears and hushes him gently with sweet words.
He silently shoos away the members that gather in the doorway in worry, waving his hand lightly.
“Hush…it’s okay, Jongwoon…” the older says soothingly, his hands rubbing his back in calming circles. The other clings to him as he cries, his tears soaking the front of the leader’s shirt.
He continues to cry into his chest, muffled sobs and slurred Korean mixing together into long incomprehensible sentences. And he just hugs him tighter, stroking his hair soothingly as he shushes him and murmurs sweet reassurances.
“It was just a bad dream, Jongwoonie …” he says softly, kissing the top of his eyes gently, dark lashes tickling his lower lip.
“The v-voices….they were every…where…laughing at me…broken glass…” he says with difficulty, hiccups causing light spasms in his breathing.
“It’s okay, I’m here now…shhh…”
He hushes him ever more gently, his fingertips pressing softly but firmly into his back. He continues to sooth him until he falls asleep again, his eyes out of focus and dazed.
Leaning against the wall was a broken mirror, several pieces still attached. Behind it was a blank expanse of wall, completely empty except for a line of broken script written in smeared crimson blood.
Because I loved you
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I certainly hope that this version was happier…hopefully this makes you happy now, Selina^^