FIC: Fracturado (Part 2)
Title: Fracturado
Summary: Stevie meets a decision. Xabi has to learn to live with it.
Part: 2/4
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Angst
Author's Notes: First of all, many thanks to
indigologic and
paularinaa for all their help with this! Second, neither the boys nor the lines in italics are mine; they boys, of course, only belong to themselves, while the lines are taken from Gustav Mahler's "Songs of a wayfarer", 2nd song, which you can listen to here. Comments are love and very much appreciated!
Like always when Xabi returns from Spain he has some difficulties getting accustomed to life in Liverpool again. His accent is a bit stronger, his grammar more ragged and weary round the edges than usual for a few days. Everything seems pale in comparison with San Sebastian’s bright colours. The fog that ascends from the Mersey during his morning jogging rounds puts him into a melancholic mood.
When he crosses the Melwood gates with his car for the first time he is inexplicably nervous. Worse than when he came new into the team, three years ago.
Stevie.
Luckily their captain’s car is still missing from the car park. This won’t make their first meeting any more pleasant, Xabi knows this, but it calms him nevertheless.
There is a happy, tranquil sort of buzz in the locker room. The players exchange holiday photos, boasting off extraordinary travels, everyone trying to drown out the others. As soon as Xabi has set a foot across the doorstep, he is in Luis’ arms. The other one is practically bouncing with happiness and energy - quite understandable, after being out the last six months and finally being able to play again.
“How was Spain, Xabi? How’s your family doing?” the smaller one bubbles, fast and full of spirit.
“Yes, ‘twas nice.” The glow in Luis’ eyes makes Xabi almost go mad. Why can’t he be looking forward to training, to the new season, the matches? Nervously, he looks at the door every few seconds. Every time it actually opens he turns around, twitching, expecting to be faced with Stevie the next moment.
Inexplicably, his heart starts beating like mad, too, every time. Even though Xabi has told himself that he isn’t in love with Stevie, that it was only a meaningless affaire. Two years full of sex and no strings attached.
Luis doesn’t notice that Xabi is elsewhere with his thoughts and continues rambling on in Spanish. Tells him about his successful rehab, that he didn’t have any problems walking and running during the last week. Complains about his holidays that, because of said rehab, had to be spent in England, in a place where seemingly everyone was a Liverpool fan and therefore he didn’t have a quiet minute to himself all the time.
I walked across the fields this morning;
Dew still hung on every blade of grass.
The merry finch spoke to me:
"Hey! Isn't it? Good morning! Isn't it?
You! Isn't it becoming a fine world?
Chirp! Chirp! Fair and sharp!
How the world delights me!"
The small player continues babbling, describes lively his wife’s reaction when she first saw the English beach, her nagging when it wouldn’t stop raining. And after a while, Xabi simply can’t resist anymore - he starts grinning. Luis’ exaggerated gestures and fidgeting look far too hilarious to stay grumpy.
Slowly, the other player’s voice covers his thoughts about Stevie, his sorrows, his fears about how he could possibly survive this season.
“Hey guys!” Two arms hug Xabi from behind. It is Carra, the team’s soul, someone Xabi knows he can trust without reservation. His loud voice booms through the locker room and the next moment the defender is already next to Luis, giving him a pat on the back with a broad grin on his face. He is obviously looking forward to training - is Xabi the only one who isn’t in the mood for it? Well, he is looking forward to football itself, to a great game where he can rip through the midfield and let his opponents feels his pain. If it weren’t for Stevie… And with a bang, his thoughts are circling around his captain, who is bound to arrive in the next minutes.
Who returns from his honeymoon.
Xabi’s stomach contracts painfully.
„Hey, what did they put in your chow in Spain? If I didn’t know better, I’d say you’re lovesick.” Carra laughs loudly and raucously, Luis giggles and somehow they manage to turn everyone’s attention towards Xabi, who for a moment would have loved to just pack his things and leave. Not because of the others who stare at him curiously, whispering among each other, but because of the man who is standing in the door, mouth slightly open, looking from Carra to him and back in a way that makes it obvious to Xabi that he has heard the defender’s last sentence.
Stevie.
Who finally manages to look as if everything is okay, who crosses the room, greeting team-mates here and there, chatting briefly with John-Arne, while Xabi somehow can’t accomplish not looking at him. He looks good, tanned and fit, he walks energetically and sports that very smile Xabi has only seen on him a few times. Obviously he is doing well with his Alex.
Lucky him.
When Stevie finally approaches them, something starts fluttering inside Xabi’s stomach, worse than before his first match as a pro. First, the captain hugs Carra, then lifts the diminutive Luis, before turning to Xabi. For a moment, Xabi feels Stevie’s uncertainness, his hesitation, sees him rack his brains about how to treat him. A trace of weakness becomes visible in Stevie’s eyes, but then he closes the distance between them and pulls Xabi into his arms.
And it feels good.
Also, the bluebells in the field
Merrily with good spirits
Tolled out to me with bells (ding, ding)
Their morning greeting:
"Isn't it becoming a fine world?
Ding, ding! Fair thing!
How the world delights me!"
During the training session, Xabi feels on cloud nine, keeps smiling even while doing doing the murderous hurdles he really can't stand. He would have nearly forgotten how great it is to be simply close to Stevie, watching him run, watching him tackle passionately during the final five-a-side. He would have all but forgotten how Stevie's boyish, whimsical grin makes his heart jump. How it sounds when he laughs at one of Crouchy's stupid jokes.
And how much fun it is to play football in Liverpool, with the boys. His boys.
After training he still stays on the pitch for a while, practicing his long-range shoots from his own half on goal. In a few weeks, when he will have gained some more practice, he will ask Pepe to stand between the sticks. Even if it is very likely he'll not get a single ball past the goalie.
Finally he decides to call it a day and sets off towards the dressing room, already pulling off his shirt on the pitch, wiping the sweat off his forehead. The others will surely have already left, which will spare him at least seeing Stevie in the shower. Luckily, since Xabi doesn't want to know what his body would do to him after his reaction on their captain today.
Whistling, he walks through the corridor, the tune echoing from the walls, the shirt hanging from his shoulder. When he notices the person leaning against the wall next to the dressing room, it is already too late to avoid him.
Stevie.
Damn. Xabi sends his team-mate a friendly not before he gets into the room. Wants to get, as his way has suddenly been blocked by the other one who stands with a wide stance in the doorstep, arms crossed in front of his chest, and looks at him.
"May I go through?" Defiantly, Xabi stares at his vis-à-vis.
But Stevie doesn't give way. "What's going on with you?" His expression is soft, almost loving. That's the way he used to look at him, when...
"Nothing," Xabi grumbles into his nonexistant beard while forcing himself to keep his eyes strictly on the floor. Has Stevie always smelled this nice?
"Listen, I didn't want to... Well, I mean..." The captain has never been especially good with words but Xabi's heart starts beating like mad nonetheless. And before he can Stevie ask what exactly he means, this has already become redundant, as the other one steps forth and pulls Xabi close.
And then, in the sunshine
The world suddenly began to glitter;
Everything gained sound and colour
In the sunshine!
Flower and bird, great and small!
"Good day, is it not a fine world?
Hey, isn't it? A fair world?"
It feels familiar, feels like then, but even better. It is the best thing in the whole world, feeling Stevie so close to him; it turns Xabi’s legs into jelly, and how has he been able to live so long without him, this?
Only one thing is still missing to make this moment complete, though not for a long time, as Xabi puts his arms around Stevie’s neck, pulling him even closer, and their lips finally meet. Hungrily, tenderly, full of longing.
***
“Hey, stop for a mo.” A set of strong arms shoves Xabi aside, Stevie’s body moves past him. Irritated, Xabi’s eyes follow his captain, brown eyes locking with pale grey ones, until Stevie breaks the contact and stares at the floor instead. His hands are clenched, he is whipping nervously from one leg to the other.
Now will my happiness also begin?
No, no - the happiness I mean
Can never bloom!
“That thing, we can’t do it anymore. Alex is pregnant again.” And before the low-voiced muffled words have penetrated Xabi’s brain, Stevie has already hurried down the corridor. No look anymore, no touch.
Over.
Definitively.