Hmm.
So comes the dead of winter and the longest part of the year. We haven't received this much snow in over five years. The snowbanks are nearly above my head and it's quite the depressing sight, to say the least. Half of the time you just want to huddle under your covers and wake up sometime in May. Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to work, so I instead chose to take the day off from school. Works well enough for me. I need a day to let my mind rest, anyhow. I would normally clear it by occupying myself, but I think my poor brain has been on overload for the past few days. At least emotionally; I'd love some sort of project or job to distract me from school drama and real life. School isn't really supplying that, so I'll have to pursue the latter. I will most likely end up looking around for something business/office related. I can do that through the school, even. If that doesn't happen, I'll just go looking for whatever is out there, while avoiding fast food at all costs. Nevertheless, if I must, I will go into it because I want to start saving up some money. Other than that, my life has been relatively quiet. I have been to myself much of the week. I haven't been in the mood to socialize all that much. I tend to get like that when I have a good amount of things on my mind. Can't say it doesn't have its advantages though. Kind of helps you take a break from all the drama and other junk that goes along with splendid high school life.
It seems to me the less I have to worry about the more I actually do worry about. I continually contemplate my future; it's something I've done since I can remember. I always wonder if the decisions I'm making now are what is best for my future, and in turn, I wonder if the future I envision is the best one for me. That usually doesn't sway me too far from common sense and what is right and wrong. I stay grounded in my actions, but sometimes my mind likes to wander aimlessly from possibility to possibility. I don't really know whether it's something that is natural, especially at this age of so much opportunity and change, or if it's a fault in my way of thinking. Normally I tend to keep a decent balance of the ups and downs of all the thinking I do, but eventually all of it has to come out and I guess this is the week it decided to do so. I don't mind it, really. I just try to treat it as a chance to bring myself back down from everything and start over fresh. It's a relief to get out pent out emotion. For as much as I used to hold it in, it's quite the change. I can't say I'm all that much better at still not keeping it in, but in comparison, I've made vast improvement. For some while now, I've been fighting and fighting to be at ease with myself nevermind what emotion I may be feeling. After testing the waters with my emotions, all of the pieces of the puzzle seem to be settling into place. I suppose it took learning how weak I could become to realize how much strength I truly have.
And now I discover my father was damn near killed by a sliding plow truck. How lovely. He came out without a scratch, but damn. Nice reminder of how you never have the slightest clue what is going to happen one minute to the next.
It seems to me the less I have to worry about the more I actually do worry about. I continually contemplate my future; it's something I've done since I can remember. I always wonder if the decisions I'm making now are what is best for my future, and in turn, I wonder if the future I envision is the best one for me. That usually doesn't sway me too far from common sense and what is right and wrong. I stay grounded in my actions, but sometimes my mind likes to wander aimlessly from possibility to possibility. I don't really know whether it's something that is natural, especially at this age of so much opportunity and change, or if it's a fault in my way of thinking. Normally I tend to keep a decent balance of the ups and downs of all the thinking I do, but eventually all of it has to come out and I guess this is the week it decided to do so. I don't mind it, really. I just try to treat it as a chance to bring myself back down from everything and start over fresh. It's a relief to get out pent out emotion. For as much as I used to hold it in, it's quite the change. I can't say I'm all that much better at still not keeping it in, but in comparison, I've made vast improvement. For some while now, I've been fighting and fighting to be at ease with myself nevermind what emotion I may be feeling. After testing the waters with my emotions, all of the pieces of the puzzle seem to be settling into place. I suppose it took learning how weak I could become to realize how much strength I truly have.
And now I discover my father was damn near killed by a sliding plow truck. How lovely. He came out without a scratch, but damn. Nice reminder of how you never have the slightest clue what is going to happen one minute to the next.