(no subject)
Only 15 minutes left of work today. 40 hours is a bit much. You spend so much time in this one place. With this handful of people that you can only hope you get along with. I get along with two girls here. The other girls all get along with each other and here I am faced with the Clique VS the Cleek situation. Hella frustrating 'cause I hate work bull shit, especially when it's so damn unwarranted. And as much money as I'm making, it seems worthless compared to how much debt I have and the money that I think I need.
My mother finally sends me a fucking email today, and doesn't get past "I hope you're well" before she writes "Have you gotten that loan 'cause I really need it to deal with stuff going on here". But since she's so fucking secretive she won't just tell me what is going on or what she needs the money for. She doesn't tell me anything. EVER. It's always "you don't need to know" or " i don't feel comfortable talking about it with you yet" Shit like that. Well she ain't getting her loan 'cause she doesn't deserve it. Besides that it's crooked of her to ask to begin with. That whole ordeal can only get worse 'cause when I take a leave of absence she won't even be able to get the loan, and then she'll go whine to my dad who'll punish me for *nothing*. Nothing because no where in this have I done anything wrong. I'm just trying to fucking pay my bills and go to school. But what I'm not trying to do is be my mom's little bitch who bends over backwards for her. But of course on the other hand, I love her, she's my fuckin mom...and I want to help her but I can't. And nowhere is it expected of the child to have to help the mother. She's supposed to be my help, my support. Parents provide for their children, and when their children are grown they can care for their parents. That's how it goes....and I'm sorry but 20 isn't grown. No matter how grown I am...it's not time for me to support/provide for my parents. ESPECIALLY not my mother of my two parents.
Now it's time to get ready to go home...
Point is I'm fucking frustrated and if this isn't the start of a breakdown i'm not sure what is
My mother finally sends me a fucking email today, and doesn't get past "I hope you're well" before she writes "Have you gotten that loan 'cause I really need it to deal with stuff going on here". But since she's so fucking secretive she won't just tell me what is going on or what she needs the money for. She doesn't tell me anything. EVER. It's always "you don't need to know" or " i don't feel comfortable talking about it with you yet" Shit like that. Well she ain't getting her loan 'cause she doesn't deserve it. Besides that it's crooked of her to ask to begin with. That whole ordeal can only get worse 'cause when I take a leave of absence she won't even be able to get the loan, and then she'll go whine to my dad who'll punish me for *nothing*. Nothing because no where in this have I done anything wrong. I'm just trying to fucking pay my bills and go to school. But what I'm not trying to do is be my mom's little bitch who bends over backwards for her. But of course on the other hand, I love her, she's my fuckin mom...and I want to help her but I can't. And nowhere is it expected of the child to have to help the mother. She's supposed to be my help, my support. Parents provide for their children, and when their children are grown they can care for their parents. That's how it goes....and I'm sorry but 20 isn't grown. No matter how grown I am...it's not time for me to support/provide for my parents. ESPECIALLY not my mother of my two parents.
Now it's time to get ready to go home...
Point is I'm fucking frustrated and if this isn't the start of a breakdown i'm not sure what is