Blue roses in December, for pattitoo (2/2)

[minyoonficex]

Mino finished buttoning his waistcoat and reached for the jacket, which was at several feet from the bed. When he was all dressed, he looked at Mr. Kang… Seungyoon, sleeping peacefully, an arm under his pillow while the other was at his side. He was pouting, mumbling something Mino couldn’t understand.

Seungyoon had fallen asleep soon, after dragging Mino along, his arms seizing his back as he lied down on the bed. Mino had wondered if it was that easy being comfortable with him, for Seungyoon. Maybe it had been for how weary and drowsy he was, but Seungyoon didn’t seem to mind showing that familiarity with him. Even if they were just two strangers.

Seungyoon turned in his sleep, kicking the sheet aside, and Mino lingered a little longer, his eyes fixed on the hickeys he had felt like leaving on his skin. When he was with whores, he didn’t mark them, even if he knew they would not complain, because he was a special costumer and it was better to not upset him.

Mino didn’t leave traces of him, lingering feels, anything at all. He was coldly impersonal.

Seungyoon sighed, cuddling the pillow, searching for some warmth. Mino had been there, next to him, for longer than he thought it was proper. He had enjoyed it: his limbs tangled with Seungyoon’s, him nuzzling in his chest, the quiet of the world around.

He had to go.

Mino gave him his back and walked away. He stopped only when he was at the door. The snow storm had come to a halt and the whole street was covered in a white blanket that deadened every one of his steps.

When Mino entered Songs’ hideout, what was left was a trail of his footsteps on the fresh snow as a reminder.

For a while, everything was quiet.

Mino didn’t know if it was for snow, slowing down the city pace and turning everything different, like it belonged to another world, but those days passed rather leisurely.

Their business was doing fine, after the Christmas boom, and there was nothing to complain about even when they didn’t sell all their goods as fast as in December.

But then, there were things Mino couldn’t ignore for much longer. As soon as he turned his eye from the business and looked back at his family, at Danah, he knew he still had a lot of work to do. He couldn’t let that problem hang on, or she would take care of it, no matter at what cost.

The policemen he had talked with didn’t help him at all in confirming whether it was Kim brothers’ fault, and if that was the case he had to attack the whole family and put them down definitely. He couldn’t let any of them be; revenge would be their natural answer.

To him, that seemed pretty ordinary when compared to the tumult he had inside. He was used to deal with other clans or start a war, but he wasn’t to this.

He had thought that if he followed his whim and took what he desired, everything would fall into place. He had tried resisting for a while, after their third encounter, but that would do no good. When he set his mind on something, he couldn’t stop thinking about it. And even if he didn’t think it was a good idea to give in, he said himself that it was safe it was for just one time. If he treated it like it was nothing, like it was a one night stand, there would be no unwanted damage, right?

Mino was sure about that. He was smart enough, he said himself. It made so much sense.

And yet…

It wasn’t like that. At all.

When work halted for a while and he looked outside, the snow piling up day by day, his mind wouldn’t stop wandering and go back to him. If he closed his eyes, he could still see him: his brown curious stare and his tempting lips, and his lean body, so light in his arms. When Mino let himself linger on that vision a little longer, he could feel his mouth against his own, and the warmth of his hug, and his nails digging in his scalp.

Mino craved for more, no matter if that meant to taint that beauty.

It was colder that night and Mino bent in his coat, dipping his head in the high-collared neck to avoid the freezing wafts of air. He walked faster, cursing at the weather as his hand fumbled in his pocket, searching for the keys.

He was sure they were there, somewhere.

He raised his head as he noticed a movement with the corner of his eye and saw Seungyoon standing in front of his shop. When their eyes met, Seungyoon turned around as quickly as he could and walked away, shaking his head and waggling his arms to not slip on the icy snow.

Mino didn’t even pause to think when he followed him, rushing to catch him. It didn’t matter if he was almost breaking his neck when his foot slipped on the ice, what counted was that he managed to reach him and pull him by his elbow, leading him to the nearest alley he found.

Seungyoon tugged his arm, trying to get free, but Mino wouldn’t have it.

“I…”

Seungyoon looked so edible, even in the dim yellow light of the street lamp: his lips were slightly parched, but redder than usual, and his puffy cheeks were flushed for the cold. Mino wished he could look at him for a very, very long time.

Instead, he started talking. “I made a mistake. Maybe several. I thought I was right, that’s a sort of professional deformation. You know…”

“You usually don’t accept a no as an answer”, Seungyoon said sarcastically.

Mino smirked. “I suppose I’m always right. And well, this must sound very cocky of me”.

“Quite”. He frowned, but couldn’t hide a small smile. Mino loosened his hold on his arm and slid down, till he met his hand and gripped it. Seungyoon looked amused.

“So, I’m no good at admitting I made a mistake. I usually assure everything is flawless and there is no scope for mistakes. But people can lie to themselves. And I did”.

Seungyoon’s smile got wider.

“What I mean is… I thought I just wanted you, that I would be satisfied with just one night stand. Well, I want more. I want to try that… so, if you accept it, please be strong and ready to bear me”.

“You mean you and your not so legal activity?” Mino nodded. “And the fact that you probably hit more people than my fingers can count?” He nodded again, that was all true. “And also that you’re supposed to be a bastard, a scary man ready to mess with my life, but all I can think of is the man I shared my bed with?”

Mino looked at him, hopeful. Seungyoon just gripped his hand tightly, brushing his thumb on his skin.

Mino pulled him closer and circled his waist with his other arm, making their bodies meet. He breathed hard, his nose just few inches to Seungyoon’s. “I’m not that good with these things… if I am too bossy, you can just point it out, like you already do”.

“You’re doing fine for me”, Seungyoon raised a hand to stroke his cheek, his smile fading a bit as he looked at him. It was just like he couldn’t believe this was real, uncertainty mixing with happiness in the same moment. Mino could see that on his face.

He leaned in and pecked his lips. Seungyoon responded to that, throwing his arms around his neck and pulling him so much closer, his lips squeezing Mino’s upper one before he deepened the kiss. Mino tightened his grip around his waist and tilted his head, giving him better access.

With him in his arms, Mino didn’t feel the cold air of the night.

*
Seungyoon couldn’t believe Mino had fallen for him, after all.

He had to admit that a part of himself had dawdled more than it should on the moments they shared together, remembering how good he had felt and how pleasure had turned him in someone else, right under his touch. And that part of him believed, maybe hoped, that Song Mino felt the same, to the point he would come back to him.

Seungyoon had seen it in the way he had been with him that late afternoon. Those were things he couldn’t hide.

Then there was his rationality that kept telling him it was good he would come back because he had to get some insights of the Song family, now that he finally had contact with someone within the organization. And not just someone.

He sighed, rolling on the bed to look at him: he was sleeping, snoring lightly, his brow furrowed and his lips parted. He looked so vulnerable, like this… sometimes Seungyoon had to remind himself he was there to put this man behind bars. (And after that, he would despise him for the rest of his life; but that, Seungyoon didn’t say).

Uncaring about his nudity, he got up and went to the window, looking at the street half-covered in iced snow. The street lamp made a halo of yellow, but the rest was in the dark. Seungyoon shivered, now missing the warmth of the bed and Mino’s arms wrapped around him. The latter had told him he didn’t usually sleep with others, it was too intimate for his liking, but since he and Seungyoon agreed to be together, he would give it a try.

The first time Seungyoon caught him pretending to sleep and dared pinch his cheek. “Relax”. After a while, he really did. There was something no one could resist in sharing the same tiny space, the same blanket, the same warmth; even Mino was no different from others.

Seungyoon hugged himself involuntarily, trying to shake away the cold he felt inside. He walked back to the bed but didn’t lie down, stopping to look at him sleeping.

Seungyoon couldn’t help but feel like there was something completely wrong with him and everything had started since Mr. Song stepped in his shop. He couldn’t believe he would waver so easily. He would not change his mind because of him, not when he knew he was in the right, but he felt things he couldn’t suppress as easily as he wanted.

He told himself it was because Mino was nice to him, even if he could have few edges that needed some smoothening. He was always taking it slowly, even when he wanted something with all his heart, waiting for Seungyoon to give him ok. He was strong, assertive even, but never vicious.

And he was incredibly hot, Seungyoon must admit, no matter how shallow that could sound. He knew humans are weak to beauty and he couldn’t believe Mino had thought about him in those terms, not when he was the one who could effortlessly shine and pull all his eyes on him.

Besides, the more they had sex, the more Seungyoon found how compatible they were. In a way it hurt, because he had thought he had loved someone before, they were alike and perfect for each other in an odd mysterious way, but nothing he had shared with that person could compare with the feel Mino could ignite in him just with his body.

Seungyoon hated this.

He tilted his head, biting his lip as he studied his figure: the well-toned chest, the hand clutching at the blanket, the thick neck and… Mino opened his eyes and looked at him.

Seungyoon couldn’t help the little jump of surprise he made and the rush of warmth gushing through his body, going straight to his cock. Mino was staring at him with his dark, predatory eyes and, without even having a moment to say something, Seungyoon found himself dragged on the bed. Mino’s hand was on his arm and the other was on the small of his back, guiding him to sit on his chest.

Seungyoon feared that he if he spoke he would break the spell of that moment, so he just stared at him with a questioning look. Mino shook his head and slid his hands on his hips, pulling him closer. He kissed his inner thigh, his mouth wet and open as he nibbled and sucked the skin.

Seungyoon fisted his hair and melted under his touch.

“I checked all their movements. The heart of the family is not that large, there around ten people who frequent the house quite often. They’re all related somehow, cousins or brothers-in-law and stuff like that. The true boss among them is Song Mino. He’s the leader, the type of person who people would follow. But he’s also got the brain”.

Seungyoon thought of Mino and his own way to get around things and get them. He was indeed a charmer, able to play everything at his favour and change the game with a simple move. Seungyoon had to try his best to not fall into it. He knew that one misstep could jeopardize his mission.

He was pretty sure Mino had already checked his background, but there was nothing that could link him to the police. Nothing that could put him in danger. He was no one for the Republic of Korea, just another boy from the countryside. Mino must have started trusting him, even if he needed time, like Seungyoon had expected.

He could not say how much it hurt to feel actually happy for being able to make Song Mino smile. And wonder and ask questions that didn’t seem like an interrogatory, but out of genuine curiosity.

Mino had wanted to know why Seungyoon had become a florist. “In my case I have decided to help my mother a long time ago, you know, this is always been family business”, he had said.

“Mine… quite the same. My grandfather owned a vivarium, so I’ve learnt the tricks from him”. Seungyoon didn’t say that he lived with him because his father had been killed when he was a kid. He didn’t say that after all, everything he had done was just to get a bit of justice in this world. And everything was, in the end, family business.

“They have this sort of family bond that will make them take care of each other. Literally. I’m sure they are planning to avenge the death of Kim Jinwoo, killed the night of December 20. He was Song Danah’s husband. She’d been convicted for assault once”.

She had actually met her once.

Mino tried to avoid any show of affection in public, he didn’t want people to think there was something between the two of them. He said only his kin could know about Seungyoon, and with caution. But he could not hide the proud smile he had when he brought Danah to the shop.

“So this is where Jinwoo came all the time”.

Seungyoon had tensed up a little at the name, but Danah seemed fine enough. She looked around, recognizing one by one the flowers her husband had bought to her.

“He had a kind heart. That’s something the world hates. Everything is rough and tough, there is no space for beautiful tender things”, she said to Seungyoon, after checking every corner of the shop. Her hand was on his shoulder, squeezing it hard. “That’s why sometimes people like me must act”.

“You make it sound like some heroic stuff”, Mino had scoffed.

Seungyoon thought it was, in its own distorted way. He knew better than anyone what was suffering for a loss no one could compensate for, feeling a hole inside that was so hard to fill, day by day, while living. Some wounds didn’t stop to ache, even when the scar left was fading; they did deep down, where no one could see it.

“She’s ready to snap anytime. If there is someone who could make Song Mino act impulsively, that’s his sister. She’s the one who would drag them all along. She’s strong, but unfocused… blinded by the pain, the loss…”

“So do you think she’s the one who could make Mr. Song make a move?”, his boss wrote down something on his notebook, swiftly.

For a moment Seungyoon hated him and wished he could just abort the mission and get away from this man without any hint of humanity, if not for the constant obsessive drive to arrest every criminal around. Then Seungyoon told himself that he was no different: this was the kind of justice he had decided to pursue, when he was a lonely kid and there was no comfort he could seek, not even with his grandfather by his side or in the flowers his grandfather made blossom day by day.

This was he had chosen for himself. And no matter how much he hoped this wasn’t the case, Song Mino was a criminal.

“Indeed”.

“I see”.

*
Seungyoon skimmed his hand on his desk, a grin ghosting on his lips.  “So this is where you decide everything”. Mino nodded, following him with his eyes as he moved around his studio, determined to make him comfortable there even if he was itching to control every one of his moves.

Mino had a hard time in trusting other people. It was a given, with his profession: he could only count on his blood and beware the others, and even like that it could be hard. One wrong step and he could end up in jail or killed by one of the others clans. It was a thin equilibrium he always had to keep in check.

He hadn’t meant to trust Seungyoon. Not more than necessary, not more than he should with a person he was only starting to know. He had never had such things as lovers, only quickly encounters and whores and things that could only be a quick fix to his needs. None of those could ever touch him if not like the lukewarm brush of something far away.

Seungyoon was different. Since the moment he had understood he wanted more than those few hours shared together for mere passion, everything Mino believed had turned in falsehood. He had found out that he could soothe the constant unhappiness he felt in his guts, that if he wanted he could try to have something more, something that could touch him, burning him in just an instant.

Maybe it was the first time he fell asleep in Seungyoon’s arms or maybe the time he realized he wanted to know about him, sincerely, but Mino had learnt that he wanted it all. Everything Seungyoon could offer to him.

And in that he had started to lean on him. And trust him. And crave for a happiness that could only exist with the two of them together.

“These are the books were we write down the money we make”, Mino showed Seungyoon, flipping the pages so quickly that it was impossible to read a thing. “It’s something tedious, isn’t it?”, he smirked playfully.

Seungyoon nodded and looked at him, hesitating for a little before rubbing his hand on his cheek. Mino had noticed that sometimes Seungyoon looked distant, lost in thoughts or memories that Mino couldn’t reach, wavering for a reason he couldn’t grasp. He had assumed he was just like him, in this: sometimes Mino needed time to withhold the control-freak he might be or stayed in silence for a long time, mulling over what to do with his sister, and Seungyoon would understand that as much as he did with him.

“Did you ever use this room in an inappropriate way?”, Seungyoon’s eyes glinted with mischief and Mino grinned at him, leaning in to his touch, his hand snaking on his side to settle on his hip. “Not yet…”

Just as Seungyoon tilted his head to kiss him, the door was burst open and Mino abruptly shifted away, leaving Seungyoon’s side. He was glad to see it was only Seunghoon, but he soon got alarmed as he noticed the bruises on his face and how hard he was panting. “Did you fight?”

Seunghoon rubbed his palm on his mouth, wiping away few drops of blood, and then tried to stand up straight and talk. “We… we went to the pub down in the other area, me and Jiseok, there was live music tonight… and well, we sat at the counter and there was a man at my right… I thought I’ve seen him somewhere. He was drunk and he was blabbering around about how he had seen the Christmas ghost haunting him in his dreams”.

Mino clenched his jaw and fisted his hands, tensing up as a bad feel spread inside him. Seungyoon stroked his back gently, to show him he was there for him. His eyes were on Seunghoon, though.

“So I just realized he was one of Kim brothers’ men. And I couldn’t help but get closer as he blabbered about this... ghost”, Seunghoon looked away for a moment, frowning. He talked slowly then: “He said he couldn’t sleep at night because he could see his big eyes staring at him. He said he remembered his whines as-“

Mino grabbed his shoulder and pulled him closer, but without anger. He just needed to know and be sure about it. Facts before feelings. He could feel the fire creeping out on him, but he pushed it away. “Tell me everything”.

Seunghoon wavered for a moment before looking at him in the eye. “So I got up and went to ask him about it. I was calm, you know me. Nothing can get me. He said he saw it… Kim Hanbin… kicking him… and then Jiseok was at him and he recognized us… it was a mess, I just tried to contain it. I took the man away, there were too many prying eyes there. I dragged him to an alley and asked him to tell us everything, promising him he would live if he spoke the truth. So he confessed he saw Jinwoo being beaten by his bosses, Kim Hanbin and Kim Jiwon. He said they dragged his unconscious body to the Han River… he helped them and… so Jiseok went a bit crazy and I had to stop him before he hurt him even more”.

Mino covered his eyes with a hand, taking few moments to get hold of the situation. Jinwoo had been killed by those bastards. He could feel the rage surging in his body, but he was too stubborn to let it rule him now.

Danah should not know, not now, he had to think of a plan before telling her the truth. She was determined and thirst for blood, and this was no good when there were things you cared about. Mino didn’t want the family to lose more than they could live without; and he didn’t want to lose Danah, more than anything else.

A Song never dies quietly, but Mino wished she would just skip the whole ‘die’ part. It was fine to burn and destroy, as long as there was one last thread that kept you anchored to life.

“You did well”, Mino patted Seunghoon’s shoulder. “Tend to Jiseok while I go take a walk… I need to clear my thoughts before talking to Danah”. Seunghoon agreed promptly.

Mino turned to Seungyoon who was lost in his own thoughts. He looked at him as soon as Mino splayed his hand on his shoulder, and smiled sheepishly.

“Let’s go”.

Mino wanted to be with him when he would make a decision.

*
Mino seemed troubled and Seungyoon was no better than him.

They walked for a while, side by side, aimlessly. Seungyoon was glad Mino didn’t want to talk at the moment, and he hadn’t expected anything different from him. Mino was pretty obvious in his disarray and anger: his mouth thinned in a wince and his shoulders crooked downward, he walked briskly, without even looking where he was going. Seungyoon followed him, lost in his own thoughts.

This is the opportunity his boss was waiting for: a perfect way to get rid of the Songs, and maybe cut the Kim brothers’ lines down. Seungyoon should be happy his days as an undercover agent were coming to an end.

Seungyoon gulped when he felt Mino’s hand sliding on his arm and intertwining with his. He gripped hard, a sudden need to feel Mino closer surging inside him. There were so many things he should say, so many he wasn’t supposed to… Seungyoon found it difficult to stay silent, when all he wanted was to confess. All of his faults and plans.

“Do you think it’s appropriate to attack them before a wedding?” Seungyoon shook his head, surprised. “That’s the only moment we’re sure to catch them together”.

Seungyoon wanted to say that this was going to be the end of him, even if speaking meant he would betray his country and his honour as a policeman, and break Mino’s heart in the process. Instead he said: “Then that’s the right moment to strike. Just when they don’t expect it”.

Mino smiled, proud of himself, and then stroke his hair lovingly. “I must trust someone so good at making me flail… you must be good at ambushing people”.

Seungyoon wished he wasn’t.

“It’s gonna be next Tuesday”.

“Good, you’ve worked hard”.

Seungyoon wanted to erase the sly grin spreading on his boss’ face.

Seungyoon wasn’t that surprised when time flew in a blink of an eye and, without even having a moment of rest, D-day arrived.

It was hard for him when Mino came to visit him the night before, but he had endured for the promise he made to himself every night before falling asleep, when he was a kid. That he would make everything right and make the world a better place, starting from the smallest things and the simplest actions.

This was a mission like others and Song Mino was the scum he needed to arrest. This was a mission like others and Song Mino was the scum he needed to arrest. This was…

Seungyoon had crumbled in the way Mino had told him goodbye, half joking about how he would come back to him anyway, because there wasn’t a fight that Song Mino couldn’t win. His hands had snuggled on his nape as he kissed him as he nibbled on his lips gently. Seungyoon hadn’t thought when he hugged him and put all of himself in that kiss, his nails digging in his back, his tongue delving in Mino’s mouth.

Seungyoon sighed and looked out of the window, checking the family’s movements: Seunghoon was coming out from the house, followed by another man Seungyoon only knew slightly.

He waited and waited, till he was sure no one was left. Then he got dressed and completed his outfit by slipping under his clothes the gun he had hidden so well beneath the false bottom of his closet.

Entering the house was easy, it didn’t require much effort to unlock the door and just sneak inside. Seungyoon wasn’t sure if there was someone guarding the place, so he grabbed the gun and then climbed the stairs to go the headquarters. He walked slowly through the big hall on the first floor, looking around furtively.

“What are you doing here?”

Seungyoon almost jolted at that, but managed to collect himself and smile gently at the man at his right. He kept the gun close to his body, hiding it from him. “I was looking for Mr. Song… I guess he’s not here”.

At that name the man loosened up a little. “Mr. Song is outside for business. You should come back another day”.

Seungyoon nodded, trying to look understanding but a little disappointed. The man kept staring at him warily, so Seungyoon pretended to walk away, unsure of what to do. Fidgeting with the gun still in his hand, he turned around and fired, aiming at the window next to the man, which raised his arms in instinct to protect his face. Seungyoon charged and tackled him, seizing his waist and dragging him on the floor and the glass fragments.

“You bast-”

Seungyoon pressed his forearm on his neck, choking him. He searched for the handcuffs in his pockets and secured him to a heavy cabinet. Then he headed to Mino’s office and gathered all the proofs he needed to make sure he would not leave jail for a very long time.

His boss had told him that they’ll let the fight be for a while and then try to catch both parties all at once, taking advantage of the situation. Take two birds with one stone, how great that was. Seungyoon should feel overjoyed by the notion of being the one who told them the location, day and hour and help his colleagues catch such criminals.

And yet, while he quickened his pace to reach the police station sooner, he worried himself about the outcome. He prayed Mino wouldn’t be hurt before the police broke into that place.

He didn’t have a police ID and he had never met his boss at the police station before, but only in random places they decided daily, so he had to wait for him to get the access to get inside. He did it impatiently, hoping that man would just hurry up and free him from the burden he was carrying: accounting books that shouldn’t be in his hands.

Inspector Nam showed up few minutes later, a sly grin on his face when he saw him holding the proofs he needed to catch them all. Arresting the two families just for a fight could not assure that every one of them would end up behind bars, he had said, and adding fraud and illegal business charges to violence could just lock them up forever; besides, it was a way to catch others who had worked with the family. Seungyoon was pretty sure he counted on the Song family to kill a part of the Kim one before catching them, but you could never be sure.

Nam Taehyun always liked to have backup plans.

“I’m sure you’ll get the promotion you were waiting for, officer Kang”.

“Yeah… sir”, he added at last, trying to sound not too bothered. That wasn’t his priority. “Did you have news from the tactical unit?”

“They’re still out. I’m sure they’ll bring them here soon enough”.

Seungyoon nodded, his thoughts far away, to Mino and his sister… somehow he felt a bit guilty, even if he knew he hadn’t any fault. He couldn’t quite forget what she had said at his shop, the love she must feel for Jinwoo to be so wrecked and thirst for revenge. She must be a strong woman, but Seungyoon knew that she was hurting the most. Mino wouldn’t stop her for getting what she wanted, no matter how worried he could be.

He was brought back to reality by Inspector Nam. He had started talking. “You did really well, officer Kang. I expected you to pry and ask pointless questions, especially when Kim Jinwoo died, but you followed the rules and my orders without complaining. This is admirable”.

“What… what about Kim Jinwoo?”, he asked, his mind flying back to the man who had visited his shop so many times. He had been gentle and sweet, his smile bright as much as his personality. Seungyoon mildly liked him, he was a good person. He could not really have hard feelings toward him, if not for the last time he had seen him. He had met him at the gallery, just few minutes after he had talked to Inspector Nam. He had feared Jinwoo had caught him red-handed, but the man had smiled like every other time and Seungyoon assumed he hadn’t seen them. He hoped so.

Seungyoon hated to admit that at first Jinwoo’s death had relieved him from that doubt, somehow.

“He knew about us. I got him followed by one of our other officers and he was actually spying us… maybe to be sure he had seen right the first time. I had to get rid of him, of course”.

Seungyoon just gaped at him, speechless. This was a hard blow to take. It was too much to digest all at once. He was able only to squeak a feeble “what?”  as he started to understand what that meant.

Inspector Nam looked at him with his small eyes, grinning. “You heard right”.

“But it was Kim… Kim Hanbin and Kim Jiwon… killing…”

Inspector Nam patted his shoulders, paternalistically. “You told me Song Danah was what could make Song Mino act recklessly, start a war before a wedding… go and kill the Kim brothers without even thinking about it twice, because his sister wants revenge”. That was true: it had been him and him only, Kang Seungyoon, giving this piece of information. “I just used the data you collected to make everything fit in a fabricated reality the Songs would be prone to believe. I let them hear what they wanted to hear at the right time, the right place… I promised immunity to the man who acted at the pub and lured those Song’s men to my trap, like it’s supposed to be”.

Seungyoon frowned at that. “Do you mean… it’s been you all the time? All of this was your doing… from the very start?”

“There is still a lot you have to learn, but I’ll show you the way”. Nam Taehyun smiled invitingly. “You must use this”, he pointed at his head, “to be sure you’ll have a good result”.

Seungyoon couldn’t believe it.

Everything had been built around a lie from the very beginning. He had been fooled by this man, treated like a pawn, used to get what he wanted. That would have been fine, if Seungyoon wasn’t this involved. That would be just normal police procedure, if he hadn’t given his whole self to Song Mino. And he didn’t even mean just his body, because he...

He was in love with him.

Seungyoon realized it right there, as Inspector Nam checked the books he had brought to him. The first reaction was just a choked squeak he tried to cover with a cough.

He was in love with Mino, no matter how wrong it could be. And he couldn’t bear to hear that man praising him for his work, when that meant Mino could be injured or arrested by his doing. He had known all along and accepted the orders, even when he felt pain clenching his chest, but not it was different. Now he knew the whole weight of the feelings he had for Song Mino and he couldn’t just live with them, not quietly.

He couldn’t believe he had condemned him… for all he had believed before today and the promises he had done to himself, and for blindly believing he was in the right the whole time, when he actually was the reason why Jinwoo was dead. It was something he couldn’t just put in words, because legally he was the good one, the brave policeman who had accepted to work undercover and sacrifice himself to the enemy to be sure to catch him. He was the one who should be able to sleep at night without a hint of remorse. He was the hero.

But Seungyoon felt wrecked.

He felt like shit.

He was pretty sure he could faint. And yet, hate was stronger. It was red and black, was fire ready to destroy. Seungyoon had felt like this only one time in his life: when he got the news his father had been killed and he would not come back to him, not once more.

“Sir… you should have told me before”, Inspector Nam looked confused and Seungyoon hated him even more, he wanted to erase the satisfaction on his face. “I should have known earlier… that you have committed such a severe crime”.

“You would have told to the superiors. And we would have lost this amazing result. Now no one would complain about the death of one single man by my hand”.

Seungyoon thought of Jinwoo, his warm smile, his timid attempts of joking, the attention and love he put in choosing a bouquet for his wife… and charged, punching his boss right on his jaw.

When he saw the man on the ground, looking at him with angry eyes, Seungyoon panicked and ran away. Before he could think about it, he headed to where the Kim wedding was held.

*
Mino spun the knife in his right hand, his tongue clicking on the roof of his mouth as he studied the whole scene unfolding: few men were gathered in front of a small building, Kim Jinhwan was talking with one of his cousins, nodding energetically once in a while; Kim Jiwon was smoking alone, looking at the milky sky, probably waiting for the wedding to start; Kim Hanbin was inside the building, for now.

Mino stepped forward, walking to the centre of the street. He wanted them to see him and fear him, because he was going to end it now. He knew they weren’t ready to this, so he hoped the surprise would be enough to secure an easy victory.

He lived for the moment his opponent noticed him and freaked out, just before the chaos started. Kim Jinhwan was closer to him and turned to look at him, his brow creasing as he recognized him and yelled something Mino disregarded.

He raised the knife and leaped forward, his family following.

Dive. Turn. Lurch forward. Thrust.

On and on again.

Check on Danah, once in a while, then go back to it.

Dive, turn, lunch forward. Thrust the knife forward. Dig it in the flesh. Fight.

Seungyoon wasn’t in time. Mino didn’t see him run like his life was depending on it. He had already been stopped and taken by the police, handcuffs at his wrist and dread in his heart.

Mino hated the policeman questioning him. He was too full of himself, thinking he had the whole world in the palm of his hand. Mino wanted to teach him a lesson, but he was in no position to do such a thing.

He tried to make him confess his crimes but Mino would not talk. “Well, we have enough proofs to put in you jail for a very long time, along with all your dearest ones”.

Mino didn’t care anymore, now. Everything was pointless when his whole family was going to be sentenced.

Danah hadn’t been injured during the fight against Hanbin, but there was nothing left for her but the white walls of a cell, and a life to spend thinking about what she could have had with Jinwoo by her side. Her flame would last long, but weak and dim.

The others would probably stay there for a shorter time, Mino had reasoned, because they had fewer deeds to be convicted for, but it was still the same: he couldn’t protect them, not anymore. Even if he had men working for him in the police, with his hands tied like this he couldn’t pay them or make promises he couldn’t keep. At the top of that, he wouldn’t be able to see them anymore.

And he had lost Seungyoon too. His happiness was over even before starting.

Mino had never felt this useless. He had always had a purpose in his family, a reason to live, no matter how wrong it could seem to others. He had a keen eye for details and liked the business and even had fun doing it, being the head of that family, being someone they could count on.

“Do you want to know how we caught you?”, Inspector Nam said then, a smirk on his face. “Do you want to know who gave you away?”

Mino had thought about it: there was no one who could have spoken, in his opinion. Not in his family… that was something they wouldn’t just do, not after all they had together.

Mino just shrugged his shoulders, unwilling to fight any longer. Maybe if he gave him a small satisfaction like listening to him, he would finally shut up and let him go to his cell again.

“It was him… the one you liked oh so much”, that inspector smirked, actually giggled in elation as he talked. Mino found it dumb and self-indulgent. There was no one he liked that would do such a thing… only his family and… it couldn’t be.

For once after days of lazy apathy and empty hate toward that man, Mino shifted, his body tensing as a doubt spread inside him. He felt the anger clenching around his chest, anticipating the revealed truth.

“Oh, you’re right, Mr. Song. It’s him”, he beamed. “What it feels like to be betrayed by those you love the most? As a spectator, this is extremely enchanting”.

Mino tightened his jaw and snapped forward, getting up from the chair to be as tall as that sickening man who was starting to truly pissing him off. “Do you mean…”

“Yes. Kang Seungyoon. Born in Busan, a part of the police force since he was twenty years old”. He nodded earnestly. “So, how does it feel?”

Empty.

The blow is always stronger when you love too much, Mino was sure about that. He didn’t utter a word.

It was spring again. Mino could see it by the small square of sky he was able to look at from his cell: the days were longer than before and the sunlight was warmer, somehow.

That day Mino had accepted the flowers the guard gave him, even if reluctantly. He had no strength to throw them away, feeling too hollow to even get angry. When once there had been fire, now there was a desert of cold melancholia.

Forget-me-nots. Even without knowing their true meaning, Mino knew what they stood for. As he hugged the bouquet tightly, the scent intoxicating him, he thought of Seungyoon.

At first he had hated Seungyoon entirely. His anger had been so strong they had to sedate him, worrying he might attempt at his own life or his cellmate’s. He had felt the need to wreck everything, scratch, punch, hurt, destroy, the need to feel something being tore apart under his fingers.

He hated everything. This whole situation, his impossibility to do anything, all the things he had done to end up there. He loathed himself, for being who he was, this Song Mino, this man who had thought he could do anything he wanted and never get caught. He was not worthy, he had never been.

And so he realized he hadn’t hated Seungyoon, not him, not truly. Not once.

And that had emptied him once again, letting him dry and hopeless. Even if he loved Seungyoon, there was no future for them. There was no reason for missing him, and yet…

Mino hugged himself a little more, squeezing the bouquet he was holding. He checked that his cellmate was fast asleep and let out a big gulp.

A Song cries when there is no one watching.