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[minviendha]

Stolen from - who else? - moetushie. Because I am grumpy and self-indulgent? Or something. The majority of these are...not actually sexual. Because gen. Forever.

F I V E ★  A C TS
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[elvenpiratelady]

And here is the start of it!

....

There’s water dribbling from Angrod’s hair and her home-made tail all over the floor, and fuck if Caranthir isn’t going to have to clean that up too.

‘And also thanks to you getting into the back rooms with my keypass - I am never going to be allowed to open or close by myself again, thanks a fucking bundle-’ -which is really the time she likes the aquarium, when it’s just her and the marine animals. All the land animals milling around everywhere make everything so loud and crowded and messy and easily entertained by some idiot girl getting into the fish tanks-

‘And we are also going to have to run checks on everything in that tank to make sure you didn’t give them any infections, that’s not fucking tap water, it’s a very precise mix of fluids and chemicals and it will be your fault completely if the molluscs start dying-’

Not that she cares about molluscs that much anyway. Give her animals that actually move around and let Galadriel deal with the shellfish.

‘And we’re going to have to get a new security guard because you thought flashing him was a good way to get into the staff area-’

‘He didn’t have to look,’ Angrod says mildly.

‘You know the effect those things have on men! And he was really good at his job and he’s worked here for three years now and he got fired this afternoon because you thought you’d like to go swimming and the beach was too fucking far away!’

And the worst thing is that Angrod’s still sitting there on her high from all the attention and is clearly not thinking about anything remotely rational. She pulls a face. ‘Sorry?’ Then she grins. ‘Worth it.’

[minviendha]

oh my god everything about this I WANT TO HOLD IT AND SNUGGLE IT FOREVER AND EVER

And we are also going to have to run checks on everything in that tank to make sure you didn’t give them any infections, that’s not fucking tap water, it’s a very precise mix of fluids and chemicals OH CARANTHIR nobody knows the troubles you've seen, and Angrod just wanted to go for a swim, and of course Caranthir is happiest when it's just her and the fish, and ugggh

How do you do this every time? You are the brilliantest of Silm authors, is all I can say.

[elvenpiratelady]

The wonderful thing about Angrod is that as a woman, she would of course gleefully abuse the power of her boobs on men, and Caranthir would get so angry that Angrod just waltzes through barriers with them and would be all YOU ARE SHORING UP THE PATRIARCHY WHENEVER YOU DO THAT and Angrod would be all I'LL STOP DOING IT THE DAY IT STOPS WORKING and start talking about using the male gaze as a weapon and completely take Caranthir by surprise with feminist theory.

You flatter me. <3 The hardest thing I find in any AU is keeping the personalities the same between the fic and canon. Angrod is still Angrod, except he's now a woman and in a mermaid costume.

[minviendha]

OH TOTALLY omg Angrod, you are the best. USING THE MALE GAZE AS A WEAPON I bet it makes Caranthir hot and bothered when Angrod talks feminist theory, I just bet.

Of course Angrod is still Angrod. If there were aquariums in the Silmarillion I don't think he/she would ever take off the mermaid costume. Because reasons. (I flatter you because you're the best, you know it.)