Ficcagetimes.
Title: Wilhelmina, Alone
Fandom: Black Jewels Trilogy
Prompt: 096. Writer's Choice
Characters: Wilhelmina Benedict, Philip Alexander, others by mention
Warnings: vague implications.
Summary: Jaenelle isn't Gone - Wilhelmina knows that. But it's hard to keep faith.
She lifted her hand automatically to knock before she remembered that the gesture was useless. Wilhelmina pushed the door open and stepped inside, closing it again quickly before breathing a sigh of relief when no one yelled, no one got angry, because no one had seen her. No one said this room was forbidden, but the last time, when Leland had seen her slipping out of the room, she’d been - well, not angry, to be fair. But she had yelled, and her unhappiness was enough to make Wilhelmina cringe and feel close to tears herself.
But she needed to come here, sometimes, for reasons she was certain that none of them would understand. They would laugh if she told them she felt safe here, in an empty room, sterile and too clean. Or they would ask why she needed to feel safe; and then she would have to explain and then they would not believe her, just as they had not believed Jaenelle about that awful terrible place.
She took a deep breath and went to sit on the perfectly made bed that had almost never been slept in, looked at the little shelf of books Jaenelle had never read. They all said Jaenelle was lost or that she was gone but Wilhelmina knew better; knew, as she always had, that her sister was well. She curled on hand around the Sapphire Jewel at her neck and asked it the same question she’d been asking for weeks, for months - ever since Jaenelle had gone.
What should I do?
And as clear as it had always been, the answer came. Go to Kaeleer.
She didn’t trust Leland or Phillip or Alexandra. She trusted Jaenelle, and she trusted Daemon, who had promised that he would take her sister away only so that she couldn’t be hurt again. Wihelmina swung her feet in an almost childish manner and stared blankly at the wall. But something had gone wrong, hadn’t it? Something had gone horribly wrong and now she wondered…but that was a bad thought. Because she knew they told lies, had always told lies, and that was what the stories were, the whispers she caught hints of out of the corner of her eye. Lies.
She knew Daemon Sadi; at least a little. She trusted him. And more than that, she trusted him with Jaenelle. Because even if she didn’t understand what was between them, she knew that Daemon would die before letting it be broken; even if she couldn’t explain how she knew.
Wilhelmina was reminded, suddenly, of a conversation she’d had with her sister, not so long ago, on one of those nights when Wilhelmina crept from her bed to join Jaenelle in this room and they huddled close together, sharing each other’s warmth.
“Wilhelmina,” Jaenelle had said, in a quiet, serious voice. “Will you promise me something?”
Wilhelmina just nodded without asking what it was. It was Jaenelle; of course she would promise.
“If something happens to me,” Jaenelle continued, “If I…can’t be here anymore, will you promise that…if things get bad here, you’ll leave?”
A pause of shock. “Leave home?”
Jaenelle gave her a serious look, her eyes almost pleading. “Please, you have to promise me. There’s a woman, Surreal, you can find her, or-“
“I don’t know her!” Wilhelmina had cried, feeling close to tears and confused. “Where would you go?”
Jaenelle looked away. “I might have to go…away. For a while.”
“Why couldn’t I come?”
Jaenelle shook her head, her mouth set in a thin, stubborn little line that Wilhelmina knew better than to argue with. “You couldn’t. Please, ‘Mina, please just promise me.”
Wilhelmina had looked away and Jaenelle had politely ignored her brief sniffles. “I promise,” Wilhelmina said in a small voice, and felt some of the tension go out of Jaenelle.
“Thank you,” she whispered
Things had gotten worse. Not bad yet, not so bad that she wanted to leave, but thinking of that conversation, she understood, a little, and felt a little surge of anger. How could Jaenelle leave? How could Jaenelle, her only sister, leave her alone like this, in this big empty house?
Because something, somewhere, had gone wrong, and they said Jaenelle was Gone and Lost and though she didn’t believe a word of it she had to wonder why Jaenelle never answered her calls. If perhaps her sister had forgotten about her.
But that was a bad thought, and a wrong one, because she knew that Jaenelle wouldn’t forget about her. It just wasn’t a Jaenelle thing to do. She wrapped her hand around the Sapphire Jewel that wasn’t hers and asked again.
What should I do?
The same patient tone, telling her, go to Kaeleer.
Wilhelmina stood up from her perch on Jaenelle’s bed, looking around at the bed that had never been slept in, the toys that had never been played with, the books that had never been read. The only bit of Jaenelle in this room was the faint psychic scent, washing over her, soothing her as Jaenelle had always done, even when the ancient expression in her eyes frightened her more than a little.
She went to the window and looked out at the garden. She couldn’t see the alcove from here, but she knew the witchblood Jaenelle had planted still grew there, blooming with brilliantly blood-red flowers, tipped with black. The gardeners stayed far from the maze, but they knew it grew there and wondered how. Alexandra was in a fury when she heard about it, but none of them dared try to pull it up. Wilhelmina thought they were afraid of what it might do. It was almost like a ghost of Jaenelle, lingering when they so badly wanted her to be Gone.
Because that was it, wasn’t it? They didn’t really think she was Gone. They knew just as Wilhelmina did that Jaenelle was somewhere, still, but they wanted her Gone, wanted to forget she had ever existed. Not Leland, not Phillip, but the others…Wilhelmina knew that Phillip cared, had seen him standing at the door to this room, hand on the handle, as though pondering going in, but he never did.
Wilhelmina didn’t forget. Wilhelmina went out every day to the alcove, creeping through the maze, carrying a watering can, and went to tend the remnant of Jaenelle. It was almost like a talisman for her - if she took care of the plant, everything would be well again, and when the witchblood bloomed she would know what to do, she would have the kind of courage Jaenelle had had.
Wilhelmina went over to the bookshelf and touched the wall next to it, whispering the words that keyed the spell. “Jaenelle, I need you…”
The wall melted away and in a little hole in the plaster, a wallet, packed with paper bills, and a silver mark. Wilhelmina picked it up and looked at it again, examining the words around the edge. Mark of safe passage. The other hand went to the Jewel Jaenelle had given her, touching it and asking again. What should I do?
Go to Kaeleer.
She had the money. She had a mark to get her there. She just had to leave this house, leave her family. Wilhelmina closed her eyes. It had been five years since Jaenelle had gone. Nothing had happened yet. It was only a few weeks until she would make her Offering and then she would be free of them, but -
A small voice in the back of her head, traitorous and quiet, but not as quiet as it should have been, wondered idly if they’d let her live that long.
She wasn’t afraid of Uncle Bobby’s friends. Not when Leland or Phillip was there.
But if they left? If she was alone here?
If I can’t be here anymore, will you promise me…if things get bad, you’ll leave?
Wilhelmina put the mark back and stepped away from the hole in the wall, letting the illusion spell close over, fingers curled around the Jewel at her throat, biting her lip. “Jaenelle,” she whispered, “I’m afraid.”
All will be well. Go to Kaeleer.
Wilhelmina threw the window open and listened to the breeze, thinking. She could find Andrew, Andrew would go with her. And maybe she would look for that Surreal woman that Jaenelle had mentioned. They would find a Gate, she would go to Kaeleer after making her Offering. But she had to get out of this house, this big, empty house, away from the men with their shining eyes and the denials of her grandmother.
She’d made a promise to Jaenelle. She couldn’t break a promise to Jaenelle. It wouldn’t be right. And maybe she’d find Daemon. Daemon would know what to do, no matter what the nasty stories said.
She set her teeth and turned back to the alcove in the wall, reached out a hand. A voice from the hallway stopped her in her tracks.
“Wilhelmina?”
Phillip, thank the Darkness. But there was an edge in his voice that made her cringe.
“Wilhelmina, what are you doing?” He opened the door. For a moment she knew he felt it, that feeling of safety and warmth, but then the room was just a room and his face stilled. “You’re not supposed to be in here.”
Wilhelmina looked at her feet, dropping her hand, wilting. Before she could stop herself, the words sprang out. “I was looking for Jaenelle.”
“Wilhelmina…” Phillip sighed, looking down and away from her. “Jaenelle’s not here. Remember? She’s gone.”
Wilhelmina’s temper flared and she straightened, closing her hands into fists and looking at Phillip with blazing blue eyes. If she had seen her face, she would have been startled at how very much she looked like her sister, just for a moment. Phillip took a step back. “She’s not,” Wilhelmina said fiercely. “She’s not here, but she’s not Gone and you know it.”
Phillip sighed and took a slow step into the room, as though afraid something would strike him, then another, and went to her, putting an hand on each of her shoulders. “Wilhelmina, please,” he said softly, and she could see that he was hurting and felt a pang for getting angry at him. “I know it’s hard to accept that she’s not coming back, but-“
She wilted. Maybe she was wrong. Maybe it was all a childish fantasy, all of this.
“You’re too old for pretend,” Phillip said, trying to catch her eyes. “And you’re hurting Leland when you talk like that.”
Wilhelmina hunched her shoulders. “I know I’m right,” she said shakily, but without as much certainty as she wished.
“Come with me,” Phillip said softly, “You shouldn’t be in here. It’s just an empty room.” He stood and offered her an arm. “You want to come riding with me? Leland and I were going to go.”
Wilhelmina lowered her eyes, feeling the whisper of Jaenelle even in this room that had never belonged to her, not really. She nodded, slowly, and followed him. “All right.” A pause, stopping. “Please don’t tell Grandmama I was here.”
His eyes softened. “I won’t.” He bent and kissed her hair, an affectionate gesture; a father’s gesture. “I know it’s hard.” He paused, and looked at her, studying her face. “Wilhelmina, if something’s bothering you, you’d tell me, right?”
She looked at her feet. “What if you wouldn’t believe me? Just like you didn’t believe Jaenelle about Briarwood.”
The flash of pain and anger in Phillip’s eyes stung, but it gave a small part of her a nasty little feeling of satisfaction. “Don’t talk about what you don’t understand, Wilhelmina,” he said sharply, and turned to stride down the hallway. Wilhelmina glanced back at the room and pulled the door shut, touching the Jewel at her throat.
I’ll go. I promise.
Kaeleer.
A promise, or a warning? Wilhelmina shivered and fled after Phillip, frightened and exhilarated, all at once, thinking of the packet of money and the silver mark, the mark of safe passage. All will be well.
*You are not gone,* Wilhelmina said silently, on an Opal thread. *I know. I see.*
And yet there still was no answer. Not from her sister, not from anyone.
She felt so terribly alone.
Went and bought books yesterday, gained three: Elantris to check out this Branden Sanderson fellow who is writing A Memory of Light, Thief With No Shadow by Emily Gee - on a whim, sometimes those go well - and another Tanya Huff book, meaning I have one left to hunt down before I have the whole series. Dammit. Did not, however, find any of the original 7 or 8 books I was looking for. Go me.
"Dream Quest of Unknown Kadath" is extraordinarily epic. I'm kind of enjoying it, even if it's not usual Lovecraft. Ah well. So...I heard you like mudkips?
Or something like that. More fic perhaps coming later tonight, as I have nothing to do and too much ideas. I need a job. Or a life. Or some money, that'd be nice. Ahahaha.
Fandom: Black Jewels Trilogy
Prompt: 096. Writer's Choice
Characters: Wilhelmina Benedict, Philip Alexander, others by mention
Warnings: vague implications.
Summary: Jaenelle isn't Gone - Wilhelmina knows that. But it's hard to keep faith.
She lifted her hand automatically to knock before she remembered that the gesture was useless. Wilhelmina pushed the door open and stepped inside, closing it again quickly before breathing a sigh of relief when no one yelled, no one got angry, because no one had seen her. No one said this room was forbidden, but the last time, when Leland had seen her slipping out of the room, she’d been - well, not angry, to be fair. But she had yelled, and her unhappiness was enough to make Wilhelmina cringe and feel close to tears herself.
But she needed to come here, sometimes, for reasons she was certain that none of them would understand. They would laugh if she told them she felt safe here, in an empty room, sterile and too clean. Or they would ask why she needed to feel safe; and then she would have to explain and then they would not believe her, just as they had not believed Jaenelle about that awful terrible place.
She took a deep breath and went to sit on the perfectly made bed that had almost never been slept in, looked at the little shelf of books Jaenelle had never read. They all said Jaenelle was lost or that she was gone but Wilhelmina knew better; knew, as she always had, that her sister was well. She curled on hand around the Sapphire Jewel at her neck and asked it the same question she’d been asking for weeks, for months - ever since Jaenelle had gone.
What should I do?
And as clear as it had always been, the answer came. Go to Kaeleer.
She didn’t trust Leland or Phillip or Alexandra. She trusted Jaenelle, and she trusted Daemon, who had promised that he would take her sister away only so that she couldn’t be hurt again. Wihelmina swung her feet in an almost childish manner and stared blankly at the wall. But something had gone wrong, hadn’t it? Something had gone horribly wrong and now she wondered…but that was a bad thought. Because she knew they told lies, had always told lies, and that was what the stories were, the whispers she caught hints of out of the corner of her eye. Lies.
She knew Daemon Sadi; at least a little. She trusted him. And more than that, she trusted him with Jaenelle. Because even if she didn’t understand what was between them, she knew that Daemon would die before letting it be broken; even if she couldn’t explain how she knew.
Wilhelmina was reminded, suddenly, of a conversation she’d had with her sister, not so long ago, on one of those nights when Wilhelmina crept from her bed to join Jaenelle in this room and they huddled close together, sharing each other’s warmth.
“Wilhelmina,” Jaenelle had said, in a quiet, serious voice. “Will you promise me something?”
Wilhelmina just nodded without asking what it was. It was Jaenelle; of course she would promise.
“If something happens to me,” Jaenelle continued, “If I…can’t be here anymore, will you promise that…if things get bad here, you’ll leave?”
A pause of shock. “Leave home?”
Jaenelle gave her a serious look, her eyes almost pleading. “Please, you have to promise me. There’s a woman, Surreal, you can find her, or-“
“I don’t know her!” Wilhelmina had cried, feeling close to tears and confused. “Where would you go?”
Jaenelle looked away. “I might have to go…away. For a while.”
“Why couldn’t I come?”
Jaenelle shook her head, her mouth set in a thin, stubborn little line that Wilhelmina knew better than to argue with. “You couldn’t. Please, ‘Mina, please just promise me.”
Wilhelmina had looked away and Jaenelle had politely ignored her brief sniffles. “I promise,” Wilhelmina said in a small voice, and felt some of the tension go out of Jaenelle.
“Thank you,” she whispered
Things had gotten worse. Not bad yet, not so bad that she wanted to leave, but thinking of that conversation, she understood, a little, and felt a little surge of anger. How could Jaenelle leave? How could Jaenelle, her only sister, leave her alone like this, in this big empty house?
Because something, somewhere, had gone wrong, and they said Jaenelle was Gone and Lost and though she didn’t believe a word of it she had to wonder why Jaenelle never answered her calls. If perhaps her sister had forgotten about her.
But that was a bad thought, and a wrong one, because she knew that Jaenelle wouldn’t forget about her. It just wasn’t a Jaenelle thing to do. She wrapped her hand around the Sapphire Jewel that wasn’t hers and asked again.
What should I do?
The same patient tone, telling her, go to Kaeleer.
Wilhelmina stood up from her perch on Jaenelle’s bed, looking around at the bed that had never been slept in, the toys that had never been played with, the books that had never been read. The only bit of Jaenelle in this room was the faint psychic scent, washing over her, soothing her as Jaenelle had always done, even when the ancient expression in her eyes frightened her more than a little.
She went to the window and looked out at the garden. She couldn’t see the alcove from here, but she knew the witchblood Jaenelle had planted still grew there, blooming with brilliantly blood-red flowers, tipped with black. The gardeners stayed far from the maze, but they knew it grew there and wondered how. Alexandra was in a fury when she heard about it, but none of them dared try to pull it up. Wilhelmina thought they were afraid of what it might do. It was almost like a ghost of Jaenelle, lingering when they so badly wanted her to be Gone.
Because that was it, wasn’t it? They didn’t really think she was Gone. They knew just as Wilhelmina did that Jaenelle was somewhere, still, but they wanted her Gone, wanted to forget she had ever existed. Not Leland, not Phillip, but the others…Wilhelmina knew that Phillip cared, had seen him standing at the door to this room, hand on the handle, as though pondering going in, but he never did.
Wilhelmina didn’t forget. Wilhelmina went out every day to the alcove, creeping through the maze, carrying a watering can, and went to tend the remnant of Jaenelle. It was almost like a talisman for her - if she took care of the plant, everything would be well again, and when the witchblood bloomed she would know what to do, she would have the kind of courage Jaenelle had had.
Wilhelmina went over to the bookshelf and touched the wall next to it, whispering the words that keyed the spell. “Jaenelle, I need you…”
The wall melted away and in a little hole in the plaster, a wallet, packed with paper bills, and a silver mark. Wilhelmina picked it up and looked at it again, examining the words around the edge. Mark of safe passage. The other hand went to the Jewel Jaenelle had given her, touching it and asking again. What should I do?
Go to Kaeleer.
She had the money. She had a mark to get her there. She just had to leave this house, leave her family. Wilhelmina closed her eyes. It had been five years since Jaenelle had gone. Nothing had happened yet. It was only a few weeks until she would make her Offering and then she would be free of them, but -
A small voice in the back of her head, traitorous and quiet, but not as quiet as it should have been, wondered idly if they’d let her live that long.
She wasn’t afraid of Uncle Bobby’s friends. Not when Leland or Phillip was there.
But if they left? If she was alone here?
If I can’t be here anymore, will you promise me…if things get bad, you’ll leave?
Wilhelmina put the mark back and stepped away from the hole in the wall, letting the illusion spell close over, fingers curled around the Jewel at her throat, biting her lip. “Jaenelle,” she whispered, “I’m afraid.”
All will be well. Go to Kaeleer.
Wilhelmina threw the window open and listened to the breeze, thinking. She could find Andrew, Andrew would go with her. And maybe she would look for that Surreal woman that Jaenelle had mentioned. They would find a Gate, she would go to Kaeleer after making her Offering. But she had to get out of this house, this big, empty house, away from the men with their shining eyes and the denials of her grandmother.
She’d made a promise to Jaenelle. She couldn’t break a promise to Jaenelle. It wouldn’t be right. And maybe she’d find Daemon. Daemon would know what to do, no matter what the nasty stories said.
She set her teeth and turned back to the alcove in the wall, reached out a hand. A voice from the hallway stopped her in her tracks.
“Wilhelmina?”
Phillip, thank the Darkness. But there was an edge in his voice that made her cringe.
“Wilhelmina, what are you doing?” He opened the door. For a moment she knew he felt it, that feeling of safety and warmth, but then the room was just a room and his face stilled. “You’re not supposed to be in here.”
Wilhelmina looked at her feet, dropping her hand, wilting. Before she could stop herself, the words sprang out. “I was looking for Jaenelle.”
“Wilhelmina…” Phillip sighed, looking down and away from her. “Jaenelle’s not here. Remember? She’s gone.”
Wilhelmina’s temper flared and she straightened, closing her hands into fists and looking at Phillip with blazing blue eyes. If she had seen her face, she would have been startled at how very much she looked like her sister, just for a moment. Phillip took a step back. “She’s not,” Wilhelmina said fiercely. “She’s not here, but she’s not Gone and you know it.”
Phillip sighed and took a slow step into the room, as though afraid something would strike him, then another, and went to her, putting an hand on each of her shoulders. “Wilhelmina, please,” he said softly, and she could see that he was hurting and felt a pang for getting angry at him. “I know it’s hard to accept that she’s not coming back, but-“
She wilted. Maybe she was wrong. Maybe it was all a childish fantasy, all of this.
“You’re too old for pretend,” Phillip said, trying to catch her eyes. “And you’re hurting Leland when you talk like that.”
Wilhelmina hunched her shoulders. “I know I’m right,” she said shakily, but without as much certainty as she wished.
“Come with me,” Phillip said softly, “You shouldn’t be in here. It’s just an empty room.” He stood and offered her an arm. “You want to come riding with me? Leland and I were going to go.”
Wilhelmina lowered her eyes, feeling the whisper of Jaenelle even in this room that had never belonged to her, not really. She nodded, slowly, and followed him. “All right.” A pause, stopping. “Please don’t tell Grandmama I was here.”
His eyes softened. “I won’t.” He bent and kissed her hair, an affectionate gesture; a father’s gesture. “I know it’s hard.” He paused, and looked at her, studying her face. “Wilhelmina, if something’s bothering you, you’d tell me, right?”
She looked at her feet. “What if you wouldn’t believe me? Just like you didn’t believe Jaenelle about Briarwood.”
The flash of pain and anger in Phillip’s eyes stung, but it gave a small part of her a nasty little feeling of satisfaction. “Don’t talk about what you don’t understand, Wilhelmina,” he said sharply, and turned to stride down the hallway. Wilhelmina glanced back at the room and pulled the door shut, touching the Jewel at her throat.
I’ll go. I promise.
Kaeleer.
A promise, or a warning? Wilhelmina shivered and fled after Phillip, frightened and exhilarated, all at once, thinking of the packet of money and the silver mark, the mark of safe passage. All will be well.
*You are not gone,* Wilhelmina said silently, on an Opal thread. *I know. I see.*
And yet there still was no answer. Not from her sister, not from anyone.
She felt so terribly alone.
Went and bought books yesterday, gained three: Elantris to check out this Branden Sanderson fellow who is writing A Memory of Light, Thief With No Shadow by Emily Gee - on a whim, sometimes those go well - and another Tanya Huff book, meaning I have one left to hunt down before I have the whole series. Dammit. Did not, however, find any of the original 7 or 8 books I was looking for. Go me.
"Dream Quest of Unknown Kadath" is extraordinarily epic. I'm kind of enjoying it, even if it's not usual Lovecraft. Ah well. So...I heard you like mudkips?
Or something like that. More fic perhaps coming later tonight, as I have nothing to do and too much ideas. I need a job. Or a life. Or some money, that'd be nice. Ahahaha.