(no subject)
sorry its taken me so long to get back. it seems like i've been so busy but with nothing & it makes me miss you even more since i dont have someone here to talk to & laugh. i have to make 3 min best friends in order to get shit off my chest & then leave.
i havent been too happy in the past week or so & im really missing what i had with chris way before this shit started. and i know its still there but i dont think i should give in just to get it back. i guessi should update you & also warn you that i cant really help out with your last post because im feeling that way too.
so our story begins where i believe it was left off. its friday night of that week (last?) & chris again denies the opportunity to spend the night at my house but i ended up staying with him cause he feel asleep & found him unable to drive a car. next morning, turns out that they talk after a playful good-morning fight, he informs me that Clare will be joining our group later that night. well, at this point, anything with the name Clare is a killjoy to me. urged by my secretive jealousy, i took it upon myself to investigate for some truth in the most shamless way, i looked through his phone. turns out this texting is a very common thing, nothing to really worry about & the facts he told me match up to what i found but i really wish them talking so much without even a word of mention to me wouldnt happen. he was off that day & didnt have to pick this girl up till 7 when she got off work. i just figured it was going to be him & i the whole day... till he shot me down when he was, basically, telling me to go somewhere else. he had plans to do choures all day & instead of inviting me as he normally would, he kind of just suggested i chill with one of my friends or go to a reptile show. in an imature act, i decided to hang out with a guy that chris knows likes me just to make him a little jealous. the most i got from him was "he gets to see your curly hair & not me" & i dont hear from him the rest of the day. at one point, i call my cousin cause i didnt really want to chill with this guy, i just wanted someone to talk to but no answer so i left a message. i ended up hanging out with him anyways & while at white flint, my cousin calls back & said she was going to be there around 8:30, mind you it around 6. we agreed on a maybe at that point so called chris to arrange our plans. i asked him if he could pick me up & then we could go get this girl but he said that first, he was going to go to his house to feed his pet, then pick up the girl cause shes closer than get me. well, couldnt really argue & agreed.
7:45 roles around, im still at the mall & i havent heard from chris. i give him a call to see whats going on & it turns out he just picked up clare & was now heading over to his house. not only did that piss me off, but even more & didnt say "i love you" like he normally does. i called my cousin to say i'd wait for her & recalled chris to cancel. again, no "i love you". i dont really hear from the rest of that till about 2 am where he left a voice mail saying that he missed me, that to call him or hed call me tomorrow, blah blah blah. i was too busy playing beer pong to care.
next morning roles around & nothing, so i called allie who was one of the people that he chilled with last night to tell me what happened. apparently, this girl was very flirty but chris not so much & to ask jon for more details. not happy with the response, i texted jon & we all agreed to meet once i got back home from being with my dad. the first phone call from chris wasnt till 2:50 & then he continued to call from there. i was being suspicious to why he called so late when he usually gets up around 11 or 12 but i never answered any of his phone calls. after comfort food from my dad, i go back to talk to jon & allie. they didnt implant any opinions but just told me exactly what happened:
they arrived home to find clar , chris, & another friend of ours smoking on their porch waiting for them. they brought another 2 mutual friends to join. looks like this girl was flirting with anything that had a penis & not just chris. eventually the 2 friends leave & this girl brought out a bag of weed she was meaning to smoke. no one objected to it & jon, clare AND chris smoked. do you know how bad i felt after hearing that? all this time hes been basically forbidding me from smoking or drinking & i never had a problem with it. but all the sudden, behind my back, this little bitch busts out a bag & hes all over it (mother fucker). the story continues, clare gets hungry so they leave the group. jon nor allie were able to account their actions for the 1/2 to an hour time they spent by themselves but reunite with them at mcdonalds later where chris had forgotten his mannors on personal space & got awkwardly close to jon when talking to him. they leave.
as you can already imagine, i was crying about all of this, especially with all the thoughts running through my head. i was ready to call it quits at that point. but jon offered to have a "man-to-man" talk with him while i spent some time with david to take my mind off things. nothing happened nor did david find out about the whole delema, i just really wanted a distraction in order to clear my head. once david left, jon texted me that him & chris spoke & to call over chris so we could later review notes. chris comes over & my plan was to pretend i hadnt talked to anyone. he tells me that during that hour after they blazed (he hadnt told me yet that they did, thought), they just were spending their time at mcdonalds till jon & allie came around. & once they left, it was just to drop her off at a friends house where they were to do more illegal things. i asked him if there was anything else he wanted to tell & thats when he fessed up about the weed. after that, it was silence, aggrevation, tears, & stern looks. ultimately, we conclude that it was mainly his iggnorance that did all of this because he didnt feel like he really did anything wrong. i almost broke up with him because i told him that its either me or her & if she was just a friend that it shouldnt be that hard of a decision. he chose me & said hed try. this all could have been avoided had he not been so secretive about the whole thing & if i'd express my feelings on the issue earlier.
everything was fine & dandy for the next few days but the text messages keep coming & coming & coming. he just ignores them when hes in front of me because he knows i get mad. so now imsounding like a broken fucking record when he asks "whats wrong" everytime a text sounds off on his phone. its been an emotional rollar coster, we're happy till a message comes & then we're pissed. things just seem so different & he cant understand why im mad
ksjaldhfiaul.zj9j7sg89uroiqhbuihugaagasgsadsfahshasvvxzchjsdyharojgesoitlanvosdhv oisdnvkaegihwog wowaopu ps oifjasfsanc FFFFUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
this is just pissing me off so much. he said he would because he said she wasnt worth all the sadness. well? is she worth us getting mad at each other almost every day? he doesnt understand why he has to
man now im worked up
i think im going to send him an angry text message that im probably going to regret later today
oh yea, well theres more & i have time to write it. last night we all blazed because the opportunity has presented itself many times & all he does is get upset everytime he asks me & i say no. now, our deal was that both of us stay straight edge. fine, beautiful, thats how i want it. the reason i limited him was because he has an addicting & dependant personality. he has in his blood line & he himself knows that hes scared of becoming addicted. so i've been doing my part of keeping him in line. but, like i said before, hes been getting mad & shit when i say no. so last night i was faced with a really big delema. when he first smoked, he didnt get anything out of it so he was curious to really try it. so, if i restricted him again it would probably be so much more tempting but i let him, i was facing a chance of losing him to it. i talked to him & he gave me the most oiawefjoiawfoisa answer ever "well, im gonna do it" it just aldsjflkasjfmfksafcwhcifkjwcdjwbllaaaaaaaahhhhhhh hes also been changing like that lately. i think the reason is because we've just been getting into this arguments every time. at one point, he had the nerve to say "get over it", that asshole. last time i checked i would never date an immature asshole. anways, so we smoked last night & im now worried about the future from this point
so yea, im going to go write that text & ruin the rest of my day. you have a good one!!!
(i miss you)
i havent been too happy in the past week or so & im really missing what i had with chris way before this shit started. and i know its still there but i dont think i should give in just to get it back. i guessi should update you & also warn you that i cant really help out with your last post because im feeling that way too.
so our story begins where i believe it was left off. its friday night of that week (last?) & chris again denies the opportunity to spend the night at my house but i ended up staying with him cause he feel asleep & found him unable to drive a car. next morning, turns out that they talk after a playful good-morning fight, he informs me that Clare will be joining our group later that night. well, at this point, anything with the name Clare is a killjoy to me. urged by my secretive jealousy, i took it upon myself to investigate for some truth in the most shamless way, i looked through his phone. turns out this texting is a very common thing, nothing to really worry about & the facts he told me match up to what i found but i really wish them talking so much without even a word of mention to me wouldnt happen. he was off that day & didnt have to pick this girl up till 7 when she got off work. i just figured it was going to be him & i the whole day... till he shot me down when he was, basically, telling me to go somewhere else. he had plans to do choures all day & instead of inviting me as he normally would, he kind of just suggested i chill with one of my friends or go to a reptile show. in an imature act, i decided to hang out with a guy that chris knows likes me just to make him a little jealous. the most i got from him was "he gets to see your curly hair & not me" & i dont hear from him the rest of the day. at one point, i call my cousin cause i didnt really want to chill with this guy, i just wanted someone to talk to but no answer so i left a message. i ended up hanging out with him anyways & while at white flint, my cousin calls back & said she was going to be there around 8:30, mind you it around 6. we agreed on a maybe at that point so called chris to arrange our plans. i asked him if he could pick me up & then we could go get this girl but he said that first, he was going to go to his house to feed his pet, then pick up the girl cause shes closer than get me. well, couldnt really argue & agreed.
7:45 roles around, im still at the mall & i havent heard from chris. i give him a call to see whats going on & it turns out he just picked up clare & was now heading over to his house. not only did that piss me off, but even more & didnt say "i love you" like he normally does. i called my cousin to say i'd wait for her & recalled chris to cancel. again, no "i love you". i dont really hear from the rest of that till about 2 am where he left a voice mail saying that he missed me, that to call him or hed call me tomorrow, blah blah blah. i was too busy playing beer pong to care.
next morning roles around & nothing, so i called allie who was one of the people that he chilled with last night to tell me what happened. apparently, this girl was very flirty but chris not so much & to ask jon for more details. not happy with the response, i texted jon & we all agreed to meet once i got back home from being with my dad. the first phone call from chris wasnt till 2:50 & then he continued to call from there. i was being suspicious to why he called so late when he usually gets up around 11 or 12 but i never answered any of his phone calls. after comfort food from my dad, i go back to talk to jon & allie. they didnt implant any opinions but just told me exactly what happened:
they arrived home to find clar , chris, & another friend of ours smoking on their porch waiting for them. they brought another 2 mutual friends to join. looks like this girl was flirting with anything that had a penis & not just chris. eventually the 2 friends leave & this girl brought out a bag of weed she was meaning to smoke. no one objected to it & jon, clare AND chris smoked. do you know how bad i felt after hearing that? all this time hes been basically forbidding me from smoking or drinking & i never had a problem with it. but all the sudden, behind my back, this little bitch busts out a bag & hes all over it (mother fucker). the story continues, clare gets hungry so they leave the group. jon nor allie were able to account their actions for the 1/2 to an hour time they spent by themselves but reunite with them at mcdonalds later where chris had forgotten his mannors on personal space & got awkwardly close to jon when talking to him. they leave.
as you can already imagine, i was crying about all of this, especially with all the thoughts running through my head. i was ready to call it quits at that point. but jon offered to have a "man-to-man" talk with him while i spent some time with david to take my mind off things. nothing happened nor did david find out about the whole delema, i just really wanted a distraction in order to clear my head. once david left, jon texted me that him & chris spoke & to call over chris so we could later review notes. chris comes over & my plan was to pretend i hadnt talked to anyone. he tells me that during that hour after they blazed (he hadnt told me yet that they did, thought), they just were spending their time at mcdonalds till jon & allie came around. & once they left, it was just to drop her off at a friends house where they were to do more illegal things. i asked him if there was anything else he wanted to tell & thats when he fessed up about the weed. after that, it was silence, aggrevation, tears, & stern looks. ultimately, we conclude that it was mainly his iggnorance that did all of this because he didnt feel like he really did anything wrong. i almost broke up with him because i told him that its either me or her & if she was just a friend that it shouldnt be that hard of a decision. he chose me & said hed try. this all could have been avoided had he not been so secretive about the whole thing & if i'd express my feelings on the issue earlier.
everything was fine & dandy for the next few days but the text messages keep coming & coming & coming. he just ignores them when hes in front of me because he knows i get mad. so now imsounding like a broken fucking record when he asks "whats wrong" everytime a text sounds off on his phone. its been an emotional rollar coster, we're happy till a message comes & then we're pissed. things just seem so different & he cant understand why im mad
ksjaldhfiaul.zj9j7sg89uroiqhbuihugaagasgsadsfahshasvvxzchjsdyharojgesoitlanvosdhv oisdnvkaegihwog wowaopu ps oifjasfsanc FFFFUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
this is just pissing me off so much. he said he would because he said she wasnt worth all the sadness. well? is she worth us getting mad at each other almost every day? he doesnt understand why he has to
man now im worked up
i think im going to send him an angry text message that im probably going to regret later today
oh yea, well theres more & i have time to write it. last night we all blazed because the opportunity has presented itself many times & all he does is get upset everytime he asks me & i say no. now, our deal was that both of us stay straight edge. fine, beautiful, thats how i want it. the reason i limited him was because he has an addicting & dependant personality. he has in his blood line & he himself knows that hes scared of becoming addicted. so i've been doing my part of keeping him in line. but, like i said before, hes been getting mad & shit when i say no. so last night i was faced with a really big delema. when he first smoked, he didnt get anything out of it so he was curious to really try it. so, if i restricted him again it would probably be so much more tempting but i let him, i was facing a chance of losing him to it. i talked to him & he gave me the most oiawefjoiawfoisa answer ever "well, im gonna do it" it just aldsjflkasjfmfksafcwhcifkjwcdjwbllaaaaaaaahhhhhhh hes also been changing like that lately. i think the reason is because we've just been getting into this arguments every time. at one point, he had the nerve to say "get over it", that asshole. last time i checked i would never date an immature asshole. anways, so we smoked last night & im now worried about the future from this point
so yea, im going to go write that text & ruin the rest of my day. you have a good one!!!
(i miss you)