love's not a competition, but I'm winning
So... life. It's pretty good tbh :)
Weekend was still kind of tainted by lingering shit in my head. I kept wanting to leave every five minutes and I obviously wasn't hiding it too well because I lost track of the number of times I caught him watching me carefully and how many times he said the words 'It's okay, you can stay here.' to me. A year on I should be past this, but these things get triggered when shit happens that I have trouble getting over. I am, though. I'm dealing.
Maybe he was extra cautious with me because he knew I was writing my essay on Child Maltreatment. It's fairly inevitable that it makes me think of certain things I'd rather forget, but you can't just bury this shit anyway, you've got to deal with it and come to terms as best you can.
I don't forgive her, I don't think I ever will, but I don't hate her - not like I used to at least. I spent a fair bit of time around my mother this past weekend and yeah, she annoyed the hell out of me, but nothing terrible happened, and the thing is... she was trying to reconnect with me. Now, I doubt that'll ever happen, but I think she's started to realise that she doesn't have anything else, not really. She doesn't have her children anymore and she's pretty alone tbh. When my grandparents die she's not really going to have anybody. And I really, really pity her for that.
I've got awesome people who care about me, and who'll help me out if I need it, and it's kind of weird for me, and nothing's permanent, but... it's really something. It means a lot. Everyone on here, too, who gives a shit for no reason except that they do... it's kind of amazing to me. Still. idk, I'm just grateful I guess.
In other news, I'm losing weight. Enough to notice, anyway. It wasn't like, a conscious decision on my part. It's just sort of happened. I'm not sure if I've been eating properly... these things tend to sneak up on me tbh, but when 'You've lost weight' turns from compliment to concern you realise you should maybe keep an eye on this shit. Then again, he's overprotective. I have just been really busy of late, so idk. I'll keep you posted. lol I sound so whiny going 'Oh noes, I is getting moar skinnier'. *eye roll*
In moar other news, I got an interview for the teacher training course!!! \o/
January 7th! /o\ Want moar tiem pls tbqh. But yay! I think. Kinda shitting myself already but I'll worry about that after I've done my research and my essay and and and etc. Life, it are teh busy. I'm doing okay though, not freaking out or anything. So yeah, it's cool.
Coping, I is doing it :)
Weekend was still kind of tainted by lingering shit in my head. I kept wanting to leave every five minutes and I obviously wasn't hiding it too well because I lost track of the number of times I caught him watching me carefully and how many times he said the words 'It's okay, you can stay here.' to me. A year on I should be past this, but these things get triggered when shit happens that I have trouble getting over. I am, though. I'm dealing.
Maybe he was extra cautious with me because he knew I was writing my essay on Child Maltreatment. It's fairly inevitable that it makes me think of certain things I'd rather forget, but you can't just bury this shit anyway, you've got to deal with it and come to terms as best you can.
I don't forgive her, I don't think I ever will, but I don't hate her - not like I used to at least. I spent a fair bit of time around my mother this past weekend and yeah, she annoyed the hell out of me, but nothing terrible happened, and the thing is... she was trying to reconnect with me. Now, I doubt that'll ever happen, but I think she's started to realise that she doesn't have anything else, not really. She doesn't have her children anymore and she's pretty alone tbh. When my grandparents die she's not really going to have anybody. And I really, really pity her for that.
I've got awesome people who care about me, and who'll help me out if I need it, and it's kind of weird for me, and nothing's permanent, but... it's really something. It means a lot. Everyone on here, too, who gives a shit for no reason except that they do... it's kind of amazing to me. Still. idk, I'm just grateful I guess.
In other news, I'm losing weight. Enough to notice, anyway. It wasn't like, a conscious decision on my part. It's just sort of happened. I'm not sure if I've been eating properly... these things tend to sneak up on me tbh, but when 'You've lost weight' turns from compliment to concern you realise you should maybe keep an eye on this shit. Then again, he's overprotective. I have just been really busy of late, so idk. I'll keep you posted. lol I sound so whiny going 'Oh noes, I is getting moar skinnier'. *eye roll*
In moar other news, I got an interview for the teacher training course!!! \o/
January 7th! /o\ Want moar tiem pls tbqh. But yay! I think. Kinda shitting myself already but I'll worry about that after I've done my research and my essay and and and etc. Life, it are teh busy. I'm doing okay though, not freaking out or anything. So yeah, it's cool.
Coping, I is doing it :)