Like I got a wire crossed upstairs.
I apologise in advance for the ~emo. Oh, and for the mis-use of saucepans.
I... just. I forget exactly what it feels like sometimes. Collectively today she's been here for like six hours. She shouldn't be able to do that, just... come here like that.
She only talked and shit, but she just wouldn't shut up. I don't even know why she affects me like this, still. Idk, idk, idk.
It's not really surprising how I spent all my teen years in self destruct mode and fucking myself up. I'd honestly rather have spent a few hours slamming my head into the wall, just to escape and feel something different. It was always about escape, just doing whatever I possibly could to feel okay.
I'm not really okay right now and I don't even know why. I've been feeling a bit messed up, a little bit unbalanced for the last few days anyway. Half the time I feel numb and the other half I feel like I'm slipping. Just... unsettled, I guess. Or something.
It's stupid. I know it is. If I think about it and let myself dwell then it will get worse. I'm getting a little tired of don't-think-about-it-and-maybe-it'll-go-away, though. Still, that's the only option I'm allowing myself at the moment. We'll see how it goes.
I'll tell you when the music stops and whether I have a chair.
~
When William came out of the bathroom after his shower, towel around his waist and hair still dripping water down his back, he expected to find Gabe to be either feeding Riley his breakfast at the kitchen table or the two of them to be snuggled up together on the sofa watching one of their programs. As it happened, his boyfriend and son were doing neither of those things. They were actually making a lot of noise and William was surprised he hadn't heard it before to be honest.
Gabe was sat on the floor in front of the sofa with Riley sat in between his legs. In front of them both was an upside down saucepan and Riley clutched a wooden spoon in one hand and a plastic spatula in the other. Gabe's hands were closed lightly around Riley's keeping the toddler's hands still for the moment while he talked.
"Now, see relu? It goes 'bash, bash, bash, bash, bash bash bash bash', okay?" Gabe said, leaning down so he could see Riley's face as he spoke to him, guiding the spoon and spatula down to touch the saucepan base with each 'bash'. "Okay, so, with me, Ry." William watched, a huge smile on his own face as Gabe's split in a grin, the man bending down a little more to kiss the top of Riley's head and then straightening back up, mouthing the words 'Smile real wide for the' before Gabe started singing, helping Riley hit the saucepan as he did; "Pa-pa-pa-pa paparazzi! Pa-pa-pa-pa paparazzi everywhere," Gabe let go of Riley's hands then and just let him bash at the saucepan some more, which he did enthusiastically as he giggled happily while Gabe clapped and laughed with him, only looking up when he heard William join in the applause.
"Look, Ry, it's Daddy!" Gabe leaned forward to catch Riley's attention and pointed up at William, that stupidly-happy grin still on his face, the mirror image of the other male's.
"Da!" Riley squealed, holding the wooden spoon out to William as if offering for him to join in.
"Later, baby boy," William laughed, securing his towel in one hand as he bent down to kiss Riley before moving on to Gabe, speaking to his boyfriend as he stood upright again. "I didn't know you were replacing Nate," he said jokingly, smirking at Gabe.
I... just. I forget exactly what it feels like sometimes. Collectively today she's been here for like six hours. She shouldn't be able to do that, just... come here like that.
She only talked and shit, but she just wouldn't shut up. I don't even know why she affects me like this, still. Idk, idk, idk.
It's not really surprising how I spent all my teen years in self destruct mode and fucking myself up. I'd honestly rather have spent a few hours slamming my head into the wall, just to escape and feel something different. It was always about escape, just doing whatever I possibly could to feel okay.
I'm not really okay right now and I don't even know why. I've been feeling a bit messed up, a little bit unbalanced for the last few days anyway. Half the time I feel numb and the other half I feel like I'm slipping. Just... unsettled, I guess. Or something.
It's stupid. I know it is. If I think about it and let myself dwell then it will get worse. I'm getting a little tired of don't-think-about-it-and-maybe-it'll-go-away, though. Still, that's the only option I'm allowing myself at the moment. We'll see how it goes.
I'll tell you when the music stops and whether I have a chair.
~
When William came out of the bathroom after his shower, towel around his waist and hair still dripping water down his back, he expected to find Gabe to be either feeding Riley his breakfast at the kitchen table or the two of them to be snuggled up together on the sofa watching one of their programs. As it happened, his boyfriend and son were doing neither of those things. They were actually making a lot of noise and William was surprised he hadn't heard it before to be honest.
Gabe was sat on the floor in front of the sofa with Riley sat in between his legs. In front of them both was an upside down saucepan and Riley clutched a wooden spoon in one hand and a plastic spatula in the other. Gabe's hands were closed lightly around Riley's keeping the toddler's hands still for the moment while he talked.
"Now, see relu? It goes 'bash, bash, bash, bash, bash bash bash bash', okay?" Gabe said, leaning down so he could see Riley's face as he spoke to him, guiding the spoon and spatula down to touch the saucepan base with each 'bash'. "Okay, so, with me, Ry." William watched, a huge smile on his own face as Gabe's split in a grin, the man bending down a little more to kiss the top of Riley's head and then straightening back up, mouthing the words 'Smile real wide for the' before Gabe started singing, helping Riley hit the saucepan as he did; "Pa-pa-pa-pa paparazzi! Pa-pa-pa-pa paparazzi everywhere," Gabe let go of Riley's hands then and just let him bash at the saucepan some more, which he did enthusiastically as he giggled happily while Gabe clapped and laughed with him, only looking up when he heard William join in the applause.
"Look, Ry, it's Daddy!" Gabe leaned forward to catch Riley's attention and pointed up at William, that stupidly-happy grin still on his face, the mirror image of the other male's.
"Da!" Riley squealed, holding the wooden spoon out to William as if offering for him to join in.
"Later, baby boy," William laughed, securing his towel in one hand as he bent down to kiss Riley before moving on to Gabe, speaking to his boyfriend as he stood upright again. "I didn't know you were replacing Nate," he said jokingly, smirking at Gabe.