If I ever understand myself, I'm throwing the party.
Sometimes I wonder if being fucked up is defined by being the same way despite people liking my fic, despite some fucking awesome marks of work from uni, despite... nothing bad happening today; being Fucked Up.
I don't get it. I really don't even get it at all. I just don't.
I've got things to write, thing's I've promised to write and I want to write, but apparently I'd rather fall apart.
Maybe it's easier.
No, of course it fucking is. Take it down yourself before it falls down under you. It's what you learnt your whole life, and why start believing in anything now?
Fuck that.
Or maybe because you start to give in it's easier to go the whole way, or you just want to it's an excuse. And by 'you' I mean 'me'. I do that. When I want to feel like I'm not talking about myself I substitute the 'I's for 'you's. And it works.
Pretending's awesome until you have to stop. And you do. You - I, even. I always have to stop at some point and feel whatever it was I was running from. I can't hide forever. This is something else I've learnt.
I just wish I wasn't so God damn weak. Always taking the easy road out, 'cause fuck knows I'd rather fuck myself over than put a little effort in.
Like I said, fucking weak. Nice to meet you.
I guess you - I... for fuck's sake I... just start again.
Way of the world, don't you know.
Speaking of; I might as well share my little philosophy that's been spinning round my head lately. About being an adult, whatever that means. To me, it means letting go. Accepting what I can't control or change and figuring out what I can. And fuck, yeah, that sounds like fucking program bullshit but there you go... not exactly inappropriate.
Ignore me, I'm drunk and thinking self indulgent emo shit.
I don't get it. I really don't even get it at all. I just don't.
I've got things to write, thing's I've promised to write and I want to write, but apparently I'd rather fall apart.
Maybe it's easier.
No, of course it fucking is. Take it down yourself before it falls down under you. It's what you learnt your whole life, and why start believing in anything now?
Fuck that.
Or maybe because you start to give in it's easier to go the whole way, or you just want to it's an excuse. And by 'you' I mean 'me'. I do that. When I want to feel like I'm not talking about myself I substitute the 'I's for 'you's. And it works.
Pretending's awesome until you have to stop. And you do. You - I, even. I always have to stop at some point and feel whatever it was I was running from. I can't hide forever. This is something else I've learnt.
I just wish I wasn't so God damn weak. Always taking the easy road out, 'cause fuck knows I'd rather fuck myself over than put a little effort in.
Like I said, fucking weak. Nice to meet you.
I guess you - I... for fuck's sake I... just start again.
Way of the world, don't you know.
Speaking of; I might as well share my little philosophy that's been spinning round my head lately. About being an adult, whatever that means. To me, it means letting go. Accepting what I can't control or change and figuring out what I can. And fuck, yeah, that sounds like fucking program bullshit but there you go... not exactly inappropriate.
Ignore me, I'm drunk and thinking self indulgent emo shit.