Breaking Habits (you don't want to know) 8
Title: Breaking Habits (you don't want to know) - 8
Author: minus_four
Rating: R (language, content)
Pairing: William Beckett/Ryan Ross and William/Gabe Saporta
POV: 3rd
Summary: William's fighting his demons in rehab. All too familiar with the path of self destruction drugs and alcohol can lead to, Ryan visits him in rehab (a lot). And then Gabe shows up.
Disclaimer: I really, really hope this never happened. Title belongs to TAI's 'Bulls in Brooklyn'.
Warnings: Addiction, withdrawal and everything that goes with it.
Author Notes: I've gotten some great feedback from you guys in previous parts and I've loved every comment, thanks! <3
Uno.Dos.Tres.Cuatro.Cinco.Seis.Siete.
The first rule of addiction is that you should never have a stash. You never keep anything 'just in case', for that day you’re scared is coming when you actually can’t cope anymore. If you’re waiting to fall it makes taking that step so much easier.
You should never dwell on that ‘one last time’, never let yourself think about how easy it would be to slip just that once and ride the wonderfully unnatural high, make the pain go away just for a little while.
William knew all this. He’d heard it repeated constantly during his week in rehab, the same thing over and over; don’t give yourself any excuses because the minute you let yourself think about giving in you start forgetting why you’re fighting in the first place.
So William knew those things, but it didn’t stop him from wanting it. And he did - God, how badly he wanted a hit, that familiar rush, the relief. ‘Want’ wasn’t even a strong enough word for the feeling. Even though he knew it was all part of the withdrawal William had to relentlessly try and persuade himself that he didn’t need drugs, he didn’t need a hit, because his body was just screaming out for it. All the time, ever since he’d started kicking it just hurt.
There was no way to describe the pain he’d been in, the way it felt like it started in his bones and just punched through every throbbing nerve in his body. It didn’t matter if he knew it was just his brain trying to compensate for the substances it had been relying on, it was still agonizingly real to William because really reality is only what your brain interprets it as and his interpreted reality was telling Bill there was something terribly, terribly wrong with him and he had to fix it.
“You don’t, you don’t, you don’t,” William repeated the words to himself, rocking back against the wall each time, knees hugged tightly to his chest with skinny arms. “You can do this Beckett, you’re stronger than this,” William said firmly, trying desperately to assure himself as hot tears ran freely down his cheeks. He’d stopped wiping them away a while ago now, it might have been an hour ago now or several for all he knew - not that it mattered. William just knew that it had been dark for what seemed like a long time, for probably more than hundred of his wretched self assurances.
It wasn’t always this bad, the feelings had constantly come and gone again intermittently during the past week but the nights were always the worst; there were no distractions in the darkness, and there were no visitors. No Ryan. No Gabe. Not that their visit the previous day had been what you’d call beneficial to his state of mind but it had definitely been distracting. William just hoped nothing had happened after they’d left together, and more than that he hoped that they didn’t actually bring the situation up next time or worse still ask him how he felt towards them. He had enough to handle right now without that shit going on. William didn’t even know what was going on in his own head; there was no way he could deal with trying to work out what was going on in theirs as well.
As if he didn’t dread the coming day already, Owen had told him what they were going to be doing for his session in probably only a few hours. They’d talked a lot about William’s drug fuelled behaviour; all the things he’d done and everything he regretted, but now William was going to be writing it down. Tomorrow Bill was going to write letters to everyone he'd affected; most importantly his band. The band who hadn’t so much as called him since he’d checked in, the people he had probably hurt the most because he could have thrown everything away that they loved so much and had worked so hard for.
William had no idea what he was going to write. How the hell was he going to explain why things had gotten so screwed up when he didn’t even know himself? And the words… he may have been a writer but all of a sudden every single word seemed inadequate to say the least. ‘I’m sorry’ just wasn’t going to cut it but William just didn’t know what else he could possibly say.
“Day at a time,” William whispered to himself, small choking sobs distorting his speech as he just tried to concentrate on breathing; getting through the next minute, the next second, until it got easier somehow. “You can do this,” were the last words he pushed out before William tightened his arms around his legs as much as he could and simply surrendered to the shuddering sobs that had been threatening to take over his body for hours.
The rehab visiting hours started at nine and when Ryan got there at nearly five to the hour he wasn’t particularly surprised to see Gabe there, leaning against the wall right next to the door like he was an eager fan desperate for a front row spot at a show. Ryan smirked a little as he let himself casually wonder whether Gabe had been there since three o clock.
“Morning Gabe,” Ryan called out as soon as he’d gotten close enough.
“Hey,” Gabe replied quietly before going straight into something he’d obviously been rehearsing a few times in his head. “Look Ryan, I’m sorry about yesterday, okay? I was fried from the tour and worried about Bilvy and - and to be honest I was caught a little off guard when I saw you. I just… I mean Bill really needs both of us right now and he certainly doesn’t need to know about” Gabe gestured at Ryan’s eye “that.”
The bruising really wasn’t that bad, in fact it probably just looked worse than it was because of Ryan’s pale skin making it stand out more than it would have.
“You don’t think he’ll guess?” Ryan asked, his voice neutral.
“I was thinking you’d tell him you walked into something, actually,” Gabe mirrored Ryan’s tone, letting just a hint of threat edge into it. “Dealing with this shit” he jerked his head towards the building “Bill needs people around him. You know it, Ryan. Don’t be an idiot.”
“Maybe Bill needs people like me around him,” Ryan nodded, making his point clear.
“I already said I was sorry and people like you are being assholes right now,” Gabe growled, trying to keep the image of giving Ryan a second black eye to match the first out of his mind.
“Let’s just address the issue, shall we?” Ryan sighed. “These last few days I’ve come to realise that I care about Bill a lot, and… and as more than just a friend, I think.” Ryan took a breath before looking Gabe in the eye again. “You guys” he sighed again “have been close for a lot longer than we have, it’s true, but - but that doesn’t mean I’m just going to roll over and let you automatically be together now you’ve suddenly realised you want it,” Ryan just kept staring at Gabe, waiting for him to speak.
“I, uh, me and Bilvy - I mean, we’re not - we never, we just like, friends, you know? Good friends - I mean really good friends, but you know, friends not… anything else,” Gabe barely managed to spit the words out as he crumbled under Ryan’s rather amused gaze.
“So you don’t mind if I go up there right now and stick my tongue down his throat?”
“You -” Gabe had taken a step towards Ryan before he was even really aware of his reaction, stopping abruptly when the younger man’s short bark of laughter cut through the sudden burst of anger that had risen in Gabe’s chest in a second. “Jesus.”
“Did you really not know?” Ryan shook his head in disbelief. “I mean, come on.”
“It’s - I mean, Bilvy and I have always been - we just clicked, you know? But we never, or I guess I never let myself…” Gabe trailed off, frowning over Ryan’s shoulder at nothing in particular. “Damn,” he swore; a tiny smile tugging one corner of Gabe’s lip upwards as he met Ryan’s eyes again. “Does Bill - I mean, have you…”
“Nothing,” Ryan replied, the obvious relief on Gabe’s face making him want to laugh again. “With everything going on with him right now, it’s too much for him, you know?” Gabe nodded and Ryan made his decision quickly. “So I guess Brendon whacked me with his guitar or something,” he said, holding a hand out to Gabe.
“That boy should come with some kind of hazard warning,” Gabe smiled gratefully as he shook Ryan’s hand once, the unspoken agreement clear to both of them, before he glanced at his watch. “Let’s go see our boy.”
Owen gaped as he saw the two guys walking through the door together with actual smiles on their faces. To say he was shocked wouldn’t even come close to describing his reaction.
“Uh, hey,” he greeted them almost cautiously. “What happened to your eye?” he asked Ryan, glancing between the two of them.
“I’m clumsy,” Ryan shrugged in response.
“Sure…” Owen frowned slightly at Gabe before shaking his head. “Whatever, I don’t want to know. Look you guys, I’m not sure you two visiting together again is such a good idea, Bill’s got enough to deal with -”
“Yeah, and we’re going to help him. Both of us,” Gabe interrupted Owen before he could finish. “Don’t worry, I don’t think we’re going to make a habit of showing up at the same time,” Gabe finished, seeing Ryan nod next to him and making a mental note to organise a schedule or something at some point later.
“Okay,” Owen agreed somewhat reluctantly. “I don’t know if Bill’s up yet actually, I haven’t seen him today.”
“But we can go up, right?” Ryan asked, already turning towards the stairs.
“Could I stop you?” Owen laughed, heading back into his office.
“Maybe he’s still asleep,” Ryan frowned after Gabe had knocked on William’s door without any response.
“I guess,” Gabe replied. “Or he’s in the bathroom or something. Either way - we could surprise him,” he grinned at Ryan who quickly matched his expression.
“Come on,” Ryan turned the handle quietly and pushed the door, holding it open for Gabe to follow him inside.
They found William lying spread eagled in bed on top of the covers, but he wasn’t sleeping. He was just staring up at the ceiling with a small smile on his lips which looked almost like faded laughter.
“Hey Bilvy,” Gabe smiled, walking over to the bed. “How’s it going?” William turned his head slowly towards Gabe, grinning up at the figure stood over his bed.
“Good morning,” William pushed himself up and swung his legs over the side of the bed, standing to throw his arms around Gabe.
“Yeah, looks like it,” Ryan said as William then quickly enveloped him in a hug too, laughing along with the younger male as he did so.
“Today’s a good day,” William smiled at both of them. “I feel really fucking awesome, top of the world and all that shit,” he frowned as he saw Gabe’s face, the way he was looking at him. “What’s up?”
“Where’d you get it Bilvy?” Gabe asked, cold fear creeping into his chest.
“What?” William laughed again. “Gabe - I don’t know,” he giggled, and Ryan noticed he sounded a little nervous, “don’t know what you mean. I mean come on, Gabe.”
“Gabe?” Ryan looked at both of them, confusion on his face.
“He’s taken something,” Gabe spat the words out, tearing his eyes away from Bill to meet Ryan’s. “He’s fucking taken something,” Gabe was obviously trying to keep his voice calm but his eyes were shining with the beginning of tears.
“No…” Ryan shook his head slowly but still turned again to study William a little more closely, seeing the way Bill’s gaze didn’t quite focus on his own along with the slight flush on his pale cheeks but most importantly the smile that still hadn’t faded from William’s features despite Gabe’s accusation.
“Ry -” William started as he took a step towards the younger boy only to find Ryan step back immediately to stand next to Gabe, both of them facing William. “Gabe…” he swallowed. “Come on,” he said again. “I wouldn’t, I mean I couldn’t, right?” William pleaded but Gabe didn’t see the look in his eyes. He was too busy looking down by Bill’s feet.
William’s guitar case was half sticking out from under the bed, a few specks of white powder standing out against the black leather.
“Gabe,” William stepped towards Gabe, putting his hands on each shoulder and forcing him to make eye contact before instantly wishing he hadn’t. “Don’t. Please don’t look at me like that Gabey,” William still managed a smile in an attempt to shift the expression of disappointment from Gabe’s features. “Gabey baby.”
Gabe just calmly removed William’s fingers from where they were digging into his hoodie, simply guiding William back until he sat was sat back on the bed. Still pretty out of it, William just leaned backwards to slump against the wall, his eyes moving periodically from Gabe’s face to Ryan’s and back again as they both stood staring at him.
“Jesus,” Gabe finally said, turning to Ryan who’d been practically silent ever since the words ‘taken something’ had left Gabe’s lips. “Ry?" he reached out to touch the smaller male's shoulder. "Ryan, don’t be scared okay? He’s alright.”
“How is he alright?” Ryan shook his head at Gabe. “Look at him!” William flinched slightly when Ryan raised his voice a little before running a hand through his hair, obviously trying to keep calm. “We need to get someone. I mean, we don’t even know what he’s -”
“Coke,” Gabe cut Ryan off, seeing how upset, even panicky, he was getting. “But yeah, you should go and tell Owen what’s happened,” Gabe told him, giving the younger male a chance to get out for a few minutes and calm himself down. “Go on.”
Ryan looked at William once more before nodding gratefully at Gabe and quickly leaving the room. Once he’d gone Gabe sighed before taking the few steps over the bed and sitting on the edge of the mattress, at the foot of the bed as far from William - still leaning silently in the corner - as possible.
It wasn’t that Gabe was angry, although he had to admit that it had been his first reaction. Gabe was just hurt. Hurt that Bilvy had given in and let himself relapse, but most of all hurt that Bill hadn’t gone to him instead of whatever son of a bitch he got the shit off of, hurt that he hadn’t been enough.
“Gabe,” William spoke up suddenly, making Gabe turn his head to look at him. Bill had his eyes closed, a slight smile still playing on his lips. “I’m not sorry you know,” he said, opening his eyes slowly, the pupils still a little unfocused as they met Gabe’s. “I’m sorry, but I’m not sorry,” William let out one breath of laughter before his eyes shut again.
It took every bit of Gabe’s will power not to walk straight out of that room.
***
A/N: Bilvy... Gah.
Author: minus_four
Rating: R (language, content)
Pairing: William Beckett/Ryan Ross and William/Gabe Saporta
POV: 3rd
Summary: William's fighting his demons in rehab. All too familiar with the path of self destruction drugs and alcohol can lead to, Ryan visits him in rehab (a lot). And then Gabe shows up.
Disclaimer: I really, really hope this never happened. Title belongs to TAI's 'Bulls in Brooklyn'.
Warnings: Addiction, withdrawal and everything that goes with it.
Author Notes: I've gotten some great feedback from you guys in previous parts and I've loved every comment, thanks! <3
Uno.Dos.Tres.Cuatro.Cinco.Seis.Siete.
The first rule of addiction is that you should never have a stash. You never keep anything 'just in case', for that day you’re scared is coming when you actually can’t cope anymore. If you’re waiting to fall it makes taking that step so much easier.
You should never dwell on that ‘one last time’, never let yourself think about how easy it would be to slip just that once and ride the wonderfully unnatural high, make the pain go away just for a little while.
William knew all this. He’d heard it repeated constantly during his week in rehab, the same thing over and over; don’t give yourself any excuses because the minute you let yourself think about giving in you start forgetting why you’re fighting in the first place.
So William knew those things, but it didn’t stop him from wanting it. And he did - God, how badly he wanted a hit, that familiar rush, the relief. ‘Want’ wasn’t even a strong enough word for the feeling. Even though he knew it was all part of the withdrawal William had to relentlessly try and persuade himself that he didn’t need drugs, he didn’t need a hit, because his body was just screaming out for it. All the time, ever since he’d started kicking it just hurt.
There was no way to describe the pain he’d been in, the way it felt like it started in his bones and just punched through every throbbing nerve in his body. It didn’t matter if he knew it was just his brain trying to compensate for the substances it had been relying on, it was still agonizingly real to William because really reality is only what your brain interprets it as and his interpreted reality was telling Bill there was something terribly, terribly wrong with him and he had to fix it.
“You don’t, you don’t, you don’t,” William repeated the words to himself, rocking back against the wall each time, knees hugged tightly to his chest with skinny arms. “You can do this Beckett, you’re stronger than this,” William said firmly, trying desperately to assure himself as hot tears ran freely down his cheeks. He’d stopped wiping them away a while ago now, it might have been an hour ago now or several for all he knew - not that it mattered. William just knew that it had been dark for what seemed like a long time, for probably more than hundred of his wretched self assurances.
It wasn’t always this bad, the feelings had constantly come and gone again intermittently during the past week but the nights were always the worst; there were no distractions in the darkness, and there were no visitors. No Ryan. No Gabe. Not that their visit the previous day had been what you’d call beneficial to his state of mind but it had definitely been distracting. William just hoped nothing had happened after they’d left together, and more than that he hoped that they didn’t actually bring the situation up next time or worse still ask him how he felt towards them. He had enough to handle right now without that shit going on. William didn’t even know what was going on in his own head; there was no way he could deal with trying to work out what was going on in theirs as well.
As if he didn’t dread the coming day already, Owen had told him what they were going to be doing for his session in probably only a few hours. They’d talked a lot about William’s drug fuelled behaviour; all the things he’d done and everything he regretted, but now William was going to be writing it down. Tomorrow Bill was going to write letters to everyone he'd affected; most importantly his band. The band who hadn’t so much as called him since he’d checked in, the people he had probably hurt the most because he could have thrown everything away that they loved so much and had worked so hard for.
William had no idea what he was going to write. How the hell was he going to explain why things had gotten so screwed up when he didn’t even know himself? And the words… he may have been a writer but all of a sudden every single word seemed inadequate to say the least. ‘I’m sorry’ just wasn’t going to cut it but William just didn’t know what else he could possibly say.
“Day at a time,” William whispered to himself, small choking sobs distorting his speech as he just tried to concentrate on breathing; getting through the next minute, the next second, until it got easier somehow. “You can do this,” were the last words he pushed out before William tightened his arms around his legs as much as he could and simply surrendered to the shuddering sobs that had been threatening to take over his body for hours.
The rehab visiting hours started at nine and when Ryan got there at nearly five to the hour he wasn’t particularly surprised to see Gabe there, leaning against the wall right next to the door like he was an eager fan desperate for a front row spot at a show. Ryan smirked a little as he let himself casually wonder whether Gabe had been there since three o clock.
“Morning Gabe,” Ryan called out as soon as he’d gotten close enough.
“Hey,” Gabe replied quietly before going straight into something he’d obviously been rehearsing a few times in his head. “Look Ryan, I’m sorry about yesterday, okay? I was fried from the tour and worried about Bilvy and - and to be honest I was caught a little off guard when I saw you. I just… I mean Bill really needs both of us right now and he certainly doesn’t need to know about” Gabe gestured at Ryan’s eye “that.”
The bruising really wasn’t that bad, in fact it probably just looked worse than it was because of Ryan’s pale skin making it stand out more than it would have.
“You don’t think he’ll guess?” Ryan asked, his voice neutral.
“I was thinking you’d tell him you walked into something, actually,” Gabe mirrored Ryan’s tone, letting just a hint of threat edge into it. “Dealing with this shit” he jerked his head towards the building “Bill needs people around him. You know it, Ryan. Don’t be an idiot.”
“Maybe Bill needs people like me around him,” Ryan nodded, making his point clear.
“I already said I was sorry and people like you are being assholes right now,” Gabe growled, trying to keep the image of giving Ryan a second black eye to match the first out of his mind.
“Let’s just address the issue, shall we?” Ryan sighed. “These last few days I’ve come to realise that I care about Bill a lot, and… and as more than just a friend, I think.” Ryan took a breath before looking Gabe in the eye again. “You guys” he sighed again “have been close for a lot longer than we have, it’s true, but - but that doesn’t mean I’m just going to roll over and let you automatically be together now you’ve suddenly realised you want it,” Ryan just kept staring at Gabe, waiting for him to speak.
“I, uh, me and Bilvy - I mean, we’re not - we never, we just like, friends, you know? Good friends - I mean really good friends, but you know, friends not… anything else,” Gabe barely managed to spit the words out as he crumbled under Ryan’s rather amused gaze.
“So you don’t mind if I go up there right now and stick my tongue down his throat?”
“You -” Gabe had taken a step towards Ryan before he was even really aware of his reaction, stopping abruptly when the younger man’s short bark of laughter cut through the sudden burst of anger that had risen in Gabe’s chest in a second. “Jesus.”
“Did you really not know?” Ryan shook his head in disbelief. “I mean, come on.”
“It’s - I mean, Bilvy and I have always been - we just clicked, you know? But we never, or I guess I never let myself…” Gabe trailed off, frowning over Ryan’s shoulder at nothing in particular. “Damn,” he swore; a tiny smile tugging one corner of Gabe’s lip upwards as he met Ryan’s eyes again. “Does Bill - I mean, have you…”
“Nothing,” Ryan replied, the obvious relief on Gabe’s face making him want to laugh again. “With everything going on with him right now, it’s too much for him, you know?” Gabe nodded and Ryan made his decision quickly. “So I guess Brendon whacked me with his guitar or something,” he said, holding a hand out to Gabe.
“That boy should come with some kind of hazard warning,” Gabe smiled gratefully as he shook Ryan’s hand once, the unspoken agreement clear to both of them, before he glanced at his watch. “Let’s go see our boy.”
Owen gaped as he saw the two guys walking through the door together with actual smiles on their faces. To say he was shocked wouldn’t even come close to describing his reaction.
“Uh, hey,” he greeted them almost cautiously. “What happened to your eye?” he asked Ryan, glancing between the two of them.
“I’m clumsy,” Ryan shrugged in response.
“Sure…” Owen frowned slightly at Gabe before shaking his head. “Whatever, I don’t want to know. Look you guys, I’m not sure you two visiting together again is such a good idea, Bill’s got enough to deal with -”
“Yeah, and we’re going to help him. Both of us,” Gabe interrupted Owen before he could finish. “Don’t worry, I don’t think we’re going to make a habit of showing up at the same time,” Gabe finished, seeing Ryan nod next to him and making a mental note to organise a schedule or something at some point later.
“Okay,” Owen agreed somewhat reluctantly. “I don’t know if Bill’s up yet actually, I haven’t seen him today.”
“But we can go up, right?” Ryan asked, already turning towards the stairs.
“Could I stop you?” Owen laughed, heading back into his office.
“Maybe he’s still asleep,” Ryan frowned after Gabe had knocked on William’s door without any response.
“I guess,” Gabe replied. “Or he’s in the bathroom or something. Either way - we could surprise him,” he grinned at Ryan who quickly matched his expression.
“Come on,” Ryan turned the handle quietly and pushed the door, holding it open for Gabe to follow him inside.
They found William lying spread eagled in bed on top of the covers, but he wasn’t sleeping. He was just staring up at the ceiling with a small smile on his lips which looked almost like faded laughter.
“Hey Bilvy,” Gabe smiled, walking over to the bed. “How’s it going?” William turned his head slowly towards Gabe, grinning up at the figure stood over his bed.
“Good morning,” William pushed himself up and swung his legs over the side of the bed, standing to throw his arms around Gabe.
“Yeah, looks like it,” Ryan said as William then quickly enveloped him in a hug too, laughing along with the younger male as he did so.
“Today’s a good day,” William smiled at both of them. “I feel really fucking awesome, top of the world and all that shit,” he frowned as he saw Gabe’s face, the way he was looking at him. “What’s up?”
“Where’d you get it Bilvy?” Gabe asked, cold fear creeping into his chest.
“What?” William laughed again. “Gabe - I don’t know,” he giggled, and Ryan noticed he sounded a little nervous, “don’t know what you mean. I mean come on, Gabe.”
“Gabe?” Ryan looked at both of them, confusion on his face.
“He’s taken something,” Gabe spat the words out, tearing his eyes away from Bill to meet Ryan’s. “He’s fucking taken something,” Gabe was obviously trying to keep his voice calm but his eyes were shining with the beginning of tears.
“No…” Ryan shook his head slowly but still turned again to study William a little more closely, seeing the way Bill’s gaze didn’t quite focus on his own along with the slight flush on his pale cheeks but most importantly the smile that still hadn’t faded from William’s features despite Gabe’s accusation.
“Ry -” William started as he took a step towards the younger boy only to find Ryan step back immediately to stand next to Gabe, both of them facing William. “Gabe…” he swallowed. “Come on,” he said again. “I wouldn’t, I mean I couldn’t, right?” William pleaded but Gabe didn’t see the look in his eyes. He was too busy looking down by Bill’s feet.
William’s guitar case was half sticking out from under the bed, a few specks of white powder standing out against the black leather.
“Gabe,” William stepped towards Gabe, putting his hands on each shoulder and forcing him to make eye contact before instantly wishing he hadn’t. “Don’t. Please don’t look at me like that Gabey,” William still managed a smile in an attempt to shift the expression of disappointment from Gabe’s features. “Gabey baby.”
Gabe just calmly removed William’s fingers from where they were digging into his hoodie, simply guiding William back until he sat was sat back on the bed. Still pretty out of it, William just leaned backwards to slump against the wall, his eyes moving periodically from Gabe’s face to Ryan’s and back again as they both stood staring at him.
“Jesus,” Gabe finally said, turning to Ryan who’d been practically silent ever since the words ‘taken something’ had left Gabe’s lips. “Ry?" he reached out to touch the smaller male's shoulder. "Ryan, don’t be scared okay? He’s alright.”
“How is he alright?” Ryan shook his head at Gabe. “Look at him!” William flinched slightly when Ryan raised his voice a little before running a hand through his hair, obviously trying to keep calm. “We need to get someone. I mean, we don’t even know what he’s -”
“Coke,” Gabe cut Ryan off, seeing how upset, even panicky, he was getting. “But yeah, you should go and tell Owen what’s happened,” Gabe told him, giving the younger male a chance to get out for a few minutes and calm himself down. “Go on.”
Ryan looked at William once more before nodding gratefully at Gabe and quickly leaving the room. Once he’d gone Gabe sighed before taking the few steps over the bed and sitting on the edge of the mattress, at the foot of the bed as far from William - still leaning silently in the corner - as possible.
It wasn’t that Gabe was angry, although he had to admit that it had been his first reaction. Gabe was just hurt. Hurt that Bilvy had given in and let himself relapse, but most of all hurt that Bill hadn’t gone to him instead of whatever son of a bitch he got the shit off of, hurt that he hadn’t been enough.
“Gabe,” William spoke up suddenly, making Gabe turn his head to look at him. Bill had his eyes closed, a slight smile still playing on his lips. “I’m not sorry you know,” he said, opening his eyes slowly, the pupils still a little unfocused as they met Gabe’s. “I’m sorry, but I’m not sorry,” William let out one breath of laughter before his eyes shut again.
It took every bit of Gabe’s will power not to walk straight out of that room.
***
A/N: Bilvy... Gah.