I suck at updating my journal
I suck at updating my journal.
I suck at updating my journal.
I suck at updating my journal.
It comes a time when you stop writing for a while and then you forget the details. I don't have many readers here, but that's not the point - it's to document my goings on, if I ever, one day, feel the need to track backwards and see what I was doing at a certain point in my life. e.g. learn from past mistakes, see what my mindset was at the time... of course visitors here are welcome to read tooooo.
In actual fact, retrospectively, quite a lot has happened. Been to a few shows, brushing up a little on the old social life, contracting fever, sleeping with married women, attempting to get onto a business course for some extra cash while starting a record label (don't think I succeeded in that one), finished Universe at War at work after nine months (well, kinda) and the list goes on...
I still seem to be lacking in motivation to do anything - that's not because I don't want to do anything, but I no longer know what it is that I want to do. Applying for jobs in the audio field made me think
"do I really want a job in this field?" - you work your ass off for fuck-all money, not to dissimilar to what I'm doing right now (okay, maybe I'm not working my arse off right now). When I apply for composer jobs, it then hits me
"shit, I actually can't play the piano - or anything." And so on..
If I had to think about it... and seriously... I just want to be an artist. To have control over my own ideas and to be able to do it for a living. Okay, most likely music, but in other forms too. But it also hit me that I rarely do ANYTHING arty, ever. I'm just a consumer of art. It takes time, effort and money. Not many of those things I have. The biggest thing right now is my project with Francesca, but that's been halted right now as she's having troubles getting her Mac (long story), so we're hoping next week will be the time.
I'm also planning to write songs for Judith to play/sing on, but I only got as far as writing an idea for one song. She says she'll do it... but when I really think about it, I don't think she's serious at all. She's coming over tomorrow to do some mixing, so we'll see what ideas I can push her way.
Changing the subject slightly, I am on day three of my six-day weekend. This has at least allowed me to catch up on some sleep and catch up on other errands I needed to get out of the way. Looked at another place to live today, which I might take, but we're still waiting for an update on our situation here.
This is all getting rather confusing and scared I'm losing direction in my life. Doomed to be another 9-5er. Don't let this happen to me please?
I suck at updating my journal.
I suck at updating my journal.
It comes a time when you stop writing for a while and then you forget the details. I don't have many readers here, but that's not the point - it's to document my goings on, if I ever, one day, feel the need to track backwards and see what I was doing at a certain point in my life. e.g. learn from past mistakes, see what my mindset was at the time... of course visitors here are welcome to read tooooo.
In actual fact, retrospectively, quite a lot has happened. Been to a few shows, brushing up a little on the old social life, contracting fever, sleeping with married women, attempting to get onto a business course for some extra cash while starting a record label (don't think I succeeded in that one), finished Universe at War at work after nine months (well, kinda) and the list goes on...
I still seem to be lacking in motivation to do anything - that's not because I don't want to do anything, but I no longer know what it is that I want to do. Applying for jobs in the audio field made me think
"do I really want a job in this field?" - you work your ass off for fuck-all money, not to dissimilar to what I'm doing right now (okay, maybe I'm not working my arse off right now). When I apply for composer jobs, it then hits me
"shit, I actually can't play the piano - or anything." And so on..
If I had to think about it... and seriously... I just want to be an artist. To have control over my own ideas and to be able to do it for a living. Okay, most likely music, but in other forms too. But it also hit me that I rarely do ANYTHING arty, ever. I'm just a consumer of art. It takes time, effort and money. Not many of those things I have. The biggest thing right now is my project with Francesca, but that's been halted right now as she's having troubles getting her Mac (long story), so we're hoping next week will be the time.
I'm also planning to write songs for Judith to play/sing on, but I only got as far as writing an idea for one song. She says she'll do it... but when I really think about it, I don't think she's serious at all. She's coming over tomorrow to do some mixing, so we'll see what ideas I can push her way.
Changing the subject slightly, I am on day three of my six-day weekend. This has at least allowed me to catch up on some sleep and catch up on other errands I needed to get out of the way. Looked at another place to live today, which I might take, but we're still waiting for an update on our situation here.
This is all getting rather confusing and scared I'm losing direction in my life. Doomed to be another 9-5er. Don't let this happen to me please?