Mail is so unreliable on the Grand Line.
I recently received two items of food in the mail: one thermos of tea purported to taste of doughnuts. And one... blue carrot. It really is very blue, isn't it?
Putting aside the rather dubious nature of both of these perversions of nature, I suppose it is my job as an expert food critic to give them both a try. So... here goes nothing.
Hmm. The aroma is pleasant enough. The first sip is almost unbearably sweet. Old man, you're on a fast track for diabetes, if you don't have it alrea--
Wait.
Th... THIS IS---
These tea leaves!! Rating a 5 on the Asia Siyaka flavor index*, this tea could only have been harvested late in their season, on an estate high in elevation, during a crisp and cold night while the moon was full and the trees were dying. This can only be the fabled BLACK MOUNTAIN TEA!!!!!!! The deep, earthy taste is widely considered too bitter for even the most cultured of tea drinkers to swallow. One sip is a trial, two an ordeal. But this tea-- with the added sweetness of doughnuts, even a child would be happy to drink it all day! Yet there's still the lingering taste of melancholy, the never-fading memory of bitter trials and lost comrades, as one looks back from the apex of his accomplishment--
[*OOC: b-u-l-l-s-h-i-t.]
I FEEL LIKE I'VE JUST LED A MOUNTAIN-CLIMBING EXPEDITION!!!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
...I'll eat the carrot later. I'm sure it won't do anything; it's just food.
(--ooo)
Putting aside the rather dubious nature of both of these perversions of nature, I suppose it is my job as an expert food critic to give them both a try. So... here goes nothing.
Hmm. The aroma is pleasant enough. The first sip is almost unbearably sweet. Old man, you're on a fast track for diabetes, if you don't have it alrea--
Wait.
Th... THIS IS---
These tea leaves!! Rating a 5 on the Asia Siyaka flavor index*, this tea could only have been harvested late in their season, on an estate high in elevation, during a crisp and cold night while the moon was full and the trees were dying. This can only be the fabled BLACK MOUNTAIN TEA!!!!!!! The deep, earthy taste is widely considered too bitter for even the most cultured of tea drinkers to swallow. One sip is a trial, two an ordeal. But this tea-- with the added sweetness of doughnuts, even a child would be happy to drink it all day! Yet there's still the lingering taste of melancholy, the never-fading memory of bitter trials and lost comrades, as one looks back from the apex of his accomplishment--
[*OOC: b-u-l-l-s-h-i-t.]
I FEEL LIKE I'VE JUST LED A MOUNTAIN-CLIMBING EXPEDITION!!!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
...I'll eat the carrot later. I'm sure it won't do anything; it's just food.
(--ooo)