Holding On [PART 1]
The presents kept on coming.
HyeoYeon remembered very clearly how she had asked him nicely not to send her presents anymore. They were over. There should be nothing going on between them anymore. She wants nothing more to do with him. Nothing.
Dearest HyeoYeon,
I don’t know any other way to say this, how many times I have said it.
Please… Please… Please… Forgive me. I am nothing without you.
Please… Come back to me.
I Love U,
JaeJoong
Same content, different wordings… A sigh. She glanced at the sparkle of the diamond necklace but took no time to throw the whole box into the bin. She didn’t care if the damn thing costs millions. She didn’t care if they were custom made. She didn’t care if she had thought it was beautiful and would have complemented her neck quite nicely.
He knew her preferences, and she wouldn’t let him use it against her.
Since that day they broke up, her ex-fiancé had taken upon himself to send in presents every other week. She thought it was a lame excuse for an apology, but did nothing to stop him. Let him do whatever he wants. She was serious when she said that she wants nothing more to do with him. It takes much more than presents to make it up to her for what he had done.
“JaeJoong again?” came the voice of her sister. HyeonJi was a few years younger than she was, but her opinions had always been the most wise between them. “Sister, you should really tell it to him to stop or he’s really not going to. Ever.”
HyeoYeon pouted and huffed. “I don’t care. He’s fucking rich. Let him do what he wants with his wealth.”
“Then at least don’t throw the presents away. This is really beautiful,” HyeonJi mentioned as she picked up the velvety box from the trash and opened the lid to reveal the sparkling diamond necklace. “Can I have this, please?”
“Sure,” the older said nonchalantly. “Do whatever you want with it. Just don’t let me see it.” She then left the room after waving her sister goodbye.
“Don’t come back too late!” HyeonJi managed to call out. She never liked it when her sister went out until late at night. She knew HyeoYeon was only studying at the State Library, but does she have to stay there until midnight? It was really dangerous for her to be walking home alone at that hour!
***
It was her final year of studies. She would be graduating in three months. It had been such a hectic year, and somehow she was glad that her wedding was cancelled.
She was glad. Really. Otherwise she would have to prepare for her finals and her wedding simultaneously. That would be a total headache.
She would always tell herself that breaking up had been one of the best decisions she had ever made in her life. She shouldn’t have accepted his proposal in the first place. She should have known better the kind of person that he was, the cluster where he had come from. He was no different than the rest of them. She was young and stupid, and he had taken advantage of that. How stupid.
Everything had been a lie. His words, his actions, his promises… They were all empty. She shouldn’t have held on to them for so long. She shouldn’t have let her heart get attached. She shouldn’t have given him the chance.
It was all a big fat mistake. She was so stupid to let her heart get broken by something so worthless. She was so stupid to allow herself to be played around to the extent that marriage was involved. His friends must’ve been laughing hard all those while, seeing how effortlessly their friend was toying with her. How stupid!
She will never forgive him. She swore it upon herself. She will never let her heart be opened for someone like him ever again. She was done with this game of love. Never again…
Like any other day when she was taking walks alone, she would find herself with tears at some point. Furiously wiping at them, she marched towards the State Library’s large entrance and headed straight towards the third floor. She needed to focus. Mock Exams are just around the corner. Studying was such a great excuse to take her mind off of everything else.
***
His grip on the steering wheel tightened.
It was past midnight and she was still nowhere to be seen. Was she planning to stay till morning? Why would she do that? There was still plenty of time left before any large exams would take place. It was still too early for her to spend so much time studying at the library. She was an excellent student. Study Week was enough for her to cover everything and excel.
His frown deepened. He fidgeted in his seat more than several times. He could feel that something was not right. His grip on his phone was tight. It was already past 1AM. His thumb was already hovering over the ‘call’ button.
Every night, he would park his Audi nearby the State Library’s entrance. He would pick a spot close enough for him to see her coming and going, but far enough so that she would not see his car. He wouldn’t want her to push him farther away if she found out what he had been doing the past six months since they broke up.
JaeJoong needed to make sure that his ex-fiancée returned home safely whenever she comes here. He had always accompanied her in person when they were still together, no matter what time of night it was. He used to pick her up, send her straight to her front door, and kissing her good night each time.
He no longer owns that right now. Not since that fateful day. He worries never ceased, but this extent was all he could reach. He dares not to cross the barrier she had created, the barrier he had forced her to create.
He pursed his lips in worry. She had never stayed so long at the public library. Not even when it was a week to the Finals. He pushed away all his reserves and pressed the ‘call’ button. He will deal with the consequences later, but right now, he had to make sure that she was safe.
The call was never answered. He tried again and again. But even though the dialing tone was fine, no one was picking up.
His worry heightened. He needed to find her. He needed to know that she was fine. Maybe she had simply fallen asleep while reading.
He jumped three steps at a time and reached the third floor in no time. He knew her favourite spots for studying. He went to check all of them, but she was nowhere to be seen. His heart dropped.
He ran towards the nearest librarian. “Excuse me. Have you seen the girl who came to study on this floor? She wore a baby blue sweater with jeans. She was about this tall,” he made a gesture with his hands.
Relief flooded him when the librarian nodded. “Yes, she was here. But she already left a few hours ago.”
“She left? B-but I did not see her come out from here.”
Suddenly the librarian’s face turned suspicious. “Are you stalking her?”
“N-no! Of course not! I’m her fiancé. I was supposed to pick her up,” he lied and tried to sound sure. But his mind was already in all sorts of directions. She left? When? How? How could he not have seen her? “Sorry for disturbing, I will leave now. Thanks.”
It couldn’t be… He had made sure that he wouldn’t be seen. Had he been seen?
***
The damn bastard… How could he?
She was looking out the library’s window, enjoying the night’s view from the third floor when she saw it.
It wasn’t hard to spot such a flashy ride. How many persons in this neighbourhood would drive such a car? She recognized it at first glance. Her heart broke.
He had promised. She had requested for him not to disturb her personal space. She had requested for him never to interfere with her life anymore. But what was he doing down there? It couldn’t have been a coincidence. He wasn’t the type to come to the library for anything. The only reason he had come to the library all his life was because he had to pick her up and send her home. And that was when they were still together. It wasn’t the case anymore. He shouldn’t be here. He no longer had a reason to.
With anger rising up, she gathered all her stuff and left the building through the other exit. She quietly made her way around her usual route.
It was five minutes past eleven in the evening. The alleys were starting to look scary but she knew by experience that it was still safe to walk.
Though she had to admit, having JaeJoong around would’ve been better.
She took several more turns before she arrived at her street. It was still too early to turn in it seems, most of her neighbours still had their lights on.
She was back in her bedroom by 11.45PM.
Putting all her stuff away and washing up for bed, she couldn’t help but wonder about her ex-fiancé. Would he still be there waiting? Had he been there all these while, all these months? Why hadn’t she noticed him before? Why would he be there? Is it part of another one of his agendas? What more does he want from her?
Shaking her head to dismiss all the unanswered questions, she picked up the face towel from the countertop and dabbed on her wet skin.
How can she make these stop once and for all? All the present and the stalking, she wouldn’t want to have to be bothered by it for the rest of her life.
Should she move away?
Should she transfer schools, go to another country?
Unfortunately she only had a few more months until graduation. Or… she could consider working offshore? Maybe that could work… Maybe.
She had been sleeping for an hour when she felt the vibration of her phone underneath her pillow. Thinking that it was nothing important, she pushed the phone farther to the other side of the bed. She sighed when the vibration stopped. But before she could take another breath, the vibration started again.
Who could it be, to be calling her so persistently at such hour in the morning?
She grabbed the piece of device and stared at the screen. Her hazy mind didn’t quite register the series of numbers that appeared. But after seconds passed by and she was able to force her mind to focus, she realized who the call was from.
The contact had been deleted, but she still remembered what she had saved the number as.
JJ Jagiya♥
Her heartbeat quickened, her sleep forgotten. Why was he calling at such an hour? Even when they were still together, they weren’t the type to stay up till morning to talk on the phone. Or was he drunk?
Should she be worried?
Oh wait. He had been stalking her earlier. Perhaps he had just realized that she wasn’t there anymore. It had been three hours, though.
Groaning into her pillow, she forced herself to ignore the continuing vibrations of her phone. To hell she was going to pick up any of his calls. When she said that she wanted nothing to do with him anymore, she really meant it.
***
It was pure hell. He couldn’t even sleep a blink. His thoughts were halfway between worrying for her wellbeing and feeling terrified of the possibility that he had been caught.
He couldn’t allow things to get worse than they already are. And he would be in deep shit if HyeoYeon had found out that he hadn’t been keeping true to their verbal agreement of granting each other their needed personal space. Although he hadn’t agreed wholeheartedly, he still wanted to respect her wishes. He will work on some loopholes later.
Though now it seems that he had dig out a deeper hole for himself. If he had indeed been caught, he doubted that he still had half the chance of getting her back if at all. And the thought of never getting her back was deadly terrifying.
His heart clenched in ways it had never done before.
He intensely pondered. Even the frequent shower of gifts to her doorstep hadn’t worked. He knew that she wasn’t that type of girl, but he had hoped that her heart would soften a little and that her anger would subside. He only needed one chance… One more chance to make things right again.
But it seemed that her heart wouldn’t waver.
He kept on swiping his finger across the screen, flipping through picture after picture of the one still owning his love.
Longing.
It had been months, yet he was still willing to wait. If it’s not her, it could never be anyone else. No one else, he swears…