the end
i have this tendency to leave journals unfinished because i make them when i'm feeling whiny and moody, but then when the feeling passes, so does the urge to continue updating them. so, to do something i never have before, i'm going to leave this one on a good note. fuck this mellodramatic bullshit.
anyway, the story goes something like this:
after waking up on a sunday morning in the front seat of my car parked after a three month binge with a wicked hangover, i got washed up in a mcdonald's bathroom with jon. we had some mcmuffins and orange juice. i drove him to church, but he insisted when we got into the parking lot we listen to okkervil river. as i sat there, head aching slightly, back cramped from sleeping in the bucket seat, listening to this shattering crescendo of raw emotion, something melted inside me. the crows squawked and flew around outside. then i noticed, it wasn't something that melted, it was everything.
"There’s plenty of ways to claim his crimes tonight, and there’s plenty of things to do on his dime.
And there’s plenty of ways to wear his hide tonight.
You’ve got yours and I’ve got mine.
So why did you flee?
Don’t you know you can’t leave his control, only call all his wild works your own?
So come back and we’ll take them all on.
So come back to your life on the lam.
So come back to your old black sheep man.
He says, 'I am waiting on hoof and on hand. I am waiting, all hated and damned.
I am waiting - I snort and I stamp. I am waiting, you know that I am, calmly waiting to make you my lamb.'"
under those gray skies and damp air, life became worth living again. there was hope and peace all around. as jon finally got out of the car, fifteen minutes late for the sermon, i drove off. making the left turn on landess avenue, it dawned on me that i finally felt whole again.
the next day i told amy it was time we got back together, definitely making that day of the most memorable moments of my life.
i went to college, and i read a lot of books and look at pretty trees. and some nights, when thing are just right for some reason, i think about the good times. i look back and everything is coated in this warm, golden glow of nostalgia. this just happens to be one of those nights for some reason, i guess. this is the place for dreamers and thinkers to be thinkers and dreamers. the gist of all this is that the story always has a happy ending, if you read it the right way. things have happened throughout my life that make me think that somehow, if you look for the right signs with the right eyes, you'll see that perfect path laid out in front of you. there are moments that we all have where we can see with righteous eyes, and the important thing is to take advantage of them and stay true to that fleeting vision.
so that's how it ends. they all lived happily ever after. (even jon!)
anyway, the story goes something like this:
after waking up on a sunday morning in the front seat of my car parked after a three month binge with a wicked hangover, i got washed up in a mcdonald's bathroom with jon. we had some mcmuffins and orange juice. i drove him to church, but he insisted when we got into the parking lot we listen to okkervil river. as i sat there, head aching slightly, back cramped from sleeping in the bucket seat, listening to this shattering crescendo of raw emotion, something melted inside me. the crows squawked and flew around outside. then i noticed, it wasn't something that melted, it was everything.
"There’s plenty of ways to claim his crimes tonight, and there’s plenty of things to do on his dime.
And there’s plenty of ways to wear his hide tonight.
You’ve got yours and I’ve got mine.
So why did you flee?
Don’t you know you can’t leave his control, only call all his wild works your own?
So come back and we’ll take them all on.
So come back to your life on the lam.
So come back to your old black sheep man.
He says, 'I am waiting on hoof and on hand. I am waiting, all hated and damned.
I am waiting - I snort and I stamp. I am waiting, you know that I am, calmly waiting to make you my lamb.'"
under those gray skies and damp air, life became worth living again. there was hope and peace all around. as jon finally got out of the car, fifteen minutes late for the sermon, i drove off. making the left turn on landess avenue, it dawned on me that i finally felt whole again.
the next day i told amy it was time we got back together, definitely making that day of the most memorable moments of my life.
i went to college, and i read a lot of books and look at pretty trees. and some nights, when thing are just right for some reason, i think about the good times. i look back and everything is coated in this warm, golden glow of nostalgia. this just happens to be one of those nights for some reason, i guess. this is the place for dreamers and thinkers to be thinkers and dreamers. the gist of all this is that the story always has a happy ending, if you read it the right way. things have happened throughout my life that make me think that somehow, if you look for the right signs with the right eyes, you'll see that perfect path laid out in front of you. there are moments that we all have where we can see with righteous eyes, and the important thing is to take advantage of them and stay true to that fleeting vision.
so that's how it ends. they all lived happily ever after. (even jon!)