Small changes = Big Outcomes
So, it's the 1st! And I've managed to pick out all the classes I wanted to, with days to spare for myself. My schedule is going to rock for Spring and I'm a little stoked about having a part-time job to boot. Still I feel like I have conquered anything because I haven't reported record weight loss numbers.
And then it came to mind that well...
I didn't get here overnight and apparently the mistakes I make, are more than I figured for. I'm sloppy with my counting calorie and a bit lethargic to exercise. I even become accustom to just blocking out the fact that my appetite is zilch to healthy.. [Okay I mostly just wanted to say zilch.]
Still there are a lot of things that are fighting me, not having a car makes it hard to get into a gym. I really want one and can even afford it, but I'm saving.. Saving for a car and I need to write this down because it scares me that I'm putting my health on hold. I love my curves or well... Honestly, I use to love them. I loved them when I had some tone in my thighs and definition in my back with the potential of getting some muscle in my arm.
I feel like a flab of fat and while it sounds like I'm berating myself for pity/sympathy, it's just something I need to get off my chest. I'm not self-loathing my existence, so don't worry there, but what I mean is, I'm just sick of living like this. I feel like a broken record saying that tomorrow I'll start better than ever but...
I'm starting to realize that I need to address my mistakes and rather than beat myself in about it, count my failures as successes. Why? Because I know that whether I'm like everyone else or not, my success story isn't going to be about how well I worked out or how healthy I ate. I'm not quitting, I just know that I can't get there overnight and make snap decisions, when my lifestyle isn't really rooting for me.
I have a busy schedule and I'm so use to saying "tough" and shaking my head at it then beating myself when "reality" kicks in. It's a whole another thing applying what you say when your exhausted, not to mention financially its difficult to get healthy food but... I don't want to quit this and I don't want to look back and say "If I only done that."
I know I dont necessarily hate exercising.. I just know I'm sick of my broken dance pad. And that I probably won't be able to replace it until the middle of February [after they hold my first check, etc etc.] And aside from walking, I'm pretty darn exhausted, don't even get me started on a boring workout video.
So rather than crash and burn about the one pound I gained, I'm going to scrap my gameplan before and change it around until I MASTER this. I feel like such a loaf, but I know that trying to do everything perfect at the moment is near impossible, so this is just something I want to stick to no matter what. Something at a healthy level of moderate fatness, to get away from being 'morbidly obese.'
My BMR is 2118 and if I consumed 2500 calories, I'd maintain my current weight of 284. [ ;-; Sad sad.. Do I really eat that much?]
But I'm not, instead I'm setting a max cap of 1800 and rather than work myself to death, I'm simply just going to commit 30 minutes of exercise, daily. And I'm just going to stick this until I master it, if I do better on some days, great, if not, I have a cap. This is a good goal for me I feel and rather than try to race through this, I'm going to take my time and enjoy the ride.
<3 Thanks for all the support who still believe in me!