Rape Defense
Hey guys (or actually girls, I think the only people on my buddy list who actively read/use livejournal now are female),
Given that girls' homes have been broken into and they have been sexually assaulted on campus recently, I thought that I would share this e-mail that I got with you. There's an e-mail within the e-mail, one with commonly given tips on how to prevent being raped. The numbers are the original e-mail with the counterpoints being the new info:
Hi everybody. This is Andrew Christy, a person who, in addition to being an avid lover of SAGE, is also President of MARS (Men Against Rape Society). All of you received an e-mail in your inbox the the way to basically avoid being sexually assaulted/raped. I immediately recognized this e-mail as one that a man named Terry Lilley had spoken about last year as part of Sexual Assault Awareness Month (and, as an aside, MARS is going to be having him come in about a week…check back for more information), and so I quickly replied to Laura that this e-mail is "full of crap," which she then forwarded out to the listserv. I soon received a couple of questions as to why this was. Well, I thought I would have another e-mail sent out to clarify this. As such, I have included the text of the original e-mail in its entirety, and I have also responded to each point individually. Please read on (it might really save your life! :-)
Oh, and also, more information on this can be found at http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/outrage/rape.htm This website also contains the "original" text of the e-mail, when it was first created around year 2000.
Through the Eyes of a Rapist
This is important information for females of ALL ages.
When this was sent to me, I was told to forward it to my lady friends. I
forwarded it to almost everyone in my address book. My men friends have
female friends and this information is too important to miss someone.
Please pass it along.
A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what
they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting
facts :
1) The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun, braid or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not common targets.
Counter-Point**** This is simply not true. There is ABSOLUTELY no correlation between a woman's hairstyle and her likelihood to be the victim of an attack. There are just as many women with short hair who have been sexually assaulted as there are women with long hair. Likewise, there are plenty of women of different body sizes, skin color, etc. who are all victims of sexual assault. Rapists do not discriminate.
2) The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women who's clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around specifically to cut clothing.
Counter-Point***** Remember that 80-90% of rapes are acquaintance rapes, perpetrated by someone the victim knows. First of all, this statement implies that the majority of rapes are carried out by men who are walking around with the specific intention of raping a woman, even to the point of carrying scissors to help facilitate this. In the vast majority of cases, this is not true. Additionally, the way a person is clothed in general is not a factor in sexual assaults. This carries back to the old idea of "well, she was wearing a short skirt so she was asking for it." Rape is about power, not sex. Rapists are seeking to victimize and dehumanize their victims; they are not out just to have sex with somebody, and they don't care how long it takes to accomplish this attack.
3) They also look for women on their cell phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered.
Counter-Point***** There is a good point in this that women (and men, too) should be aware of their surroundings to help avoid potentially dangerous situations. However, this statement really only reinforces the stereotypical idea of stranger rape, that there is some scary guy just waiting to jump out of the bushes to rape somebody. Again, stranger rapes are only about 10% of all rapes, and we really need to break ourselves of believing that they are actually the most common.
4) Men are most likely to attack & rape in the early morning, between 5:00a.m.and 8:30a.m.
Counter-Point**** Well, this is simply wrong. The vast majority of sexual assaults occur in the evening, after dark and before dawn; all of the statistical data on sexual assaults supports that, too.
5) The number one place women are abducted from/attacked is grocery store parking lots. Number two is office parking lots/garages. Number three is public restrooms.
Counter-Point***** There has been nothing to support the idea that any of these places are more dangerous than the others. Instead, in the event that someone were to be grabbed and raped, it is a location's seclusion more than anything else that really matters. Populated, well-lit areas in general tend to be safer.
6) The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to another location where they don't have to worry about getting caught.
Counter-Point**** Again, the rare occurrence that a kidnapping like this would occur, then it would make sense for a rapist to want to move the victim to a more secluded location. However, keep in mind that a person is much less likely to be grabbed if there are other people around.
7) Only 2% said they carried weapons because rape carries a 3-5 year sentence but rape with a weapon is 15-20 years.
Counter-Point***** Actually, approximately a third of rapists carry weapons with them. This is important because a woman should not be misled into fighting against her attacker when he is armed and she is not. Not to mention the fact that many people who are driven to the point of attacking a woman are not going to be thinking about the finer points of the law and prison sentences when they are in the midst of raping. Be sure to check out the Rape Abuse and Incest National Network at http://www.rainn.org/ for more statistics and information.
8) If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn't worth it because it will be time-consuming.
Counter-Point***** It is possible that a rapist could be scared away from attacking a woman if she seems to resist. Anything is possible. Unfortunately, though, there are many different types of rapists. One is just as likely to be attacked by a man who feels even more angry and more violent towards a person who puts up a resistance. There is no right answer as to whether to fight back or not, but it is wrong to say that always fighting and always resisting is the right course of action; it could push the perpetrator from rapist to murderer. It's usually just a better course of action to try to get away from an attacker.
9) These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas, or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands. Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you're not worth it.
Counter-Point**** As truly frightening a weapon that an umbrella might be, it would probably be extremely difficult to wield it effectively in a defensive situation. If a man is attacking a woman, it is highly unlikely that he would be dissuaded simply from a hit by an umbrella; honestly, they do not hurt that much. Also, most people are not familiar with wielding long, sword-like objects effectively. There is a good point here about keys, though. One should have one's keys out and so as to minimize time fumbling through a purse looking for them when at a car or a house, but they do not make an effective weapon. In fact, it is easier to injure one's hand while trying to wield them than actually hurt an attacker.
10) Several defense mechanisms he taught us are: If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it, or make general small talk: "I can't believe it is so cold out here," "we're in for a bad winter." Now you've seen their face and could identify them in a line-up; you lose appeal as a target.
11) If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell STOP or STAY BACK! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they'd leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.
12) If someone grabs you, you can't beat them with strength but you can by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm (between the elbow and armpit) OR in the upper inner thigh VERY VERY HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her
and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands - the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it; it hurts!
13) After the initial hit, always GO for the GROIN. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy's parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you'll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble, and he's out of there.
14) When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I end ed up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.
Counter-Point**** I'm not a martial arts expert, and I've never taken Rape Aggression Defense or any other self-defense classes, so I'm not sure whether or not the above would work. What I will say is that, unless a person has been trained in self-defense, then be careful trying to use any advanced moves, as many times they are easy to defend against and are simply not effective. To use them, one also must be close to the attacker, negating the idea of fleeing instead of fighting.
15) If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes,) yell I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY and holding it out will be a deterrent.
Counter-Point**** In assaults in general, more people's self-defense weapons (such as knives and guns) are used against them than against a perpetrator, simply because they are not trained. The same is true of pepper spray. Most women who carry it do not know how to effectively use it and are only putting themselves at risk of having it used against them. It is not a difficult thing to avoid pepper spray shot by an untrained person and then use it against the defender. Pepper spray can be a wonderful tool, but it is highly recommended to receive training in its use.
16) Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don't dismiss it, go with your instincts!!! You may feel a little silly at the time, but you'd feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.
Counter-Point**** FINALLY!!! Some useful information. This above point is the only bit that is actually accurate and good advice. Follow that little bit, really follow it, and you do stand the chance of being a little bit safer.
As a few parting thoughts, remember that approximately 90% of sexual assaults are acquaintance rapes, not the stereotypical stranger rapes. Also, about 85% of these sexual assaults do involve alcohol, so always take extra precautions if you are going to be consuming alcohol.
Also, this e-mail seems focused on helping women "keep from being raped." This should not be the focus. Men are the ones doing the raping (in the vast majority of cases), and it is important to work to combat the perpetual rape culture that creates rapists, rather than telling women how to keep themselves from being attacked. Check out the University of Delaware's own Sexual Offense Support (a rape crisis group) online for more information at http://www.udel.edu/wellspring/SOS ]
The University of Delaware does offer a Rape Aggression Defense course taught by UDPD. For more information, and to sign up, be sure to check out http://www.udel.edu/PublicSafety/RAD.htm
Thank you all :-)
-Andrew Christy
President of MARS
Given that girls' homes have been broken into and they have been sexually assaulted on campus recently, I thought that I would share this e-mail that I got with you. There's an e-mail within the e-mail, one with commonly given tips on how to prevent being raped. The numbers are the original e-mail with the counterpoints being the new info:
Hi everybody. This is Andrew Christy, a person who, in addition to being an avid lover of SAGE, is also President of MARS (Men Against Rape Society). All of you received an e-mail in your inbox the the way to basically avoid being sexually assaulted/raped. I immediately recognized this e-mail as one that a man named Terry Lilley had spoken about last year as part of Sexual Assault Awareness Month (and, as an aside, MARS is going to be having him come in about a week…check back for more information), and so I quickly replied to Laura that this e-mail is "full of crap," which she then forwarded out to the listserv. I soon received a couple of questions as to why this was. Well, I thought I would have another e-mail sent out to clarify this. As such, I have included the text of the original e-mail in its entirety, and I have also responded to each point individually. Please read on (it might really save your life! :-)
Oh, and also, more information on this can be found at http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/outrage/rape.htm This website also contains the "original" text of the e-mail, when it was first created around year 2000.
Through the Eyes of a Rapist
This is important information for females of ALL ages.
When this was sent to me, I was told to forward it to my lady friends. I
forwarded it to almost everyone in my address book. My men friends have
female friends and this information is too important to miss someone.
Please pass it along.
A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what
they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting
facts :
1) The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun, braid or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not common targets.
Counter-Point**** This is simply not true. There is ABSOLUTELY no correlation between a woman's hairstyle and her likelihood to be the victim of an attack. There are just as many women with short hair who have been sexually assaulted as there are women with long hair. Likewise, there are plenty of women of different body sizes, skin color, etc. who are all victims of sexual assault. Rapists do not discriminate.
2) The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women who's clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around specifically to cut clothing.
Counter-Point***** Remember that 80-90% of rapes are acquaintance rapes, perpetrated by someone the victim knows. First of all, this statement implies that the majority of rapes are carried out by men who are walking around with the specific intention of raping a woman, even to the point of carrying scissors to help facilitate this. In the vast majority of cases, this is not true. Additionally, the way a person is clothed in general is not a factor in sexual assaults. This carries back to the old idea of "well, she was wearing a short skirt so she was asking for it." Rape is about power, not sex. Rapists are seeking to victimize and dehumanize their victims; they are not out just to have sex with somebody, and they don't care how long it takes to accomplish this attack.
3) They also look for women on their cell phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered.
Counter-Point***** There is a good point in this that women (and men, too) should be aware of their surroundings to help avoid potentially dangerous situations. However, this statement really only reinforces the stereotypical idea of stranger rape, that there is some scary guy just waiting to jump out of the bushes to rape somebody. Again, stranger rapes are only about 10% of all rapes, and we really need to break ourselves of believing that they are actually the most common.
4) Men are most likely to attack & rape in the early morning, between 5:00a.m.and 8:30a.m.
Counter-Point**** Well, this is simply wrong. The vast majority of sexual assaults occur in the evening, after dark and before dawn; all of the statistical data on sexual assaults supports that, too.
5) The number one place women are abducted from/attacked is grocery store parking lots. Number two is office parking lots/garages. Number three is public restrooms.
Counter-Point***** There has been nothing to support the idea that any of these places are more dangerous than the others. Instead, in the event that someone were to be grabbed and raped, it is a location's seclusion more than anything else that really matters. Populated, well-lit areas in general tend to be safer.
6) The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to another location where they don't have to worry about getting caught.
Counter-Point**** Again, the rare occurrence that a kidnapping like this would occur, then it would make sense for a rapist to want to move the victim to a more secluded location. However, keep in mind that a person is much less likely to be grabbed if there are other people around.
7) Only 2% said they carried weapons because rape carries a 3-5 year sentence but rape with a weapon is 15-20 years.
Counter-Point***** Actually, approximately a third of rapists carry weapons with them. This is important because a woman should not be misled into fighting against her attacker when he is armed and she is not. Not to mention the fact that many people who are driven to the point of attacking a woman are not going to be thinking about the finer points of the law and prison sentences when they are in the midst of raping. Be sure to check out the Rape Abuse and Incest National Network at http://www.rainn.org/ for more statistics and information.
8) If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn't worth it because it will be time-consuming.
Counter-Point***** It is possible that a rapist could be scared away from attacking a woman if she seems to resist. Anything is possible. Unfortunately, though, there are many different types of rapists. One is just as likely to be attacked by a man who feels even more angry and more violent towards a person who puts up a resistance. There is no right answer as to whether to fight back or not, but it is wrong to say that always fighting and always resisting is the right course of action; it could push the perpetrator from rapist to murderer. It's usually just a better course of action to try to get away from an attacker.
9) These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas, or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands. Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you're not worth it.
Counter-Point**** As truly frightening a weapon that an umbrella might be, it would probably be extremely difficult to wield it effectively in a defensive situation. If a man is attacking a woman, it is highly unlikely that he would be dissuaded simply from a hit by an umbrella; honestly, they do not hurt that much. Also, most people are not familiar with wielding long, sword-like objects effectively. There is a good point here about keys, though. One should have one's keys out and so as to minimize time fumbling through a purse looking for them when at a car or a house, but they do not make an effective weapon. In fact, it is easier to injure one's hand while trying to wield them than actually hurt an attacker.
10) Several defense mechanisms he taught us are: If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it, or make general small talk: "I can't believe it is so cold out here," "we're in for a bad winter." Now you've seen their face and could identify them in a line-up; you lose appeal as a target.
11) If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell STOP or STAY BACK! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they'd leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.
12) If someone grabs you, you can't beat them with strength but you can by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm (between the elbow and armpit) OR in the upper inner thigh VERY VERY HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her
and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands - the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it; it hurts!
13) After the initial hit, always GO for the GROIN. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy's parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you'll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble, and he's out of there.
14) When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I end ed up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.
Counter-Point**** I'm not a martial arts expert, and I've never taken Rape Aggression Defense or any other self-defense classes, so I'm not sure whether or not the above would work. What I will say is that, unless a person has been trained in self-defense, then be careful trying to use any advanced moves, as many times they are easy to defend against and are simply not effective. To use them, one also must be close to the attacker, negating the idea of fleeing instead of fighting.
15) If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes,) yell I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY and holding it out will be a deterrent.
Counter-Point**** In assaults in general, more people's self-defense weapons (such as knives and guns) are used against them than against a perpetrator, simply because they are not trained. The same is true of pepper spray. Most women who carry it do not know how to effectively use it and are only putting themselves at risk of having it used against them. It is not a difficult thing to avoid pepper spray shot by an untrained person and then use it against the defender. Pepper spray can be a wonderful tool, but it is highly recommended to receive training in its use.
16) Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don't dismiss it, go with your instincts!!! You may feel a little silly at the time, but you'd feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.
Counter-Point**** FINALLY!!! Some useful information. This above point is the only bit that is actually accurate and good advice. Follow that little bit, really follow it, and you do stand the chance of being a little bit safer.
As a few parting thoughts, remember that approximately 90% of sexual assaults are acquaintance rapes, not the stereotypical stranger rapes. Also, about 85% of these sexual assaults do involve alcohol, so always take extra precautions if you are going to be consuming alcohol.
Also, this e-mail seems focused on helping women "keep from being raped." This should not be the focus. Men are the ones doing the raping (in the vast majority of cases), and it is important to work to combat the perpetual rape culture that creates rapists, rather than telling women how to keep themselves from being attacked. Check out the University of Delaware's own Sexual Offense Support (a rape crisis group) online for more information at http://www.udel.edu/wellspring/SOS ]
The University of Delaware does offer a Rape Aggression Defense course taught by UDPD. For more information, and to sign up, be sure to check out http://www.udel.edu/PublicSafety/RAD.htm
Thank you all :-)
-Andrew Christy
President of MARS