(no subject)
i have been going through my memories box
and im in the process of printing out my live journal
i erased everything from the time period that i was being "bad"
so i think i have to do at least 15 months worth of posts
i am getting my 6 journals or so together
i started big notebook ones in high school
i decided i am going to send them to my dad
my mom throws lots of things out and i DO NOT want this stuff thrown out
i told my dad it was ok to tell my mom after my death that HE has my
journals if she should ask and that she could have copies if she wishes
my journals are so graphic i would hate for my mom to read them
especially when i was having sex at 14 and drinking and then
writing about it
its going to take awhile with this printing of the journal cuz you
have to cut and past everything on a clipboard and then change the color
and font. so i think ill do a month or so a day.
its hard for me to be on the computer with my eyes
my lungs are totally in the gutter
i can hardly breathe and get around
my dad wants me to see my cf dr and i said ,,, for what?
i just got off ivs in june
they cannot use any of the amenoglycosides so that knocks
out about 5 different drugs that fight pseudomonas
id rather die than take anymore of those drugs
so that leaves about 4 other drugs or so that are all in the SAME class
of drugs and they like to pick more than one class and dump at least 2-3 on you
like 2 ivs and an antibiotic neb or pill.
i am on cipro and that isnt doing anything
i cant hear very well but i keep hearing radio static coming from my mouth
and weird pops and whistles.
all this must be the tons of mucus down there
i have mucus coming out in droves from every place it could possibly drain from
so i dont see the point in doing iv's when here i am a month later, just as sick
if not sicker than i was in june.
one dr told me that if i refused all medical treatment i would have a year to live
i have been doing this for 30 years and im tired
i am getting to the point where i see no point in trying to fight something
that i have nothing physically to fight it with.
and im in the process of printing out my live journal
i erased everything from the time period that i was being "bad"
so i think i have to do at least 15 months worth of posts
i am getting my 6 journals or so together
i started big notebook ones in high school
i decided i am going to send them to my dad
my mom throws lots of things out and i DO NOT want this stuff thrown out
i told my dad it was ok to tell my mom after my death that HE has my
journals if she should ask and that she could have copies if she wishes
my journals are so graphic i would hate for my mom to read them
especially when i was having sex at 14 and drinking and then
writing about it
its going to take awhile with this printing of the journal cuz you
have to cut and past everything on a clipboard and then change the color
and font. so i think ill do a month or so a day.
its hard for me to be on the computer with my eyes
my lungs are totally in the gutter
i can hardly breathe and get around
my dad wants me to see my cf dr and i said ,,, for what?
i just got off ivs in june
they cannot use any of the amenoglycosides so that knocks
out about 5 different drugs that fight pseudomonas
id rather die than take anymore of those drugs
so that leaves about 4 other drugs or so that are all in the SAME class
of drugs and they like to pick more than one class and dump at least 2-3 on you
like 2 ivs and an antibiotic neb or pill.
i am on cipro and that isnt doing anything
i cant hear very well but i keep hearing radio static coming from my mouth
and weird pops and whistles.
all this must be the tons of mucus down there
i have mucus coming out in droves from every place it could possibly drain from
so i dont see the point in doing iv's when here i am a month later, just as sick
if not sicker than i was in june.
one dr told me that if i refused all medical treatment i would have a year to live
i have been doing this for 30 years and im tired
i am getting to the point where i see no point in trying to fight something
that i have nothing physically to fight it with.