fic: signal fire (kara/lee) chapter 04
Title: Signal Fire
Rating: PG/PG-13 For some strong language and adult themes.
Spoilers: All Seasons, All Episodes.
Status: Complete (Prologue+11 Chapters+ Epilogue)
Summary: Kara and Lee get one last chance to be together. Begins the moment after Daybreak II, on the hill where Kara didn’t say goodbye.
Special thanks to my sister, placeofthunder, who I've decided is better than any beta.
Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. I own nothing.
Previously: Prologue, Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Kara stepped over the threshold, shutting the hatch behind her. It was dark here, lit only by the stars. She spotted one lone couple, energetically making out in the far right corner of the room, and one older man sitting in the middle of the other empty seats. She walked past the rows, glanced over to see he was taking notes in a journal by the light of a tiny handheld device.
Three people she’d never seen and probably never would again. It was the best she could do for privacy on a ship like this. It would have to do. Truth be told she’d expected a few more, but time had eventually worn down the observation deck’s popularity as people concentrated less and less on recreation and more and more on bare-bones survival.
She pulled up in front of the forward view window and spent a few moments staring out into vast space before turning to the left. There was a narrow grooved wall winging out from either side of the glass. She walked past it to where the standard wall ran the length of the room, lowered herself to sit on the floor with her back against it. She could still watch the room and the hatch from here.
Drawing up her knees, she slung her arms listlessly over them and rehearsed what she would say one last time. This might be the last chance she had to plead her case to a potential ally. That truth alone made her stomach clench with anxiety. But couple that with the fact that this was Lee…she blew out a long breath.
It was a long time before she heard the clank of the hatch opening. So long that anxiety had given way to exhaustion.
She struggled to remember where she was, slowly blinking the sleep from her eyes. There was a cramp in her neck. She laid a hand on her nape and stretched out the knotted muscles there, fighting to clear the fog from her brain. At a glance, she could see that she had slept through the groping couple’s departure, though the old man was still in his spot. He was as dead to the world as Kara had just been, head lolling against his shoulder as he snored quietly.
Lee made his way forward looking from side to side until he was standing before the panoramic view as she had done. He threw a glance out the window and the stars’ light lined the profile of him in uniform with a silver film that put Kara in mind of a Colonial Forces recruitment poster she’d liked as a little girl.
“Lee.” A sharp whisper.
His head turned and his gaze found hers. He made his way over to her silently, dropping to the floor next to her and stretching out his legs in front of him. He crossed his arms and leaned his head back against the wall, looking over at her almost fondly.
“You look like you just woke up.”
“I did,” she muttered.
“Sorry it took so long,” he sighed roughly, staring ahead now, ”Another false alarm: potential bomb threat in Baltar’s cell. It was unfounded. Took longer to convince him to get back into it then it did to sweep the cell.”
She smirked, “Wish I’d been there.” She turned to watch his profile with a playful frown, nodding a little, “To help convince him.”
His lips pulled into a smile, “You can be very convincing.”
His words slapped her awake, reminded her why they were here.
“I hope so.”
A long pause, then she felt his eyes on her face, ”So. I’m here. Talk to me, Kara.”
She clasped her hands between her knees and took a deep breath, “I’ve had this conversation with you so many times in my head…”
“Then pretend this is just another one of those times.”
Kara nodded and began speaking slowly, methodically, “You mentioned earlier that I’m different lately. Different after climbing out of the cockpit all those weeks ago…The reason I’m different... is because I’ve lived that moment before.”
She forced herself to turn and gauge his reaction. His eyes burned incredibly blue in the soft light but she couldn’t read their expression.
Deciding no reaction was better than a negative one, she looked away and continued as matter-of-factly as possible.
“For me, it was several months ago…that I went into the cloud cover following a heavy raider. I got too close to the hard deck and you begged me to pull up, to come back. But I didn’t. I passed the point of no return, my viper was incinerated in the explosion…I didn’t pull up last time. I died, Lee.”
This time she couldn’t make herself watch his reaction. She just let it sink into the silence, then went on.
“You-You put a picture of me on the Memorial Wall, next to Kat, just like you promised. Do you remember that conversation?”
“Of course.” His voice came in a rough whisper.
Her hands were trembling, she clasped them tighter.
“The picture was of me sitting at a table in the Ready Room, my hair was short. I had on my gray zip-up. I don’t even know when it was taken…I didn’t even know you had it.”
She heard him exhale, quick and sharp, “No one does.”
Bolstered by the small victory, she kept talking, ”Shortly after my…death, the fleet jumped to the Ionian Nebula just as we are now. The cylons met you there. There’s a battle and lives are lost, but-and trust me, I know how frakked up this sounds-they eventually turn away…I think because they sense the final four cylons in our fleet. The four have switched on by then, heard the music.”
Now she did look at him, drawn against her will. He was watching her closely, like she was a puzzle he was trying very hard to solve. That had to be better than if he’d dismissed her ramblings outright…Didn’t it?
He inclined his head, spoke slowly, “The music?”
She nodded, “I found out later that it was the same song my father taught me when I was a little girl.”
She paused and licked her dry lips, let it sink in. When he finally spoke, his words took her a little by surprise.
“On the stand today Tigh was ranting about music playing in the room…..I thought he was drunk.”
Kara smirked in spite of herself, “He was. But he was also dead serious.”
Lee breathed a cynical laugh, his expression pained, “Kara, you have to be joking…”
“Or crazy.”
Kara was profoundly grateful that he chose not respond to that.
“The other four are Sam, Chief, Tory and Ellen-who downloaded with Cavil after dying on New Caprica.”
Dead silence. She didn’t have to look to know he wore a shocked expression.
“Do you want me to stop now?” She concentrated on plucking at a fiber in the carpet.
“No,” he managed after several moments. It wasn’t very encouraging but it was enough. She forced herself to speak slowly and not rush right through it.
”So. Back to the Nebula. You had taken off your wings. You were estranged from the Old Man because you had chosen to help Baltar’s lawyer with his defense.”
She took a moment but he offered no argument, nor did he look distressed. If anything he looked…thoughtful. Perhaps he’d been secretly considering it?
Her eyes narrowed, “You don’t seem surprised by that.”
He spoke tiredly, as if he’d argued this point with someone else only recently, “I believe everyone deserves a fair trial, Kara. Even Gauis Baltar.”
Kara shook her head with the ghost of a smile. He was such a constant to her unpredictability. Where would she be without him?
She continued, “Regardless of your military status, when the cylons were attacking, you suited up and launched an alert viper. It was still your fight. Once you were in the sky, you noticed a singularity on your dradis. You pursued.”
Kara paused, she tilted her head down and away, feeling vulnerable.
“It was me, Lee. I came back- to lead the fleet to Earth. It had only been about 6 hours of lost time for me. You told me I had been dead for 2 months. Of course, everyone thought I was a frakking cylon. No one trusted me. I was scared and confused…They threw me in the brig and wrote me off…”
She faced him fully, hoping the neediness didn’t show, “You came to see me there. You told me you believed me.”
He looked up at her, eyes roaming her features. Could he tell what that had meant to her?
She averted her face, the starlight outlining the side of her jaw, “In time, I got my act together. We all made a lot of hard choices along the way. I don’t know if all of them were the right ones, Lee. I just know that when we needed it most, the pieces fell into place; the puzzle made sense. I entered the jump coordinates into the ship’s FTL and jumped the ship to a new Earth...”
This part was harder than she’d anticipated. She hesitated. He waited silently.
“When we got to the planet’s surface-I knew, Lee. I wasn’t meant to stay, to live out my end on Earth like everyone else…”
Kara felt as if she were cracking from the center outwards. Her vision blurred. She stubbornly kept on, gritting, “I didn’t want to leave, Lee. I didn’t want to leave you.”
She turned back to him. His brows had drawn together, his eyes clung to her face. There was confusion there, concern. But maybe a little hope as well.
“I asked you what your plans were. You started to tell me and I closed my eyes…I listened to the sound of your voice…” her expression tightened out of sheer determination to make him understand what that had been like.
His face crumpled, whether from his own personal emotion or just sympathy for her, she couldn’t tell. She turned back around and put her hands behind her head, elbows on knees, closing herself in within her arms, “When I opened them, I was in that cockpit again and you were ordering me to pull up. I listened this time.”
She swallowed the tears, frustrated with herself. She was trembling now with the effort not to cry. Too much confusion.
“And now here I am. And frak if I know why.”
Neither of them said another word for a very long time.
___________________________________________________
The old man with the journal had woken and left, her back and arms had cramped, before she spoke again.
“You think I’m crazy too, don’t you? You don’t believe me,” she unfolded and stood.
Kara felt his warm hand reach out to grasp her by the wrist, anchoring her. He rose up to stand beside her. She turned to him, afraid to see.
He stared at her for a very long time; so long the blue of his eyes seemed to burn straight to the back of her brain. She clenched her jaw.
He slowly reached out and tenderly tucked a flyaway strand of blond behind her ear, his fingertips feathered her hot cheek. He was frowning; she trembled.
“You’ve lived alone with this for weeks, haven’t you?”
She just gazed back at him brokenly. It wasn’t the response she’d expected. His compassion was almost harder to bear than the Admiral’s scorn.
He let out a long, slow breath, placing his hands in the curve of her shoulders, still frowning.
His thumb brushed over the hollow of her throat, “I believe in you, Kara Thrace. And that’s enough for me.”
A startled, ragged breath; a hint of a frantic smile, escaped her. So much of the pent up anxiety, fear and confusion escaped along with it.
Kara dropped her head against his shoulder, all the fight in her momentarily spent.
She felt his left hand slip over her shoulder and down her back, keeping her there, head against hers. It was safe here. She wanted to stay.
But somehow, she knew there was more to all this then what she wanted.
She finally lifted her head and met his eyes, “I can get us back to that planet, Lee. I just…I need someone to believe me.”
He tilted his chin down, pinning her with his intent gaze, his hands fell to wrap around her upper arms, “You found him.”
Kara tilted her head, almost playful, downplaying the deep emotion that threatened to overwhelm. She gave him a brilliant smile. Love, gratitude, the edge of tears.
His hand came up to cradle her face and his empty ring finger caught her eye once more. A sudden thought occurred to her; a need to know. She glanced down, smile fading; shifted.
When she looked back at him, her tone came matter of fact, “Dee won’t like it.” More question than statement.
His hand dropped. He looked away, over her head, jaw suddenly tight, “I’ll add it to the list.”
Kara watched his face,” What’s been going on, Lee?”
His other hand dropped as well and he took a little step back, angled away from her, but not far. She could still reach out and touch his left shoulder.
“Our marriage is over, Kara. She walked out on me several days ago. She wants a divorce…”
Kara frowned, that didn’t sound like Dee.
“Why?”
Lee looked back at her over his shoulder, smiled a sad smile, “Where do I begin?”
Kara just shook her head and shrugged; waiting. Wherever he wanted to.
“We’ve been…disagreeing, a lot. Lately. About nothing. About everything: Baltar’s trial. My dad…” he paused, “…you.
“What about me?” she finally asked, quietly. It took him a while to answer.
“That day you spoke of, the last time you flew your viper…There was this moment before you pulled up, when I knew I had lost you.” He looked at her, the intensity of his gaze made her insides tighten, “I couldn’t forget it…Couldn’t shake it…”
He turned away for a moment, and his gaze took on a faraway look, as if he were searching his memory for the words; remembering.
“That’s when I finally realized…If I needed all that strength…at just the thought of losing you…then what was the point?”
He pinned her with that gaze yet again and exhaled in the way one does before diving into ice cold water, “I need to be with you, Kara.”
She stared at him silently, letting his words burn down to her core.
“I’m going to make you frakkin’ miserable, Lee.” It was both warning and promise.
“Yeah?” his eyes roamed over every inch of her face, “For how long?”
“For as long as you’ll have me, I guess.” In her face, there was a curious mixture of vulnerability and trust.
He finally stepped back to her, so close.
“That, Kara Thrace,” he whispered fiercely, “is going to be a very long time.”
And then his hands were threading through her hair and his hot breath warmed her lips as he hovered in that moment between hesitation and fulfillment.
She leaned in that last fraction of an inch for him, sealing the deal. She laid her fingers along the edge of his jaw and pulled him closer still, so close there lips ground together painfully and there was no choice but to open their mouths to accommodate.
His hand slid down her throat, over her shoulder, caressing her arm until she grasped his hand with her own and used it as leverage to walk him back against the wall.
His arm hit the wall just before he did and she released him to place her hands on either side of his head. She pressed herself against him, fighting to get as close as she could without losing herself inside of him. Or maybe that was the whole point.
He placed his fingertips on her chin, gently pulling down until her mouth opened wider and the kiss deepened further still. She feared she was getting a little carried away, but he didn’t seem to mind. His hands were burning on her lower back, holding her against him. As if he had to. It was nice of him to pretend she wasn’t attacking him, though. Always the gentleman.
The thought made her smile against his lips, and he left her mouth to place fierce little kisses along her chin and down her jaw. If the way her fingers dug deeply into the top of his shoulders as he slid his open mouth over her throat was hurting him, he didn’t show it.
The all too familiar clank that proceeded the hatch door opening stopped them both. Kara dropped her head onto his shoulder heavily for a moment before turning to throw a look over her own. She was just in time to see a shadow standing against the backlit hatchway.
She could feel Lee’s eyes still on her face as she licked her lips and pushed off the wall. She stepped away and to the side, movements loose and indolent. The room was colder than she remembered.
“Um, Major Adama?” the young man’s voice was both rattled and apologetic.
“You’ve got to be frakking kidding me,” she said through her teeth, placing her hands on her hips as the messenger made his way across the darkened room.
Lee was still dragging in air rather rapidly as he straightened and stepped forward, “Yes, uh, what is it, Petty Officer?”
“Sir, Admiral Adama has requested your presence in his quarters immediately.”
Kara could feel the man stealing furtive, curious glances at her on every other word. She looked down at her boots and cleared her throat, ignoring him altogether.
Lee laughed without humor, muttered, ”Of course he has.” Then louder, “Did he give any particular reason why?”
The question seemed to take the officer by surprise, though he rallied admirably, “I believe he would like for you to, um, give your opinion on the recent discovery of the Tillium ship’s radiation signature. Sir.”
Lee nodded curtly, “I’ll be right there.”
The young man threw one last look in her direction. She met this one. He took a quick step back and turned back to Lee.
“Uh…Yes, sir.” He saluted and left them in peace but left the hatch open.
Kara watched him go. She decided she would happily strangle him if she ever ran across him again.
Lee was watching her closely, she swiveled towards him. He wore a little apologetic half-smile; almost hesitant.
Kara shrugged and sighed roughly, running a hand through her ruffled hair.
He turned back to the open hatchway, his expression grew irritated, “Looks like I’m being summoned.” The frustration in his voice somehow soothed her own.
She pulled a frown, trying to ease the tension between them. Her tone took on an irreverent edge, “Well, look at it this way, Lee. For tonight, at least, your virtue remains intact.”
He gave her that little exasperated expression that was somehow both amused and disbelieving, and shook his head.
“What?” She folded her arms, rubbing them and smirking a bit.
He strolled to where she stood and invaded her space.
“Just…you,” he lifted a hand to finger the ends of her hair for a moment.
Feeling suddenly jumpy, a little laugh caught in her throat, “What about me?”
He contemplated her, “Everything about you, Kara.”
He kissed her hot and quick, turned and left through the hatch.
Kara stood there a while after he had gone, worrying her lip, lost in thought.
Chapter Five