Listening
Many things are bugging me at this point, and it doesn't feel so good. But whatever, right? That's life. Everyone has 煩腦, big or small. It just depends on how you deal with it.
Sometimes, when it gets to a certain point, you just need to tell someone. You just need someone to LISTEN. That's all. But every now and then, you don't really get someone who listens. They don't understand that all they need to do is either to just agree that they understand why you're feeling that way, or not say anything at all so they can truly listen. There's a difference between asking someone for advice, and asking someone just to listen. But sometimes, that just doesn't occur to the other person. If I have some troubles that I want to tell you, then just listen. Don't tell me what I should do. Don't tell me what I did wrong. In most cases, I know what I did wrong (if I did do something wrong). But I just want to VENT. Please don't change the subject until I want to. And when I do want advice, I'll ask in a form of a question. Or make it very clear that I do want an opinion/advice, like, "I don't know what to do." But if not, then pleeeeaaassee just listen and understand why I'm feeling that way without telling me that I shouldn't. That just makes me feel worse than I did before, even though they mean well.
I'm not pointing at any specific people. It's just that over the years, it's been a recurring thing I've noticed. And I do admit, I'm not the best listener or advice-giver either. I was told that I am a good listener, but compared to my sister, I don't think I am really that good. I really felt the importance of having a good listener yesterday when I was telling my sister about this little argument I had with my brother. I guess it really helps when she's had those kind of arguments with him as well, so she could totally relate to what I was feeling. She listened and agreed. To me, she helped confirm that what I am feeling is right. And that feels sooooooo good. She doesn't make me feel guilty for feeling angry, or sad. And that's all I needed.
I agree, sometimes you need someone to tell you that you're overreacting, or that you should try to see someone else's side of the story. I just don't agree with doing that right away. I need some time too. Let me vent and get it out of my system. Let me be mad. Let me be sad. After I've calmed down and have absolutely nothing more to say, THEN tell me things if you really think it is necessary. Sometimes, I might even start having those revelations myself before you have a chance to tell me!
Anyway, that's all I wanted to say. And I'm sure I'm not the only one that feels this way, because I've had numerous people tell me that they've also encountered friends and others who don't exactly know when to listen and when to give advice. So, I'm not crazy. Just venting on behalf of others too. :)
Sometimes, when it gets to a certain point, you just need to tell someone. You just need someone to LISTEN. That's all. But every now and then, you don't really get someone who listens. They don't understand that all they need to do is either to just agree that they understand why you're feeling that way, or not say anything at all so they can truly listen. There's a difference between asking someone for advice, and asking someone just to listen. But sometimes, that just doesn't occur to the other person. If I have some troubles that I want to tell you, then just listen. Don't tell me what I should do. Don't tell me what I did wrong. In most cases, I know what I did wrong (if I did do something wrong). But I just want to VENT. Please don't change the subject until I want to. And when I do want advice, I'll ask in a form of a question. Or make it very clear that I do want an opinion/advice, like, "I don't know what to do." But if not, then pleeeeaaassee just listen and understand why I'm feeling that way without telling me that I shouldn't. That just makes me feel worse than I did before, even though they mean well.
I'm not pointing at any specific people. It's just that over the years, it's been a recurring thing I've noticed. And I do admit, I'm not the best listener or advice-giver either. I was told that I am a good listener, but compared to my sister, I don't think I am really that good. I really felt the importance of having a good listener yesterday when I was telling my sister about this little argument I had with my brother. I guess it really helps when she's had those kind of arguments with him as well, so she could totally relate to what I was feeling. She listened and agreed. To me, she helped confirm that what I am feeling is right. And that feels sooooooo good. She doesn't make me feel guilty for feeling angry, or sad. And that's all I needed.
I agree, sometimes you need someone to tell you that you're overreacting, or that you should try to see someone else's side of the story. I just don't agree with doing that right away. I need some time too. Let me vent and get it out of my system. Let me be mad. Let me be sad. After I've calmed down and have absolutely nothing more to say, THEN tell me things if you really think it is necessary. Sometimes, I might even start having those revelations myself before you have a chance to tell me!
Anyway, that's all I wanted to say. And I'm sure I'm not the only one that feels this way, because I've had numerous people tell me that they've also encountered friends and others who don't exactly know when to listen and when to give advice. So, I'm not crazy. Just venting on behalf of others too. :)