Snapshots of Summer [JAEHO SECRET SANTA XCHANGE FIC]
Title: Snapshots of Summer
Beta: the gorgeous ligerliger
Pairing: Yunho/Jaejoong
Genre:Angst, Tragedy
Warning: Character Death
Rating: NC-17
Summary: During the warm and welcoming summer, Yunho spends his last days with Jaejoong
My Jaeho_XChange Secret Santa Fic for the one and only 5_in_heart
A/N: Ah, I thought I was ahead on writing this, until I realized it was due in two days so I had to rush to finish off the end. I hope it doesn’t seem too rushed, I hope it flows well, and I hope you enjoy it! I can never judge my own writing so asdkljfk;adsgajf; LIKE IT PLEASE. I tried and thought this out and you wanted angst so here’s angst, I should stop typing now. Merry Christmas! ~ xx
COMMENTS ARE DISABLED HERE, PLEASE COMMENT ON THE ORIGINAL POSTING IF YOU SO WISH
The air had a disturbing and unsettling chill to it, and the gust of winds that welcomed summer gradually became more and more suffocating. He sat solemnly and watched as Jaejoong slowly digested his words.
“Fifty days?” The elder asked, trying to mask the cracking tremors in his voice.
Yunho’s gaze faltered as he saw the sparkle of a single tear, streaking ominously across the waterline of the other man’s eye. He hated bearing bad news - mainly because Jaejoong was always so happy.
I t was hard enough telling him last week that their favorite café was closing down. The way his eager eyes quickly flashed with disappointment was exactly what pierced Yunho’s heart. The worst part was, even when Jaejoong was upset, he never stopped smiling.
Yunho nodded, and Jaejoong constructed a dam of emotions to stop the tears from falling-and of course he kept on smiling.
--
“Where are we going again?” A blindfolded Yunho asked as Jaejoong guided him onto the bus. Jaejoong had dragged him out right after dinner without a hint as to where they were headed, and the last thing Yunho saw was Jaejoong grinning mischievously while holding a blindfold in his doorway.
“It’s a surprise!” Jaejoong sang teasingly as he sat them down close to the front of the bus.
Yunho tried pouting. “Can’t you take it off Jaejae? Please?” He asked sweetly.
“You’re so much cuter this way though!” Jaejoong joked.
Yunho felt a cute peck on his cheekbone before hearing the twinkle of Jaejoong’s continuing laughter.
Jaejoong squeezed his hand and leaned over to whisper in Yunho’s ear, letting his fingers dance on the blindfolded man’s thigh. “There’s an old ahjumma judging us over there…should I turn up the PDA to piss her off? Y’know, just to rumple her feathers a little bit?”
Yunho faked a smile, “I wouldn’t know. I can’t see her!” He started to continue complaining until he felt himself being cut off by a pair of warm questioning lips. Ironically, despite Yunho’s increasing distaste with the blindfold, his sense of feeling heightened with his lack of sight. With this sudden realization, he momentarily surrendered to Jaejoong, as he let him dominate the kiss.
Jaejoong pulled away moments later and smiled at the woman sweetly.
“Jae! The poor woman!” Yunho exclaimed.
Jaejoong’s laugh was magical, and despite the news that Yunho gave him two days previous, he still seemed so carefree and relaxed.
“I’d say I’m sorry but I’m not.”
“Jaejoong, we have to be respectful; she’s a grandmother.”
“She can pull the stick out of her ass and get over it. It’s the 21st century for Christ’s sake, and I should be able to kiss my fucking boyfriend whenever I please.” Jaejoong grumbled.
“We’ll have plenty of time for that later, but for now, behave.” Yunho replied calmly.
“We can keep the blindfold for then, right?” Jaejoong asked brightly as he ran his hand through Yunho’s hair. “It’ll be fuuuuun!” He said suggestively.
Before Yunho could even muster up a witty response, he heard Jaejoong announce their arrival before pulling him off the bus. Anticipation filled him completely, and a surge of adrenaline coupled his excitement. After leaving the bus, Yunho found himself surrounded by the smell of fresh air and nature. He felt Jaejoong let go of his hands and started to untie his blindfold.
“Ready?” He asked softly. Yunho nodded as Jaejoong peeled the blindfold off.
Yunho’s eyes took a moment to adjust to his surroundings. They had arrived at sunset, and the view was painstakingly surreal. A massive field littered with sunflowers for as far as he could see. They stood at the crest of a large hill, and suddenly he found himself gazing at the inviting scenery, he felt the stress that accumulated over the last few weeks begin to dissolve.
He looked over at Jaejoong, who was smiling up at him. His light brown hair almost seemed to be glowing in the setting sunlight. “It’s beautiful isn’t it?” Jaejoong asked him as he spread his arms out and flung his head back, enjoying the breeze.
“I think you are,” Yunho replied solemnly.
Jaejoong scoffed and looked over at him and stared for a moment. “I figured that you’d want a place away from life for a while… because you don’t have very much time left…” He whispered.
Yunho swallowed and took Jaejoong’s hand, dragging him along as he began to dash down the hill. “C’mon Jae,” he said, and he bounded down the hill. “Let’s fly!”
And as Jaejoong raced down the hill with the love of his life, an uncontrollable grin spread across his face. He looked over into Yunho’s eyes, and deep inside, he knew that he was already flying.
--
“Why didn’t you tell me you were hospitalized?” Jaejoong demanded as he paced back and forth in the room. “Do you know how I felt? Are you even aware of how awkward it was for me to show up at your apartment, and Changmin telling me that you’re in the hospital? This is what I should be hearing from you, not your roommate! What the hell, Yunho? What the fuck? What in the actual fuck?”
Yunho looked down and stayed silent, and Jaejoong sighed while plunking down onto the chair next to Yunho’s bed, resting his head in his hands. They both were silent and slowly the tension built up in the room. Jaejoong’s tone and sentiment hung thickly in the room, echo ing in the silence.
“Apparently, I have a heart disorder... and unlike normal cancer patients, I need constant monitoring. So yeah... welcome to my new home.”
Jaejoong closed his eyes and did quiet breathing exercises. He wasn’t even taking in Yunho’s words per se ; he was just calming himself down. He was filling his mind with thoughts of happy things like waffles, cupcakes, the smell of Yunho after he showered, rainbows, vanilla hair conditioner, maple syrup...
“They bathed me this morning…” Yunho suddenly whispered.
“They fucking did what?” Jaejoong demanded, his p re vious sentiments now forgotten.
“I’m sorry for not telling you. It’s just… I’m so used to being independent, and it’s hard to come to terms with… y’know, all this.” Yunho said as he leaned back into his pillow.
Jaejoong’s face instantly softened as he reached over and took Yunho’s hand. Yunho kept looking down, but when he felt Jaejoong thoughtfully stroking the back of his hand, he knew he was forgiven.
Jaejoong suddenly stood up and reached into his bag to pull out some food that he had bought earlier. “I brought japchae!” Jaejoong exclaimed as he held out the package for Yunho. “Jesus I almost forgot!”
Yunho took it thankfully. “You have no idea how boring dinner was,” he said as he opened the chopstick package. “Typical rice and kimchi jiggae, and nothing like yours.”
Jaejoong sat back down and looked thoughtful. “It doesn’t matter. I just don’t want them bathing you.”
“Are we still on that?”
“Yunho,“ Jaejoong said simply. “I don’t like people looking at what’s mine, let alone touching. Especially that massive, gorgeous-“
“Ahem,” Yunho interrupted. “No crudeness please. Especially when it comes to my genitals.”
“And we really need to get you into a better room,” Jaejoong said as he stood up again and started pacing around the room, ignoring Yunho’s reprimand.
“Jae, it’s okay. Really.”
“No, Yunho , it isn’t. That bed is much too small, and I assure you I intend to share it. Also, if I look at these beige walls for much longer I might just vomit.”
Yunho knew that this was beyond argument. Jaejoong swooped down and gave his boyfriend a swift peck on the forehead before he left to go interrogate the nurse about a room upgrade. As Yunho heard Jaejoong talking noisily in the hall, he tried to ignore the painful pang in his heart, because he knew that very soon, he’d have to leave this crazy, beautiful, and perfect man behind.
--
Jaejoong grabbed him back and pulled him close, kissing him wildly and Yunho, with much difficulty, pulled away moments later.
“Jaejoong, I have to go for chemotherapy,” He gasped, panting slightly.
Jaejoong bit his lip sensually and pulled Yunho close to him again running his hands up and down Yunho’s torso.
“What if I don’t want you to leave right now?” Jaejoong pouted.
Yunho laughed and poked Jaejoong’s protruding bottom lip. “I have to though.”
Jaejoong bit Yunho’s finger, and then proceeded on to sucking it. “Is this turning you on? Will you stay now?”
Yunho closed his eyes and took deep breaths, calming himself and trying to ignore Jaejoong’s advances that were so very much turning him on.
“Unfortunately, I can’t; I really have to go. And everything you do turns me on,” Yunho said finally .
Jaejoong rolled his eyes.
“Just turn me on when I get back, okay?” Yunho continued. “Love you,” he said as he pecked him before he made his way out of the room.
Jaejoong huffed and plopped on Yunho’s bed, grabbing the manga sitting on the bed table. “I love you too!” he replied.
“Wait,” he shouted after him. “Since when do you read yaoi?”
“It’s Jihye’s! She left it here this morning!” Yunho replied from the hall.
Jaejoong peered at the book closely, shrugged, and opened it up to the first page.
--
“I bought you something,” Jaejoong said as they sat in Yunho’s room.
Jaejoong had snagged Yunho one of the best rooms in the hospital, and Yunho couldn’t say he wasn’t thankful. The weather was overcast, and so instead of dragging Yunho out to some exciting venue or attraction, Jaejoong decided that today, they would just stay inside.
“Is this a present? What’s it for?” Yunho asked as his eyes lit up at the bag that Jaejoong was handing him. It was a bag from a renowned electronics store, and Yunho was getting slightly excited. As he pulled a box out from the bag, his eyes instantly widened with surprise.
“A camera?” Yunho asked.
Jaejoong smiled as he sn u ggled up beside Yunho and rested his head on his shoulder.
“Oh my god, Jae, it’s perfect! Thank you!”
“Well…” Jaejoong ducked his head and slightly blushed. “Life is a precious thing as we both know and with this, I figure you can treasure it a bit more.”
“Jaejoong, that is so sweet of you!” Yunho exclaimed as he wrapped his arms around Jaejoong’s waist. “When did you become so corny?” He asked jokingly.
“I try,” Jaejoong said quietly, a grin slowly spreading across his features.
Yunho fiddled with the camera for a bit and immediately took the camera, faced the lens towards the both of them, and took a quick snapshot.
The whirring of the camera mechanism was a pleasant sound and carved a special moment in time for them, inconsequential, as it may have seemed.
Neither of them said a word, and neither of them moved an inch. Yet, somehow, with that individual snapshot of the two of them together on the bed, the correspondence of their souls was sealed, and when they looked at it together after, it represented an unsaid promise of forever - just as if the photo had frozen and solidified a perfect twinkling in time.
--
The lights dimmed, and the spotlight faced the middle of the red stage curtains. The crowd of parents and family murmured with anticipations as they waited for the show to commence.
Jaejoong leaned over to Yunho without taking his eyes off the stage. “Thanks for coming, Yunho, really. I really appreciate it, and Yerim adores you.”
“No problem; I need to get out. And you know that I adore your nieces,” Yunho responded amicably.
“You know, last week, Sunhee got her first email account and insisted that I email her daily. The way they just go about life just makes me so happy.”
Yunho laughed in response, but slowly a looming thought crept into Yunho’s mind. Nevertheless, he was quickly distracted by the music that had started to play. As the curtains opened, a cluster of little girls in pink tutus scampered onto the stage.
“Oooh!” Jaejoong exclaimed as he pulled out his cell phone to take pictures. “I see Yerim!”
Yunho laughed as he watched the girls scrambling around on stage, and soon enough, before he knew it, the show was over.
Later that afternoon, after they had dropped off Yerim and Sunhee at home, Jaejoong started to drive back to the hospital.
“Good thing I drove, you didn’t need to bring your wheelchair.”
“Yeah , that’s true ; it feels nice to stretch my legs, but Jaejoong… you know what I was thinking when I saw Yerim and Sunhee on stage?”
“What? How adorable they were?” Jaejoong replied, grinning.
“Well, that, of course, but… I also saw your proud face taking pictures of them, and it made me imagine what we’d be like as parents. I always wanted my own little girl but… there’s no time…” Yunho trailed off as he turned his head away, to hide the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes.
He felt Jaejoong stop the car after a moment, and he felt Jaejoong’s hand envelop his. It was a silent action, but Yunho felt the words and emotions that Jaejoong was attempting to convey. His pride was slightly bruised, but somehow the feeling overcame him, and he was unsure of what to do with himself. He felt weak-helpless even.
Yunho swallowed slowly and squeezed Jaejoong’s hand in return, smiling bitterly, and began physically accepting Jaejoong’s loving assurances.
“It’s okay to cry, Yunho,” Jaejoong said after a while. “Just let go of everything.“
Yunho turned back towards Jaejoong and saw the familiar glossy look in Jaejoong’s eyes that mirrored his own, and then he smiled. A weak smile, and also a forced smile, but a smile nonetheless.
--
The tuft of hair la y solemnly on the bed in - between the both of them, and Jaejoong, for once in his life, didn’t know what to say.
“I didn’t even feel it…” Yunho whispered, putting his hand over his mouth.
“Whatever,” Jaejoong said after a while. “You’d still look sexy bald.”
And instead of feelings of dread or disgust, Yunho stared at the clump of hair on his bed, and started to laugh. Jaejoong looked at up with incredul ity, and when Yunho saw his face, he laughed even harder. Eventually he just couldn’t stop laughing.
W hen he woke up the next day, he saw a knitted red toque with a note sitting on his bedside dresser.
Hey you old man,
I’ll love you even if you’re bald. :*
-Jaejoong^^
--
The sight of Yunho naked was easily one of Jaejoong’s favorite indulgences, and the fact that he was currently seeing what had graced his dreams every so often pleased him greatly.
Jaejoong’s apartment was modest, yet tasteful, and his bedroom was one of Yunho’s favorite places.
Jaejoong slowly climbed up onto Yunho’s lying figure and straddled his waist. Yunho groaned at the friction that Jaejoong’s tight black jeans were creating as the blond peered down at him appreciatively, slowly moving his hips against his.
“How are you so beautiful?” Jaejoong murmured as he rocked back and forth slowly, taking his time to drink in the sight of Yunho adequately.
“Are you just going to sit there?” Yunho asked while biting his lip impatiently.
Jaejoong grinned down at him and leaned down, slowly capturing his lips needily. Yunho accepted Jaejoong’s lips with a slightly feral undertone and clung to the blond tightly. After a couple of moments , Jaejoong leaned back once again, putting his palms on Yunho’s chest and splaying out his fingers leisurely.
“I don’t even know where to start,” Jaejoong replied with admiration. “I want to remember you like this forever.”
Jaejoong leaned down and nestled his face into the familiar crook of Yunho’s neck. He closed his eyes and snuggled into Yunho’s warmth. Yunho seemed to emit a natural musk of vanilla, cinnamon, and utter perfection and as he leaned into Yunho as far as he could; he sighed contentedly and smiled.
Jaejoong let his hands wander until he felt Yunho grab his shoulder and flip them over. He felt Yunho bury his face into his neck, kissing and marking his skin fervently, sending electric and tingling sensations down his body.
“I’ll start for you,” Yunho growled into Jaejoong’s ear as he grinded against him mercilessly. Jaejoong’s whimpering only urged Yunho more. He leaned down and pressed his lips against Jaejoong’s pouting ones, slowly driving Jaejoong crazy with desire.
Jaejoong closed his eyes and leaned back into the pillow, breathing heavily. He gave up the fight for control and let Yunho take over.
Yunho slowly inched down and took Jaejoong’s semi-hard cock out of his pants, into his hands, and began to stroke him off. Without wasting any time, he inserted his index finger from his other hand into Jaejoong, delighting in the moan it caused him to emit.
“Ahhh,” Jaejoong whined. “D-don’t stop p-p-please, more, it feels so good.”
As Yunho inserted a second finger and kissed the tip of Jaejoong’s penis, he momentarily smiled to himself.
He had enjoyed spending his time with Jaejoong and was enjoying the majority of his last days with him. However, he had always had this threatening feeling at the back of his head that Jaejoong did too much for him, and that he was being a burden to him. So in this very heated moment, Yunho was almost gleeful that he could still reduce Jaejoong to a whimpering mess. The way that Jaejoong b u cked his hips and bit his lower lip wantonly when Yunho let him slip into his mouth empowered him. He was ecstatic to know that he could still make his boyfriend feel good, without hindrances of cancer or any disability holding him back.
And with that in mind, Yunho looked up and met Jaejoong’s eyes before winking and letting Jaejoong’s warm shaft slide deeper into his mouth once again.
--
“I honestly cannot believe you would do that!” Jaejoong screamed.
“Jaejoong, I didn’t need the medicine, I had practically no pain that day-“
“That doesn’t fucking mean you can avoid taking your prescribed pills! They’re only letting you out of the hospital every so often because they think you’re still on medication!”
“Jaejoong. You aren’t my mother.”
“Yunho, you’re being stupid.”
“No, I just didn’t need it. Why is that so hard to understand? I’m practically useless right now, I know my body is slowly getting worse and worse. I’m fully aware of the shit I’m going through, Jaejoong, I would know more than anyone. So please, back off and let me make my own decisions.”
Jaejoong looked down at his soup and suddenly was no longer hungry. “Whatever,” He mumbled as he shoved his chair back and walked out the door, slamming it behind him with all the theatrics that were necessary to convey his distaste.
Yunho pretended like he didn’t care and finished his food as if nothing had happened. After finishing dinner, he stood up and began to clear the table. He took up his plate and cleared Jaejoong’s dishes while humming to himself quietly.
He knew he couldn’t delude himself, and he knew he was guilty about lashing out at Jaejoong that way. Yunho questioned if he should give Jaejoong a call, but he decided against it. He wasn’t ready to apologize, and in his opinion, Jaejoong needed to calm down. He loved Jaejoong, of course, but he also found him too controlling at times. He wished that Jaejoong could just be his boyfriend and nothing more.
He walked out to the window and looked out to see if he could see Jaejoong, but as he was walking towards the open pane, he felt a peculiar feeling of dread come over him. The days that they had together were vital to him, and imagining anything happening to Jaejoong sent him into a tumultuous mind journey of horror. He kept mulling over the possibility in his head and cringed. Yes, it was an irrational thought to imagine something happening to Jaejoong, but then again, it was always possible, right? Anything was possible.
Yunho ignored the chills that incessantly ran through him and went to get ready for his shower. All worrying feelings aside, he still felt quite tired.
The shower warmed him up, but Yunho still couldn’t quite relax. He felt like something odd was about to happen, and this made the usual enjoyment of his shower absent. After conditioning his hair, he turned off the tap and began to make his way out of the tub. And just then, as soon as his second foot was out of the shower Yunho lost his balance, and down he fel l . Slowly, the world in Yunho’s eyes began to fade away. He thought he heard the faint sound of Jaejoong’s voice and he thought he saw Jaejoong’s worried face blurring in and out of his vision. Was it real, or was it just the hopeful aspect of Yunho’s thoughts haunting is own mind in the form of a hallucination?
“Please Yunho, don’t leave me yet...” Were the last words that echoed through Yunho’s mind before his vision and receptivity drifted away.
--
“Yunho, you can stop fumbling with your hat now.”
“But it just feels odd... I don’t feel attractive anymore. I feel so-“
Jaejoong sighed. “You don’t feel attractive? Do you think I have bad taste in men? To be perfectly honest, Yunho, I don’t have bad taste in anything.”
“Yeah, but I know you wouldn’t tell me if you thought I looked ugly. I’m bald, ugh. The only people that can pull off the bald look are those attractive black men on the NBA and I’m totally not at that level and- ” Yunho was cut off when Jaejoong started kissing him.
“You always interrupt my rants by kissing me, ” Yunho murmured moments later.
“It works,” Jaejoong said grinning.
“But I’m being serious.” Yunho pouted.
“Yunho, at this point, there’s not much that can put me off of you. You’re perfect, okay?” Jaejoong said softly. “I love you, okay; besides, now you can wear my hat all the time!”
Yunho smiled; Jaejoong sighed and leaned his head on Yunho’s shoulder. Both were silent.
--
“Jaejoong?” Yunho called from his bed in the hospital.
“Yes?”
“Kiss me please.”
“I’m just going to develop your photos across the street; I’ll be back soon.”
“Kiss me.”
Jaejoong beamed and did as he was told. “Gladly.”
Yunho smiled and closed his eyes, leaning back into his pillow. As Jaejoong grabbed his wallet and strolled out the door, he had no way to realize that those were the last words that he would hear his Yunho say, because when something suddenly told him to turn back and he returned to a scene of nurses surrounding Yunho’s bed, defibrillating the lifeless body, Jaejoong knew that Yunho could speak no more.
--
The funeral was booked and expected, and although Jaejoong knew the day was coming, he still thought it was way too soon. The air had a certain warmth to it that sent the browning skeletons of summer’s leaves blowing around, and Jaejoong thanked the skies for making the day less depressing th a n it needed to be. Changmin was on stage singing the song that he had written for his best friend after hearing about his death, and it was so beautiful, Jaejoong felt his heart wrench.
All Yunho had left Jaejoong i n his will was the camera that Jaejoong had given him weeks before, and when Jaejoong looked through the log of the hundreds of photos that Yunho had taken, he knew that he would treasure them dearly; each one was a snapshot of all the moments that Yunho and Jaejoong had spent together, and Jaejoong knew that even without these photos, that he would still never forget.
The reception was close to its end, and when the first tear fell, he was thankful Changmin was there, because Jaejoong didn’t think he could be strong anymore. It was his turn to have someone to lean on.
“It’s okay to cry hyung,” Changmin said. “Just let it out.”
“He’s gone Changmin,” Jaejoong blubbered. “He’s gone.”
“Yeah,” Changmin sighed and he pulled Jaejoong into a tighter hug. “I’ll miss him too.”
The rest of the day was slow and solemn. Furthermore, Jaejoong had finally realized that summer was finally over. It was a summer that he would treasure forever. He took a deep breath, smiled at Changmin, who had stayed with him all day, and prepared himself for winter; he knew he would be strong.
Beta: the gorgeous ligerliger
Pairing: Yunho/Jaejoong
Genre:Angst, Tragedy
Warning: Character Death
Rating: NC-17
Summary: During the warm and welcoming summer, Yunho spends his last days with Jaejoong
My Jaeho_XChange Secret Santa Fic for the one and only 5_in_heart
A/N: Ah, I thought I was ahead on writing this, until I realized it was due in two days so I had to rush to finish off the end. I hope it doesn’t seem too rushed, I hope it flows well, and I hope you enjoy it! I can never judge my own writing so asdkljfk;adsgajf; LIKE IT PLEASE. I tried and thought this out and you wanted angst so here’s angst, I should stop typing now. Merry Christmas! ~ xx
COMMENTS ARE DISABLED HERE, PLEASE COMMENT ON THE ORIGINAL POSTING IF YOU SO WISH
The air had a disturbing and unsettling chill to it, and the gust of winds that welcomed summer gradually became more and more suffocating. He sat solemnly and watched as Jaejoong slowly digested his words.
“Fifty days?” The elder asked, trying to mask the cracking tremors in his voice.
Yunho’s gaze faltered as he saw the sparkle of a single tear, streaking ominously across the waterline of the other man’s eye. He hated bearing bad news - mainly because Jaejoong was always so happy.
I t was hard enough telling him last week that their favorite café was closing down. The way his eager eyes quickly flashed with disappointment was exactly what pierced Yunho’s heart. The worst part was, even when Jaejoong was upset, he never stopped smiling.
Yunho nodded, and Jaejoong constructed a dam of emotions to stop the tears from falling-and of course he kept on smiling.
--
“Where are we going again?” A blindfolded Yunho asked as Jaejoong guided him onto the bus. Jaejoong had dragged him out right after dinner without a hint as to where they were headed, and the last thing Yunho saw was Jaejoong grinning mischievously while holding a blindfold in his doorway.
“It’s a surprise!” Jaejoong sang teasingly as he sat them down close to the front of the bus.
Yunho tried pouting. “Can’t you take it off Jaejae? Please?” He asked sweetly.
“You’re so much cuter this way though!” Jaejoong joked.
Yunho felt a cute peck on his cheekbone before hearing the twinkle of Jaejoong’s continuing laughter.
Jaejoong squeezed his hand and leaned over to whisper in Yunho’s ear, letting his fingers dance on the blindfolded man’s thigh. “There’s an old ahjumma judging us over there…should I turn up the PDA to piss her off? Y’know, just to rumple her feathers a little bit?”
Yunho faked a smile, “I wouldn’t know. I can’t see her!” He started to continue complaining until he felt himself being cut off by a pair of warm questioning lips. Ironically, despite Yunho’s increasing distaste with the blindfold, his sense of feeling heightened with his lack of sight. With this sudden realization, he momentarily surrendered to Jaejoong, as he let him dominate the kiss.
Jaejoong pulled away moments later and smiled at the woman sweetly.
“Jae! The poor woman!” Yunho exclaimed.
Jaejoong’s laugh was magical, and despite the news that Yunho gave him two days previous, he still seemed so carefree and relaxed.
“I’d say I’m sorry but I’m not.”
“Jaejoong, we have to be respectful; she’s a grandmother.”
“She can pull the stick out of her ass and get over it. It’s the 21st century for Christ’s sake, and I should be able to kiss my fucking boyfriend whenever I please.” Jaejoong grumbled.
“We’ll have plenty of time for that later, but for now, behave.” Yunho replied calmly.
“We can keep the blindfold for then, right?” Jaejoong asked brightly as he ran his hand through Yunho’s hair. “It’ll be fuuuuun!” He said suggestively.
Before Yunho could even muster up a witty response, he heard Jaejoong announce their arrival before pulling him off the bus. Anticipation filled him completely, and a surge of adrenaline coupled his excitement. After leaving the bus, Yunho found himself surrounded by the smell of fresh air and nature. He felt Jaejoong let go of his hands and started to untie his blindfold.
“Ready?” He asked softly. Yunho nodded as Jaejoong peeled the blindfold off.
Yunho’s eyes took a moment to adjust to his surroundings. They had arrived at sunset, and the view was painstakingly surreal. A massive field littered with sunflowers for as far as he could see. They stood at the crest of a large hill, and suddenly he found himself gazing at the inviting scenery, he felt the stress that accumulated over the last few weeks begin to dissolve.
He looked over at Jaejoong, who was smiling up at him. His light brown hair almost seemed to be glowing in the setting sunlight. “It’s beautiful isn’t it?” Jaejoong asked him as he spread his arms out and flung his head back, enjoying the breeze.
“I think you are,” Yunho replied solemnly.
Jaejoong scoffed and looked over at him and stared for a moment. “I figured that you’d want a place away from life for a while… because you don’t have very much time left…” He whispered.
Yunho swallowed and took Jaejoong’s hand, dragging him along as he began to dash down the hill. “C’mon Jae,” he said, and he bounded down the hill. “Let’s fly!”
And as Jaejoong raced down the hill with the love of his life, an uncontrollable grin spread across his face. He looked over into Yunho’s eyes, and deep inside, he knew that he was already flying.
--
“Why didn’t you tell me you were hospitalized?” Jaejoong demanded as he paced back and forth in the room. “Do you know how I felt? Are you even aware of how awkward it was for me to show up at your apartment, and Changmin telling me that you’re in the hospital? This is what I should be hearing from you, not your roommate! What the hell, Yunho? What the fuck? What in the actual fuck?”
Yunho looked down and stayed silent, and Jaejoong sighed while plunking down onto the chair next to Yunho’s bed, resting his head in his hands. They both were silent and slowly the tension built up in the room. Jaejoong’s tone and sentiment hung thickly in the room, echo ing in the silence.
“Apparently, I have a heart disorder... and unlike normal cancer patients, I need constant monitoring. So yeah... welcome to my new home.”
Jaejoong closed his eyes and did quiet breathing exercises. He wasn’t even taking in Yunho’s words per se ; he was just calming himself down. He was filling his mind with thoughts of happy things like waffles, cupcakes, the smell of Yunho after he showered, rainbows, vanilla hair conditioner, maple syrup...
“They bathed me this morning…” Yunho suddenly whispered.
“They fucking did what?” Jaejoong demanded, his p re vious sentiments now forgotten.
“I’m sorry for not telling you. It’s just… I’m so used to being independent, and it’s hard to come to terms with… y’know, all this.” Yunho said as he leaned back into his pillow.
Jaejoong’s face instantly softened as he reached over and took Yunho’s hand. Yunho kept looking down, but when he felt Jaejoong thoughtfully stroking the back of his hand, he knew he was forgiven.
Jaejoong suddenly stood up and reached into his bag to pull out some food that he had bought earlier. “I brought japchae!” Jaejoong exclaimed as he held out the package for Yunho. “Jesus I almost forgot!”
Yunho took it thankfully. “You have no idea how boring dinner was,” he said as he opened the chopstick package. “Typical rice and kimchi jiggae, and nothing like yours.”
Jaejoong sat back down and looked thoughtful. “It doesn’t matter. I just don’t want them bathing you.”
“Are we still on that?”
“Yunho,“ Jaejoong said simply. “I don’t like people looking at what’s mine, let alone touching. Especially that massive, gorgeous-“
“Ahem,” Yunho interrupted. “No crudeness please. Especially when it comes to my genitals.”
“And we really need to get you into a better room,” Jaejoong said as he stood up again and started pacing around the room, ignoring Yunho’s reprimand.
“Jae, it’s okay. Really.”
“No, Yunho , it isn’t. That bed is much too small, and I assure you I intend to share it. Also, if I look at these beige walls for much longer I might just vomit.”
Yunho knew that this was beyond argument. Jaejoong swooped down and gave his boyfriend a swift peck on the forehead before he left to go interrogate the nurse about a room upgrade. As Yunho heard Jaejoong talking noisily in the hall, he tried to ignore the painful pang in his heart, because he knew that very soon, he’d have to leave this crazy, beautiful, and perfect man behind.
--
Jaejoong grabbed him back and pulled him close, kissing him wildly and Yunho, with much difficulty, pulled away moments later.
“Jaejoong, I have to go for chemotherapy,” He gasped, panting slightly.
Jaejoong bit his lip sensually and pulled Yunho close to him again running his hands up and down Yunho’s torso.
“What if I don’t want you to leave right now?” Jaejoong pouted.
Yunho laughed and poked Jaejoong’s protruding bottom lip. “I have to though.”
Jaejoong bit Yunho’s finger, and then proceeded on to sucking it. “Is this turning you on? Will you stay now?”
Yunho closed his eyes and took deep breaths, calming himself and trying to ignore Jaejoong’s advances that were so very much turning him on.
“Unfortunately, I can’t; I really have to go. And everything you do turns me on,” Yunho said finally .
Jaejoong rolled his eyes.
“Just turn me on when I get back, okay?” Yunho continued. “Love you,” he said as he pecked him before he made his way out of the room.
Jaejoong huffed and plopped on Yunho’s bed, grabbing the manga sitting on the bed table. “I love you too!” he replied.
“Wait,” he shouted after him. “Since when do you read yaoi?”
“It’s Jihye’s! She left it here this morning!” Yunho replied from the hall.
Jaejoong peered at the book closely, shrugged, and opened it up to the first page.
--
“I bought you something,” Jaejoong said as they sat in Yunho’s room.
Jaejoong had snagged Yunho one of the best rooms in the hospital, and Yunho couldn’t say he wasn’t thankful. The weather was overcast, and so instead of dragging Yunho out to some exciting venue or attraction, Jaejoong decided that today, they would just stay inside.
“Is this a present? What’s it for?” Yunho asked as his eyes lit up at the bag that Jaejoong was handing him. It was a bag from a renowned electronics store, and Yunho was getting slightly excited. As he pulled a box out from the bag, his eyes instantly widened with surprise.
“A camera?” Yunho asked.
Jaejoong smiled as he sn u ggled up beside Yunho and rested his head on his shoulder.
“Oh my god, Jae, it’s perfect! Thank you!”
“Well…” Jaejoong ducked his head and slightly blushed. “Life is a precious thing as we both know and with this, I figure you can treasure it a bit more.”
“Jaejoong, that is so sweet of you!” Yunho exclaimed as he wrapped his arms around Jaejoong’s waist. “When did you become so corny?” He asked jokingly.
“I try,” Jaejoong said quietly, a grin slowly spreading across his features.
Yunho fiddled with the camera for a bit and immediately took the camera, faced the lens towards the both of them, and took a quick snapshot.
The whirring of the camera mechanism was a pleasant sound and carved a special moment in time for them, inconsequential, as it may have seemed.
Neither of them said a word, and neither of them moved an inch. Yet, somehow, with that individual snapshot of the two of them together on the bed, the correspondence of their souls was sealed, and when they looked at it together after, it represented an unsaid promise of forever - just as if the photo had frozen and solidified a perfect twinkling in time.
--
The lights dimmed, and the spotlight faced the middle of the red stage curtains. The crowd of parents and family murmured with anticipations as they waited for the show to commence.
Jaejoong leaned over to Yunho without taking his eyes off the stage. “Thanks for coming, Yunho, really. I really appreciate it, and Yerim adores you.”
“No problem; I need to get out. And you know that I adore your nieces,” Yunho responded amicably.
“You know, last week, Sunhee got her first email account and insisted that I email her daily. The way they just go about life just makes me so happy.”
Yunho laughed in response, but slowly a looming thought crept into Yunho’s mind. Nevertheless, he was quickly distracted by the music that had started to play. As the curtains opened, a cluster of little girls in pink tutus scampered onto the stage.
“Oooh!” Jaejoong exclaimed as he pulled out his cell phone to take pictures. “I see Yerim!”
Yunho laughed as he watched the girls scrambling around on stage, and soon enough, before he knew it, the show was over.
Later that afternoon, after they had dropped off Yerim and Sunhee at home, Jaejoong started to drive back to the hospital.
“Good thing I drove, you didn’t need to bring your wheelchair.”
“Yeah , that’s true ; it feels nice to stretch my legs, but Jaejoong… you know what I was thinking when I saw Yerim and Sunhee on stage?”
“What? How adorable they were?” Jaejoong replied, grinning.
“Well, that, of course, but… I also saw your proud face taking pictures of them, and it made me imagine what we’d be like as parents. I always wanted my own little girl but… there’s no time…” Yunho trailed off as he turned his head away, to hide the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes.
He felt Jaejoong stop the car after a moment, and he felt Jaejoong’s hand envelop his. It was a silent action, but Yunho felt the words and emotions that Jaejoong was attempting to convey. His pride was slightly bruised, but somehow the feeling overcame him, and he was unsure of what to do with himself. He felt weak-helpless even.
Yunho swallowed slowly and squeezed Jaejoong’s hand in return, smiling bitterly, and began physically accepting Jaejoong’s loving assurances.
“It’s okay to cry, Yunho,” Jaejoong said after a while. “Just let go of everything.“
Yunho turned back towards Jaejoong and saw the familiar glossy look in Jaejoong’s eyes that mirrored his own, and then he smiled. A weak smile, and also a forced smile, but a smile nonetheless.
--
The tuft of hair la y solemnly on the bed in - between the both of them, and Jaejoong, for once in his life, didn’t know what to say.
“I didn’t even feel it…” Yunho whispered, putting his hand over his mouth.
“Whatever,” Jaejoong said after a while. “You’d still look sexy bald.”
And instead of feelings of dread or disgust, Yunho stared at the clump of hair on his bed, and started to laugh. Jaejoong looked at up with incredul ity, and when Yunho saw his face, he laughed even harder. Eventually he just couldn’t stop laughing.
W hen he woke up the next day, he saw a knitted red toque with a note sitting on his bedside dresser.
Hey you old man,
I’ll love you even if you’re bald. :*
-Jaejoong^^
--
The sight of Yunho naked was easily one of Jaejoong’s favorite indulgences, and the fact that he was currently seeing what had graced his dreams every so often pleased him greatly.
Jaejoong’s apartment was modest, yet tasteful, and his bedroom was one of Yunho’s favorite places.
Jaejoong slowly climbed up onto Yunho’s lying figure and straddled his waist. Yunho groaned at the friction that Jaejoong’s tight black jeans were creating as the blond peered down at him appreciatively, slowly moving his hips against his.
“How are you so beautiful?” Jaejoong murmured as he rocked back and forth slowly, taking his time to drink in the sight of Yunho adequately.
“Are you just going to sit there?” Yunho asked while biting his lip impatiently.
Jaejoong grinned down at him and leaned down, slowly capturing his lips needily. Yunho accepted Jaejoong’s lips with a slightly feral undertone and clung to the blond tightly. After a couple of moments , Jaejoong leaned back once again, putting his palms on Yunho’s chest and splaying out his fingers leisurely.
“I don’t even know where to start,” Jaejoong replied with admiration. “I want to remember you like this forever.”
Jaejoong leaned down and nestled his face into the familiar crook of Yunho’s neck. He closed his eyes and snuggled into Yunho’s warmth. Yunho seemed to emit a natural musk of vanilla, cinnamon, and utter perfection and as he leaned into Yunho as far as he could; he sighed contentedly and smiled.
Jaejoong let his hands wander until he felt Yunho grab his shoulder and flip them over. He felt Yunho bury his face into his neck, kissing and marking his skin fervently, sending electric and tingling sensations down his body.
“I’ll start for you,” Yunho growled into Jaejoong’s ear as he grinded against him mercilessly. Jaejoong’s whimpering only urged Yunho more. He leaned down and pressed his lips against Jaejoong’s pouting ones, slowly driving Jaejoong crazy with desire.
Jaejoong closed his eyes and leaned back into the pillow, breathing heavily. He gave up the fight for control and let Yunho take over.
Yunho slowly inched down and took Jaejoong’s semi-hard cock out of his pants, into his hands, and began to stroke him off. Without wasting any time, he inserted his index finger from his other hand into Jaejoong, delighting in the moan it caused him to emit.
“Ahhh,” Jaejoong whined. “D-don’t stop p-p-please, more, it feels so good.”
As Yunho inserted a second finger and kissed the tip of Jaejoong’s penis, he momentarily smiled to himself.
He had enjoyed spending his time with Jaejoong and was enjoying the majority of his last days with him. However, he had always had this threatening feeling at the back of his head that Jaejoong did too much for him, and that he was being a burden to him. So in this very heated moment, Yunho was almost gleeful that he could still reduce Jaejoong to a whimpering mess. The way that Jaejoong b u cked his hips and bit his lower lip wantonly when Yunho let him slip into his mouth empowered him. He was ecstatic to know that he could still make his boyfriend feel good, without hindrances of cancer or any disability holding him back.
And with that in mind, Yunho looked up and met Jaejoong’s eyes before winking and letting Jaejoong’s warm shaft slide deeper into his mouth once again.
--
“I honestly cannot believe you would do that!” Jaejoong screamed.
“Jaejoong, I didn’t need the medicine, I had practically no pain that day-“
“That doesn’t fucking mean you can avoid taking your prescribed pills! They’re only letting you out of the hospital every so often because they think you’re still on medication!”
“Jaejoong. You aren’t my mother.”
“Yunho, you’re being stupid.”
“No, I just didn’t need it. Why is that so hard to understand? I’m practically useless right now, I know my body is slowly getting worse and worse. I’m fully aware of the shit I’m going through, Jaejoong, I would know more than anyone. So please, back off and let me make my own decisions.”
Jaejoong looked down at his soup and suddenly was no longer hungry. “Whatever,” He mumbled as he shoved his chair back and walked out the door, slamming it behind him with all the theatrics that were necessary to convey his distaste.
Yunho pretended like he didn’t care and finished his food as if nothing had happened. After finishing dinner, he stood up and began to clear the table. He took up his plate and cleared Jaejoong’s dishes while humming to himself quietly.
He knew he couldn’t delude himself, and he knew he was guilty about lashing out at Jaejoong that way. Yunho questioned if he should give Jaejoong a call, but he decided against it. He wasn’t ready to apologize, and in his opinion, Jaejoong needed to calm down. He loved Jaejoong, of course, but he also found him too controlling at times. He wished that Jaejoong could just be his boyfriend and nothing more.
He walked out to the window and looked out to see if he could see Jaejoong, but as he was walking towards the open pane, he felt a peculiar feeling of dread come over him. The days that they had together were vital to him, and imagining anything happening to Jaejoong sent him into a tumultuous mind journey of horror. He kept mulling over the possibility in his head and cringed. Yes, it was an irrational thought to imagine something happening to Jaejoong, but then again, it was always possible, right? Anything was possible.
Yunho ignored the chills that incessantly ran through him and went to get ready for his shower. All worrying feelings aside, he still felt quite tired.
The shower warmed him up, but Yunho still couldn’t quite relax. He felt like something odd was about to happen, and this made the usual enjoyment of his shower absent. After conditioning his hair, he turned off the tap and began to make his way out of the tub. And just then, as soon as his second foot was out of the shower Yunho lost his balance, and down he fel l . Slowly, the world in Yunho’s eyes began to fade away. He thought he heard the faint sound of Jaejoong’s voice and he thought he saw Jaejoong’s worried face blurring in and out of his vision. Was it real, or was it just the hopeful aspect of Yunho’s thoughts haunting is own mind in the form of a hallucination?
“Please Yunho, don’t leave me yet...” Were the last words that echoed through Yunho’s mind before his vision and receptivity drifted away.
--
“Yunho, you can stop fumbling with your hat now.”
“But it just feels odd... I don’t feel attractive anymore. I feel so-“
Jaejoong sighed. “You don’t feel attractive? Do you think I have bad taste in men? To be perfectly honest, Yunho, I don’t have bad taste in anything.”
“Yeah, but I know you wouldn’t tell me if you thought I looked ugly. I’m bald, ugh. The only people that can pull off the bald look are those attractive black men on the NBA and I’m totally not at that level and- ” Yunho was cut off when Jaejoong started kissing him.
“You always interrupt my rants by kissing me, ” Yunho murmured moments later.
“It works,” Jaejoong said grinning.
“But I’m being serious.” Yunho pouted.
“Yunho, at this point, there’s not much that can put me off of you. You’re perfect, okay?” Jaejoong said softly. “I love you, okay; besides, now you can wear my hat all the time!”
Yunho smiled; Jaejoong sighed and leaned his head on Yunho’s shoulder. Both were silent.
--
“Jaejoong?” Yunho called from his bed in the hospital.
“Yes?”
“Kiss me please.”
“I’m just going to develop your photos across the street; I’ll be back soon.”
“Kiss me.”
Jaejoong beamed and did as he was told. “Gladly.”
Yunho smiled and closed his eyes, leaning back into his pillow. As Jaejoong grabbed his wallet and strolled out the door, he had no way to realize that those were the last words that he would hear his Yunho say, because when something suddenly told him to turn back and he returned to a scene of nurses surrounding Yunho’s bed, defibrillating the lifeless body, Jaejoong knew that Yunho could speak no more.
--
The funeral was booked and expected, and although Jaejoong knew the day was coming, he still thought it was way too soon. The air had a certain warmth to it that sent the browning skeletons of summer’s leaves blowing around, and Jaejoong thanked the skies for making the day less depressing th a n it needed to be. Changmin was on stage singing the song that he had written for his best friend after hearing about his death, and it was so beautiful, Jaejoong felt his heart wrench.
All Yunho had left Jaejoong i n his will was the camera that Jaejoong had given him weeks before, and when Jaejoong looked through the log of the hundreds of photos that Yunho had taken, he knew that he would treasure them dearly; each one was a snapshot of all the moments that Yunho and Jaejoong had spent together, and Jaejoong knew that even without these photos, that he would still never forget.
The reception was close to its end, and when the first tear fell, he was thankful Changmin was there, because Jaejoong didn’t think he could be strong anymore. It was his turn to have someone to lean on.
“It’s okay to cry hyung,” Changmin said. “Just let it out.”
“He’s gone Changmin,” Jaejoong blubbered. “He’s gone.”
“Yeah,” Changmin sighed and he pulled Jaejoong into a tighter hug. “I’ll miss him too.”
The rest of the day was slow and solemn. Furthermore, Jaejoong had finally realized that summer was finally over. It was a summer that he would treasure forever. He took a deep breath, smiled at Changmin, who had stayed with him all day, and prepared himself for winter; he knew he would be strong.