(no subject)
so im a dick for not posting
GRANTED
and its been like a month
GRANTED
god i dont know what to write about its so odd.
like for the first time ever, im not actually writing because im happy or because im terribly sad or anything.
just cause i wanna.
just cause its good to keep a diary riiiiiiiiight?
whatever.
so aur soon, i really hope jay does come up or me n aur so down n see her.
it would be so fucking awesome to have them to two in one room. i doubt i would ever stop laughing.
its so annoying when yo just wanna pull someone out of your computer screen and just hug them and share you spliff and be REAL FWEINDS
i wanna be a real boy
lawl
ANYWAYS
currently sitting at home in my lavley bed not going to work cause izzzy is ill and the loving sister i am i must tend her.
and nathans signing on today so.
mhmm
yeh went out with bill n max n mark last night. so awesome. miss the old times muchly muchly.
need to keep doing that shaaaaat.
I wanna smoke some spliff tings -waits for mother to leave for work-
NOT
lol
waiting is for pussys, clearly.
but yah yah, lifes pretty gayting, too late to get into college, cause stupid fucking paperwork didnt bother turning up
SUCH BULL, now i have to wait till next year which is mental cause ill be like 21 and fuck saaaaaake still at college.
not loving it.
why am i so... me.
hermit
more like.
fuck it i was totally born in the wrong era. its horribly unsettling. daaaaaaaaaamn
i could eat some bacon right now
oh yeah i need to not be fat. anymore. its so. long. like fucking gay.
and i cba to cba anylonger,
fuck sake, gna be going cycling like 2 time a week to start me off.
cause i doubt a daily trip to the gym is gonna do anything but KILL me. and i will die.
so PASS
and straight on to the no nonsense EXERCISING.
damn that word makes me cringe.
WHY OH GOD WHY, i dont mind running around a kids play ground like a fucking mental patient let loose after 20 years,
but put me in a gym, or on a race track.
and my brain just says
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING THIS FOR.
and my body goes
-spasm spasm exhaustion-
FAILLLLLLLLLL
so yeh fuck that shit,
I NEED TO LEAVE THE COUNTRY YA?
like seriously.
maaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrh, maybe me n aur and jay can plan a trip when were here for next year or summing and we can go road trippin, hahaha.
put the main emphisis on the trippin
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
my boyfriend doesnt buy me flowers he doesnt drive me around and show me off he doesnt always remember my birthday he doesnt take me out to fancy restraunts or to see films at the cinema he doesnt call me as often as id like he doesnt listen some of the time and he doesnt care some of the time.
but inspite of this, the very second that those deep blue eyes meet mine, my whole brain freezes. my thought process is interrupted indeffinatly till he leaves my arms once more. and i cant explain this feeling and what it does to me. he makes the world spin faster and nothing matter but the warmth we share in this lonely place. its overwhelming. to feel. but i crave it constantly. its such an obvious gap. such an inkliking, the ones that nag at you, most say run. some say stay. and this is just what it does to me. compeles me to focus all energy to this end. i, to put it in simple terms, feel like i need to spend forever in his arms, and when forever is up i shall spend another forever and another until im nothing but a memory of who i am. these thoughts bring mortailty straight to your doorstep, makes you think about death alot and how it twists and breaks things. and how your life would be if this persons suddenly got hit by a car. or just plainly left you for someone else.
its a haunting thought.
maybe this is why i cant sleep, or havnt for the last 4 days.
the nights are truely endless and the days just pass me by.
how fickle time can be when it wants.
when it shouldnt.
but yeah,lots of nostalgia recently.
and some not for the best.
just thinking on older loves and people i thought i loved until i knew what love could really mean.
a fear of never touching that persons face ever again, crippling fear.
meh.
maybe ill look back and think oh what a mess was it even real. wasnt it just stolen years from fairytales across the world over.
wasnt it just.
something.
wow
i underestimate how deep my feelings run.
i underestimate my capacity for pain
and the lengths i will go to to quiet my mind
to focus that endless rabble of conjunctions and library of literature that flows and ebbs and sometime doesnt shut the fuck up.
pah.
life, much?
GRANTED
and its been like a month
GRANTED
god i dont know what to write about its so odd.
like for the first time ever, im not actually writing because im happy or because im terribly sad or anything.
just cause i wanna.
just cause its good to keep a diary riiiiiiiiight?
whatever.
so aur soon, i really hope jay does come up or me n aur so down n see her.
it would be so fucking awesome to have them to two in one room. i doubt i would ever stop laughing.
its so annoying when yo just wanna pull someone out of your computer screen and just hug them and share you spliff and be REAL FWEINDS
i wanna be a real boy
lawl
ANYWAYS
currently sitting at home in my lavley bed not going to work cause izzzy is ill and the loving sister i am i must tend her.
and nathans signing on today so.
mhmm
yeh went out with bill n max n mark last night. so awesome. miss the old times muchly muchly.
need to keep doing that shaaaaat.
I wanna smoke some spliff tings -waits for mother to leave for work-
NOT
lol
waiting is for pussys, clearly.
but yah yah, lifes pretty gayting, too late to get into college, cause stupid fucking paperwork didnt bother turning up
SUCH BULL, now i have to wait till next year which is mental cause ill be like 21 and fuck saaaaaake still at college.
not loving it.
why am i so... me.
hermit
more like.
fuck it i was totally born in the wrong era. its horribly unsettling. daaaaaaaaaamn
i could eat some bacon right now
oh yeah i need to not be fat. anymore. its so. long. like fucking gay.
and i cba to cba anylonger,
fuck sake, gna be going cycling like 2 time a week to start me off.
cause i doubt a daily trip to the gym is gonna do anything but KILL me. and i will die.
so PASS
and straight on to the no nonsense EXERCISING.
damn that word makes me cringe.
WHY OH GOD WHY, i dont mind running around a kids play ground like a fucking mental patient let loose after 20 years,
but put me in a gym, or on a race track.
and my brain just says
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING THIS FOR.
and my body goes
-spasm spasm exhaustion-
FAILLLLLLLLLL
so yeh fuck that shit,
I NEED TO LEAVE THE COUNTRY YA?
like seriously.
maaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrh, maybe me n aur and jay can plan a trip when were here for next year or summing and we can go road trippin, hahaha.
put the main emphisis on the trippin
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
my boyfriend doesnt buy me flowers he doesnt drive me around and show me off he doesnt always remember my birthday he doesnt take me out to fancy restraunts or to see films at the cinema he doesnt call me as often as id like he doesnt listen some of the time and he doesnt care some of the time.
but inspite of this, the very second that those deep blue eyes meet mine, my whole brain freezes. my thought process is interrupted indeffinatly till he leaves my arms once more. and i cant explain this feeling and what it does to me. he makes the world spin faster and nothing matter but the warmth we share in this lonely place. its overwhelming. to feel. but i crave it constantly. its such an obvious gap. such an inkliking, the ones that nag at you, most say run. some say stay. and this is just what it does to me. compeles me to focus all energy to this end. i, to put it in simple terms, feel like i need to spend forever in his arms, and when forever is up i shall spend another forever and another until im nothing but a memory of who i am. these thoughts bring mortailty straight to your doorstep, makes you think about death alot and how it twists and breaks things. and how your life would be if this persons suddenly got hit by a car. or just plainly left you for someone else.
its a haunting thought.
maybe this is why i cant sleep, or havnt for the last 4 days.
the nights are truely endless and the days just pass me by.
how fickle time can be when it wants.
when it shouldnt.
but yeah,lots of nostalgia recently.
and some not for the best.
just thinking on older loves and people i thought i loved until i knew what love could really mean.
a fear of never touching that persons face ever again, crippling fear.
meh.
maybe ill look back and think oh what a mess was it even real. wasnt it just stolen years from fairytales across the world over.
wasnt it just.
something.
wow
i underestimate how deep my feelings run.
i underestimate my capacity for pain
and the lengths i will go to to quiet my mind
to focus that endless rabble of conjunctions and library of literature that flows and ebbs and sometime doesnt shut the fuck up.
pah.
life, much?