how to: find love (a ten step guide to romance) → for EVERYONE (2/2)
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Step six: Measure your options.
Phone call #1
“Hyung…” Joonmyun’s voice sounds especially exhausted over the phone. It’s been a while, now that Minseok thinks about it, since he’s last seen Joonmyun in person. It’s not a surprise, honestly, considering Joonmyun’s busy with his own job on top of trying to finish his thesis. “About Sehun,” he begins with a cautionary tone. “Can you, um, please forgive him? He won’t stop threatening to release all of his legendary Pokémon because you won’t talk to him.”
Minseok frowns. This is by no means a good way to spend his lunch break but he figures it’s a step up from ignoring Jongdae’s texts and calls.
“What do his Pokémon have to do with my forgiveness?”
“I don’t know, hyung.” Joonmyun sighs. “He’s making really weird threats but they oddly feel really grave and the stress of what will happen to his Pokemon is really getting to me for some reason.”
“Well, what legendaries does he have?” He doesn’t know why he’s humoring Sehun but again, it’s a necessary distraction.
“He’s playing Diamond right now but-”
“Shaymin!” Sehun yells into the phone. “Forgive me and love me again or Shaymin gets it!”
Joonmyun retrieves the phone. “Please forgive him,” he pleads. “He really is sorry. And he misses you. And he keeps pouting about it and I mean, it’s cute and I have some pictures of him pouting if you want to see, but-he’s sorry. Please forgive him before he takes it out on Shaymin.”
Phone call #2
“Minseok, you’re misunderstanding everything,” Lu Han says rapidly, clearly worried that Minseok might hang up on him again. “I know it seems like a bad situation but I can swear on my favorite Jordans that Jongdae isn’t just acting or stringing you along. Okay, I know it was my fault that I essentially bought you a date but-”
“Just stop,” Minseok sighs.
“Minseok?” Yixing’s voice is calm. “Lu Han is very sorry and in hysterics. We won’t rush you though. Take your time to organize your own thoughts and your own heart and Lu Han will be waiting whenever you are ready to forgive him.”
Lu Han says something in the background that Minseok can’t hear.
“Lu Han says he misses ruining your Saturday mornings.” Minseok can hear Yixing’s smile in his voice. “You’ll figure things out, Minseok. Until then, I will tame Lu Han for you. Jiayou!”
Phone call #3
“Maybe it’s a misunderstanding,” Kyungsoo reasons. “You should give Lu Han hyung a chance to explain everything-or even better, maybe talk to Jongdae about it.”
Minseok makes a noncommittal noise.
“Listen, hyung. I don’t know this Jongdae guy half as well as you or Lu Han hyung or Sehun or anyone but it’s very clear to me from what I’ve heard that you guys work well together. In most cases like that it’s because where you lack, Jongdae excels. Where Jongdae is weak, you are strong. You guys were made for each other, as lame as that sounds. I’m sure that anyone with eyes and a moderately functional brain could see that.”
“Then maybe I’m blind,” he jokes.
Kyungsoo laughs softly. There’s a rustling of papers, probably from some textbook Kyungsoo’s trying to memorize. “No, hyung. You’re just scared.”
Voice mail #1
“Hellooooooo, is Mister Kim Minseok there?” Jongdae sing-songs. “If the world had an award dedicated to the single person undeserving of a cellphone because of how bad they are at actually utilizing it, it would go to you. No competition. In other words, can you please respond to my texts in the very least with a period or a space so I know you aren’t dying?”
Voice mail #2
“You’re seriously the worst. You better have had your arms and legs amputated or something.”
Voice mail #6
“Hey.” Jongdae’s voice is uncharacteristically subdued. “Did I do something wrong?”
Step seven: Grant yourself alone time too!
It takes a week of unwelcome peace and quiet for Minseok to make a decision. There’s an unfinished book sitting on the coffee table that he’s been pretending to read while mentally counting the number of voicemails and text messages he’s ignored. He’d like to read it someday-maybe after he puts everything to rest.
So that’s what he has to do: put everything to rest. Put everything behind him.
Step eight: Pick your battles.
He’s sitting at the park with Jongdae. It’s getting darker and people are filing out to head back home but they remain. Minseok’s phone is stowed in his car, an effort to ditch Lu Han’s constant calls and voicemails.
“You’ve been so weird lately,” Jongdae comments offhandedly. He shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “Something up?”
It kind of bothers Minseok how genuinely concerned Jongdae sounds when he asks, like he really does care about why Minseok’s been so detached and withdrawn. He knows better than that though. He knows that there’s been a price tag on every single one of their meetings-that Jongdae is simply a stellar actor.
“So how much did Lu Han pay you?” he asks. “More importantly, how much more do I have to pay for you to stop playing this really fucked up game that you’ve got going?”
Jongdae stills. Silence. He stares at the ground. “So he told you then?”
“You didn’t answer my question.”
“Hyung, you’ve got it all wrong,” Jongdae begins with a frown. “It seems fucked up, I know, but-”
“I know it’s selfish but I don’t want an explanation,” Minseok cuts in tersely. He looks down at the concrete path beneath the soles of his shoes. He wants to get this over with as quickly as possible. It’s just another bump in the road. He’ll survive.
“I’m not going to answer your question,” Jongdae replies quickly, fiercely. “I’m not going to answer anything because I don’t want you to have a reason to be satisfied with this conversation. I’m not going to give you an excuse to walk away from this park with no intention of seeing me ever again.”
Jongdae isn’t looking at Minseok. His gaze is set straight.
“Okay, fine. So I made some shitty choices to make ends meet because unfortunately, not all of us are gifted STEM geniuses with our futures carved out for us. Some of us, surprisingly enough, are sons of deadbeat parents and vacant older brothers. Some of us are trying to figure out how the hell we’re expected to survive in a world as shitty as this one while keeping up with golden boys and engineers. Yeah, fine. I’ll give you that. I could have taken up five hundred shifts at a fast food joint but how fucking dare I try to make money quick? How dare I be compelled by my fears? How dare I be human?”
Minseok musters up the courage to look over. Jongdae’s expression is unreadable at this point though. He’s trembling, however. It’s almost unnoticeable but there’s a muted tremor in his body that Minseok feels accountable for.
“Hyung, I don’t know if you know this, but what I did for money is one thing but that one thing doesn’t make me into a lifeless blood-sucking demon. At least I grant myself the luxury of feeling something for someone and taking that chance, wanting to let myself have it. When the fuck are you going to let yourself win?”
They make eye contact for the first time this entire night and Minseok feels a pang of guilt spiral in his gut. Jongdae’s gaze is wounded, lips pursed into a neutral line as though to swallow whatever words he has left.
“I gave back everything Lu Han paid me after the second date. I told him I didn’t need the money after the second date. I told myself that I was lucky to have found someone like you in something as fucked up as a business transaction and I’m not so entitled as to think I was wrong. I do like you but don’t worry, I’ll get over it.” Jongdae lets out a shaky sigh before he stands. “I’m going to go. I think you owe an apology to your friends though.”
Step nine: But remember to apologize.
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you,” Lu Han says with a huff. When he realizes that Minseok is incredibly unhappy, however, Lu Han’s expression softens. “Come in first and then we can figure out what to do with you.”
Minseok flops over onto Lu Han’s couch as soon as he slips his shoes off. Yixing reassuringly pats his shoulder and cards fingers through his hair in the manner of a supportive mother.
“It’s not entirely your fault,” Yixing says with an encouraging smile. “You guys both just had your individual misunderstandings.”
“The solution is simple,” Lu Han says sagely. He seats himself, cross-legged, on the ground in front of the couch. “I feel like you either have to write him a sonnet about how much you like him or a list of things you’ve done wrong.”
“Ooh, a list! I like the list idea. Sonnets are too hard.”
“What.” The disbelief in Minseok’s voice is ignored as Lu Han fumbles with a stray notebook to scribble out A LIST OF THINGS I’M SORRY ABOUT by Minseok at the top of a blank sheet of paper. “I feel like this is stupid.”
“You’ve been feeling a lot, but what did I tell you? No one likes being felt up, Minseok,” Lu Han chastises absentmindedly. He’s already writing out bullet points without actually consulting Minseok about anything. “Number one, I’m sorry about the fact that I do excel in the STEM fields. I am very sorry that I’m better at math than you.”
“Thoughtful,” Yixing praises.
“I’m sorry I’m an engineer.”
“Good.”
“I’m sorry you have to work harder than anyone should have to,” Lu Han continues, tongue peeking past his lips as a measure of his concentration. “I’m sorry that your parents were so incredibly blind to have left you alone.”
“Go back to the STEM thing too for emphasis,” Yixing suggests.
“Still really sorry about the STEM thing. You’re better at everything else, I promise.”
“Except for dancing.” The smile on Yixing’s face falters for a second. “Jongdae’s dancing is only endearing when he’s drunk.”
“Guys,” Minseok says hopelessly, grabbing at a pillow to smother himself with. “This isn’t-this isn’t going to work. He’s not going to read a list like this and automatically forgive me.”
Lu Han carefully sets the pen and notepad down beside him, lips curved into a subtle frown. “Minseok, he isn’t looking for an apology,” he says slowly. His brows are knit into an expression of confusion, like he isn’t sure how to say what’s on his mind. “He’s looking for an entrance, a general promise that you’re going to give yourself as much as you want to give him.”
“He’s not mad at you for jumping to conclusions about the money or what he came into this arrangement for,” reasons Yixing. “He’s upset that you singlehandedly convinced yourself that not a single moment you shared with him was genuine.”
“They were all genuine. When he met up with me to give all of the money back, he told me he was really glad he met you now, of all times, because he was finally getting his shit together.”
“Okay,” Minseok replies slowly, in an effort to keep his voice from audibly wavering because it does kind of hurt hearing that. It hurts unbelievably so knowing how much it must have hurt being in Jongdae’s position. “So what do I do to show him I want to try?”
--
Jongdae doesn’t answer the door but Minseok knows he’s home. And maybe that’s what makes it all the more disappointing even though he knows better than anyone else that the ignoring is well-deserved.
A soft sigh slips past his lips and Minseok presses his back against the door, sliding down until he’s seated against it. This is a cruel joke that the world’s playing on him right now. Kim Minseok, ever the advocate for banning cheesy Korean dramas, is virtually acting out a scene from one right now.
It’s not like Jongdae’s on the other side, holding his breath in anticipation for what Minseok might say.
Minseok sighs again. He can practice his carefully prepared speech until Jongdae has to leave the apartment. It’s a stake-out of sorts.
“Hey, so, I fucked up,” Minseok begins, staring at the apartment door opposite of Jongdae’s with as much remorse as he can muster up for a door. “I know I did and I’m sorry I did. But fuck-ups aside, I realized that I wasn’t fair at all to you or myself by pretending that everything you did was fake or planned. I kind of wished it wasn’t but I told myself not to get my hopes up and then-yeah. It sucked. And I feel the suckiness still. So if you’ll let me try again, I’d like to take you on another date so we-uh, I mean, I can fix this. I want to be selfish around you, to be honest, because-”
“… what are you doing?”
Minseok looks up only to find an entirely unassuming Jongdae holding a plastic bag of what Minseok thinks might be cereal.
“Wait,” Minseok begins with a bewildered stare. “You’re-what? I thought you were inside. Lu Han said you’d be inside…”
Jongdae lifts his bag. “I ran out of cereal,” he says as though that’s explanation enough. “It makes sense for me to be here but you on the other hand, I’m a little unsure of.”
Minseok falters before clambering to his feet, brushing himself off and ignoring the ache in his tailbone from sitting too long. “Yeah, uh, I came to talk to you.”
“Okay,” Jongdae replies simply. “So talk.”
The words he’s been practicing are in his mind somewhere, but he can’t be bothered trying to find them when all he can manage to do is drink in the sight of Jongdae. He doesn’t look as put together as he did on their first date. This Jongdae is rumpled, eyes hidden behind thick lenses and hair ruffled by lack of attention.
“I want to want you,” Minseok blurts out gracelessly.
“What?” The expression on Jongdae’s face is unclear, a mix of uncertainty and incredulity.
“I mean, I know I fucked up when I just, you know, assumed that everything was just a game or a joke to you. I know I messed up big time when I let myself believe that considering how much I liked you-how much I like you.” Minseok exhales softly. “Listen, I’m kind of an idiot when it comes to this… stuff. The stuff that isn’t math and numbers and things I have a formula for. I’m sorry though. I’m sorry that I messed up. I’m sorry that I panicked and pushed you away, hid myself before you had a chance to explain.” He finally finds the courage to look Jongdae in the eye. “I’m sorry, but… I can do better than this, I promise.”
Jongdae purses his lips, gaze dropping to the floor and then back up to Minseok’s face. “So what do you want me to do?” he asks quietly.
Minseok swallows the lump in his throat, fingers finding purchase in the pockets of his jeans. “Give me another chance?”
“Give you another chance?” Jongdae repeats, brow raising in challenge. After a beat of silence, his expression fades into a small smile. “Yeah. I guess I can do that.”
The smile on Minseok’s face is impossibly bright as he stumbles forward, prepared to wrap his arms around Jongdae. He falters a bit, still unsure of his boundaries.
Jongdae, however, meets him halfway and doesn’t hesitate in the slightest. He pulls Minseok closer, arms pressed against the small of Minseok’s back in so casual a gesture that it feels natural. “I’m sorry I basically insulted engineers and STEM professions,” he mumbles into Minseok’s shoulder. “It’s mostly just because I suck at math.”
“It’s okay,” Minseok replies. “Engineers these days are assholes, or so I’ve heard.”
Jongdae pulls away, gaze lingering on Minseok’s face with a muted sort of amusement before he leans in, stopping just centimeters from Minseok’s lips.
“Can I?” he asks quietly.
Minseok doesn’t respond, fingers curling around the fabric of Jongdae’s shirt instead to reel him in for the kiss they’ve both been waiting for.
Step ten: Remind them that you love them.
“Say it,” Lu Han urges, a fierce determination blazing in his eyes. He is steadfast in his demands, not once letting his gaze fall from Jongdae and Minseok. “Come on, say it.”
“Lu Han,” Yixing chides gently. “You’re putting a lot of pressure on them.”
“No, let him do it. It’s so funny watching Minseok hyung being put on the spot.” The grin on Sehun’s face is an unwelcome sight and Minseok contemplates wiping it off with a solid right hook. “Say it, hyung.”
“You guys,” Joonmyun interjects with a sigh, “please leave them alone.”
“It’s been months,” Lu Han whines. “I haven’t heard them say it yet. I need to hear them say it so I can have something to write about in my diary tonight.”
“Whoa, okay, now it’s creepy.”
“It’s not creepy, Sehun. I’m just really invested in this.”
Minseok sighs. “Stop being annoying and eat your food.” He points at Lu Han’s nearly untouched bowl of noodles and gestures eating motions. Lu Han looks highly unamused.
Kyungsoo cuts in before Lu Han has the opportunity to protest. “So! I got all As on my exams!”
The conversation takes a sharp turn for the better as everyone (even Sehun) showers Kyungsoo with attention and congratulations for working hard. Minseok lets out a small sigh of relief, shooting a grateful grin in Kyungsoo’s direction because he knows how much the younger boy hates bringing attention to himself.
“So,” Jongdae says quietly, looking at Minseok with a wry smile. “You gonna say it or what?”
Minseok rolls his eyes. “Say what? I lo… nah.” He shrugs, only flinching from his position when Jongdae punches him on the shoulder.
“Rude.”
As Lu Han brags loudly about how Kyungsoo is basically the closest thing he has to a son, Minseok ducks closer, lips lingering by Jongdae’s ear as he finally manages to say, “I love you.”
Outtake
Months later
“This is-this is kind of like-” He can’t really, uh, think, when Jongdae’s busy pressing him up against the wall of the cramped bathroom stall. Yeah. It’s kind of incredibly hard to concentrate when a pair of lips is teasing the neck of Minseok’s nape and. “This is like The Social Network,” Minseok manages to gasp out.
Jongdae pulls back for a little bit, staring at Minseok in disbelief. “Hyung,” he says sweetly, leaning in to steal a kiss while fiddling with the clasp of Minseok’s belt. His fingers dip behind the elastic band of Minseok’s boxers, cupping his cock to elicit a muted moan from Minseok’s throat. “This would be so much hotter if you didn’t talk about your weird movie kinks.”
So he doesn’t. He stays delightfully quiet even as Jongdae drops to his knees. He stays delightfully quiet even when Jongdae looks up at him, gaze glimmering with mischief that Minseok has grown to love to pieces.
He just can’t stay as quiet when Jongdae’s lips wrap around the base of Minseok’s cock, the sudden heat almost causing Minseok to jerk his hips forward. He doesn’t. He restrains himself as best as he can, head leaning back against the wall and one hand reaching out to grab at Jongdae’s meticulously styled hair.
Jongdae presses his tongue against the slit of Minseok’s cock in retaliation because no one knows better than Jongdae how instinctive it is for Minseok to try to stay composed. It’s his own personal joy seeing Minseok’s careful nature fall to flames.
“Jongdae,” Minseok hisses with much futility as the younger man slides his lips along the length of Minseok’s dick toward the base. “Fuck, Jongdae.” This is a relatively public bathroom in a relatively public bar. Someone could walk in any second and while he’s all for the adrenaline rush and seeing Jongdae’s mussed hair and swollen lips afterwards, he’s just not sure if-
Jongdae swallows around Minseok and the added pressure draws out a jolt of a reaction as Minseok unintentionally slams his head against the stall’s wall.
The pain is quickly alleviated however when Minseok’s distracted yet again by the tongue dragging along the shaft teasingly. And this really isn’t fair because the coil in his abdomen is tightening with every one of Jongdae’s added ministrations.
Jongdae swallows with a grimace when Minseok comes, pulling away and staggering to his feet with a frown on his face. “That was so gross,” he complains. “Please warn me next time so I don’t panic and swallow.”
Minseok doesn’t say a word. He simply reaches out to straighten Jongdae’s hair as best as he can before trying to tidy himself up. While fumbling with his belt, Jongdae wraps his arms around Minseok’s waist, hands slipping into the back pockets of Minseok’s jeans. He grins before stealing a kiss, teeth nibbling on Minseok’s lips to part them, gaining quick access for his tongue. Jongdae pulls away, smile still present.
“So, when we get home…”
Jongdae’s words, however, are cute short as soon as they open the stall door. They find an apologetic Yixing and Joonmyun; an otherwise disgruntled Sehun; a fidgety Kyungsoo; and a teary-eyed Lu Han standing by the sinks.
“Oh my god,” Minseok says breathlessly.
“We’re sorry,” Joonmyun says quickly. “But Lu Han-”
Lu Han sniffles and there are very real tears welled up in his huge eyes. “I cannot believe my baby is flying the coop for real,” he says with a whimper.
“I can’t believe you’re crying,” Sehun adds dryly.
“Ah, fuck, I told myself I wouldn’t cry,” Lu Han complains, his sentence trailing off into a muted wail as he buries his face against Yixing’s shoulder.
“I can’t believe you’re crying because of this,” Kyungsoo whispers, looking mildly horrified. “Is this voyeurism?” he mumbles to Sehun.
“There, there,” Yixing croons. “There’s no shame in crying for your friends.”
Jongdae blinks. “Wow, I’m… I’m oddly really touched by all of this and simultaneously creeped out. You guys are incredible friends.”
“Please,” Minseok begs quietly, “please don’t encourage them.”
Author's note: thank you for the prompts! i wasn't sure if you still wanted the taoris because i wasn't sure how you felt about wyf so i went with the safer route of leaving it out ;; hope it was still okay! thank you again and i hope you enjoy!
Step six: Measure your options.
Phone call #1
“Hyung…” Joonmyun’s voice sounds especially exhausted over the phone. It’s been a while, now that Minseok thinks about it, since he’s last seen Joonmyun in person. It’s not a surprise, honestly, considering Joonmyun’s busy with his own job on top of trying to finish his thesis. “About Sehun,” he begins with a cautionary tone. “Can you, um, please forgive him? He won’t stop threatening to release all of his legendary Pokémon because you won’t talk to him.”
Minseok frowns. This is by no means a good way to spend his lunch break but he figures it’s a step up from ignoring Jongdae’s texts and calls.
“What do his Pokémon have to do with my forgiveness?”
“I don’t know, hyung.” Joonmyun sighs. “He’s making really weird threats but they oddly feel really grave and the stress of what will happen to his Pokemon is really getting to me for some reason.”
“Well, what legendaries does he have?” He doesn’t know why he’s humoring Sehun but again, it’s a necessary distraction.
“He’s playing Diamond right now but-”
“Shaymin!” Sehun yells into the phone. “Forgive me and love me again or Shaymin gets it!”
Joonmyun retrieves the phone. “Please forgive him,” he pleads. “He really is sorry. And he misses you. And he keeps pouting about it and I mean, it’s cute and I have some pictures of him pouting if you want to see, but-he’s sorry. Please forgive him before he takes it out on Shaymin.”
Phone call #2
“Minseok, you’re misunderstanding everything,” Lu Han says rapidly, clearly worried that Minseok might hang up on him again. “I know it seems like a bad situation but I can swear on my favorite Jordans that Jongdae isn’t just acting or stringing you along. Okay, I know it was my fault that I essentially bought you a date but-”
“Just stop,” Minseok sighs.
“Minseok?” Yixing’s voice is calm. “Lu Han is very sorry and in hysterics. We won’t rush you though. Take your time to organize your own thoughts and your own heart and Lu Han will be waiting whenever you are ready to forgive him.”
Lu Han says something in the background that Minseok can’t hear.
“Lu Han says he misses ruining your Saturday mornings.” Minseok can hear Yixing’s smile in his voice. “You’ll figure things out, Minseok. Until then, I will tame Lu Han for you. Jiayou!”
Phone call #3
“Maybe it’s a misunderstanding,” Kyungsoo reasons. “You should give Lu Han hyung a chance to explain everything-or even better, maybe talk to Jongdae about it.”
Minseok makes a noncommittal noise.
“Listen, hyung. I don’t know this Jongdae guy half as well as you or Lu Han hyung or Sehun or anyone but it’s very clear to me from what I’ve heard that you guys work well together. In most cases like that it’s because where you lack, Jongdae excels. Where Jongdae is weak, you are strong. You guys were made for each other, as lame as that sounds. I’m sure that anyone with eyes and a moderately functional brain could see that.”
“Then maybe I’m blind,” he jokes.
Kyungsoo laughs softly. There’s a rustling of papers, probably from some textbook Kyungsoo’s trying to memorize. “No, hyung. You’re just scared.”
Voice mail #1
“Hellooooooo, is Mister Kim Minseok there?” Jongdae sing-songs. “If the world had an award dedicated to the single person undeserving of a cellphone because of how bad they are at actually utilizing it, it would go to you. No competition. In other words, can you please respond to my texts in the very least with a period or a space so I know you aren’t dying?”
Voice mail #2
“You’re seriously the worst. You better have had your arms and legs amputated or something.”
Voice mail #6
“Hey.” Jongdae’s voice is uncharacteristically subdued. “Did I do something wrong?”
Step seven: Grant yourself alone time too!
It takes a week of unwelcome peace and quiet for Minseok to make a decision. There’s an unfinished book sitting on the coffee table that he’s been pretending to read while mentally counting the number of voicemails and text messages he’s ignored. He’d like to read it someday-maybe after he puts everything to rest.
So that’s what he has to do: put everything to rest. Put everything behind him.
Step eight: Pick your battles.
He’s sitting at the park with Jongdae. It’s getting darker and people are filing out to head back home but they remain. Minseok’s phone is stowed in his car, an effort to ditch Lu Han’s constant calls and voicemails.
“You’ve been so weird lately,” Jongdae comments offhandedly. He shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “Something up?”
It kind of bothers Minseok how genuinely concerned Jongdae sounds when he asks, like he really does care about why Minseok’s been so detached and withdrawn. He knows better than that though. He knows that there’s been a price tag on every single one of their meetings-that Jongdae is simply a stellar actor.
“So how much did Lu Han pay you?” he asks. “More importantly, how much more do I have to pay for you to stop playing this really fucked up game that you’ve got going?”
Jongdae stills. Silence. He stares at the ground. “So he told you then?”
“You didn’t answer my question.”
“Hyung, you’ve got it all wrong,” Jongdae begins with a frown. “It seems fucked up, I know, but-”
“I know it’s selfish but I don’t want an explanation,” Minseok cuts in tersely. He looks down at the concrete path beneath the soles of his shoes. He wants to get this over with as quickly as possible. It’s just another bump in the road. He’ll survive.
“I’m not going to answer your question,” Jongdae replies quickly, fiercely. “I’m not going to answer anything because I don’t want you to have a reason to be satisfied with this conversation. I’m not going to give you an excuse to walk away from this park with no intention of seeing me ever again.”
Jongdae isn’t looking at Minseok. His gaze is set straight.
“Okay, fine. So I made some shitty choices to make ends meet because unfortunately, not all of us are gifted STEM geniuses with our futures carved out for us. Some of us, surprisingly enough, are sons of deadbeat parents and vacant older brothers. Some of us are trying to figure out how the hell we’re expected to survive in a world as shitty as this one while keeping up with golden boys and engineers. Yeah, fine. I’ll give you that. I could have taken up five hundred shifts at a fast food joint but how fucking dare I try to make money quick? How dare I be compelled by my fears? How dare I be human?”
Minseok musters up the courage to look over. Jongdae’s expression is unreadable at this point though. He’s trembling, however. It’s almost unnoticeable but there’s a muted tremor in his body that Minseok feels accountable for.
“Hyung, I don’t know if you know this, but what I did for money is one thing but that one thing doesn’t make me into a lifeless blood-sucking demon. At least I grant myself the luxury of feeling something for someone and taking that chance, wanting to let myself have it. When the fuck are you going to let yourself win?”
They make eye contact for the first time this entire night and Minseok feels a pang of guilt spiral in his gut. Jongdae’s gaze is wounded, lips pursed into a neutral line as though to swallow whatever words he has left.
“I gave back everything Lu Han paid me after the second date. I told him I didn’t need the money after the second date. I told myself that I was lucky to have found someone like you in something as fucked up as a business transaction and I’m not so entitled as to think I was wrong. I do like you but don’t worry, I’ll get over it.” Jongdae lets out a shaky sigh before he stands. “I’m going to go. I think you owe an apology to your friends though.”
Step nine: But remember to apologize.
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you,” Lu Han says with a huff. When he realizes that Minseok is incredibly unhappy, however, Lu Han’s expression softens. “Come in first and then we can figure out what to do with you.”
Minseok flops over onto Lu Han’s couch as soon as he slips his shoes off. Yixing reassuringly pats his shoulder and cards fingers through his hair in the manner of a supportive mother.
“It’s not entirely your fault,” Yixing says with an encouraging smile. “You guys both just had your individual misunderstandings.”
“The solution is simple,” Lu Han says sagely. He seats himself, cross-legged, on the ground in front of the couch. “I feel like you either have to write him a sonnet about how much you like him or a list of things you’ve done wrong.”
“Ooh, a list! I like the list idea. Sonnets are too hard.”
“What.” The disbelief in Minseok’s voice is ignored as Lu Han fumbles with a stray notebook to scribble out A LIST OF THINGS I’M SORRY ABOUT by Minseok at the top of a blank sheet of paper. “I feel like this is stupid.”
“You’ve been feeling a lot, but what did I tell you? No one likes being felt up, Minseok,” Lu Han chastises absentmindedly. He’s already writing out bullet points without actually consulting Minseok about anything. “Number one, I’m sorry about the fact that I do excel in the STEM fields. I am very sorry that I’m better at math than you.”
“Thoughtful,” Yixing praises.
“I’m sorry I’m an engineer.”
“Good.”
“I’m sorry you have to work harder than anyone should have to,” Lu Han continues, tongue peeking past his lips as a measure of his concentration. “I’m sorry that your parents were so incredibly blind to have left you alone.”
“Go back to the STEM thing too for emphasis,” Yixing suggests.
“Still really sorry about the STEM thing. You’re better at everything else, I promise.”
“Except for dancing.” The smile on Yixing’s face falters for a second. “Jongdae’s dancing is only endearing when he’s drunk.”
“Guys,” Minseok says hopelessly, grabbing at a pillow to smother himself with. “This isn’t-this isn’t going to work. He’s not going to read a list like this and automatically forgive me.”
Lu Han carefully sets the pen and notepad down beside him, lips curved into a subtle frown. “Minseok, he isn’t looking for an apology,” he says slowly. His brows are knit into an expression of confusion, like he isn’t sure how to say what’s on his mind. “He’s looking for an entrance, a general promise that you’re going to give yourself as much as you want to give him.”
“He’s not mad at you for jumping to conclusions about the money or what he came into this arrangement for,” reasons Yixing. “He’s upset that you singlehandedly convinced yourself that not a single moment you shared with him was genuine.”
“They were all genuine. When he met up with me to give all of the money back, he told me he was really glad he met you now, of all times, because he was finally getting his shit together.”
“Okay,” Minseok replies slowly, in an effort to keep his voice from audibly wavering because it does kind of hurt hearing that. It hurts unbelievably so knowing how much it must have hurt being in Jongdae’s position. “So what do I do to show him I want to try?”
--
Jongdae doesn’t answer the door but Minseok knows he’s home. And maybe that’s what makes it all the more disappointing even though he knows better than anyone else that the ignoring is well-deserved.
A soft sigh slips past his lips and Minseok presses his back against the door, sliding down until he’s seated against it. This is a cruel joke that the world’s playing on him right now. Kim Minseok, ever the advocate for banning cheesy Korean dramas, is virtually acting out a scene from one right now.
It’s not like Jongdae’s on the other side, holding his breath in anticipation for what Minseok might say.
Minseok sighs again. He can practice his carefully prepared speech until Jongdae has to leave the apartment. It’s a stake-out of sorts.
“Hey, so, I fucked up,” Minseok begins, staring at the apartment door opposite of Jongdae’s with as much remorse as he can muster up for a door. “I know I did and I’m sorry I did. But fuck-ups aside, I realized that I wasn’t fair at all to you or myself by pretending that everything you did was fake or planned. I kind of wished it wasn’t but I told myself not to get my hopes up and then-yeah. It sucked. And I feel the suckiness still. So if you’ll let me try again, I’d like to take you on another date so we-uh, I mean, I can fix this. I want to be selfish around you, to be honest, because-”
“… what are you doing?”
Minseok looks up only to find an entirely unassuming Jongdae holding a plastic bag of what Minseok thinks might be cereal.
“Wait,” Minseok begins with a bewildered stare. “You’re-what? I thought you were inside. Lu Han said you’d be inside…”
Jongdae lifts his bag. “I ran out of cereal,” he says as though that’s explanation enough. “It makes sense for me to be here but you on the other hand, I’m a little unsure of.”
Minseok falters before clambering to his feet, brushing himself off and ignoring the ache in his tailbone from sitting too long. “Yeah, uh, I came to talk to you.”
“Okay,” Jongdae replies simply. “So talk.”
The words he’s been practicing are in his mind somewhere, but he can’t be bothered trying to find them when all he can manage to do is drink in the sight of Jongdae. He doesn’t look as put together as he did on their first date. This Jongdae is rumpled, eyes hidden behind thick lenses and hair ruffled by lack of attention.
“I want to want you,” Minseok blurts out gracelessly.
“What?” The expression on Jongdae’s face is unclear, a mix of uncertainty and incredulity.
“I mean, I know I fucked up when I just, you know, assumed that everything was just a game or a joke to you. I know I messed up big time when I let myself believe that considering how much I liked you-how much I like you.” Minseok exhales softly. “Listen, I’m kind of an idiot when it comes to this… stuff. The stuff that isn’t math and numbers and things I have a formula for. I’m sorry though. I’m sorry that I messed up. I’m sorry that I panicked and pushed you away, hid myself before you had a chance to explain.” He finally finds the courage to look Jongdae in the eye. “I’m sorry, but… I can do better than this, I promise.”
Jongdae purses his lips, gaze dropping to the floor and then back up to Minseok’s face. “So what do you want me to do?” he asks quietly.
Minseok swallows the lump in his throat, fingers finding purchase in the pockets of his jeans. “Give me another chance?”
“Give you another chance?” Jongdae repeats, brow raising in challenge. After a beat of silence, his expression fades into a small smile. “Yeah. I guess I can do that.”
The smile on Minseok’s face is impossibly bright as he stumbles forward, prepared to wrap his arms around Jongdae. He falters a bit, still unsure of his boundaries.
Jongdae, however, meets him halfway and doesn’t hesitate in the slightest. He pulls Minseok closer, arms pressed against the small of Minseok’s back in so casual a gesture that it feels natural. “I’m sorry I basically insulted engineers and STEM professions,” he mumbles into Minseok’s shoulder. “It’s mostly just because I suck at math.”
“It’s okay,” Minseok replies. “Engineers these days are assholes, or so I’ve heard.”
Jongdae pulls away, gaze lingering on Minseok’s face with a muted sort of amusement before he leans in, stopping just centimeters from Minseok’s lips.
“Can I?” he asks quietly.
Minseok doesn’t respond, fingers curling around the fabric of Jongdae’s shirt instead to reel him in for the kiss they’ve both been waiting for.
Step ten: Remind them that you love them.
“Say it,” Lu Han urges, a fierce determination blazing in his eyes. He is steadfast in his demands, not once letting his gaze fall from Jongdae and Minseok. “Come on, say it.”
“Lu Han,” Yixing chides gently. “You’re putting a lot of pressure on them.”
“No, let him do it. It’s so funny watching Minseok hyung being put on the spot.” The grin on Sehun’s face is an unwelcome sight and Minseok contemplates wiping it off with a solid right hook. “Say it, hyung.”
“You guys,” Joonmyun interjects with a sigh, “please leave them alone.”
“It’s been months,” Lu Han whines. “I haven’t heard them say it yet. I need to hear them say it so I can have something to write about in my diary tonight.”
“Whoa, okay, now it’s creepy.”
“It’s not creepy, Sehun. I’m just really invested in this.”
Minseok sighs. “Stop being annoying and eat your food.” He points at Lu Han’s nearly untouched bowl of noodles and gestures eating motions. Lu Han looks highly unamused.
Kyungsoo cuts in before Lu Han has the opportunity to protest. “So! I got all As on my exams!”
The conversation takes a sharp turn for the better as everyone (even Sehun) showers Kyungsoo with attention and congratulations for working hard. Minseok lets out a small sigh of relief, shooting a grateful grin in Kyungsoo’s direction because he knows how much the younger boy hates bringing attention to himself.
“So,” Jongdae says quietly, looking at Minseok with a wry smile. “You gonna say it or what?”
Minseok rolls his eyes. “Say what? I lo… nah.” He shrugs, only flinching from his position when Jongdae punches him on the shoulder.
“Rude.”
As Lu Han brags loudly about how Kyungsoo is basically the closest thing he has to a son, Minseok ducks closer, lips lingering by Jongdae’s ear as he finally manages to say, “I love you.”
Outtake
Months later
“This is-this is kind of like-” He can’t really, uh, think, when Jongdae’s busy pressing him up against the wall of the cramped bathroom stall. Yeah. It’s kind of incredibly hard to concentrate when a pair of lips is teasing the neck of Minseok’s nape and. “This is like The Social Network,” Minseok manages to gasp out.
Jongdae pulls back for a little bit, staring at Minseok in disbelief. “Hyung,” he says sweetly, leaning in to steal a kiss while fiddling with the clasp of Minseok’s belt. His fingers dip behind the elastic band of Minseok’s boxers, cupping his cock to elicit a muted moan from Minseok’s throat. “This would be so much hotter if you didn’t talk about your weird movie kinks.”
So he doesn’t. He stays delightfully quiet even as Jongdae drops to his knees. He stays delightfully quiet even when Jongdae looks up at him, gaze glimmering with mischief that Minseok has grown to love to pieces.
He just can’t stay as quiet when Jongdae’s lips wrap around the base of Minseok’s cock, the sudden heat almost causing Minseok to jerk his hips forward. He doesn’t. He restrains himself as best as he can, head leaning back against the wall and one hand reaching out to grab at Jongdae’s meticulously styled hair.
Jongdae presses his tongue against the slit of Minseok’s cock in retaliation because no one knows better than Jongdae how instinctive it is for Minseok to try to stay composed. It’s his own personal joy seeing Minseok’s careful nature fall to flames.
“Jongdae,” Minseok hisses with much futility as the younger man slides his lips along the length of Minseok’s dick toward the base. “Fuck, Jongdae.” This is a relatively public bathroom in a relatively public bar. Someone could walk in any second and while he’s all for the adrenaline rush and seeing Jongdae’s mussed hair and swollen lips afterwards, he’s just not sure if-
Jongdae swallows around Minseok and the added pressure draws out a jolt of a reaction as Minseok unintentionally slams his head against the stall’s wall.
The pain is quickly alleviated however when Minseok’s distracted yet again by the tongue dragging along the shaft teasingly. And this really isn’t fair because the coil in his abdomen is tightening with every one of Jongdae’s added ministrations.
Jongdae swallows with a grimace when Minseok comes, pulling away and staggering to his feet with a frown on his face. “That was so gross,” he complains. “Please warn me next time so I don’t panic and swallow.”
Minseok doesn’t say a word. He simply reaches out to straighten Jongdae’s hair as best as he can before trying to tidy himself up. While fumbling with his belt, Jongdae wraps his arms around Minseok’s waist, hands slipping into the back pockets of Minseok’s jeans. He grins before stealing a kiss, teeth nibbling on Minseok’s lips to part them, gaining quick access for his tongue. Jongdae pulls away, smile still present.
“So, when we get home…”
Jongdae’s words, however, are cute short as soon as they open the stall door. They find an apologetic Yixing and Joonmyun; an otherwise disgruntled Sehun; a fidgety Kyungsoo; and a teary-eyed Lu Han standing by the sinks.
“Oh my god,” Minseok says breathlessly.
“We’re sorry,” Joonmyun says quickly. “But Lu Han-”
Lu Han sniffles and there are very real tears welled up in his huge eyes. “I cannot believe my baby is flying the coop for real,” he says with a whimper.
“I can’t believe you’re crying,” Sehun adds dryly.
“Ah, fuck, I told myself I wouldn’t cry,” Lu Han complains, his sentence trailing off into a muted wail as he buries his face against Yixing’s shoulder.
“I can’t believe you’re crying because of this,” Kyungsoo whispers, looking mildly horrified. “Is this voyeurism?” he mumbles to Sehun.
“There, there,” Yixing croons. “There’s no shame in crying for your friends.”
Jongdae blinks. “Wow, I’m… I’m oddly really touched by all of this and simultaneously creeped out. You guys are incredible friends.”
“Please,” Minseok begs quietly, “please don’t encourage them.”
Author's note: thank you for the prompts! i wasn't sure if you still wanted the taoris because i wasn't sure how you felt about wyf so i went with the safer route of leaving it out ;; hope it was still okay! thank you again and i hope you enjoy!