Hands Up
I realize that I haven't posted anything since August 26th. Many times I thought "I really should update my journal" but I never truly had any time to dedicate to a post so I put it off until my holidays came.
So here I am ...
School.
Theatre school.
It's everything I hoped it would be and so much more and in such a different way.
I see myself completely different. The way I view my body and the bodies of others have changed. The way I see myself as an actress and creator has changed. I feel changed.
The best part is, what I've learned is only the tip of the iceberg. It's only going to get better and more challenging and scarier and more exciting.
I definitely made the right choice.
I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be in my life.
For the first time, I'm living for me and me alone and doing exactly what I need to do to be happy.
I feel that this new year is going to bring even more changes within me and in my life in general. I'm yearning to travel during the summers off school. After this year, I think I'm going to start. It makes sense and it's my time.
My options are completely open.
These last few months have been mentally, emotionally and physically exhausting. I've had meltdowns and moments where I didn't believe I could do it, moments of amazing success, moments where I could have done better, proud moments, not so proud moments, bruises, pain, laughs ...
It's been a hell of a ride, so far.
There are classes that force you to dig down deep into past experiences to pull out creative moments and put them on display for your classmates and teachers. The work is safe in the studio. It stays there and sometimes we have trouble truly believing that. I know I do ... I need to open myself up more with scenes and assignments. I was told I need to change the way I'm seen or the way I cast myself and that I need to be more of a bitch; have more of an energy on stage. I'm nervous about opening myself up more and letting more in ... and out. But I'm determined to change this for second semester.
I need to bring the presence I have on the outside, into the work.
I've met the most incredible people; made the greatest friends. We're all like-minded and can be totally crazy together; it's wonderful and makes school that much better.
We were told to rest this holiday, so I've been trying to rest my heel from the plantar fascitis (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plantar_fasciitis) I've had since August :S .... I haven't had time to heal it because of school! It's very physical and I walk to and fro!
I've been trying to stay off of it as much as possible, but it's been difficult.
I've also been trying TRYING to keep off the weight I lost, but I mean ... I have tried. I think I've gained it all back. However, this is going to be a part of my changes this new year. I'm determined to turn everything around.
My holidays have been great - quiet. I've spent it mostly with my family at home, trying to get better. I leave on Friday, so only a few days left which means only a few more days left until school starts. I'm excited and nervous. Excited because during the last three months, I was more happy to be at school than anywhere else so I can imagine what this semester is going to bring me.
I'm still hoping the New Years curse doesn't get me - it hasn't yet, but there's still time ... I didn't go out technically, so it should be fine ... should be.
Life is good.
I'm looping the loops.
Anxious and ready for what's around the corner.
Happy New Year, friends
xoxo
So here I am ...
School.
Theatre school.
It's everything I hoped it would be and so much more and in such a different way.
I see myself completely different. The way I view my body and the bodies of others have changed. The way I see myself as an actress and creator has changed. I feel changed.
The best part is, what I've learned is only the tip of the iceberg. It's only going to get better and more challenging and scarier and more exciting.
I definitely made the right choice.
I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be in my life.
For the first time, I'm living for me and me alone and doing exactly what I need to do to be happy.
I feel that this new year is going to bring even more changes within me and in my life in general. I'm yearning to travel during the summers off school. After this year, I think I'm going to start. It makes sense and it's my time.
My options are completely open.
These last few months have been mentally, emotionally and physically exhausting. I've had meltdowns and moments where I didn't believe I could do it, moments of amazing success, moments where I could have done better, proud moments, not so proud moments, bruises, pain, laughs ...
It's been a hell of a ride, so far.
There are classes that force you to dig down deep into past experiences to pull out creative moments and put them on display for your classmates and teachers. The work is safe in the studio. It stays there and sometimes we have trouble truly believing that. I know I do ... I need to open myself up more with scenes and assignments. I was told I need to change the way I'm seen or the way I cast myself and that I need to be more of a bitch; have more of an energy on stage. I'm nervous about opening myself up more and letting more in ... and out. But I'm determined to change this for second semester.
I need to bring the presence I have on the outside, into the work.
I've met the most incredible people; made the greatest friends. We're all like-minded and can be totally crazy together; it's wonderful and makes school that much better.
We were told to rest this holiday, so I've been trying to rest my heel from the plantar fascitis (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plantar_fasciitis) I've had since August :S .... I haven't had time to heal it because of school! It's very physical and I walk to and fro!
I've been trying to stay off of it as much as possible, but it's been difficult.
I've also been trying TRYING to keep off the weight I lost, but I mean ... I have tried. I think I've gained it all back. However, this is going to be a part of my changes this new year. I'm determined to turn everything around.
My holidays have been great - quiet. I've spent it mostly with my family at home, trying to get better. I leave on Friday, so only a few days left which means only a few more days left until school starts. I'm excited and nervous. Excited because during the last three months, I was more happy to be at school than anywhere else so I can imagine what this semester is going to bring me.
I'm still hoping the New Years curse doesn't get me - it hasn't yet, but there's still time ... I didn't go out technically, so it should be fine ... should be.
Life is good.
I'm looping the loops.
Anxious and ready for what's around the corner.
Happy New Year, friends
xoxo