Moan
I need to whinge somewhere. Usually my complaining is so trivial I can keep it to snappy and amusing status updates on facebook or twitter but I'm really down in the dumps today.
Having a long Christmas break is almost cruel as you're able to switch off from routine and enjoy being a fully functional human being for a while. It reminds you what it's like to get enough sleep, wake up at a normal time and spend the day doing things you want to do in a productive way. Now it's back to the grindstone and I'm thoroughly depressed after only four days of dragging my ass out of bed in the darkness, cycling or waiting for buses in howling winds with rain hammering down, sitting awkwardly at a desk for eight hours, and constantly feeling exhausted from lack of sleep. I try to fit in activities tacked on to my day around work, like kickboxing and socialising, just so my day isn't entirely dominated by being at work, but then I get home later and barely get to spend an hour or so in my home with the person I love before I am looking at the clock thinking I should be in bed.
I'm aware that what I'm grumbling about isn't anything unfair. Most people have to do this, all the time, and have additional responsibilities and problems that make my life look like a walk in the park. And I'd say I was entirely content with my life. It's just that the Christmas break, combined with some envy and resentment over David's abundance of free time is making me wish so much that the world didn't work like this. Who decided the working day would drag on so long? Who decided that in the winter we should all get up in the dark?
I'm always of the mind that if something makes you unhappy then you should find a practical solution. The thing is, I actually like my job a lot, it's just that society or convention or whatever dictates that 37 and a half hours is a good amount of time to be stuck behind a desk. Great. Even if I was able to switch to part time work tomorrow, I couldn't take up the offer. I don't care about making money or saving, but I am trying to be responsible for the mistakes I made in the past. I have a lot of debt, and due to buying a car and a piano and having a tough few months, it's not gone down at all. It's quite easy to be pessimistic and gloomy about it.
I know this is the January blues and not uncommon. I know that nothing is permanent and you never know what's round the corner. I'm also struck with guilt when I consider how incredibly fortunate I am and what a happy life I lead. I'm just having a moan.
Having a long Christmas break is almost cruel as you're able to switch off from routine and enjoy being a fully functional human being for a while. It reminds you what it's like to get enough sleep, wake up at a normal time and spend the day doing things you want to do in a productive way. Now it's back to the grindstone and I'm thoroughly depressed after only four days of dragging my ass out of bed in the darkness, cycling or waiting for buses in howling winds with rain hammering down, sitting awkwardly at a desk for eight hours, and constantly feeling exhausted from lack of sleep. I try to fit in activities tacked on to my day around work, like kickboxing and socialising, just so my day isn't entirely dominated by being at work, but then I get home later and barely get to spend an hour or so in my home with the person I love before I am looking at the clock thinking I should be in bed.
I'm aware that what I'm grumbling about isn't anything unfair. Most people have to do this, all the time, and have additional responsibilities and problems that make my life look like a walk in the park. And I'd say I was entirely content with my life. It's just that the Christmas break, combined with some envy and resentment over David's abundance of free time is making me wish so much that the world didn't work like this. Who decided the working day would drag on so long? Who decided that in the winter we should all get up in the dark?
I'm always of the mind that if something makes you unhappy then you should find a practical solution. The thing is, I actually like my job a lot, it's just that society or convention or whatever dictates that 37 and a half hours is a good amount of time to be stuck behind a desk. Great. Even if I was able to switch to part time work tomorrow, I couldn't take up the offer. I don't care about making money or saving, but I am trying to be responsible for the mistakes I made in the past. I have a lot of debt, and due to buying a car and a piano and having a tough few months, it's not gone down at all. It's quite easy to be pessimistic and gloomy about it.
I know this is the January blues and not uncommon. I know that nothing is permanent and you never know what's round the corner. I'm also struck with guilt when I consider how incredibly fortunate I am and what a happy life I lead. I'm just having a moan.