Fic: Three Epiphanies
Three Epiphanies
By minnow_53
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Rating: PG-13
Challenge Phrases: # 4, ‘bare in mind,’ #17, ‘the dye is cast’ and # 65, ‘rabid typist’.
This is my entry for the perposterice challenge. I'm utterly miserable, because I've just deleted the original of this by mistake and lost all the comments, but I do want it on here anyway. :( Not crossposted, except to the challenge comm of course.
Three Epiphanies
The day came when Sirius finally screwed up the courage to make a declaration to Remus. He went up to the library, where Remus was dozing over a copy of Ten Little Goblins: A Tale of Revolution, and poked him in the arm.
‘Hey, Moony, I’ve got something to tell you. Come for a walk with me.’
Naturally, Remus was very excited, as he had some idea what Sirius was going to say. He insisted on dropping off at Gryffindor Tower so he could go up to the dorm and change into the fine new robes his rich uncle had sent for his birthday, and then he and Sirius strolled down to the woods.
Once they were safely away from the castle, Sirius blurted out, ‘I love you, Moony,’ and Remus rejoined, ‘And I love you, Padfoot.’
The boys smiled happily at each other and kissed for a while. Sirius then found himself eager to consummate their union further, and tried to wrestle his new boyfriend to the ground and have his way with him.
Remus, however, was indignant. ‘Hey, Padfoot, watch it! These are my best robes, and I won’t have more till Christmas. I don’t want them to get all holey.’
Sirius, struggling to contain his desire, said, ‘Well, take them off, Moony. They’ll only get in the way.’
‘I won’t take them off,’ Remus said. ‘I put them on specially for you. And besides’ - he blushed - ‘I’m embarrassed about you seeing me naked.’
‘But Moony, I want to make love to you,’ Sirius protested.
‘Use your imagination then,’ Remus rejoined. ‘You can always see me bare in mind, can’t you?’
And with that Sirius had to be satisfied...
*
A bit further on into their relationship, Remus and Sirius were a lot more comfortable doing things together, from long bouts of sex to discussing James’s sudden and extraordinary luck with Lily Evans.
At Halloween, Sirius had the urge to dress up as a carrot, in an old set of vivid orange dress robes, but when he tried his costume on he realised it was lacking something. He wailed to Remus, ‘Moony, help me! I just don’t look like a carrot, do I?’
Remus examined him thoughtfully for a few minutes, then concluded, ‘It’s your hair.’
‘What’s wrong with my hair?’ Sirius asked indignantly. He was extremely proud of his glossy black locks.
‘Well, carrots don’t have black hair, do they?’ Remus said knowledgably. ‘They have green leafy things on top.’
‘Which makes the epithet ‘carrot top’ something of a misnomer,’ Sirius mused. ‘Oh, all right, then. I’ll have to charm my hair green.’
For some reason, none of the charms he tried would work, and even the jinxes proved futile, turning his crowning glory into rather dismal dreadlocks. When they'd exhausted every possible spell, Remus said, ‘You’re going to have to do it the Muggle way.’ He waved his wand and Summoned a small bottle with a pretty girl on the label. The girl was blonde, but Remus assured Sirius that his hair would definitely go green.
They retired to the bathroom, where Sirius allowed Remus to rinse his head under the shower and lather in the contents of the bottle. Eventually, after waiting the requisite ten minutes, Remus rinsed Sirius’s hair again, and then gasped in horror.
‘What is it?’ wailed Sirius, rushing to look in the mirror. He saw, to his anguish, that his lovely hair was now a startling shade of purple.
‘Do something, Moony!’ he shrieked, almost beside himself. ‘Quick!’ He grabbed his own wand and cried, ‘Finite Incantatem!’ but nothing happened. In fact, if anything, the purple turned a shade more lurid.
‘Nothing we can do, Pads,’ Remus replied sadly. ‘You can’t undo Muggle technology. The dye is cast, and it’ll have to remain until your hair grows out.’
‘Oh, well.’ Sirius sighed. ‘I s’pose I could always go as an aubergine instead.’
*
Inevitably, Remus and Sirius’s relationship became known to the teachers and other pupils at the school. One afternoon, they were called out of Defence Against The Dark Arts and a grim-faced prefect marched them to Professor McGonagall’s office.
Professor McGonagall sat them down and said, ‘I’m not going to beat about the bush. The staff have reported sightings of you two in intimate contact all over Hogwarts. Now, I’m sure you’re aware that this is highly illegal, and if I hear any more of it you will be expelled. In the meantime, I’m going to owl your parents about the situation.’
In spite of protests from both boys, McGonagall was obdurate. However, when Sirius whimpered, ‘But my parents will disown me, Professor!’ her heart was touched.
‘I’ll allow you to see the letters before they’re sent,’ she conceded. ‘And if either of you think the language is too strong, I can amend them.’
She led them to her outer office, where a secretary was sitting tapping the keys of an extraordinary machine.
‘What’s that?’ Remus gasped, his sensitive werewolf ears shocked at the clattering noise.
‘It’s a Muggle contraption called a typewriter,’ McGonagall explained. ‘It enables me to produce letters very much faster than the standard quill and parchment.’
The secretary turned round, and Remus and Sirius were amazed to see that she was wild-eyed and foaming at the mouth. They both instinctively drew away from her, and Remus was actually halfway to the door when McGonagall called him back.
‘Really, Mr Lupin, I’d have thought you of all people would have some empathy for my rabid typist,’ she said, with some indignation. ‘She comes highly recommended by the Witch Temp agency.’
The typist uttered a guttural noise, and both boys jumped again.
‘Let’s hope her bite isn’t as bad as her bark,’ Sirius murmured to Remus, and Professor McGonagall silenced him with a withering look...
End
By minnow_53
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Rating: PG-13
Challenge Phrases: # 4, ‘bare in mind,’ #17, ‘the dye is cast’ and # 65, ‘rabid typist’.
This is my entry for the perposterice challenge. I'm utterly miserable, because I've just deleted the original of this by mistake and lost all the comments, but I do want it on here anyway. :( Not crossposted, except to the challenge comm of course.
Three Epiphanies
The day came when Sirius finally screwed up the courage to make a declaration to Remus. He went up to the library, where Remus was dozing over a copy of Ten Little Goblins: A Tale of Revolution, and poked him in the arm.
‘Hey, Moony, I’ve got something to tell you. Come for a walk with me.’
Naturally, Remus was very excited, as he had some idea what Sirius was going to say. He insisted on dropping off at Gryffindor Tower so he could go up to the dorm and change into the fine new robes his rich uncle had sent for his birthday, and then he and Sirius strolled down to the woods.
Once they were safely away from the castle, Sirius blurted out, ‘I love you, Moony,’ and Remus rejoined, ‘And I love you, Padfoot.’
The boys smiled happily at each other and kissed for a while. Sirius then found himself eager to consummate their union further, and tried to wrestle his new boyfriend to the ground and have his way with him.
Remus, however, was indignant. ‘Hey, Padfoot, watch it! These are my best robes, and I won’t have more till Christmas. I don’t want them to get all holey.’
Sirius, struggling to contain his desire, said, ‘Well, take them off, Moony. They’ll only get in the way.’
‘I won’t take them off,’ Remus said. ‘I put them on specially for you. And besides’ - he blushed - ‘I’m embarrassed about you seeing me naked.’
‘But Moony, I want to make love to you,’ Sirius protested.
‘Use your imagination then,’ Remus rejoined. ‘You can always see me bare in mind, can’t you?’
And with that Sirius had to be satisfied...
*
A bit further on into their relationship, Remus and Sirius were a lot more comfortable doing things together, from long bouts of sex to discussing James’s sudden and extraordinary luck with Lily Evans.
At Halloween, Sirius had the urge to dress up as a carrot, in an old set of vivid orange dress robes, but when he tried his costume on he realised it was lacking something. He wailed to Remus, ‘Moony, help me! I just don’t look like a carrot, do I?’
Remus examined him thoughtfully for a few minutes, then concluded, ‘It’s your hair.’
‘What’s wrong with my hair?’ Sirius asked indignantly. He was extremely proud of his glossy black locks.
‘Well, carrots don’t have black hair, do they?’ Remus said knowledgably. ‘They have green leafy things on top.’
‘Which makes the epithet ‘carrot top’ something of a misnomer,’ Sirius mused. ‘Oh, all right, then. I’ll have to charm my hair green.’
For some reason, none of the charms he tried would work, and even the jinxes proved futile, turning his crowning glory into rather dismal dreadlocks. When they'd exhausted every possible spell, Remus said, ‘You’re going to have to do it the Muggle way.’ He waved his wand and Summoned a small bottle with a pretty girl on the label. The girl was blonde, but Remus assured Sirius that his hair would definitely go green.
They retired to the bathroom, where Sirius allowed Remus to rinse his head under the shower and lather in the contents of the bottle. Eventually, after waiting the requisite ten minutes, Remus rinsed Sirius’s hair again, and then gasped in horror.
‘What is it?’ wailed Sirius, rushing to look in the mirror. He saw, to his anguish, that his lovely hair was now a startling shade of purple.
‘Do something, Moony!’ he shrieked, almost beside himself. ‘Quick!’ He grabbed his own wand and cried, ‘Finite Incantatem!’ but nothing happened. In fact, if anything, the purple turned a shade more lurid.
‘Nothing we can do, Pads,’ Remus replied sadly. ‘You can’t undo Muggle technology. The dye is cast, and it’ll have to remain until your hair grows out.’
‘Oh, well.’ Sirius sighed. ‘I s’pose I could always go as an aubergine instead.’
*
Inevitably, Remus and Sirius’s relationship became known to the teachers and other pupils at the school. One afternoon, they were called out of Defence Against The Dark Arts and a grim-faced prefect marched them to Professor McGonagall’s office.
Professor McGonagall sat them down and said, ‘I’m not going to beat about the bush. The staff have reported sightings of you two in intimate contact all over Hogwarts. Now, I’m sure you’re aware that this is highly illegal, and if I hear any more of it you will be expelled. In the meantime, I’m going to owl your parents about the situation.’
In spite of protests from both boys, McGonagall was obdurate. However, when Sirius whimpered, ‘But my parents will disown me, Professor!’ her heart was touched.
‘I’ll allow you to see the letters before they’re sent,’ she conceded. ‘And if either of you think the language is too strong, I can amend them.’
She led them to her outer office, where a secretary was sitting tapping the keys of an extraordinary machine.
‘What’s that?’ Remus gasped, his sensitive werewolf ears shocked at the clattering noise.
‘It’s a Muggle contraption called a typewriter,’ McGonagall explained. ‘It enables me to produce letters very much faster than the standard quill and parchment.’
The secretary turned round, and Remus and Sirius were amazed to see that she was wild-eyed and foaming at the mouth. They both instinctively drew away from her, and Remus was actually halfway to the door when McGonagall called him back.
‘Really, Mr Lupin, I’d have thought you of all people would have some empathy for my rabid typist,’ she said, with some indignation. ‘She comes highly recommended by the Witch Temp agency.’
The typist uttered a guttural noise, and both boys jumped again.
‘Let’s hope her bite isn’t as bad as her bark,’ Sirius murmured to Remus, and Professor McGonagall silenced him with a withering look...
End