Fic: Reverse Psychology
Reverse Psychology
By minnow_53
Disclaimer: The Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling and various corporations.
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Era: Just after Hogwarts.
Summary: Remus and Sirius find a new way to attract girls.
Rating: PG-13
Thank you: astra_argentea for reading through.
Dedication: I know I still owe birthday fics, but this one’s for mackittenx: only a day late! Happy Birthday.
On my journal, and now crossposted to remusxsirius and two_boys with incredibly dodgy links.
Reverse Psychology
‘It’s all right for you. You have Evans,’ Sirius grumbled, feeling sorry for himself and in a foul mood generally. He was used to being popular and sought-after, and hated feeling that he didn't fit in.
‘Lily,’ James corrected. ‘Honestly, Sirius, I don’t know why you’re having such a hard time finding a girlfriend. The girls are all over you.’
‘That was at school.’ And a few weeks after school, in Muggle London, Sirius was finding himself out of his depth. True, there were plenty of beautiful girls, but there were also plenty of handsome guys, with money and cars and life experience that four years of Muggle Studies couldn’t start to cover.
Being a wizard was a great disadvantage when you were eighteen. It was fine to be a rebel living in the non-wizarding world, but most eighteen year-old Muggles were about to start university, or planning gap years, or working. How could you explain to a Muggle girl that you weren’t stupid - far from it - but were living off your (finite) inheritance and fighting a war against evil via a secret society? It didn’t go down well unless you wanted to end up in the local psychiatric ward. And there was no point pretending you were going to university when you blatantly hadn’t a clue what further education was all about.
Sometimes, Sirius could even understand why wizarding families like his were so exclusive. He definitely wasn’t mixing well at the moment.
‘So ask one of the girls we knew at Hogwarts. It’s hardly advanced Arithmancy. Anyone can do it. Even Peter.’
‘Yeah, and look what he got! Anyway, I didn’t fancy any of the girls at school. I need a change.’
‘Then come and have a drink with Lily and me,’ James snapped. ‘And bring Moony. Goodness knows what he’s up to these days. Something vague and mysterious.’
‘Moony and I aren’t going to hang around you and Lily, Prongs. We’re going to a Muggle pub this evening. And Moony’s gardening.’
‘What are you talking about, Padfoot?’
‘He’s pulling up weeds in people’s gardens,’ Sirius elaborated.
James was puzzled. ‘Why? He hasn’t even got Herbology NEWT!’
Sirius patted James on the head. ‘Prongs. You don’t know how lucky you are to live in a wizarding community with a witch for a girlfriend. Unlike you, Moony and I aren’t just slumming it in London. We have to survive. Moony has to earn money.’
‘Didn’t know there were any gardens in London.’ James looked round the flat, which boasted a window-box full of very dead geraniums, and no other greenery, or even ex-greenery, within a ten-mile radius.
‘You’d be surprised. And Moony has to pay rent on that hellhole of his.’
Secretly, Sirius still felt a bit sour that Remus had buggered off as soon as school was over, got himself a place and a job, and become self-reliant. He was used to Remus depending on him for all sorts of things, like looking after him at the full moon, and lending him dress robes, and coaxing him out of a bad mood.
*
He and Remus met at the Pig and Whistle just before seven. Remus was looking good these days, Sirius thought. Working outdoors had given him a bit of a tan, which masked his habitual werewolf pallor and was kind to the shadows under his eyes. He looked rested too, as he always did in summer when the nights were short. His hair was quite long, and bleached by the sun. Sirius simply couldn’t understand how he and Remus weren’t pulling hundreds of girls between them, even if they were considered odd. If he’d been a girl he’d have gone for Remus like a shot.
Of course, now James had him analysing the problem, Sirius had to admit there might be other reasons for their lack of success. He and Remus tended to sit in the public bar, for a start, whereas girls frequented the lounge bar, which was more respectable. He didn’t have much chance to talk to Remus these days, and when he saw him he wanted to be able to chat without anyone breaking in to ask if he had a light or wanted a drink.
Remus was flushed and excited. ‘We’ve been asked to a party! One of the people I garden for. It’s his daughter’s eighteenth. That’s when Muggles come of age. ’
‘Why’d he ask you, then?’
‘Us,’ Remus corrected. ‘I ‘spose because we’re the same age as her. Those Muggles, they’re very open with invitations. They always talk to strangers on buses and trains.’
He got up to fetch a drink, and Sirius noticed the barmaid flirting with him. He felt a bit annoyed with her: it was unfair to lead Remus on, especially when nothing ever came of these encounters. At least Remus had enough sense not to flirt back.
When they were settled with their pints, Sirius filled Remus in on the last Order meeting, which he’d missed. ‘Dumbledore sends his regards and says he hopes he'll see you next week. You'll be there, won't you?’
‘Probably. How’s Prongs?’
‘Same as ever. Moony, I wanted to ask you. You remember that variation you did on Wingardium Leviosa? I need it for my bike.’
‘But she’s flying beautifully,’ Remus protested.
‘She is, but she won’t do long distances yet. ’
‘You need a different spell, then. How about an Anti-Gravity one?’ Remus made a few suggestions about how to adapt the charm to get the optimum effect, and Sirius sat back and listened to him explaining the wandwork in his slightly hoarse voice. He always liked hearing Remus talk.
When the pub closed, Sirius saw Remus home to his bedsit and then walked back to his own flat. He preferred walking to Apparating, sometimes: it gave him time to clear his head and mull over the events of the evening.
*
Not that he had much time for introspection, because he was startled half an hour later by a heavy hand thumping his back. ‘Hey, Padfoot. Listen, I saw Kingsley and that girl of his at the Leaky Cauldron, and he has a brilliant idea.’
‘G’way, I’m trying to think. How d’you get in, anyway?’
‘By Floo. Listen, this is important. Kingsley told me a brilliant way for you and Moony to pull girls. You do still want girlfriends, don't you?’
‘No, we want to be left alone,’ Sirius said, rolling his eyes. ‘Thanks for asking, Potter.’
James ignored the jibe and crouched down beside Sirius’s chair. ‘Because you and Moony do all those Muggle things… Kingsley says that he knows a couple of Muggle girls, and they always go for guys who’re together.’
‘Well, Moony and I go round together, and none of the girls like us. Not once they find we don’t do any of the things Muggle eighteen year-olds do.’
James explained patiently, ‘Together. As in, a couple.’
‘You mean, like, queer, or something?’
‘Yes. Not that you are, of course’ - James took a moment to laugh heartily at the thought - ‘but you could fake it, couldn’t you? You and Moony?’
Sirius was nonplussed. He didn’t understand how on earth pretending he and Remus were together could possibly have any bearing on pulling girls: quite the opposite, in fact.
‘Because then all the girls want to convert you,’ James explained. ‘It’s reverse psychology, isn’t it? Kingsley says that it never fails. The girls will be flocking round you. Look, you and Moony come round tomorrow and Lily and I will show you.’
*
Remus gave his friends a big, happy smile and accepted a Butterbeer. ‘Padfoot tells me you’ve come up with the perfect way to get a girl,’ he said, with a slightly wistful glance at Lily.
Sirius felt a bit guilty about not explaining to Remus in advance. He wasn’t sure why he hadn’t: it just seemed awkward to put a proposition involving sex, even hypothetical sex, to his old friend. Far easier to let James, with Lily at his side, explain Kingsley’s theory, which he duly did.
Remus raised his eyebrows at Sirius, then grinned and said, ‘I’m up for it, Padfoot, if you are. We can have a laugh, anyway.’
And that, thought Sirius, was what he liked so much - no, loved - about Moony; he was always game to try new things. At school, the Marauders had realised that a wild and rebellious heart beat beneath his prefect’s badge. Now they were out in the world, he found it soothing that he and Remus were going to face the Muggle ranks shoulder to shoulder.
Sirius took a long draught of his own Butterbeer, in sheer relief. ‘Hey, Moony, we’re going to that party tonight, aren’t we? We can start then.’
Lily and James were sitting on the sofa. ‘Right, you two. Just watch us,’ Lily ordered. 'Of course, you won't be able to do all the things James and I would, like putting our arms round each other. Not in front of people.’
‘And you won’t be doing it in private either!’ James sniggered. Lily gave him a very dirty look.
‘So we’ll mainly show you the body language,’ Lily said. ‘For instance, you sit very close together, like this.’ She and James demonstrated. ‘And perhaps just touch occasionally. Imperceptibly.’
‘But if we’re that subtle, nobody’s going to notice,’ Sirius protested.
‘They will if you’re two guys,’ Lily said. ‘Look, come and sit here and James and I can tell you what effect you’re having.’
Sirius and Remus sat down next to each other, and Sirius edged as near to Remus as he could without actually climbing on top of him. Rather to his surprise, it didn’t feel odd sitting so close to Remus, with their legs and arms touching. After all, they’d often woken up tangled up together on mornings after the transformation. This wasn’t any different: a bit more deliberate, perhaps.
He glanced at Remus, who seemed quite calm. ‘Okay, Moony?’
‘Fine.’ Remus sniggered. ‘I was worried we’d have to kiss each other.’
Sirius wondered for a moment at the gleam in Remus’s eyes, which was definitely challenging. ‘I don’t think so, but we may have to if the girls don’t bite.’
Remus looked decidedly cheerful at the thought of girls biting.
Lily resumed. ‘If you’re at a party you’ll have to stand extra close to each other. Perhaps dance together.’
‘I am not dancing with Moony,’ Sirius objected. ‘We’d get thrown out if we did that.’
‘We can sort of sway together, like girls do,’ Remus suggested.
‘Excellent!’ Lily said. ‘That’s exactly what I meant.’
She patted Sirius's shoulder. ‘You two’ll have girls of your own in no time, trust me.’
*
Muggle parties weren’t anything like wizarding parties, Sirius knew. There were no indoor fireworks, and nobody livened up the proceedings by Apparating suddenly in the middle of the floor with a loud crack. You could also be pretty sure that the crisps and dip weren’t a cunningly-disguised Portkey.
Tonight’s party was in Holland Park, one of the smarter areas of London. Before they went in, Remus and Sirius peeked through the bay windows of the large Victorian house to check their clothes were right. Sirius had thought, more than once, that a simple set of dress robes solved many sartorial problems.
The setting seemed a bit more formal than the Muggle gatherings Sirius had been to before. The room was well-lit for conversation, not dark for snogging. The drinks were on a table with a clean white cloth and looked expensive, vodka and wine rather than the usual beer and cider. The girls were wearing dresses, the boys were in jeans and shirts, proper shirts, with buttons. Sirius waved his wand so his and Remus’s clothes were instantly immaculate and pressed.
‘Especially if we’re pretending to be gay,’ Sirius said. He looked dubiously at Remus’s rather messy hair. ‘D’you want me to style that a bit for you?’
‘Don’t you dare put your wand anywhere near my head!’ Remus said indignantly.
‘Well, then, let me...’ Sirius took a comb out of his pocket and gently tidied up Remus’s hair, being careful not to pull at it. ‘There, that’s better.’
They rang the bell - the front door was closed, another novelty - and were ushered in by a pretty girl in a blue dress, obviously the birthday girl. She greeted Remus warmly, to Sirius’s surprise and slight irritation. ‘Hi! My Dad told me you might be coming! I'm really glad you could make it.’
She looked at Sirius with the heightening of interest both boys were used to. ‘You’re Sirius, right? I’m Kathy.’
‘I’m quite funny, really,’ Sirius rejoined, as he often did, and Kathy laughed appreciatively.
Remus, obviously happy at being expected and greeted, took care to keep at a distance from Sirius. As they went into the sitting room, he hissed, ‘Sirius, what happens if she tells her father? I don’t want to get the sack. Perhaps we shouldn’t do this. Not tonight.’
Sirius, exasperated, hissed back, ‘Okay, then, it’ll just be the usual. They’ll ask where you’re going to uni and you’ll look totally blank, and that’ll be it. Come here.’
He grabbed Remus’s hand, a bit forcefully perhaps, and pulled him over to the drinks table. On consideration, the action probably looked purposeful rather than romantic, so he kept hold of Remus as he poured them both vodkas. ‘I think that’s what gay guys would drink,’ he remarked, ‘but well-diluted.’ He added copious amounts of orange juice, allowing his wrist to go a bit limp.
Remus slapped it. ‘For Merlin’s sake, Padfoot!'
‘For Merlin’s sake what? Are we going to do this right or be on our own forever? There’s a war on, in case you hadn’t noticed. We’ll probably die virgins if we don’t get our act together.’
‘Oh,’ Remus said, with interest, ‘I didn’t know you were a virgin. I thought you’d slept with hundreds of - ’
‘Shush.’ Sirius put his hand over Remus’s mouth. ‘Boys, you were going to say, weren’t you?’
Their whispered argument was attracting a lot of attention, Sirius was pleased to see. Kathy, who was standing beside a small, blonde girl, was looking over at them with a very speculative expression on her face. Sirius moved a bit nearer to Remus, almost treading on his toes, and said, with a leer, ‘The food looks good too. No peanuts, but they’ve got smoked salmon canapés. Let’s see if the girls will offer us any.’ He steered Remus towards Kathy and her friend, letting go of his hand rather ostentatiously as they approached.
The girls watched them but didn't say anything. For a moment, Sirius was worried that they wanted to stare rather than convert them, so he reached for Remus’s hand again. This seemed to galvanise Kathy.
‘Have an olive,’ she said, manoeuvring neatly between them and brandishing a small crystal dish. ‘Sirius, this is Mary. Remus, may I borrow you for a minute? I want you to help with drinks.’
Mary took a sip of her wine, looking a bit nervous once Kathy had spirited Remus away. Sirius gazed after him yearningly. James and Kingsley hadn’t specified what you should actually say to the girls once they started trying to straighten you out, so he supposed it was a matter of a broomstick and a prayer.
Mary said hesitantly, ‘So, you and Remus are, um…’
‘Roommates,’ Sirius supplied. He thought that was the right expression, ambiguous yet clear enough. And he was sorry that he and Remus weren’t roommates. His flat wasn’t enormous, but it was a lot bigger than Remus’s tiny bedsit. He’d asked Remus numerous times if he wanted to move in, but Remus always said that he didn't want to impose, and nothing Sirius said could change his mind. It was a pity, but for a few golden moments he could pretend to this girl that he and Remus really did share.
The girl’s eyes lit up. ‘Really? I mean, then you two are together?’
‘Yes,’ Sirius lied, wishing he had a cigarette or, preferably, one of those Muggle joints. He’d put far too much orange juice in his vodka.
‘How did you know? That you liked boys, I mean?’ She put her hand on his shoulder.
Bloody hell, this was worse than questions about college! Sirius racked his brains, and decided to make do with an enigmatic smile, but unfortunately it didn’t work, because Mary continued to watch him expectantly.
‘Um, well, I…’ He felt himself going scarlet.
Mary smiled sympathetically. ‘I suppose it’s hard to talk about, isn’t it? Did you ever like girls, or was it always -’
‘Yes, yes, I do. Did. Like girls,’ Sirius babbled, and thought a shadow of disappointment passed over her face. It was a pretty face, so he added, ‘But of course I don’t think even the right girl could help me now.’
‘Perhaps you just haven’t met her yet,’ Mary said. ‘Do you want another drink?’
The fresh vodka was powerful enough to have his head reeling after one sip. Muggle spirits, as he remembered rather too late, weren’t as sluggish as Ogden’s Old Firewhisky. Nor were they mellow and slow-burning like the infinitely superior brand of whisky the Blacks always drank, which he and Regulus used to steal when their parents were out for the evening. He hoped he wouldn’t throw up or otherwise disgrace himself, though it seemed logical for a gay boy not to be able to hold his drink. He also hoped Remus would be okay: he wasn’t used to such strong alcohol either, of course, and it might be wise to keep an eye on him.
‘What exactly d’you do? When you’re together. You and Remus. Do you actually, um, you know…’
‘Yeah, we do,’ he improvised. ‘We do everything.’ He felt his face going hot again at the thought.
Mary seemed impressed. ‘You must tell me all about it.’
‘Of course, we could show you...uh, as in learning to do the same things with you,’ he added hastily, and this time Mary looked quite amenable. He hoped he hadn’t given her the impression that he and Remus would be giving a demonstration.
Sirius took another sip of his drink. It was starting to make his head spin.
'Excuse me, where’s the loo?’
Mary showed him, and he locked himself in, fished out his wand and did a quick Sobering Charm. He couldn’t watch out for Remus if he was blind drunk.
Mary was hovering outside when he emerged, and he wondered whether she’d been guarding the door in case he’d arranged for Remus to slip in and have a quick shag with him. He’d heard about men who hung round public lavatories, though this one wasn’t public, of course. For some reason, the thought of a quick shag with Remus in the loo gave him a sudden thrill of pleasure, which he dismissed as displacement: after all, he’d wanted a girl, and he had one.
*
The room was filling up now. Sirius nursed his drink, trying to make it last as long as possible, so as not to get drunk again and waste the spell. He staved off further questions from Mary by asking her about herself, and listened attentively to her accounts of university interviews and open days and A-Level results, storing up as much information as he could to relay to Remus.
At the thought of Remus, Sirius realised with a jolt that he’d lost track of him while Mary was talking, which didn’t seem a very good start to their new romantic partnership. He was relieved when he caught sight of him standing in a corner with Kathy, looking trapped. Kathy had her arm around his waist, and seemed to be trying to convert him already. Sirius hoped that Remus had given her roughly the sort of information he’d given Mary; they’d have to discuss it afterwards and decide how to go on.
He went across to say hello, and was rather alarmed to see that Remus was a bit unfocused, and his hair was messy again.
‘Hang on a minute,’ he said, to Mary, who was following very closely behind him. ‘Hey, Moony, what've you been drinking?’
‘She gave me lots of vodka,’ Remus slurred. ‘S’trying to get me pissed.’
Sirius calculated that it was a bit late for a Sobering Charm: you had to cast it before you were incapacitated, and Remus was already swaying on his feet. Kathy was now clutching his sleeve rather desperately; she was wasting her time, actually, because Remus wouldn’t be up for anything in his current state. Sirius knew from experience that when Remus was as drunk as this he would soon pass out and sleep like the dead for the next ten hours.
‘Hey, mate, you’ve had way too much,’ he said, disengaging Remus’s shirt from Kathy’s grasp. He was sure she didn’t have the faintest idea how to look after a seriously-sozzled werewolf.
Remus’s head lolled on Sirius’s shoulder, and Sirius put his arm round him, though Lily had said not to. At least it would make them look authentic.
‘I don’ like her anyway, 'Remus said. 'Stupid girl. You’re a good pal, Padfoot. Real good. P’raps we should try sleeping together, yeah?’
‘Shut up, Remus,’ Sirius muttered under his breath.
‘No, no, I mean it. Who needs girls, anyway? Let’s go. Jusht you an’ me.’
‘Okay, c’mon, Moony,’ he said. The two girls were now watching them with open fascination. He assumed they were picturing all sorts of lurid scenes: no doubt the vision of him and Remus having hot sex would inspire them greatly next time they all met, if there was a next time. ‘He’s bad with alcohol,’ Sirius explained.
Remus kicked him.
‘Ow. Too much alcohol, I mean. I’d better get him home.’
The girls exchanged glances; Sirius thought they looked equally disappointed. ‘Listen, take my number,’ Mary said. She took a pen and paper out of her bag and scribbled it down. 'It would be great if we could go on a double date with you and Remus. Wouldn’t it, Kathy? Call me anyway. We can discuss it then.’
‘A double date would be fine,’ Kathy said, but Sirius got the distinct impression she would probably rather be alone with Remus, to convert him more efficiently. ‘I’ll see you next week, Remus.’ She leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek. ‘You must tell me some more about you and Sirius then, okay?’
Sirius was relieved that he hadn’t lost Remus his job.
He took Remus by the hand again, and led him out into the warm night, where Remus promptly started singing a vague and drunken variation of the song playing in the background. He was still leaning heavily on Sirius, which would have been a pleasant, even wonderful feeling if he hadn’t been concerned about getting Remus home. With a bit of help from a modified Mobilicorpus charm, he hoisted him on to his shoulder and Apparated back to Remus’s bedsit.
*
Remus had left the window closed, and it was stifling. Sirius lowered him on to the bed and pulled off his shoes. There was something comfortable about pulling the shoes off your drunken friend, he thought. He flung open the window, letting in slightly cooler air and several moths, which he dispelled with a wave of his wand. He then lay on the bed next to Remus and asked, ‘Feeling better now?’
Remus responded with another burst of song, possibly a different one; Sirius didn’t recognise it, mainly because Remus wasn’t very good at singing even when he was stone-cold sober.
Sirius put his finger on Remus's lips to shut him up, then smoothed his hair away from his face.
‘If we were gay, I’d probably take advantage of you,’ he said, aiming at a conversational tone so as not to let slip how tempting the idea suddenly was. ‘I mean, you said yourself we should try sleeping together. Should we? We could make it a bit more difficult for the girls to convert us. We don’t want to be pushovers, do we?’
‘No’ a pushover,’ Remus mumbled.
‘Ssh, Moony. Course you’re not.’
‘Girls asking ‘bout us.’
‘Yeah. I’m fed up not knowing first-hand about universities or jobs or backpacking. But at least we can find out all about what it's like to fancy another boy. It’d be research, wouldn’t it? I know you always like research. If the girls ask us again, it would be good if we really knew what we were talking about.'
‘You’re drunk,’ Remus stated. ‘Wan’ you to sing with me.’
‘Am not. You’re the one who’s drunk.’
Come to think of it, he probably was still a bit tipsy if he could rattle on to Remus like this, but it didn’t matter, because Remus was almost asleep and wouldn’t remember a thing in the morning.
Or maybe he wasn’t. He had one eye closed, to stop him seeing double, and the other one was looking directly at Sirius with a rather predatory expression. Sirius knew that the normally gentle Remus could be quite assertive when he’d had a few too many. Not that he often did, especially not with his healthy new outdoor lifestyle. Sirius had a brief image of a shirtless Remus kneeling down to plant bulbs, and experienced a thrill of pleasure similar to the one he’d felt earlier in the loo. He also felt a flash of resentment that Kathy had probably seen Remus like that in her garden. How dare she? Remus wasn’t hers.
‘I’m going to kiss you,’ Sirius warned, ‘just to see what it’s like. I have a feeling the girls won’t sleep with us anyway, unless we can give them all the details. Mary was very curious.’
‘Yeah, let's do it,’ Remus mumbled. 'Go on.' He closed his other eye and Sirius leaned over him to kiss him properly.
As their lips met, Remus opened his mouth, which tasted of 100% pure Polish grain alcohol with a very slight hint of orange. Sirius felt you could get drunk just breathing in Remus’s essence, which may have accounted for his sudden extraordinary euphoria.
He also realised that for some reason it was very important for Remus to know what was going on, and racked his brains for a spell that might work on a totally inebriated wizard.
‘Moony, I think a Hangover Prevention Charm might sober you up.’
He knew it wouldn’t be foolproof at this stage, but it was worth a go. He flicked his wand and muttered the familiar incantation, and was both relieved and slightly apprehensive when Remus opened both eyes wide and wailed, ‘What did you do that for? I was feeling brilliant.’
‘Can you remember anything?’ Sirius asked.
‘Course I can. I told you, I was feeling brilliant. You kissed me.’
‘That was just a quick kiss goodnight,’ Sirius reassured him. ‘I’m gonna try it again, okay?’
‘Okay.’
Remus still tasted like a distillery - a sweet and wonderful distillery - and Sirius was intoxicated again by the taste and the feel and the warmth and hardness of him; intoxicated enough not to be too surprised when he realised that he’d not only taken off Remus’s shoes but the rest of his clothes as well, and his own clothes too.
And then they were pressed together, and it felt awesome; better than awesome. He noted that Remus’s pupils were dilated and his face was flushed, and he was moving against Sirius as if it were the most natural thing in the world to be lying naked with your best friend, who happened to be another boy; and maybe it was.
‘Well, this’ll give us something to tell the girls about,’ Sirius said, eventually, coming up for air.
Remus didn’t bother to answer; not that he could, because his mouth was fully occupied.
*
‘I can just imagine us,’ Sirius said, ‘holding hands at a barbecue and being positively besieged with girls begging us to come home with them. Or at a Muggle picture place - what d’you call it, Moony?’
‘Cinema.’ Remus edged closer to Sirius and ran his hands down his back.
‘Yeah, the cinema. Me and you sitting in the back row snogging, then changing places so we're sitting next to to the girls.’
Remus nuzzled Sirius’s neck. ‘Sounds a bit complicated. I was thinking more about a straightforward foursome.’
Sirius laughed. ‘Merlin, you have a filthy mind.’
‘I don’t! I didn’t mean it like that. I thought we could all have a picnic in the park. Perhaps sunbathe on the grass.’ Remus looked flustered, and fished around for a change of subject. ‘Hey, Sirius, was that really true? About you being a virgin?’
Sirius felt flustered in his turn. ‘Well, yes, technically. Depends on how you’d classify what we’ve just done. I think we could take things all the way, though, couldn’t we? The sooner the better. I’m game for it if you are.’
‘It still counts if it isn’t with a girl, doesn’t it?’
‘I’d bloody well think so,’ Sirius said.
‘Does this mean we are gay?’
Sirius considered for a while. He thought about his feelings for Remus, a mixture of protectiveness and exasperation, and how he hated Remus going off and being independent. He thought how hot Remus looked right now; how hot he always looked, even if Sirius hadn’t quite dared admit it to himself until now. He thought of how amazing it was to touch Remus and lick him and rub against him. In fact, just thinking about it was so good that he decided they’d better do it again soon. Like right now. After all, it was Saturday, and they could stay in bed all day.
‘Maybe,’ he finally replied, ‘but I’m sure we could still be converted.’
He put his arms around Remus and held him close. As long as he wasn’t expected to start on the girls at once, he was quite happy to keep his options open for the moment. Besides, he had no intention of stopping until he and Remus really had done everything.
And when he looked at Remus lying beside him, his smiling face and his fair hair tumbling over the pillow, Sirius suspected by that perhaps he wouldn’t want to be converted after all.
End
By minnow_53
Disclaimer: The Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling and various corporations.
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Era: Just after Hogwarts.
Summary: Remus and Sirius find a new way to attract girls.
Rating: PG-13
Thank you: astra_argentea for reading through.
Dedication: I know I still owe birthday fics, but this one’s for mackittenx: only a day late! Happy Birthday.
On my journal, and now crossposted to remusxsirius and two_boys with incredibly dodgy links.
Reverse Psychology
‘It’s all right for you. You have Evans,’ Sirius grumbled, feeling sorry for himself and in a foul mood generally. He was used to being popular and sought-after, and hated feeling that he didn't fit in.
‘Lily,’ James corrected. ‘Honestly, Sirius, I don’t know why you’re having such a hard time finding a girlfriend. The girls are all over you.’
‘That was at school.’ And a few weeks after school, in Muggle London, Sirius was finding himself out of his depth. True, there were plenty of beautiful girls, but there were also plenty of handsome guys, with money and cars and life experience that four years of Muggle Studies couldn’t start to cover.
Being a wizard was a great disadvantage when you were eighteen. It was fine to be a rebel living in the non-wizarding world, but most eighteen year-old Muggles were about to start university, or planning gap years, or working. How could you explain to a Muggle girl that you weren’t stupid - far from it - but were living off your (finite) inheritance and fighting a war against evil via a secret society? It didn’t go down well unless you wanted to end up in the local psychiatric ward. And there was no point pretending you were going to university when you blatantly hadn’t a clue what further education was all about.
Sometimes, Sirius could even understand why wizarding families like his were so exclusive. He definitely wasn’t mixing well at the moment.
‘So ask one of the girls we knew at Hogwarts. It’s hardly advanced Arithmancy. Anyone can do it. Even Peter.’
‘Yeah, and look what he got! Anyway, I didn’t fancy any of the girls at school. I need a change.’
‘Then come and have a drink with Lily and me,’ James snapped. ‘And bring Moony. Goodness knows what he’s up to these days. Something vague and mysterious.’
‘Moony and I aren’t going to hang around you and Lily, Prongs. We’re going to a Muggle pub this evening. And Moony’s gardening.’
‘What are you talking about, Padfoot?’
‘He’s pulling up weeds in people’s gardens,’ Sirius elaborated.
James was puzzled. ‘Why? He hasn’t even got Herbology NEWT!’
Sirius patted James on the head. ‘Prongs. You don’t know how lucky you are to live in a wizarding community with a witch for a girlfriend. Unlike you, Moony and I aren’t just slumming it in London. We have to survive. Moony has to earn money.’
‘Didn’t know there were any gardens in London.’ James looked round the flat, which boasted a window-box full of very dead geraniums, and no other greenery, or even ex-greenery, within a ten-mile radius.
‘You’d be surprised. And Moony has to pay rent on that hellhole of his.’
Secretly, Sirius still felt a bit sour that Remus had buggered off as soon as school was over, got himself a place and a job, and become self-reliant. He was used to Remus depending on him for all sorts of things, like looking after him at the full moon, and lending him dress robes, and coaxing him out of a bad mood.
*
He and Remus met at the Pig and Whistle just before seven. Remus was looking good these days, Sirius thought. Working outdoors had given him a bit of a tan, which masked his habitual werewolf pallor and was kind to the shadows under his eyes. He looked rested too, as he always did in summer when the nights were short. His hair was quite long, and bleached by the sun. Sirius simply couldn’t understand how he and Remus weren’t pulling hundreds of girls between them, even if they were considered odd. If he’d been a girl he’d have gone for Remus like a shot.
Of course, now James had him analysing the problem, Sirius had to admit there might be other reasons for their lack of success. He and Remus tended to sit in the public bar, for a start, whereas girls frequented the lounge bar, which was more respectable. He didn’t have much chance to talk to Remus these days, and when he saw him he wanted to be able to chat without anyone breaking in to ask if he had a light or wanted a drink.
Remus was flushed and excited. ‘We’ve been asked to a party! One of the people I garden for. It’s his daughter’s eighteenth. That’s when Muggles come of age. ’
‘Why’d he ask you, then?’
‘Us,’ Remus corrected. ‘I ‘spose because we’re the same age as her. Those Muggles, they’re very open with invitations. They always talk to strangers on buses and trains.’
He got up to fetch a drink, and Sirius noticed the barmaid flirting with him. He felt a bit annoyed with her: it was unfair to lead Remus on, especially when nothing ever came of these encounters. At least Remus had enough sense not to flirt back.
When they were settled with their pints, Sirius filled Remus in on the last Order meeting, which he’d missed. ‘Dumbledore sends his regards and says he hopes he'll see you next week. You'll be there, won't you?’
‘Probably. How’s Prongs?’
‘Same as ever. Moony, I wanted to ask you. You remember that variation you did on Wingardium Leviosa? I need it for my bike.’
‘But she’s flying beautifully,’ Remus protested.
‘She is, but she won’t do long distances yet. ’
‘You need a different spell, then. How about an Anti-Gravity one?’ Remus made a few suggestions about how to adapt the charm to get the optimum effect, and Sirius sat back and listened to him explaining the wandwork in his slightly hoarse voice. He always liked hearing Remus talk.
When the pub closed, Sirius saw Remus home to his bedsit and then walked back to his own flat. He preferred walking to Apparating, sometimes: it gave him time to clear his head and mull over the events of the evening.
*
Not that he had much time for introspection, because he was startled half an hour later by a heavy hand thumping his back. ‘Hey, Padfoot. Listen, I saw Kingsley and that girl of his at the Leaky Cauldron, and he has a brilliant idea.’
‘G’way, I’m trying to think. How d’you get in, anyway?’
‘By Floo. Listen, this is important. Kingsley told me a brilliant way for you and Moony to pull girls. You do still want girlfriends, don't you?’
‘No, we want to be left alone,’ Sirius said, rolling his eyes. ‘Thanks for asking, Potter.’
James ignored the jibe and crouched down beside Sirius’s chair. ‘Because you and Moony do all those Muggle things… Kingsley says that he knows a couple of Muggle girls, and they always go for guys who’re together.’
‘Well, Moony and I go round together, and none of the girls like us. Not once they find we don’t do any of the things Muggle eighteen year-olds do.’
James explained patiently, ‘Together. As in, a couple.’
‘You mean, like, queer, or something?’
‘Yes. Not that you are, of course’ - James took a moment to laugh heartily at the thought - ‘but you could fake it, couldn’t you? You and Moony?’
Sirius was nonplussed. He didn’t understand how on earth pretending he and Remus were together could possibly have any bearing on pulling girls: quite the opposite, in fact.
‘Because then all the girls want to convert you,’ James explained. ‘It’s reverse psychology, isn’t it? Kingsley says that it never fails. The girls will be flocking round you. Look, you and Moony come round tomorrow and Lily and I will show you.’
*
Remus gave his friends a big, happy smile and accepted a Butterbeer. ‘Padfoot tells me you’ve come up with the perfect way to get a girl,’ he said, with a slightly wistful glance at Lily.
Sirius felt a bit guilty about not explaining to Remus in advance. He wasn’t sure why he hadn’t: it just seemed awkward to put a proposition involving sex, even hypothetical sex, to his old friend. Far easier to let James, with Lily at his side, explain Kingsley’s theory, which he duly did.
Remus raised his eyebrows at Sirius, then grinned and said, ‘I’m up for it, Padfoot, if you are. We can have a laugh, anyway.’
And that, thought Sirius, was what he liked so much - no, loved - about Moony; he was always game to try new things. At school, the Marauders had realised that a wild and rebellious heart beat beneath his prefect’s badge. Now they were out in the world, he found it soothing that he and Remus were going to face the Muggle ranks shoulder to shoulder.
Sirius took a long draught of his own Butterbeer, in sheer relief. ‘Hey, Moony, we’re going to that party tonight, aren’t we? We can start then.’
Lily and James were sitting on the sofa. ‘Right, you two. Just watch us,’ Lily ordered. 'Of course, you won't be able to do all the things James and I would, like putting our arms round each other. Not in front of people.’
‘And you won’t be doing it in private either!’ James sniggered. Lily gave him a very dirty look.
‘So we’ll mainly show you the body language,’ Lily said. ‘For instance, you sit very close together, like this.’ She and James demonstrated. ‘And perhaps just touch occasionally. Imperceptibly.’
‘But if we’re that subtle, nobody’s going to notice,’ Sirius protested.
‘They will if you’re two guys,’ Lily said. ‘Look, come and sit here and James and I can tell you what effect you’re having.’
Sirius and Remus sat down next to each other, and Sirius edged as near to Remus as he could without actually climbing on top of him. Rather to his surprise, it didn’t feel odd sitting so close to Remus, with their legs and arms touching. After all, they’d often woken up tangled up together on mornings after the transformation. This wasn’t any different: a bit more deliberate, perhaps.
He glanced at Remus, who seemed quite calm. ‘Okay, Moony?’
‘Fine.’ Remus sniggered. ‘I was worried we’d have to kiss each other.’
Sirius wondered for a moment at the gleam in Remus’s eyes, which was definitely challenging. ‘I don’t think so, but we may have to if the girls don’t bite.’
Remus looked decidedly cheerful at the thought of girls biting.
Lily resumed. ‘If you’re at a party you’ll have to stand extra close to each other. Perhaps dance together.’
‘I am not dancing with Moony,’ Sirius objected. ‘We’d get thrown out if we did that.’
‘We can sort of sway together, like girls do,’ Remus suggested.
‘Excellent!’ Lily said. ‘That’s exactly what I meant.’
She patted Sirius's shoulder. ‘You two’ll have girls of your own in no time, trust me.’
*
Muggle parties weren’t anything like wizarding parties, Sirius knew. There were no indoor fireworks, and nobody livened up the proceedings by Apparating suddenly in the middle of the floor with a loud crack. You could also be pretty sure that the crisps and dip weren’t a cunningly-disguised Portkey.
Tonight’s party was in Holland Park, one of the smarter areas of London. Before they went in, Remus and Sirius peeked through the bay windows of the large Victorian house to check their clothes were right. Sirius had thought, more than once, that a simple set of dress robes solved many sartorial problems.
The setting seemed a bit more formal than the Muggle gatherings Sirius had been to before. The room was well-lit for conversation, not dark for snogging. The drinks were on a table with a clean white cloth and looked expensive, vodka and wine rather than the usual beer and cider. The girls were wearing dresses, the boys were in jeans and shirts, proper shirts, with buttons. Sirius waved his wand so his and Remus’s clothes were instantly immaculate and pressed.
‘Especially if we’re pretending to be gay,’ Sirius said. He looked dubiously at Remus’s rather messy hair. ‘D’you want me to style that a bit for you?’
‘Don’t you dare put your wand anywhere near my head!’ Remus said indignantly.
‘Well, then, let me...’ Sirius took a comb out of his pocket and gently tidied up Remus’s hair, being careful not to pull at it. ‘There, that’s better.’
They rang the bell - the front door was closed, another novelty - and were ushered in by a pretty girl in a blue dress, obviously the birthday girl. She greeted Remus warmly, to Sirius’s surprise and slight irritation. ‘Hi! My Dad told me you might be coming! I'm really glad you could make it.’
She looked at Sirius with the heightening of interest both boys were used to. ‘You’re Sirius, right? I’m Kathy.’
‘I’m quite funny, really,’ Sirius rejoined, as he often did, and Kathy laughed appreciatively.
Remus, obviously happy at being expected and greeted, took care to keep at a distance from Sirius. As they went into the sitting room, he hissed, ‘Sirius, what happens if she tells her father? I don’t want to get the sack. Perhaps we shouldn’t do this. Not tonight.’
Sirius, exasperated, hissed back, ‘Okay, then, it’ll just be the usual. They’ll ask where you’re going to uni and you’ll look totally blank, and that’ll be it. Come here.’
He grabbed Remus’s hand, a bit forcefully perhaps, and pulled him over to the drinks table. On consideration, the action probably looked purposeful rather than romantic, so he kept hold of Remus as he poured them both vodkas. ‘I think that’s what gay guys would drink,’ he remarked, ‘but well-diluted.’ He added copious amounts of orange juice, allowing his wrist to go a bit limp.
Remus slapped it. ‘For Merlin’s sake, Padfoot!'
‘For Merlin’s sake what? Are we going to do this right or be on our own forever? There’s a war on, in case you hadn’t noticed. We’ll probably die virgins if we don’t get our act together.’
‘Oh,’ Remus said, with interest, ‘I didn’t know you were a virgin. I thought you’d slept with hundreds of - ’
‘Shush.’ Sirius put his hand over Remus’s mouth. ‘Boys, you were going to say, weren’t you?’
Their whispered argument was attracting a lot of attention, Sirius was pleased to see. Kathy, who was standing beside a small, blonde girl, was looking over at them with a very speculative expression on her face. Sirius moved a bit nearer to Remus, almost treading on his toes, and said, with a leer, ‘The food looks good too. No peanuts, but they’ve got smoked salmon canapés. Let’s see if the girls will offer us any.’ He steered Remus towards Kathy and her friend, letting go of his hand rather ostentatiously as they approached.
The girls watched them but didn't say anything. For a moment, Sirius was worried that they wanted to stare rather than convert them, so he reached for Remus’s hand again. This seemed to galvanise Kathy.
‘Have an olive,’ she said, manoeuvring neatly between them and brandishing a small crystal dish. ‘Sirius, this is Mary. Remus, may I borrow you for a minute? I want you to help with drinks.’
Mary took a sip of her wine, looking a bit nervous once Kathy had spirited Remus away. Sirius gazed after him yearningly. James and Kingsley hadn’t specified what you should actually say to the girls once they started trying to straighten you out, so he supposed it was a matter of a broomstick and a prayer.
Mary said hesitantly, ‘So, you and Remus are, um…’
‘Roommates,’ Sirius supplied. He thought that was the right expression, ambiguous yet clear enough. And he was sorry that he and Remus weren’t roommates. His flat wasn’t enormous, but it was a lot bigger than Remus’s tiny bedsit. He’d asked Remus numerous times if he wanted to move in, but Remus always said that he didn't want to impose, and nothing Sirius said could change his mind. It was a pity, but for a few golden moments he could pretend to this girl that he and Remus really did share.
The girl’s eyes lit up. ‘Really? I mean, then you two are together?’
‘Yes,’ Sirius lied, wishing he had a cigarette or, preferably, one of those Muggle joints. He’d put far too much orange juice in his vodka.
‘How did you know? That you liked boys, I mean?’ She put her hand on his shoulder.
Bloody hell, this was worse than questions about college! Sirius racked his brains, and decided to make do with an enigmatic smile, but unfortunately it didn’t work, because Mary continued to watch him expectantly.
‘Um, well, I…’ He felt himself going scarlet.
Mary smiled sympathetically. ‘I suppose it’s hard to talk about, isn’t it? Did you ever like girls, or was it always -’
‘Yes, yes, I do. Did. Like girls,’ Sirius babbled, and thought a shadow of disappointment passed over her face. It was a pretty face, so he added, ‘But of course I don’t think even the right girl could help me now.’
‘Perhaps you just haven’t met her yet,’ Mary said. ‘Do you want another drink?’
The fresh vodka was powerful enough to have his head reeling after one sip. Muggle spirits, as he remembered rather too late, weren’t as sluggish as Ogden’s Old Firewhisky. Nor were they mellow and slow-burning like the infinitely superior brand of whisky the Blacks always drank, which he and Regulus used to steal when their parents were out for the evening. He hoped he wouldn’t throw up or otherwise disgrace himself, though it seemed logical for a gay boy not to be able to hold his drink. He also hoped Remus would be okay: he wasn’t used to such strong alcohol either, of course, and it might be wise to keep an eye on him.
‘What exactly d’you do? When you’re together. You and Remus. Do you actually, um, you know…’
‘Yeah, we do,’ he improvised. ‘We do everything.’ He felt his face going hot again at the thought.
Mary seemed impressed. ‘You must tell me all about it.’
‘Of course, we could show you...uh, as in learning to do the same things with you,’ he added hastily, and this time Mary looked quite amenable. He hoped he hadn’t given her the impression that he and Remus would be giving a demonstration.
Sirius took another sip of his drink. It was starting to make his head spin.
'Excuse me, where’s the loo?’
Mary showed him, and he locked himself in, fished out his wand and did a quick Sobering Charm. He couldn’t watch out for Remus if he was blind drunk.
Mary was hovering outside when he emerged, and he wondered whether she’d been guarding the door in case he’d arranged for Remus to slip in and have a quick shag with him. He’d heard about men who hung round public lavatories, though this one wasn’t public, of course. For some reason, the thought of a quick shag with Remus in the loo gave him a sudden thrill of pleasure, which he dismissed as displacement: after all, he’d wanted a girl, and he had one.
*
The room was filling up now. Sirius nursed his drink, trying to make it last as long as possible, so as not to get drunk again and waste the spell. He staved off further questions from Mary by asking her about herself, and listened attentively to her accounts of university interviews and open days and A-Level results, storing up as much information as he could to relay to Remus.
At the thought of Remus, Sirius realised with a jolt that he’d lost track of him while Mary was talking, which didn’t seem a very good start to their new romantic partnership. He was relieved when he caught sight of him standing in a corner with Kathy, looking trapped. Kathy had her arm around his waist, and seemed to be trying to convert him already. Sirius hoped that Remus had given her roughly the sort of information he’d given Mary; they’d have to discuss it afterwards and decide how to go on.
He went across to say hello, and was rather alarmed to see that Remus was a bit unfocused, and his hair was messy again.
‘Hang on a minute,’ he said, to Mary, who was following very closely behind him. ‘Hey, Moony, what've you been drinking?’
‘She gave me lots of vodka,’ Remus slurred. ‘S’trying to get me pissed.’
Sirius calculated that it was a bit late for a Sobering Charm: you had to cast it before you were incapacitated, and Remus was already swaying on his feet. Kathy was now clutching his sleeve rather desperately; she was wasting her time, actually, because Remus wouldn’t be up for anything in his current state. Sirius knew from experience that when Remus was as drunk as this he would soon pass out and sleep like the dead for the next ten hours.
‘Hey, mate, you’ve had way too much,’ he said, disengaging Remus’s shirt from Kathy’s grasp. He was sure she didn’t have the faintest idea how to look after a seriously-sozzled werewolf.
Remus’s head lolled on Sirius’s shoulder, and Sirius put his arm round him, though Lily had said not to. At least it would make them look authentic.
‘I don’ like her anyway, 'Remus said. 'Stupid girl. You’re a good pal, Padfoot. Real good. P’raps we should try sleeping together, yeah?’
‘Shut up, Remus,’ Sirius muttered under his breath.
‘No, no, I mean it. Who needs girls, anyway? Let’s go. Jusht you an’ me.’
‘Okay, c’mon, Moony,’ he said. The two girls were now watching them with open fascination. He assumed they were picturing all sorts of lurid scenes: no doubt the vision of him and Remus having hot sex would inspire them greatly next time they all met, if there was a next time. ‘He’s bad with alcohol,’ Sirius explained.
Remus kicked him.
‘Ow. Too much alcohol, I mean. I’d better get him home.’
The girls exchanged glances; Sirius thought they looked equally disappointed. ‘Listen, take my number,’ Mary said. She took a pen and paper out of her bag and scribbled it down. 'It would be great if we could go on a double date with you and Remus. Wouldn’t it, Kathy? Call me anyway. We can discuss it then.’
‘A double date would be fine,’ Kathy said, but Sirius got the distinct impression she would probably rather be alone with Remus, to convert him more efficiently. ‘I’ll see you next week, Remus.’ She leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek. ‘You must tell me some more about you and Sirius then, okay?’
Sirius was relieved that he hadn’t lost Remus his job.
He took Remus by the hand again, and led him out into the warm night, where Remus promptly started singing a vague and drunken variation of the song playing in the background. He was still leaning heavily on Sirius, which would have been a pleasant, even wonderful feeling if he hadn’t been concerned about getting Remus home. With a bit of help from a modified Mobilicorpus charm, he hoisted him on to his shoulder and Apparated back to Remus’s bedsit.
*
Remus had left the window closed, and it was stifling. Sirius lowered him on to the bed and pulled off his shoes. There was something comfortable about pulling the shoes off your drunken friend, he thought. He flung open the window, letting in slightly cooler air and several moths, which he dispelled with a wave of his wand. He then lay on the bed next to Remus and asked, ‘Feeling better now?’
Remus responded with another burst of song, possibly a different one; Sirius didn’t recognise it, mainly because Remus wasn’t very good at singing even when he was stone-cold sober.
Sirius put his finger on Remus's lips to shut him up, then smoothed his hair away from his face.
‘If we were gay, I’d probably take advantage of you,’ he said, aiming at a conversational tone so as not to let slip how tempting the idea suddenly was. ‘I mean, you said yourself we should try sleeping together. Should we? We could make it a bit more difficult for the girls to convert us. We don’t want to be pushovers, do we?’
‘No’ a pushover,’ Remus mumbled.
‘Ssh, Moony. Course you’re not.’
‘Girls asking ‘bout us.’
‘Yeah. I’m fed up not knowing first-hand about universities or jobs or backpacking. But at least we can find out all about what it's like to fancy another boy. It’d be research, wouldn’t it? I know you always like research. If the girls ask us again, it would be good if we really knew what we were talking about.'
‘You’re drunk,’ Remus stated. ‘Wan’ you to sing with me.’
‘Am not. You’re the one who’s drunk.’
Come to think of it, he probably was still a bit tipsy if he could rattle on to Remus like this, but it didn’t matter, because Remus was almost asleep and wouldn’t remember a thing in the morning.
Or maybe he wasn’t. He had one eye closed, to stop him seeing double, and the other one was looking directly at Sirius with a rather predatory expression. Sirius knew that the normally gentle Remus could be quite assertive when he’d had a few too many. Not that he often did, especially not with his healthy new outdoor lifestyle. Sirius had a brief image of a shirtless Remus kneeling down to plant bulbs, and experienced a thrill of pleasure similar to the one he’d felt earlier in the loo. He also felt a flash of resentment that Kathy had probably seen Remus like that in her garden. How dare she? Remus wasn’t hers.
‘I’m going to kiss you,’ Sirius warned, ‘just to see what it’s like. I have a feeling the girls won’t sleep with us anyway, unless we can give them all the details. Mary was very curious.’
‘Yeah, let's do it,’ Remus mumbled. 'Go on.' He closed his other eye and Sirius leaned over him to kiss him properly.
As their lips met, Remus opened his mouth, which tasted of 100% pure Polish grain alcohol with a very slight hint of orange. Sirius felt you could get drunk just breathing in Remus’s essence, which may have accounted for his sudden extraordinary euphoria.
He also realised that for some reason it was very important for Remus to know what was going on, and racked his brains for a spell that might work on a totally inebriated wizard.
‘Moony, I think a Hangover Prevention Charm might sober you up.’
He knew it wouldn’t be foolproof at this stage, but it was worth a go. He flicked his wand and muttered the familiar incantation, and was both relieved and slightly apprehensive when Remus opened both eyes wide and wailed, ‘What did you do that for? I was feeling brilliant.’
‘Can you remember anything?’ Sirius asked.
‘Course I can. I told you, I was feeling brilliant. You kissed me.’
‘That was just a quick kiss goodnight,’ Sirius reassured him. ‘I’m gonna try it again, okay?’
‘Okay.’
Remus still tasted like a distillery - a sweet and wonderful distillery - and Sirius was intoxicated again by the taste and the feel and the warmth and hardness of him; intoxicated enough not to be too surprised when he realised that he’d not only taken off Remus’s shoes but the rest of his clothes as well, and his own clothes too.
And then they were pressed together, and it felt awesome; better than awesome. He noted that Remus’s pupils were dilated and his face was flushed, and he was moving against Sirius as if it were the most natural thing in the world to be lying naked with your best friend, who happened to be another boy; and maybe it was.
‘Well, this’ll give us something to tell the girls about,’ Sirius said, eventually, coming up for air.
Remus didn’t bother to answer; not that he could, because his mouth was fully occupied.
*
‘I can just imagine us,’ Sirius said, ‘holding hands at a barbecue and being positively besieged with girls begging us to come home with them. Or at a Muggle picture place - what d’you call it, Moony?’
‘Cinema.’ Remus edged closer to Sirius and ran his hands down his back.
‘Yeah, the cinema. Me and you sitting in the back row snogging, then changing places so we're sitting next to to the girls.’
Remus nuzzled Sirius’s neck. ‘Sounds a bit complicated. I was thinking more about a straightforward foursome.’
Sirius laughed. ‘Merlin, you have a filthy mind.’
‘I don’t! I didn’t mean it like that. I thought we could all have a picnic in the park. Perhaps sunbathe on the grass.’ Remus looked flustered, and fished around for a change of subject. ‘Hey, Sirius, was that really true? About you being a virgin?’
Sirius felt flustered in his turn. ‘Well, yes, technically. Depends on how you’d classify what we’ve just done. I think we could take things all the way, though, couldn’t we? The sooner the better. I’m game for it if you are.’
‘It still counts if it isn’t with a girl, doesn’t it?’
‘I’d bloody well think so,’ Sirius said.
‘Does this mean we are gay?’
Sirius considered for a while. He thought about his feelings for Remus, a mixture of protectiveness and exasperation, and how he hated Remus going off and being independent. He thought how hot Remus looked right now; how hot he always looked, even if Sirius hadn’t quite dared admit it to himself until now. He thought of how amazing it was to touch Remus and lick him and rub against him. In fact, just thinking about it was so good that he decided they’d better do it again soon. Like right now. After all, it was Saturday, and they could stay in bed all day.
‘Maybe,’ he finally replied, ‘but I’m sure we could still be converted.’
He put his arms around Remus and held him close. As long as he wasn’t expected to start on the girls at once, he was quite happy to keep his options open for the moment. Besides, he had no intention of stopping until he and Remus really had done everything.
And when he looked at Remus lying beside him, his smiling face and his fair hair tumbling over the pillow, Sirius suspected by that perhaps he wouldn’t want to be converted after all.
End