The Ten Beta Commandments
The Ten Beta Commandments
by minnow_53
I was inspired by this post on Metafandom to transcribe a modest list from God of dos and don’ts for fanfic authors and betas.
A/N: This refers in no shape or form to anyone I beta for!
The Ten Beta Commandments
1. There are seven commandments for fanfic writers, of which the first is this: Thou shalt not take thy beta’s name in vain. Thou shalt remember her underslash in thine author’s note, and spell her LJ name correctly.
2. Honour the semi-colon and the comma, that thy beta’d fic may last long in the land of LJ, and be read by many, and receive seven pages of comments: thereby greatly incurring the envy of other writers.
3. Thou shalt not kill thy beta. For she and thou know each other not beyond the internet, and she bears no grudge against thee. She does not point out thine errors in order to insult thee: nor does she labour six days out of seven just to spite thee. If thy fic sucketh, this is no fault of hers: nor does she wish it to suck, hence the many tablets of stone she sends thee via email.
4. Love thy beta as thou lovest thyself. Lavish her with virtual gifts, paid account time and extra icons. For a sweet beta is an amenable beta, and thou shalt reap the rewards.
5. Thou shalt have none other betas above her: and if thou dost, thou shalt warn her, ere she stumbles upon her name together with three others in thy header, and findeth that none of her suggestions have been implemented. Verily, there is no abomination greater to a beta than to be linked unjustly with The Horrible Badfic of Doom.
6. Remember the Sabbath to keep it holy: and send not thy fic on this day. For thy beta may have a significant other, and offspring unto the next generation. The Lord shall not hold thee blameless if cries of ‘Get thou off that bloody computer!’ echo through thy beta’s house.
7. Thou shalt not commit adultery. However, if thou meetest a hot man or woman who is not thy significant other, that is no business of thy beta, unless said hot person is another beta. (See 5.)
8. If thine author keeps the above faithfully, thou, as beta, should be resolved to keep the final three: and the greatest of these is Thou Shalt Not Bear False Witness. Thou shalt not flinch at spelling mistakes, nor hesitate to suggest changes: neither shalt thou overlook typos. Thou shalt not say ‘Truly, this story is miraculous’ when it is not: equally, thou shalt praise in full measure when praise is due. Thou shalt keep thy Thesaurus and Dictionary ever by thy side: blessed indeed is the beta who can always find a synonym for the excesses of Sodom and Gomorrah!
9. Thou shalt not steal from thine author, nor use any of her ideas, words or notes. Equally, thou shalt not covet thine author’s story, nor the title of her story, nor any icon that she possesses: nor shalt thou covet her slash pairing, or her slash pairing’s ass.
10. Thou shalt not see thy suggestions as graven in stone. If thine author wishes not to change something, thou must comply with as much grace as thou canst muster: for it is her fic, and she has the final word. Thou canst, of course, argue the toss and sulk and vow never to beta for her again, but then the Lord shall smite thee and send thee to hell: and none will save thee.
But if thou keepest these commandments, then thy days shall be long on LJ (or IJ), and thou shalt grow in honour with the passing years.
by minnow_53
I was inspired by this post on Metafandom to transcribe a modest list from God of dos and don’ts for fanfic authors and betas.
A/N: This refers in no shape or form to anyone I beta for!
The Ten Beta Commandments
1. There are seven commandments for fanfic writers, of which the first is this: Thou shalt not take thy beta’s name in vain. Thou shalt remember her underslash in thine author’s note, and spell her LJ name correctly.
2. Honour the semi-colon and the comma, that thy beta’d fic may last long in the land of LJ, and be read by many, and receive seven pages of comments: thereby greatly incurring the envy of other writers.
3. Thou shalt not kill thy beta. For she and thou know each other not beyond the internet, and she bears no grudge against thee. She does not point out thine errors in order to insult thee: nor does she labour six days out of seven just to spite thee. If thy fic sucketh, this is no fault of hers: nor does she wish it to suck, hence the many tablets of stone she sends thee via email.
4. Love thy beta as thou lovest thyself. Lavish her with virtual gifts, paid account time and extra icons. For a sweet beta is an amenable beta, and thou shalt reap the rewards.
5. Thou shalt have none other betas above her: and if thou dost, thou shalt warn her, ere she stumbles upon her name together with three others in thy header, and findeth that none of her suggestions have been implemented. Verily, there is no abomination greater to a beta than to be linked unjustly with The Horrible Badfic of Doom.
6. Remember the Sabbath to keep it holy: and send not thy fic on this day. For thy beta may have a significant other, and offspring unto the next generation. The Lord shall not hold thee blameless if cries of ‘Get thou off that bloody computer!’ echo through thy beta’s house.
7. Thou shalt not commit adultery. However, if thou meetest a hot man or woman who is not thy significant other, that is no business of thy beta, unless said hot person is another beta. (See 5.)
8. If thine author keeps the above faithfully, thou, as beta, should be resolved to keep the final three: and the greatest of these is Thou Shalt Not Bear False Witness. Thou shalt not flinch at spelling mistakes, nor hesitate to suggest changes: neither shalt thou overlook typos. Thou shalt not say ‘Truly, this story is miraculous’ when it is not: equally, thou shalt praise in full measure when praise is due. Thou shalt keep thy Thesaurus and Dictionary ever by thy side: blessed indeed is the beta who can always find a synonym for the excesses of Sodom and Gomorrah!
9. Thou shalt not steal from thine author, nor use any of her ideas, words or notes. Equally, thou shalt not covet thine author’s story, nor the title of her story, nor any icon that she possesses: nor shalt thou covet her slash pairing, or her slash pairing’s ass.
10. Thou shalt not see thy suggestions as graven in stone. If thine author wishes not to change something, thou must comply with as much grace as thou canst muster: for it is her fic, and she has the final word. Thou canst, of course, argue the toss and sulk and vow never to beta for her again, but then the Lord shall smite thee and send thee to hell: and none will save thee.
But if thou keepest these commandments, then thy days shall be long on LJ (or IJ), and thou shalt grow in honour with the passing years.