Sort Of Ficlet Thing for _emeraldgreen: A Greeting From Heaven
Ficlet: A Greeting From Heaven
by minnow-53, who'll be hiding under the table...
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Pairing: A very over-age Remus and Sirius.
Summary: Remus and Sirius send a message from the afterlife.
Rating: Between silly and downright dreadful.
Warning: DH spoilers!
Happy Birthday, _emeraldgreen! Here’s a tiny ficlet for you, because I can. :D
A Greeting From Heaven
Once upon a time, Remus and Sirius were sitting in heaven wondering what to do next.
‘I’m bored with my bloody harp,’ Sirius grumbled. ‘It needs tuning. And your singing’s really getting on my nerves, Moony. Even the celestial choir wouldn’t have you, and they take just about anyone.’
‘My singing’s fine,’ Remus said indignantly. ‘The other angels are jealous, that’s all. But if you hate it so much, I’ll shut up.’
‘Good. D’you want a quick shag?’
‘No,’ Remus said. ‘I’ve got to finish the latest Harry Potter for the reading group tonight. We’re discussing whether Scorpius Malfoy’s great-great grandson is related to Harry or not. He certainly has the distinctive green eyes.’
He took up the massive tome and was soon absorbed in a tale of good and evil, melded together by a rather wonderful subplot about two Gryffindor boys falling madly in love with each other.
He was diverted from this happy place by a bony elbow nudging him in the ribs. ‘Let’s go and bother your wife,’ Sirius said, with a rather malicious grin.
It took Remus a minute to remember who he was talking about: well, many eons had passed since his death. ‘Oh. Tonks. We can’t do that! She’s on her honeymoon.’
‘Another honeymoon?’ Sirius asked. ‘They neither marry nor are given in marriage,’ he quoted from the Muggle Bible. ‘Not exactly true, is it? My ickle cousin has had about twenty husbands since she died.’
‘Fourteen, to be precise,’ Remus said, turning over his page.
Remus had fond memories of Tonks’s many weddings in heaven. At the first one, to a newly-dead Kingsley Shacklebolt, Ted had given her away, and everyone ate big slices of angel cake. Tonks had whispered, ‘No hard feelings, Remus?’ and he’d been able to answer, with absolutely sincerity, ‘No, none.’
‘I still don’t know what she sees in that Longbottom person,’ Sirius said. ‘I think you taught one of his ancestors, didn’t you?’
Remus sighed and put down his book. ‘He seems okay,’ he said. ‘And Tonks likes him, anyway. She’s an affectionate soul.’
‘You can say that again!’ Sirius snorted. ‘I get a bit sick of those wedding-lists of hers arriving in the post, though. You’d think she’d have a toaster by now. She should’ve gone to hell. All those flames! Ideal for making the perfect toasted cheese sandwich.’
Remus ostentatiously picked up Harry Potter’s Descendant and the Wailing Weavers and found his place.
‘She doesn’t even have a kettle yet!’ Sirius said loudly, plucking the strings of his harp so it made an unpleasant twanging sound.
Remus slammed the book shut. ‘Damn it, Sirius, this is like a bad fanfic! Oh, wait, this is a bad fanfic. I’m reading, you’re whining, but at least we’re in heaven so we can’t mate for life.’
‘No, we’re just mated for death. Listen, I’ve got an idea. Instead of sitting here on a cloud moaning about how bored we are, let’s go and say happy birthday to _emeraldgreen! We usually manage some sort of greeting for her, don’t we?’
‘They’ve been better,’ Remus said.
‘They have. But they’re always sincere,’ Sirius said.
‘Happy birthday, _emeraldgreen!’ they chorused. ‘And happy birthday to all our shippers, everywhere, whenever their birthdays may be.’
The clouds parted, and a brilliant ray of sunshine carried their greeting down to earth and across cyberspace...
fin
by minnow-53, who'll be hiding under the table...
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Pairing: A very over-age Remus and Sirius.
Summary: Remus and Sirius send a message from the afterlife.
Rating: Between silly and downright dreadful.
Warning: DH spoilers!
Happy Birthday, _emeraldgreen! Here’s a tiny ficlet for you, because I can. :D
A Greeting From Heaven
Once upon a time, Remus and Sirius were sitting in heaven wondering what to do next.
‘I’m bored with my bloody harp,’ Sirius grumbled. ‘It needs tuning. And your singing’s really getting on my nerves, Moony. Even the celestial choir wouldn’t have you, and they take just about anyone.’
‘My singing’s fine,’ Remus said indignantly. ‘The other angels are jealous, that’s all. But if you hate it so much, I’ll shut up.’
‘Good. D’you want a quick shag?’
‘No,’ Remus said. ‘I’ve got to finish the latest Harry Potter for the reading group tonight. We’re discussing whether Scorpius Malfoy’s great-great grandson is related to Harry or not. He certainly has the distinctive green eyes.’
He took up the massive tome and was soon absorbed in a tale of good and evil, melded together by a rather wonderful subplot about two Gryffindor boys falling madly in love with each other.
He was diverted from this happy place by a bony elbow nudging him in the ribs. ‘Let’s go and bother your wife,’ Sirius said, with a rather malicious grin.
It took Remus a minute to remember who he was talking about: well, many eons had passed since his death. ‘Oh. Tonks. We can’t do that! She’s on her honeymoon.’
‘Another honeymoon?’ Sirius asked. ‘They neither marry nor are given in marriage,’ he quoted from the Muggle Bible. ‘Not exactly true, is it? My ickle cousin has had about twenty husbands since she died.’
‘Fourteen, to be precise,’ Remus said, turning over his page.
Remus had fond memories of Tonks’s many weddings in heaven. At the first one, to a newly-dead Kingsley Shacklebolt, Ted had given her away, and everyone ate big slices of angel cake. Tonks had whispered, ‘No hard feelings, Remus?’ and he’d been able to answer, with absolutely sincerity, ‘No, none.’
‘I still don’t know what she sees in that Longbottom person,’ Sirius said. ‘I think you taught one of his ancestors, didn’t you?’
Remus sighed and put down his book. ‘He seems okay,’ he said. ‘And Tonks likes him, anyway. She’s an affectionate soul.’
‘You can say that again!’ Sirius snorted. ‘I get a bit sick of those wedding-lists of hers arriving in the post, though. You’d think she’d have a toaster by now. She should’ve gone to hell. All those flames! Ideal for making the perfect toasted cheese sandwich.’
Remus ostentatiously picked up Harry Potter’s Descendant and the Wailing Weavers and found his place.
‘She doesn’t even have a kettle yet!’ Sirius said loudly, plucking the strings of his harp so it made an unpleasant twanging sound.
Remus slammed the book shut. ‘Damn it, Sirius, this is like a bad fanfic! Oh, wait, this is a bad fanfic. I’m reading, you’re whining, but at least we’re in heaven so we can’t mate for life.’
‘No, we’re just mated for death. Listen, I’ve got an idea. Instead of sitting here on a cloud moaning about how bored we are, let’s go and say happy birthday to _emeraldgreen! We usually manage some sort of greeting for her, don’t we?’
‘They’ve been better,’ Remus said.
‘They have. But they’re always sincere,’ Sirius said.
‘Happy birthday, _emeraldgreen!’ they chorused. ‘And happy birthday to all our shippers, everywhere, whenever their birthdays may be.’
The clouds parted, and a brilliant ray of sunshine carried their greeting down to earth and across cyberspace...
fin